I sat staring into the fire, absentmindedly twirling one of my knives. I really hated this place. The grey stone walls, the stupid wood buildings, the small cement room where I spent a good chunk of my time if i wasn't in the Meadow of or Maze. I growled. The blond beside me glanced at me and she smiled knowingly. It had been two and a half years and she was the only one who could detect my swinging moods, and she was one of the few I would have considered a friend. Sure I cared for the other girls. But she was closer than a friend, closer then a sister. Her and Harriet were the second ones to come after me. 

"Jess, get out of your bloody head." She laughed, elbowing me. She handed me her half finished jar of alcohol. 

"I'm not in my head. I'm stuck in this shucked prison." I growled back.  

"Yeah so are the rest of us, but we don't look like were trying to bloody murder the fire with our eyes." She rolled her eyes with a smile. 

"Sonya...zip it." I snapped. 

"Nah, your too much fun to needle. Come on Jess, just drink up. Loosen yourself up." She elbowed me again. 

I took a huge gulp. The burning down my throat into my stomach warmed me up. Jillian's secret recipe was nasty, but it was getting better.  Someone suggested adding flavor, or sweetener, definitely helped. It only took them about a year. I rolled my eyes as I took anther large gulp, finishing her jar. I handed it back empty. 

"Yeeish, Jess! I didn't mean for you to buggen' chug it!" Sonya chuckled rolling her eyes. 

"You told me to drink and loosen up. Make up your mind Sonya!" 

"Are you poking the wolf again Son?" A dark skinned girl with dreadlocks plunked down beside us. 

"Always." Sonya smiled at me. "Her growl is worse then her buggen' bite." Sonya teased.

"I hate you." I muttered. 

"Nah, you love me." Sonya threw an arm around me, knowing she was the only one who was aloud to touch me, without having a finger broken. 

"You have a shucken death wish." Harriet rolled her eyes, she took a long sip of her jar, "So what do you guys think of the Newbie?" 

I found the new girl in the crowd, and frowned. "She looks weak, she's gonna have a hard time."

"Wow, don't hold back, tell us what you really bloody think." Sonya chuckled. 

I just rolled my eyes, shifting to the ground, leaning against the log, I took up spinning my knife again. It was getting to the point where I needed to leave, I had enough social interacting for the night. Sonya slid off the log and sat beside me. She took the knife out of my hand and slammed it into the grass, sinking the point into the soft earth.  Harriet slid down too, so I was now stuck between the two girls. Sonya reached for my hand. I tried to fold my arms, but she grabbed my hand, she was really strong for a Stick. She pulled my arm into her lap, and pulled my glove off and then the leather strips I used as a cover. 

"You've been cutting again." She stated, with a frown.

I didn't say anything, just ground me teeth. Harriet sighed beside me. Sonya waited for me to explain. I yanked my hand back, wrapping up the fresh cuts.

"I hate this place. I've been here for two and a half years. I'm pretty sure the Maze is insolvable. I just had to pull another dead Stick from the Maze. Those shucken Grievers are relentless. They aren't satisfied to just sting us anymore, they want to rip us apart. Two more of my runners quite, when I pulled Georgia all bloody and dead from the Maze." 

"Yeah, I know Jess. It sucks. A whole buggen' lot." Sonya sighed. 

"Are the Grievers getting worse?" Harriet asked, she had taken a stick and was snapping it into smaller pieces and throwing it into the fire. 

"Well, they were always out in the halls, but they're definitely bolder, there are more of them out during the day. Especially around that one spot." 

"Which spot?" Harriett asked, turning to look at Sonya and I.

"Remember that one day a few months ago, we told you about that one buggen' wall section?" Sonya asked, 

"You said you heard noises..." 

"Yeah but not the wall moving or the sounds of Grievers. It sounded like muffled yelling." I said. 

"Okay, what about it?" Harriet asked slowly, her eyebrows pulled together.

I rolled my eyes with a growl, "Shuck it Harriet, use that brain!" I snapped. Sonya placed her hand on my knee, I ripped my eyes away from Harriet and stared into the fire, grinding my teeth. I took a slow breathe trying to calm my frustration.

"Grievers are patrolling the Maze halls, but especially that area. And its the same place that Sonya and I heard something. Muffled voices. Was it the Designers? They seem to watch us constantly and sit on their asses doing nothing, so, why not them behind the wall? They probably have some kind of shucked office behind the wall, with their stupid cameras watching us. Like the shucken rats we are." 

"Okay...so you think there are other people behind that wall?" 

"Shuck sakes! I literally just said that!" I cried. "I'm out. I can't anymore." 

I got up, yanking my knife out of the grass and left the fire. A few girls tried to say hi, but I ignored them. If they were sobber they would avoid me, but when they consume Jillian's drinks they become bolder, and stupid. I walked away into the blackness. I liked being alone. I tolerated a few people. Harriet and Sonya were the only two, and even then, Sonya was the only one I would seek out if I needed someone. She was the only one who saw me cry, and that was only after being a lone in this stupid Meadow for a month alone. 

Alone for a month, it wasn't horrible, being alone, but trying to figure out what the shuck was going on, why I couldn't remember anything other than my name and I knew how to be violent and rely on no one by myself. I was the first one into the Maze when the walls opened, I had started the garden, so I wouldn't starve. I survived a month on my own. And now with the help of Harriet and Sonya made the decisions of the Meadow. As soon as Harriet was here I handed all leadership over to her and Sonya, but they still kept me as a Leader, and I was the Leader of the Mappers. I knew every inch of that Maze. 

