I had finally woken up and I had heard two deep voices talking beside my bed. Their voices were loud and it grated on my nerves. Their talking made my headache worse.

I peeled my eyelids open. Took me a few times to blink the fuzziness away. Newt and Minho sat beside my bed, deep in conversation. Now that I was awake and could see I listened to what they were saying.

I knew right away they were discussing me. And for whatever reason it made me angry. I could feel the burning in my chest. I didn't want people to talk about me or worry about me, because I didn't want to have to worry about others. It just meant I cared. It meant I was attached and meant I would get hurt.

What made me even more angry was that I was already worried. I saw the worry and exhaustion on Minho's face. He had bags under his eyes, he looked pale. His hair didn't have its usual swoop, like he showered and left. Newt looked about the same. Both looked haggard and tired. And I was angry that I was probably the cause of it.

Minho sighed and ran a hand through his damn hair. His hair was soft, and felt amazing between my fingers. No! No more!

"How...how do I help her when she views herself as a violent monster who thinks she's doesn't deserve anything good?"

You don't. You forget I exist. Move on and leave me.

"I don't know man. I really have no buggen' idea."

Newt looked so agitated. His deep frown and brown eyes were heavy with sadness.

"You don't. And you leave me the fuck alone."

My voice came out dry and raspy. My throat hurt. Probably from screaming and not drinking water. Both boys started and looked around. Their mouths dropped and eyes went wide. But I only watched the one. My eyes narrowed and my jaw clenched.

His eyes held a mix of relief worry and pity.
And I hated it. I didn't want pity. Pity was for the weak.

"Jessie! Shuck! How...what...?" Minho sputtered, I saw all his emotions flash across his face. Relief, then happiness then to worry and lastly anger. I watched his face harden.

"That was the stupidest thing you have ever done! Why the hell would you do something so reckless?"

"Minho! What the bloody hell?! Newt cried, "when I said be gentle this is NOT what I ment."

"Newt. Get out." I snarled.

"No."

"I wasn't asking your shucken permission." I growled.

I ground my teeth as I slowly rolled myself up onto my elbows and then pushed up to sit. Growling again I shifted to lean against the wall. Newt threw his hands into the air as he got up and stormed out of the room. The door slammed shut. I sat silent, waiting.

Minho sat staring at me, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"You were saying?" I snarked. My throat still hurt, I needed water. But I wasn't going to get up. My body still felt feverish and exhausted, my muscles still felt the burning exhaustion, and my joints ached.

He narrowed his eyes and growled, but looked away.

"Oh, now you're silent?"

"Shut up Jessie. Do you have any idea how shucken scared I was? How worried Winston and Newt were?"

"Enlighten me. Because I didn't ask them to worry. I didn't ask them to care. That was their mistake. That was your mistake."

"You didn't have to make them do anything. For some shucked up reason we care about you!"

"Then stop!"

"No." He said simply.

I growled in frustration. "Then get used to it. I'm not changing. You said not to change!" I pointed a threatening finger.

"Yeah...that wasn't a free pass to be stupid!"

"Tell me what was stupid?" I demanded.

"Take a look at your shucken arm! You just about bleed out! Probably why you didn't get away from that Griever!"

My arm stung when he pointed it out. I clenched my jaw again. I was angry he knew that secret now. Another bullet in the gun he could use against me.

"Tell me about the bear."

"No."

"I know you mentioned it the night of the fire on the roof. And the next day it's sent up."

"Summed up nicely."

"Tell me about it." He demanded. His eyes were narrowed and they flashed in anger again. "I have theories, but I want you to tell me."

"Why?" I tried to throw my shields back up and deflect the questions.

"Because I fucken care about you!" His voice was rising.

"Why? Why, would you do that to yourself?"

"Stop avoiding the question Jessie!"

"Look here Shuckface. I went through my darkest times alone. I've been used, abused and manipulated; I don't need anyone. I don't want anyone so shuck off." I spat.

"Shuck me yourself, coward." He spat back.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Tell me about the bear."

"Why? Why do you want to know so bad? So you can feel better about yourself? So you can hold it against me later? So you can justify leaving me too? So you can confirm I'm a child murdering monster? Kill the targets and for good measure their 4 year old daughter?" I yelled.

"There it is."

I froze. Horror struck me like a bolt of lightning. Anger rose in me like an ugly monster. My fists balled into the blanket, I could feel my body shaking with it. He just manipulated me, used me.

"Jessie. I can see on your face you'd like to murder me," He said calmly, "but. I had already figured it out. Just like I figured out you were a trained warrior."

"No. You're a lying manipulative-"

"I didn't manipulate you. When you get angry you finally say what's going on! I did nothing but repeat the question."

I said nothing. I was still seething, I felt my blood still boiling and the burning anger in my chest. I was so angry. At myself and him. He was the only one I did that with. He's the only one I let slip small details and he's smart and quick enough to grab onto those details.

"You wanna scream? Go for it. Be mad at me. Tell me why your mad."

"Because your the only one. The only one who makes me slip up and I hate it! I'm just loading the gun for you!"

"Why do I need a gun?" Minho asked. His voice had a controled calm. His face was still hard.

"Everyone has one." I spat.

"No. Just the jackasses who feel they need to hurt others to feel better about themselves. Why would I want to hurt you, Jessie? I already told you I'm gonna be there. I'm not gonna let you shut me out."

"Why? What's so special about me?" I asked, "why are you so determined to help this monster? This things I could tell you...you would never look at me the same again. You would never want to look at me at all!"

I could feel the anger melt into sadness, into a longing of acceptance. I don't know if the mood changes were a result of the changing or just because I truly did just wanted to be accepted, with no strings attached.

