Shell shock wasn't a term that Gavin was familiar with, and it certainly wasn't a condition he'd used to describe himself. Sure, he'd been shelled. More than once. He'd lived with it daily for weeks at a time. He'd dodged across no man's land, dirt rolling in clouds on either side as he'd followed the men ahead. He'd been caught in a blast. Injured. Crippled. That didn't mean he had issues. It didn't mean he was sick in the head. That's what he'd thought until later that night. He'd had a rude awakening. As had many others.

After visiting Blossom and setting his heart on getting back in the saddle, Gavin and Nines passed the rest of the day in his room. He threw himself into his leg exercises with fresh enthusiasm. He was determined to build up his muscles and get on his foot as soon as possible. That enthusiasm worked for Nines. He hoped that Gavin would at least start walking on two legs by the time he had to return to France. Despite his enthusiasm, Nines was careful not to let him overwork himself. After a good two hours of exercise, with regular breaks between, Nines insisted they go for dinner.

He helped Gavin wash and change before getting him in his chair and wheeling him through to the dining hall. It was pretty quiet to start with, but the crowd slowly grew over the next hour. They sat quietly at a small table eating their simple dinner of gammon and eggs. The meat was salty and contrasted nicely with the thick yolk of the egg. Gavin was enthusiastic as they made plans for the next couple of days. He was sure he'd be ready to at least climb up in the saddle by then. Nines had to agree. His dedication to training made that highly likely.

The peace was shattered as a sudden crash filled the room. It echoed off the walls. It was just a tray. A loaded metal tray with plates and cutlery falling on a shiny wooden floor. Gavin knew that. He knew that, but the noise had him curling over with a whimper. He didn't even hear the clatter as his knife and fork fell to the floor. He wasn't sure if he'd pushed the table or if Nines had moved it aside, but he didn't hit his head as he bent over and gripped his hair.

His reaction was mild compared to some others. Loud cries echoed around the hall. Panic. Fear. Phck! The groaning filled his ears as he squeezed his eyes shut. The low, pained moans of men left on the battlefield in the dead of night. The helpless cries of the injured. The weeping of boys far too young to be involved in this shit. He trembled and curled further. The noise of the dining hall drowned itself out as he retreated into his own head. I'm not there...I'm not there! That didn't stop the noise from filling his ears. Whistles and bangs. Cracks and rumbles. He could almost feel the ground trembling beneath his feet.

He could see it with perfect clarity. He was back there again. The pack was heavy on his back, cutting into his shoulders. His heart pounded as he hauled himself over the top and ran with aching lungs. Miller was next to him. He yelled for his men to follow, the cry almost drowned out in a hail of shells and bullets. They raced across the barren earth, feet sinking in stinking, green sludge. Fear gripped his chest. His hands and cheeks were cold, feet almost numb as he forced himself onwards. He could see the men ahead falling. Gunfire tore the earth ahead. Smoke filled the air. They could barely see the enemy lines at all. High whistles and deafening blasts sounded.

Heat seared his left side as the ground shook and Miller disappeared. The whole world turned. It took him a few seconds to realise he was flying. He only really realised once he hit the ground. His head felt strange, almost dizzy, as he fell. He wasn't sure if he was falling for real or if it was just in his head. He felt cold. He was shaking. He could feel his teeth chattering as pain seared his left side and leg. He couldn't breathe. He was face down in the sludge. His chest clenched as his heart raced. There was a loud rushing sound in his ears as he choked.

"Gavin!" Sharp pain cut through the haze. He gasped as his eyes snapped open. He was sitting on the floor beside the wheelchair chair. Nines was holding him, hands gripping his upper arms. His cheeks were wet with tears as he looked around. It was still chaos. Nurses and doctors had flooded the hall, including Elijah and Chloe. The maid who'd dropped the tray was being scolded by a senior staff member. Many of the men were inconsolable, trapped in their own waking nightmares. "I'm here...You're safe..." He trembled as Nines pulled him against his chest and held him. He leaned into the comfort, sobbing quietly against his shoulder.

