I sat in the shadows, alone, trying to figure out what was going on with me. My broken black numb heart my mind and my body screamed for different things.

Minho and I had fallen asleep on the roof top, he had held me close and we kissed. Thinking back to it made me blush and my stomach did this weird thing feeling like a twisting drop. I wasn't sure what happened, but happened and all of a sudden it was too much and I scrambled away from him. He didn't get mad, instead he gave me space and talked to me, talked me down, like he does with my nightmares. Slowly I came back and eventually lay down beside him. He didn't do anything else except hold my hand again, that's when I fell asleep.

It was still silent in the Glade when I woke up. The remnants of the fire party still lay around. Minho was still asleep when I got up. I swung down from the roof and landed like a cat. I had gone to change and grab my bag for running. Now I sat in the quiet shadow waiting for coffee.

I couldn't get my mind and heart and body to cooperate. Part screamed at me to stay, to throw caution to the wind and trust him completely, to let him in, let him see the mess inside. Part of me screamed no way in shuck, and to fortify the cracks in my walls, throw up some more defences. And another says run. Just run and never stop running. I had started to slowly leave my bag when I went places, in the Glade I had started leaving it in my room- I never did that in my first maze.

Frypan came over and brought me a big cup of coffee and breakfast. He had started bringing me breakfast, not sure why, but it ment not getting up from my shadow.

"That was some show you put on last night." He chuckled placing the coffee down.

I just shrugged, like it was no big deal.

"Don't know what Minho did to piss you off, but the tension between you was high."

I just hummed. I wrapped my cold pale hands around the mug.

"Well glad ya didn't kill the shank."

"Yet. There's still time. Dug on the other hand..."

Frypan laughed and went back to the kitchen. I watched as a few more Keepers and Runners trickled in. I got up and got some more coffee and bring my dishes back when two people sandwiched me. I tensed and growled in warning.

Winston and Newt didn't do anything but grabbed breakfast and chuckle.

"Good morning Jessie." Newt said brightly.

"Always so bright and cheerful hey JayJay?" Winston smirked.

I scowled and growled again. I went back to my shadowy corner. The guys came along and sat down opposite me. Both looking glancing at me. I ignored them staring off and sipping coffee.

"So... about last night.." Winston started.

Newt hummed and added with a nod, "Quite the show -"

"The right amount of cocky attitude -"

"Showmanship -"

"Tension."

"Oh that tension!" Newt had a lopsided smirk

"Can't forget that sexual tension!" Winston looked at me with a smirk.

I just rolled my eyes. Here we go. Also why I kept everyone at a distance. I ignored them as best I could. The picnic area was filling up with guys now, most looked a little rough from last night.

"Where is Minho?" Winston asked, looking around.

I shrugged, "where I left him."

"You didn't kill him did you?" Alby frowned sitting down too.

"Yes. And drank his blood like the good little Vampire Night Walker that I am."

Winston gave me a twisted smile, "And where did you leave the body?"

"Left it on the roof of the barn."

"Ah well," Newt shrugged, "he had a good buggen' run." And then gave me a knowing smirk, a twinkle in his brown eyes.

I had a feeling Newt set this all up. The sharing of a room, and then all the talks about trusting and opening up. I growled slightly. I narrowed my eyes.

"Something obviously happened, you two left after, and now he's not here." Gally pointed out.

"Wow very observant of you. Want a shucken gold star?" I snapped.

"He's never late. And never sleeps in." Alby added. "You sure you didn't finally kill him?"

"Can't be sure. Would that be a problem? Dug's next on my hit list." I said pointing to the guy as he sat down with a plate of food.

"I litterly just got here, what did I do?" He yawned.

Alby gave me a suspicious look. He opened his mouth to say something when the Box alarm went off. The whole Glade froze.

"The shuck? We just got a Greenie yesterday!" Alby yelled over the wailing alarm.

"And bloody supplies!"

I frowned. "Last time the alarm went off in the morning, our maze got its first boy...and he was practically dead!" I yelled over the noise.

The guys all went pale and eyes went wide, looking at me. The alarm shut off. We had ten minutes before the Cage would show up.

"You guys never had an almost dead or completely dead kid in the Cage before?"

"No!" They all yelped and gasped together.

"Oh. Well...this is awkward."

I shrugged and got up, grabbed my bag and headed for the box area. The guys right behind me and the rest of the Glade. It was a long 10 minute wait. The box finally slammed into place. The light turned green. Gally and Alby pulled the cage doors open and then the big heavy metal doors. Everyone surged forwards to see. I hated new Greenies or Noobies. I stayed at the back.

