The next few weeks all meshed together. Wake up next to Minho, get ready, run the maze. We kept our relationship quiet, though I'm sure most guys had figured it out. But it's not like we held hands and were all kissy. We kept our stony hard appearances outside of our room. Though he was a bit more possessive and flirty. If a Greenie came they probably wouldn't notice anything.

The odd time when he sensed my mood shifts he'd place a gentle hand on my back. The odd time Babe would slip out when he was talking. But the glances from across the table or wherever we were, that was still a thing, that never changed. He also knew when to give me space. He knows I don't like people, so even when he gets to be too much he doesn't take it personally, because I always come back.

Like now. Now I sat perched on the tip top of the barn roof. Away from everyone. The sun had set and it was dark and quiet in The Glade. My mind wandered. How far I'd come in almost three months since I showed up. Sonya had tried, but where she failed, Minho succeeded. Maybe it's because he was more similar, and understood my moods and how I proceed things. I sighed, running a hand through my long black hair.

If Sonya could see me now.

What a sad thought..I hadn't thought of my first maze in a long time. How were the girls doing...what about the boy? Did he wake up... how's he doing with all the girls?

I shook my head, trying to rid the thoughts of Sonya and the others. It just made me sad, and depressed which turned into anger, and that fuiled my need for a knife on my skin. I felt the itch. My fingers twitched. I clamped my jaw and squeezed my eyes closed. I had been good for a while. Minho was proud of me. Same with Newt and Winston... But when my mind had time to drift off...

My hand had wrapped around the handle of my smaller on. I felt the sting of tears. My hand shook. I caved I couldn't control the monster anymore. It was always there, hiding, waiting. I ripped the cuff bracelets off.

I exhaled slowly almost like in relief when I felt the sharp sting. I did it again. And then again. A few more times. I knew I needed to stop. Minho would find out.

Shuck him, let him find out!

I growled at myself. And shook my head.

No. We're not doing that. Trying not to hide secrets... except you do. You have terrible secrets.

I argued with myself. My past verses what I wanted to be. But its hard to change. Old habits and the familiar are hard to fight.

You're a monster...and killer... violent little monster. Monster... murder.

I let the tears fall as I ran the blade across one more time. I let a small gasp out.

Shuck. Now I need to bust into the med room.

I watched the blood drip. The pain numbed everything else. Keeping my arm turned up I got down from the roof. Sticking close to the trees in the shadows I made my way silently back around to the Homestead. I passed the front door and went to the back where I knew the window was.

I jumped and grabbed the board that stuck out weird. I hissed as my now bloody hand seared in pain. I pulled myself up, finding the now familiar footholds on the wood wall. I scaled the wall with relative ease. My arm stung and my had was sticky with blood now. I made it to the window and pulled myself up, crouching on the windowsill. Waiting quietly making sure no one was around.

I slid to the floor silent as a shadow and crept across the room to the supply shelves. Grabbing what I needed I got to work. Cleaning the blood up took longer then I anticipated. I had it almost wrapped when I heard footsteps. I sprung to the window. The door opened.

"Jessie?"

"Dammit." I muttered.

"What are you doing here?"

"Stealing supplies."

"Wouldn't put it past you."

I spun around and glared at Gally. He shrugged.

"Okay fine, yeah I do."

"What are you doing here?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why are you here?" I challenged.

I tried to fold my arms but I winced, forgetting I never finished wrapping it. He held up a bloody hand.

"Trying to fix my damn front door."

"A bit late to fix things, no?"

He just shrugged.

I snatched the gauze off the table and turned my back so I could wrap my arm without eyes watching. I cursed the white gauze was going to stick out of the bracelet cuff. Once it was back on I turned back to face the room. Gally was trying to clean himself up. I rolled my eyes.

"It's gonna need stitches, idiot."

"Clearly. But I ain't gonna wake Jeff up, not with that flu going around, he needs sleep."

"Huh, compassion Gally is different."

"Don't get used to it."

"Good. I like grouchy angry Gally. Angry Gally I understand."

"I bet you do. Now, be useful and pass me that gauze in your hand."

"Idiot. It's gonna keep bleeding." I sigged in frustration. I grabbed the medical sewing stuff.

"Sit your clumsy ass down." I demanded, pointing at the table.

"You know how to stitch?"

"Surprisingly, I know." I rolled my eyes. "But get this...I hate people touching me. I learned to stitch myself. Even before the maze I stitched myself."

He held his hand out. I got the needle and thread ready.

"Before the maze?" He asked.

I growled. But nodded, keeping my head bowed, focused on the needle. He hummed.

"The changing?" He asked.

I just nodded. My hands paused, Gally was the only one who had been through the changing.

"Did you have memories of your specific past? Or something else?" I asked quietly, my eyes still down.

