Chapter Five

~~Lucas~~

We were laughing about what I said to the coach as he drove me home. Then I reached for the radio. His hand touched mine and electricity shot up my arm and down my spine. I pulled my hand back before I got punched in the face.

"Sorry." I mumbled nervously. He just shook his head and took a drink of his Gatorade.

"Nathan texted me and said him and mom are going out to dinner. So we have to get something." I told Sean, trying to play it cool. He just nodded and continued to drive. I hope that we order pizza. Because I am so craving my love of my life right now..... I'm talking about pizza.... Not Sean.....

"Kaylie told me that Katie invited me to this party tomorrow?" I said making it more like a question. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

"Katie invited you to her party? You must be on her good side right now." Sean exclaimed. What does that mean? I just sighed and stared out the window. I put my hand out the window and moved my arm like a wave gliding along the wind.

"Can I ask you something?" Sean asked me. I looked at him in confusion. This is going to be awkward.

"You just did didn't you?" I asked, trying to keep my cool. He nodded and went on.

"How did you know that you was....Gay?" He asked me. My heart stopped. Why does he want to know? Does he have a friend who is wanting to come out or something?

"I just did. I always knew I was different. I looked at guys differently than the way I looked at girls." I explained. He nodded and continued to drive. This is starting to freak me out.

"Why was you asking? Is one of your friends wondering? Is he/she in the closet still?" I asked. There was a silence.

"Sean?" I asked again. His head snapped towards me.

"What? I... Um, yeah. What you said." Sean said nervously. He turned his head back towards the road. This is just so freaking weird right now.....

"Where is Emily?" I asked while sitting next to Sean on the couch.

"Emily's at a friend's." Sean responded. I nodded and watched TV with Sean while waiting for the pizza to arrive. Oh how much I love pizza..... I put my feet up and wrapped my arms around me legs, laying my chin on my knees. All I could think about is Sean. I always thought about him ever since I met him yesterday. I never felt like this for anyone. I mean yeah I had boyfriend and everything. But I never felt like this. I told my ex's that I did, but in reality I didn't. I just dreamed of it so I would make things bad. But in the end, it was bad because they thought I was hiding something. Which I was..... My past and the way I felt. Considering all the things that I was hiding, I pushed everyone away in the end. Except my mom. She pushed herself right back in. She is a fighter like that. At times I am the same way. I am a fighter just like my mom. And that is why my mom is my rock and warrior. My thoughts was interrupted by my phone ringing. I slid it out of my lap and looked who was calling. It was my ex Thomas.

"Hello?" I asked. I wonder why he is calling. "Hey..... It's me Thomas." He responded. "I know it's you Thomas." I laughed and Sean looked over at me with jealousy in his eyes. Why would he be jealous? I looked away and got up from the couch walking into the other room.

"I was just thinking about you..... I couldn't stop thinking about you since you left. I miss you." Thomas said with sorrow in his voice.

"I know Tom... I miss you too but this long distance thing, I couldn't do it. I told you that when we broke up with each other. I like you and everything but it's just too hard. In reality, both of us is just going to end up getting more hurt then what we are now." I explained. There was a deep silence. All I could hear is the TV in the next room. "I know love, I know." Tom sighed. There was a silence once again. "I guess this is a goodbye...." He said and I could hear him crying. Tears started to fall from my eyes. "Goodbye Tom." I said and hung up the phone.

I sighed and slid down on the wall. I cried into my knees. That was the hardest thing I had to do. Say goodbye to someone that meant everything to me. Even though I never loved him, he still meant the world to me. We dated for almost a year and a half. I told him everything besides my past. He knew that I had scars on me and it was from my past. So he understood that I wasn't ready to tell him. He understood me..... I just wished that I loved him. And that I could make this work. But wishing is like missing part in the universe. Every time you make a wish, there is a chance that it will never come true.

"Are you okay?" Sean asked. I wiped my tears and lifted my head up to look at him.

"Yeah.... I'm fine." I lied.

"Obviously you are not fine." He pointed out and slid down on the wall next to me.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked. Why is he being so nice to me all of a sudden?

"Why are you being so nice to me Sean?" I asked.

"I am just seeing why you are crying like a girl." He chuckled. There is the Sean I know.

"Why do you even care if I am ok?"

"Even though that I am a huge ass, I care you know."

"You wouldn't even understand if I told you."

"Try me."

"My boyfriend... Well ex-boyfriend...... I ended things with him before I left because I couldn't do long distance for someone that I didn't love. Even though I cared about him so much, I just couldn't do it. I had to end it. So he called and told me that he missed me. Then we said goodbye.... For good. It's just so hard to deal with that you know. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I had to. It was for the best to tell him now then later." I explained. Sean nodded and wrapped his arms around me. I cried into his chest. I feel so comforted in his arms. I feel like he can protect me. More than I could protect myself. I pulled away and he looked me into the eyes. He had this look of lust into his eyes. Something I never seen before. The doorbell interrupted our staring contest.

"Um.... I'll get it." Sean said and walked off. That was so awkward.....