"Where's the Greenie?"
"There's nothing in there!"
"What's going on?"
"Creators are messing with us!"

"No! Wait! I see something!" Newt called. He jumped down into the cage. It was silent, everyone waiting.

"Well what is it?" Someone yelled.

Newt climbed out of the box fully with a fully confused face.

"What the shuck?" Someone else called.
"What's in your hand?"
"Dude it's a toy!"

"No. It's a teddy bear!"

I whipped my head around so fast I felt something snap. I felt my feet freeze into place. But the ground shifted all of a sudden. I felt my blood turn to ice and the world around me started to spin.

"Yeah, a bloody teddy bear and there was a note beside it." Newt announced loudy, over the chattering of the guys.

"Well don't leave us hanging, shank! What does it say?"

"It says, remember who you are."

"That's it? A teddy bear and a note?"

"Yeah shank, you wanna go bloody check the box?"

I couldn't move. My heart slammed into my chest so hard I swear my ribs cracked. I must have lost all colour in my face. My breathing came in short shallow gasps.

The guys were passing the bear around. I saw it. It was the same one. It was the bear. I needed it. They couldn't have it. They needed to stop touching it, and laughing. They didn't understand. They didn't understand the note either.

"Give me the bear." I said.

Only a few people looked at me. I finally got my feet moving, I shoved a kid out of my way.

"Give it." I said louder.

The guys stopped passing the bear and inspecting it. All heads turned to look at me.

"Why? Is it yours?"

"Give me the bear!" I demanded holding my hand out.

"Aww our girl needs a something to snuggle with? Minho isn't enough for you?"

"Give me the DAMN BEAR!" I yelled. Pulling a knife out

"Hey! If the bear is yours what's with the note? Who are you?" Someone else yelled.

"Last fucking chance, give me the damn bear of I start stabbing." I whispered dangerously low.

I was white knuckling the knife in my hand. I could feel the anger and shame and guilt making my body shake. The guys all took a step back, apparently now I was scaring everyone. My knew my eyes were flashing, my jaw was clenched so tight my teeth hurt, my face felt twisted in anger. The guy finally tossed the bear to me. I caught, spun around to leave, the crowd parted and I sprinted. I ran. The wall doors started opening and I ran faster than I have ever done before.

I had to get away. I needed a quite place to fall apart. And the maze was the only place. I ran faster, the bear clutched tight in one hand and the knife in the other. I pushed through the walls and into the cool dampness of the stone corridor.

I ran. That's all I could do to keep from falling into a heap. I sprinted full out for as long as I could, taking turn and turn, not carrying where I was going. The only thing I heard was my feet slapping the stone floor, the rushing pounding of my heartbeat in my ears and my ragged breathing.

I ran flat out until my legs were jelly and I had a stitch in my side I couldn't ignore. Instead of slowing down or stopping I just collapsed. I lay on the floor of the maze gasping wildly of air. I pulled my hand to my chest, the one clutching the bear, I held the little bear right to my heart. Tears slid out from under my clamped eyelids.

"Shuck you!" I whispered.

I almost hoping the creators were listening now. Of course the moment I opened up, the moment I let something from my past slip out this is what happens. It wasn't Minho who betrayed me, it wasn't Minho who broke my trust. The creators were always listening. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. And now I have the consequences, they always knew how to mess with with us.

I sat up slowly once my breathing slowed I dropped the bear and knife in my lap, and yanked my wrist band off. I hadn't harmed myself in a long time, all the cuts had healed but now...the overwhelming feelings, the feeling of drowning in guilt. My scars burned white hot.

With another sob caught in my chest I ran my knife blade across my own skin.

"You're a monster." I whispered to myself.

Another line.

"You're a horrible person."

Another line.

"Murder."

Another line. Deeper this time.

"You deserve this."

Another line. Dragging it slower.

"I'm alive, they're dead because of me!"

Another longer and deeper line that bubbled up bright red blood. I threw my head back and screamed. I screamed with the pain of holding everything inside. I screamed with fear and personal disgust, with the confusion of opening up to a boy. All the pain, all the emotions came bubbling up like the blood on my wrist. The warm sticky liquid slid down my hand, like the scream the came.

I let the blood run. The pain throbbed with my heart beat, it slowly drowned out everything else. My emotional pain was replaced by the physical pain in my wrist. My eyelids felt heavy, the slowly slid shut. I forced them open. Being tired wasn't a good sign. I tried to grab my backpack, my movements were becoming sluggish. Why did I need my backpack? I felt a fog around my mind. I blinked a few times, and shook my head, trying to focus.

I leaned my head back on the wall for a second. I just needed to rest. Then I could wrap my arm and leave.