"Try me." Minho said quietly. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. The hard anger softened. His eyes lost the steeliness and became gentler.

"Please Jessie."

"What about you? Why do I have to spill everything, but I get nothing from you?" I challenged back, folding my arms with difficulty, wincing at the pain in my arm and side. I gave up and let them flip back into my lap.

"Okay." Minho nodded, "that's fair." He rubbed the back of his neck. He was quiet for a minute. I could see him chewing the side of his cheek.

"You know Newt's story," he said slowly. He looked up at me for confirmation, which I nodded.

"He told me the first fire."

"Okay. I ran through the maze trying to find him...like I did with you, I had contemplated the same thing. Not the ivy and walls...but I had it planned out. I hated it here. Still hate it. I feel trapped and antsy all the time. I feel stuck, and useless. I have this burning tightness in my chest most mornings before I go into the maze. I have watched friends die and was jealous. Their deaths were grousum and horrible, but they get to be at peace now."

He was leaning forwards, elbows on his knees, he was speaking to the floor. He paused and took a shaking breath.

"I push people away too, because I don't want more survivors guilt. I don't want to think of another kid I'm responsible for trying to get out of this shucken rats race. And when we do get out I'm going to rip those shucken creators heads from their bodies."

He looked back up, and I could see the anger, the want for revenge. That I understood. I don't understand feelings or emotions, but anger I understood.

"When you showed up...it threw me for a loop." He looked me in the eye and smirked just a little, "Dang girl you make me so frustrated I want to slam my head into a wall. But I also want to be beside you...and under you and on top of you and all over you. Not just physically but, emotionally and mentally. I wanna be the one you trust to open up to. I still get jealous of Newt and Winston when your with them. Apparently I deal with my feelings in anger-"

I snorted at that last one.

"Exactly. You get it. 'Cause we're quite similar. Though I can't remember my past. Maybe I was just as shucked up as you think you are."

He finished his dramatic speech by leaning back in his chair, his arms folded.

"But why? Why Minho do you want thise things? Why me? What if we get out and you find some other chick who's not a complete shucken disaster?"

He threw his hands into the air and leapt to his feet. He turned and walked away, towards the back of the room.

"Dammit Jessie! Do I really gotta spell it out?"

I just say silent, jaw clenching, the anger and resentment still burning in my chest. I gingerly pushed to the end of the bed and got shakily to my feet. But once I was up, and I saw him coming back towards me all my anger disappeared. It was just gone and I felt an overwhelming weight of exhaustion.

"Yes. Spell it out for me. I wanna know. No one has ever fought this hard for me before. Why do you want to know all shit I've been through? Why is it important to you?"

"Because Jessie. Maybe it's because I care. I care a whole shucken lot. Like a lot more than I wanna actually admit. I care a whole lot it scares the klunk out of me? I wanna know everything about you because it's part of you, it's formed and shaped who you are."

He stopped right in front of me. And looked at me, his eyes searching face.

"I don't want anything from you, except you.  You can't see that because it seems that everyone from your past, from your memories has wanted something from you; your skill set, your obedience, possibly your body. I just want you. Plain broken confused lonely Jessie."

"You don't wanna know the mess that's inside. You won't look at me the same." I said quietly.

He slowly brought a hand up and gently placed it on my cheek. My body had stiffened. His thumb gently rubbed my cheek bone.

"Try me." He whispered.

"I'm scared." I whispered back.

"Me too. But we're in this together. Remember, no pushing me away. I'm pinning you up against that wall of you try."

I turned my face away from his hand. I saw the heart ache on his face. I saw it fall. I turned so I was almost had my back to him. I slowly moved my hair over to the other shoulder and tilted my head.

"Right behind my ear." I said so quietly I wasn't sure he heard, because he didn't move. Then I felt his warm fingers brush the hair away. My stomach flipped and I shivered.

"Do you see it?" I whispered.

"The mark? It looks like...a tattoo or something?" His fingers gently brushed over the spot.

"A branding. A mark. Separating us from the rest."

"What is it for?" He asked, his fingers running over the small scar again.

"The few who graduated from their program...it was burned onto us." I felt the empty hollowness, the same and guilt and resentment. I looked at the back wall, drifting away on the memories from the changing. My body involuntarily shivered.

"I could never escape. Ever. I belonged to Them...to Him." My voice was empty, almost as bad as when they took over my mind.

I was silent and still. Scared to move. I didn't know if he still had his hand on my neck still, I was lost in memory. I felt like I was drowning in them, I needed to come back for air, but not sure how to get there. I slowly turned back to face him, but I didn't see Minho. I saw the dark cold damp room with the metal table and two chairs and the chair I was staped to constantly. My mouth worked on it's own. It all came out flat and monitored, lifeless like my eyes right now.

"At 8 years old I was placed in a secret program to become some elite killing weapon controlled by a handler, who had complete control over my mind."

I trailed off. My body shivering and shaking. I heard my name. I blinked a few times, my name was gently called again. Shaking my head, my hearing clicked back and I was looking at Minho in the middle of the Med room and not The Handler's room. He was looking at me with wide eyes, they looked glassy and full of sadness.

"Jessie..."

He slowly and carefully stepped closer, his arms carefully wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me into his chest. My mind wasn't working anymore apparently because I let it happen, and my good arm wrapped around his waist, and my hand clung to his shirt, balling his shirt up.

"Okay Jessie...I have you..." He whispered, I felt his head rest on mine. I gingerly turned my head away and laid my cheek onto his shoulder. "Thank you. Thank you for trusting me with that."

"The gun is fully loaded and cocked and ready..." I whispered.

"No, the safety is on and it's locked away and I threw the key away. Your secrets are safe in my hands, Jessie."

I just hummed, unsure how I actually felt.