He was quiet for a while. Then when he spoke his voice was quiet and distant.

"Nothing was clear and concrete. Blurred faces, feeling like I was drowning. Bright white lights and halls...some other pieces." He paused for a second, "it was flashes, like my brain was glitching. Nothing made sense."

We were both quiet. I was almost done with his stitches.

"What about you? Twice. Was it the same both times or different memories?"

It was odd, I didn't really mind him asking, maybe it was because he had gone through it, or maybe Minho was just rubbing off and I was getting used to opening. But he wasn't asking specifically what I saw. I took a slow breath, organizing my thoughts.

"It was different. First time it was...only 2 days? I was up and back out in the maze after a total of 4 days. This last time was longer. Harsher, more intense." My hands stilled again, I scrunched my eyebrows and tilted my head trying to remember.

"First time yeah it was snippets of stuff. But..it made sense...to me anyways. The second time was like... full dreams. Full situations."

"Anything useful for this shucken awful place?"

I shook my head, "no. Nothing useful or relevant to here."

I heard him hum.

"It was your specific past?"

I nodded again.

"You know who you are. Must be nice."

My jaw clenched, my muscles tensed and my back straightened. "No. It's shucken awful. It haunts my dreams and it's a full waking nightmare." I spat bitterly.

"That bad?"

"You have no shucken idea."

"Want me to throw a putty party?" Gally asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Only if we all wear black and there are cookies" The corners of my mouth tugged up. I saw a small smirk on his face.

"I don't talk about it -"

"Even with Minho?"

"Even with him. I don't talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. So don't ask. Ever." I warned, my eyes narrowed.

He held up a hand in a defensive gesture.

"I don't wanna hear the sob story. I get it. I don't either. It shucked with my head. A year and a half later and I'm still jacked. I can't imagine going through it twice." He shrugged again. "But I guess I'm the only one who gets it."

I just nodded again. I tied the stitches off.

"Thank you Jessie." I nodded looking at his hand. A neat row of small black stitches ran down the side of his hand. I cleaned up quickly and went to leave, but he spoke again and I froze with my hand on the door handle, my back to him.

"Next time, just go find one of us. Self harming won't help with the memories."

"How would you know?"

I heard a scoff.

"Please Jessie. I ain't stupid." He growled. I heard him exhale. "Newt is a good one to go to. He helped me. And trust me. I'm the only one who would know."

I left without a word, I quickly walked down the stairs to our room. I slipped through the door. Minho looked asleep already. I changed and pulled his hoodie on and slid into bed. My bed had become a shelf. He rolled over, his arm wrapping around me and pulled me closer into his chest. I felt his face snuggle into my hair.

"You okay now baby?" He mumbled sleepily.

I hummed softly. I thought about what Gally said.

"I'm...Minho...I...I didn't..." I didn't know how to word this. I wasn't good at apologies. I felt him shift and become more awake. I rolled onto my back and he propped himself up onto his elbows.

"You didn't what?"

I slowly pulled the hoodie sleeve up, revealing the fresh gauze. I saw the disappointment in his eyes.

"I didn't come to you...or Winston or Newt. I'm... I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Are you getting bad again?"

"I don't know. I miss the girls." I felt the sting of tears.

He was gently holding my arm, he leaned down and gently kissed my wrapped wrist.

"Please next time come find one of us."

I just nodded. He lay down again and pulled me close again. I curled up with my back to his chest.

"Jessie...I care so much about you. And it hurts when I see you do that to yourself."

"I'm trying."

"I know. And I'm proud of you for telling me. Thank you for telling me. Is there something I can do to help you right now?"

"Hold me." I whispered.

I rolled over, burying my face into his neck.

•×•

It was another Greenie day. Three months I had been in this maze. Almost three years total in the maze. I lay sprawled out on the bed, an arm over my face. I was ready for breakfast, I was just waiting for him to fix his hair. Seriously I could get ready faster then him and that includes a shower and eye liner.

"Stop being so damn dramatic." Minho rolled his eyes.

"Shuck you, I do what I want." I snapped.

"Shuck me yourself, coward!" He smirked.

"Come here then."

I removed my arm and smirked back, looking at him with what he calls my bedroom eyes, and bit my bottom lip. I saw his eyes darken slightly, his smirk slid slightly. I slowly slid my hands above my head, his eyes watching, I grabbed the knife from under my pillow.

"Do I gotta get a bit more forceful?" I asked, quietly, now playing with the knife. I saw him swallow. I could see the conflict in his eyes. His keeper duty to be the first to be ready and waiting to go into the maze or come over.

"Come here."

I saw his resolve break. He was across the room in a few long strides, and was crawling on top of me, kissing me like he was drowning. He pinned my arms down above my head. Holding them above my head, he pulled away and went for my neck, straight for my weak spot.