•×•

My eyes snapped open. Frowning I sat up, my back was stiff. I groaned and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. Looking around I knew Jessie would leave. She was a mess last night. I sighed. I hoped I didn't make it worse. I wanted her to trust me, I wanted to know everything about her. But if I pushed she would keep retreating.

She let me touch her without a death threat, and I think she peeked out from behind her stone walls. I had to figure out what trigger her. I wasn't sure what happened, she was kissing me back wildly, her hands in my hair, her knees squeezing my hips, and then all of a sudden she scrambled off and away her eyes wide in panic.

She knew how to talk without actually answering my questions, never fully answering with any detail. Until something slipped out when she was angry.

I had put together she was some kind of trained and skilled warrior...some kind of specialized killer, she let a small detail slip out. She had said she left a kid fatherless and something about a teddy bear without a home or arms or something.

Shuck...she wouldn't kill a kid, would she? No, not willingly. Absolutely not.

I lay back down for a second, thinking back to our conversation... What she had said, how she answered my question about monsters. She seemed genuinely shocked and confused when I asked her about being a monster. I knew she didn't think she deserved it, I also knew that was a shucked up lie she was fed as a kid or she made up to justify her actions. I also knew, I firmly believed she was not a killer of her own making. She was forced; somehow, someway by someone who scared the klunk out of her. This Him seems to be the only person she's scared of.

I was still laying on the roof going over last night. How her eyes kept searching for acceptance, but then panicking and shutting down, how her naturally red lips trembled when she tried to hold it in. It took all my self control not to wrap her up and hold her in my lap. But she didn't like physical touch for a reason, and I wasn't going to be the Shuckface idiot to push that boundary.

I knew I had to get up, I would be late, but I was tired and sore. But I couldn't shake the smile on my face. He had stayed away after Jessie fell asleep, still with black tears on her face, but her pale skin glowed in the moonlight, it was such a contrast to her dark raven hair. My eyes travelled over her, her crazy toned torso, legs and arms. All the scars, I wanted to know the story of each one. Some were tiny and thin, some looked like they had painful stories. Some were rough and jagged. She was an inigma, a beautiful wonderful cold and dangerous inigma.

He finally hauled himself up and off the roof. He chuckled when he thought of her crazy ninja skills, and how easily she climbed the tree and up onto the roof. He could sit and watch her for hours and be amazed by her. He made his way to the showers, hoping the warm water would loosen his stiff muscles. He stood in the shower so long the water turned cold. Probably a good thing, his mind had wandered back to their kiss in their room and then her smoking hot way she handled those knives and tossed them with ease and confidence.

With a growl, I turned the water off and pulled on my running clothes and gear. Finally feeling better I pushed the door open I wanted coffee and Jessie. I took a deep breath, the sun had risen and it felt good on my face. Then frowned. There was a wild frantic group of Gladers beside the box. I took off towards them.

"What's the shucken fuss?" I called.

Newt and Winston came shoving through the crowd.

"Jessie took off into the maze!"

"Wait, what?" I frowned. She was a runner, she could go, but she hadn't been reckless like that in a long time.

"The box came and some weird thing, apparently for her, some stuffed bear, she lost her shit and she freaked and-"

I held up a hand. Winston was rambling and I was confused.

"Slow down shank. I haven't had coffee yet!" I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes.

"The buggen' box came up." Newt growled.

I looked up sharply.

"The only thing inside was a bloody stuffed bear and a note saying remember who you are," Newt handed me the little crumpled peice of paper. "Jessie freaked out. She was ready to gut Eric. Like I hadn't seen her that buggen' scared and angry!"

"Stuffed bear? Like a teddy bear?" I asked, I could feel my face pale, and my palms went sweaty, I could feel the panic rising.

Both boys nodded. I let a long string of curses out.

"The minute she had the thing she sprinted into the maze like all of hell was on her heels!" Winston cried. I could see how panicked he was, it was written all over his face.

"Fuck." My fist crumpled the paper. "Fuck those creators!"

"You know what it means, don't you." Newt stated.

I nodded, "how long ago?"

"I don't know...10 minutes? 20?" Newt answered running a hand through his hair, "we had no idea where you were so I paired up the buggen' runners and sent them out to try find her. She went through the South doors. But she's a shucken fast runner and in her panic she was faster, I have no idea where she would be!"

"Okay...okay. I'll see you later. I gotta go." I had already started moving.

"Please bring her back!" Winston whispered.

"Plan on it shank."

I turned and sprinted for the South doors. I had no idea how to find her, but I knew she was triggered and she was gonna do something stupid. I could feel my anxiety rising and the horrible foreboding feeling.

"JESSIE!?" I screamed.