I took a walk around the walls. I watched the fire from a distance, in the shadows of the forest. I leaned my shoulder on the tree trunk and watched. I saw each of the different groups. We had the Engineers , each girl was short and stocky, they were smart and meticulous. Everything was done to perfection. All the tables were sturdy and the chairs were build so tough it was hard to break anything in the Meadow. We had a few Healers. These girls were a touch group, blood and guts didn't bother them, I liked them. Quiet, thoughtful and didn't judge. The Meadow was a harsh place to live. Grievers roamed the halls. a few times they had come into the Meadow, The Beetle Blades also attacked at random, slicing you up if you weren't carful. 

I swear the Designers also had control of the environment and the weather, because random fires would break out all the time, they had wild rain storms with devastating hail wind and lightning that would randomly start and stop. The Meadow had lost a lot of girls because of these wild storms. The Healers had a hard job. 

I scanned the next group of girls, the Gardeners. They were a ditsy bunch. Tough, (you had to be to survive here) but nothing really going on upstairs. They liked to gossip, come up with wild ideas and stories. They were the ones to make up the wild theory that I was secretly  shape shifter, turning into a wolf. Which is where the nickname came from. They also came up with the theory Sonya and I were a thing. I had rolled my eyes when I heard it, heaven forbid I had one friend. Which is probably why they thought that, because I kept everyone else at arms length. I didn't care what they thought, I had other things to do then worry about some stupid rumor a bunch of hippy gossip girls thought. 

We also had Ranch hands, they delt with the animals, butchering the animals and keeping the barn going. I didn't mind those girls either. They were quiet, not squeamish of blood and hard work. I worked with them when I had a day off running. Blood never bothered me either, and I knew how to kill things apparently. And I was good at it. I found that out when I was attacked by a girl who had gone through the changing and went nuts. The only way to make her stop was to kill her. I had chucked a kitchen knife and it sunk into her throat. She collapsed choaking on her own blood. I had slit her throat to end it faster. I didn't even flinch. I had picked up the poor dead girl and carried her body into the Forest and buried her. 

Shacking my head I watched the next group, they were the younger ones, the ones who had a hard time finding a spot, they helped Cookie in the kitchen, helped keep the Meadow running, helped with the laundry, cleaning bathrooms, doing the errands, grabbing the harvest from the Gardeners for Cookie, bringing water to the Engineers. They were good kids, just young. 

And the last group I watched for a bit was the Mappers. The toughest strongest of all the girls. You didn't get to choose this job, for the most part, Sonya and I had to see potential, and then we would approach them- well Sonya would, and we would train them if they were interested. Not many girls wanted to be a mapper. Not only the pressure to get back before the walls closed, but the walls inside changed every night, it too a while to figure out it was a pattern. All the girls in the Meadow depended on the Mappers, trying to find a way out. But not just the pressure, there was the Grievers that constantly roamed the halls. at least once a week a girl was chanced back into the Meadow. A few times the Griever would come inside the Meadow. I had injured my fare share of the stupid robotic animals. They are hard to kill, they would turn tail and run when they were going to die, they were smart in that way. With a shack of my head I turned and walked further into the shadows, away from the laughter and shouts.

Stopping at the wall where we had all carved our names on a section of the wall, showing the Newbies we were a sisterhood. Deep down I cared about the others, I just didn't get attached. It seemed that's just who I am, don't get attached so it wont hurt when life rips it away. I kept all my things in a backpack, and I took it with me everywhere. Always ready to move, never settle. I hated staying inside the walls of the Meadow; being on the move, feeling the burning in my lungs, the heat and hard work of my muscles, the cool damp wind in my dark hair as I ran. The longest I didn't run was when I was stung a few months ago.

Going through the changing was awful. Not just the pain in my muscles and body, but the pain in my head, in my mind. The memories that it brought back...it made me even more sullen and moody. I didn't talk to anyone about what I saw. Sonya was the only one who had a general idea, but she knew not to pry too deep. It was after the Changing that I started to cut myself. It helped drown out the guilt from the memories that played on repeat in my head. 

I slammed the door of the Map room closed, and pulled the papers out of the trunk and sat down at the table. Looking over the maps from today. Georgia had been by that same section of wall. There was absolutely something about that section. I sat in the sputtering flames of the Map room for a long time. There was a small knock and the door squeaked open. 

"Jess, Love, you need to sleep. Come to bed." Sonya sighed. 

"There is something about that section. It's where I found Georgia. The same spot the Grievers patrol and the same spot we heard that yelling." 

Sonya sighed and ran a hand through her sunshine yellow hair. She pulled up a stool and sat down beside me, leaning her elbows on the table. 

"Okay, Jess, go on." 

"Well, I don't know. I wanna take a closer look again. I can go alone, I know we still gotta push into section 7 and 8." 

"You're planning to do something stupid aren't you?" 

"Pfft. No." I rolled my eyes. 

"Jess, Love, I ain't stupid. I'll come with you, but I won't let you stay out there during the night again. Alright? We take the day to look, but we come back." 

I ground my teeth, Sonya knew me way too good. I was planning on staying out in the Maze for the night. 

"Jessie!" Sonya said more firmly. 

"Fine." I snapped. 

"Good. Now, come on, Love, bed." 

She took my hand, lacing her fingers through mine and pulled me from the Map room and over to the big Cabin. She refused to let go of my hand until we were inside the big cabin. She stood at the end of the hall with her arms crossed like a mother and watched me until I close the door to my room. I stripped out of my clothes and crashed onto the bed. Before I rolled over and closed my eyes, I took my knife and made another thin line on my wall. Another day in the hell hole. 

•×•

My Badass Girl Jessie

× all the knives
× all the ear piercings
× tattooed fingers & iron twisted rings.
× black leather hip harness, holding her huge machete and throwing knives.