I inhaled sharply. Turning my head slightly to give him more access. I felt his warm lips and his tongue on my skin.

"Minho..." I moaned, my eyes rolling. And I felt his body lower and pin me fully to the bed. I heard him growl in my ear.

He slowly slid his hands down my arms and then down my sides. He trailed kisses down to my collar bone. I was breathing short shallow gasps. My heart was slamming into my chest. He slowly trailed across my chest to the other side of my neck. My hands grasped onto anything.

"Minho!" I moaned again.

I felt him smirk into the next kiss. Someone slammed on the door.

"You shuck faces coming? Or are you co-"

"Dude don't! No dirty jokes, I don't want to hear it!"

"Why? It's hilarious!"

"Sure, but I don't wanna hear you talk about it."

Ben and Jason were slamming on the door and arguing. We both growled in frustration. Every single good make out was ruined by someone. We didn't often get this hot and heavy, and it seemed like whenever we did there was someone to interrupt.

"I swear the shucken creators make someone interupt every time." He grumbled quietly as he get up.

"Wouldn't doubt it." I agreed. My breathing was still ragged. He wasn't much better, as we grabbed our bags.

"COME ON YOU TWO! YOU CAN SHUCK LATER!"

"Shut up Ben or I'll cut your tongue out!" I yelled back

"See? I told you not to mess with them!" Jason said.

I heard a set of footsteps leave. There was a pounding on the door again.

"Two minutes and I'm busting the door down."

I willed the door open a knife in his face.

"Back the shuck off." I snarled, stepping closer, the knife point making him look up.

"Try me Ben. Shuck try me today. I'm begging you. If we're paired up today I'm going to stab you in the maze and leave you."

I saw Ben swallow nervously. He slowly raised his hands up.

"Okay...okay. I'm sorry. Sheesh!"

I snarled and lowered the knife and shoved past him.  Minho followed, his eyes narrowed at Ben as he past.

He caught up to me as I slammed the door open.

"Hey. Talk to me Jess. It wasn't that bad...and we shoulda been on time..that was my bad."

"Oh shuck keeper duties. Everyone knows where to go and what to do." I snapped.

He grabbed my shoulder and stopped me spinning me around to face him. His face now set and hard, his eyes had a hard edge to them now. He folded his huge arms.

"What's the problem?"

I chewed my cheek thinking. Shaking my head I looked away.

"Nothing."

"Lier."

"Don't push it."

"I'll keep pushing until you tell me. You were just fine a few minutes ago."

Anger flaired inside me. My chest hurt with a burning fire. The anger and frustration bubbled up.

"Fine!" I yelled. "This place is the problem. This Glade is the problem. Those idiots we call Gladers are the problem. The maze is the problem." My hands flung around. I clamped my jaw tight for a second, squeezed my eyes closed for a second. I opened my eyes and continued quieter, but still just as angry. He was still standing in the same spot, same position.

"I hate this place. Three years I've been stuck. Nightmares, death, destruction, trauma...we have no privacy. And..."

I froze, I could feel heat in my cheeks, I hated that this bothered me, and I think this is what really bothered me. We were finally getting to the heart of my sudden frustration.

"Are you even happy? Everyone thinks its hilarious to slam on the door. Last time I was alone and I was reading a shucken book! Slamming the door or just barging in, either hoping to interupt is or see something. Like what the hell?! Also...they all assume we..." I trailed off frustrated.

"Have had sex?" Minho asked.

"Yes." I snapped.

"And that bothers you?"

I shrugged.

"Well...who cares?"

"I do. They assume. And it makes me wonder if it bugs you because we haven't."

"It doesn't." He said shortly. He took a small step closer. And dropped his voice so it was even quieter.

"Look, Jess...I know you've had a traumatic past. I'd rather work through that, and make sure your okay. Sure, I won't lie, it crosses my mind. Your shucken hot as shuck, and those eyes drive me crazy. But I'm fine, I'm good with what we have. I get to hold you close every night. I'm the one who gets the kiss the only girl, the other shanks can shuck off, their all jealous."

He placed a hand on my cheek, the first of any kind of affection or PDA, his eyes looked steadily into mine.

"But even in their jealously, what they do isn't cool. I'll talk to Ben...though I think you scared the klunk out of him." He smirked.

It made the side of my lipa turn up in a lopsided smile.

"Throw a few knives and I'm sure they'll leave us alone."

"So...I can kill them?"

"No."

"Where's the fun in that?"

He let a small chuckle out. His thumb gently stroking my cheekbone.

"But Jess...our sex life is none of their business. What we do behind the door is between us. And I'm perfectly happy with where we are." He paused, his dark eyes flicking back and forth between mine. "Good that?"

I gave him a small smile and nodded. I felt relief melt away the anger. He leaned down and kissed me. In the middle of the Glade.