The pain in his leg returned. The leg he knew wasn't there. He whimpered as Nines rocked him. He wasn't as bad as some others. Loud cries and wails still echoed throughout the room. Nines gathered him up and returned him to his wheelchair. The halls were dimly lit as Nines pushed him back to his room. It was too dark. Nines seemed to understand as he shut the door and turned on the lights. All of them. The main light above and the small reading lamps on either side of the bed. He couldn't stop trembling. Why couldn't he stop trembling?

"It's alright, see? You're safe." Nines continued to murmur reassurances as he placed him on the bed. Gavin nodded as his teeth chattered. His chest ached from the stress and fear. He pulled Nines down, gripping his neck tightly as he locked his arms in place. Nines went with it, pressing his body into the mattress. He continued to whisper hushed assurances, stroking his side and back. Gentle lips kissed and nipped his throat between words. Nines was there. Nines would keep him safe. Nines always kept him safe. He always saved him. He held on tighter at the thought.

The night passed painfully slowly. Even as he recovered, he was too scared to close his eyes. The memory was too raw. The blast. The heat. The smoke. What happened to Miller? He was right beside him! His chest wracked with sobs as he remembered the letter. Miller was gone. They were all gone. He tried to remember. Had he seen it? Had he seen the shell hit? Had he watched Miller die? It was all just pain and smoke. The first thing he remembered with any clarity was Nines' face. He didn't remember much after being turned over, but he remembered Nines. Maybe Connor, too...And laughter. Defiant, cackling laughter that chilled him to the core. Sixty...

Nines stayed awake with him. At first, he stayed above him like a security blanket. Gavin felt safe with Nines covering him. The weight of his body pressing him into the mattress was comforting. After a while, Nines managed to coax him into the bed. He'd climbed off and pulled the covers back before slipping in beside him. He was still shivering at that point. Nines tried to warm him, even though it wasn't the cold that made him tremble. Kisses were a nice distraction. The moulding of lips and lingering touches were enough to ease the gripping fear, but it wasn't enough to help him sleep.

He was exhausted by the time the grey of dawn appeared in the sky outside. Nines got up to pull the curtains back. The extra light was reassuring. By the time the sky turned gold, Gavin's stinging eyes had fallen shut. Nines was relieved as he allowed himself to doze, though he didn't fall asleep properly. He blinked his eyes open every few minutes to make sure Gavin was still there. It was barely daylight when he sat up and insisted they get out of bed. There was no point wasting the day. It was almost like Chloe had been waiting for them to emerge.

She looked exhausted as she gently coaxed Gavin into letting her check him over. She led them to a small room on the ground floor and had Nines put him on an examination table. She took his pulse and listened with a stethoscope. His heart was faster than normal, but that was to be expected. His eyes were tired and sore. He blinked and winced with the sensitivity as she shone a penlight in his eyes. She gave him a little packet of powder and a glass of water, just something mild to steady his nerves.

He'd had a traumatic episode. He wasn't the only one. In fact, his response had been mild compared to many others. She'd had to medicate a few of them. Others would take days, if not weeks, to recover. Gavin hadn't recovered, but he was a lot calmer than most. That was likely due to Nines' constant presence and support. She quietly suspected Nines was suffering his own form of stress response, falling back on his deeply ingrained carer responses to cope. It wouldn't be surprising, considering the circumstances.

"We call it shell shock, though your condition is mild...It's quite common, especially in hospitals like this where patients have suffered physical trauma." Chloe listed off some familiar symptoms. Restlessness and fatigue. The inability to sleep. Trembling. These were things that only crept up on him once in a while. Those first few weeks after the operation had been the worst. The endless throbbing pain didn't help. "The episode you suffered isn't the condition itself...more a side event...Some soldiers are sensitive to loud noises, especially those injured in the shelling. It will probably improve with time." That reassurance was enough for Gavin to relax a little.

"So, what's the cure? Is there a pill, or..." Chloe gave him an apologetic look.

"Just time, I'm afraid...Time and exposure. I don't think we need to worry about that for a while, but in the long run, we'll try exposure therapy." He didn't like the sound of that. Apparently, the idea was to get him used to loud noises again to prevent episodes like this from happening in public. It was something most patients had to go through if they wanted to reintegrate into society. The world was a loud place. Roaring cars that backfired, crying children, beeping horns, trains, airplanes, and even things like the falling tray from the night before.

"So, you're going to scare me into good health?"

"Well, not exactly, but we can worry about that later. For now, it's best to focus on your physical recovery." Nines took him to breakfast after that. Unsurprisingly, there weren't many others there. Those who were either hadn't been present the night before, or looked just as tired and drawn as Gavin. Gavin sighed as he huddled over his poached eggs and toast. He felt like shit. He looked like shit. He was pretty sure Nines wasn't any better. He huffed softly as he noticed him nodding in his chair. His blue eyes were fluttering as he leaned his cheek on one hand.

"Hey...thanks for being here..." Gavin murmured softly as he broke the yoke with his fork. Nines lips quirked at the quiet words, eyes opening to gaze at him fondly. Gavin balked. He thought he was asleep. He didn't say it, but the little smile was enough to tell him he understood, and he was welcome. Gavin prayed to God his cheeks weren't pink as he cut up his toast and dipped it in the yolk. It still crunched as he ate it. He couldn't help being disappointed as they finished. It went without saying that he wouldn't be going to the stables that day.

His nerves were shot. He was sensitive. It didn't usually bother him, but Nines wasn't willing to take the chance of something setting him off again. Blossom could kick her door. A stall could slam shut. A horse could rear up and clop the ground. Even the sound of falling tackle could be too loud. It was best that they wait another day. That would also give them extra time to train. It was pretty much all he could do for now. They started off in his room on the bed. Before he tried standing again, Nines wanted to warm up his muscles with their usual bending and lifting exercises.

Gavin was impatient as he lay on the bed. He started on his front, following Nines' count as he bent his knees and lifted his thighs one at a time. He then turned on his back and raised each knee to his chest, holding for a ten-count before lowering them to the bed. After that, Nines rolled him along to the physio hall. It was emptier than the breakfast hall. It seemed everyone was taking the day off. That was good. It meant he had more privacy and space to practice.

Nines was a strict coach. Before he let him loose with the crutches, he had him stand and sit a few times. Gavin used one crutch for support as he pushed himself to his feet and grabbed Nines' arm once he was up to steady himself. His movements were a lot smoother than they had been the day before. Despite his lingering fatigue and shot nerves, he actually felt more confident. Nines was generous with praise as he worked. He counted each rise and fall and adjusted his position where appropriate.

Once he was handed his second crutch, he was almost unstoppable. After his first length, Nines was content to let him loose on the whole room. The crutches were a little uncomfortable against his underarms after a while, but it was a small price to pay for the added freedom. After about thirty minutes, Nines suggested he try moving around the house, perhaps even the garden. The garden was a good idea. The weather was still holding out pretty well. It surprised him, considering how cold it had been on the front in France.

Nines followed with the chair, letting Gavin lead the way through the hall and across to the front door. He thanked the young maid who stopped dusting to open the door for them. They passed the side of the house, bypassing the stables and heading straight for the small green below the patio. It was a little busier there. The less shaken patients had ventured out to relax on the grass out back. That was Nines' ultimate aim, but he was wise enough to let Gavin tire himself out first. He chose a spot in the middle of the green, right out in the sun.

"Don't overdo it," he warned as he put the brakes on the chair and sat on the grass. Gavin grumbled his quiet agreement before setting off on a circuit of the green. Nines watched like a hawk, ready to rush in at any moment. It felt good to be out in the open air. The breeze was almost warm as if ruffled his hair. Gavin worked his way around steadily. He could almost count the one-two motion in his head as he planted his crutches and hopped forward. He barely noticed time passing as he completed a second circuit.

"You think I could try riding tomorrow?" he asked as he finally hopped his way over to Nines' lounging form. Nines was up in an instant. He took the crutches before gently lowering Gavin to the ground. Gavin let out a tired moan as he stretched out and looked up at the sky. He could count the fluffy clouds that sailed by on the breeze. He smiled tiredly as Nines settled down beside him, propping himself on one arm as he looked down at him.

"If you think you're ready for it..." Gavin grinned as he opened his tired eyes. I was born ready! Nines let out a soft chuckle as he ran his fingers through Gavin's hair. It was almost like he'd heard. It was nice. Peaceful. Quiet. The rustle of trees and distant neighing was enough to finally lull him into a light doze as Nines stroked his hair and the sun warmed his face.