October 1st, 2016

I watched from behind the window as the night gradually turned dark. It was calming in a way. An escape from the usual endless work. Unfortunately my comfort was disrupted by the sound of my boss' loud voice.

"What time is it?" Jacqueline asked while scouring through her files.

"It's five fifteen."

"Where is everyone?"

"They left."

"All except you?"

I turned around and nodded. She shook her head with disgust. "Those lousy bastards."

Everyone at work always left early. It was tradition to escape this so-called hellhole. But I for one, had no interest in such traditions.

"Why are you still here?" She looked at me. Annoyance struck across her eyes.

"I've got nowhere else to be." I softly replied. Despite my true words, she gave me this look. The kind that said I was being fake. Not to mention, my mere presence made her angrier than she already was.

"Just go." She shooed me, as I tried to convince her to let me work.

"I need to be here."

"No, you don't."

"Jacqueline, I–"

"Don't call me that." She deepened her tone.

"Oh but you let all the other men call you that," I said in my defense. "So how is this any different that I'm calling you that, when you pass yourself around because you want them to–"

"Enough!" Her voice roared. "I'm not going to have you paint me like a whore."

Once realizing what I said, I knew I'd gotten myself into hot water. "That's not what I meant!"

"I don't care. I want you gone effective immediately."

"You can't do that."

"The hell I can." A smile lingered on her face. "Mr. Dredgerson, You're fired."

"I'm not leaving. Not for this."

"Well you better, or I'll call security. See how that works out."

Damn it. My eyes closed as she looked my way. For a moment, I had hoped she'd reconsider. My stance still in the same position it was before. I opened them up to see if my prayers were granted. Though the second she crossed her arms while propping herself onto the nearest desk. I knew it was over from the cold, yet satisfied look in her eyes.

"Have a nice life." I told her as I tried my hardest to leave in a civil manner. Deep down, I really wished to scream and lash out. My heart throbbing, because of the rage within. As much as I wanted to be angry, I just didn't have it in me. My life was on a downward spiral and it hurt more and more. Especially considering how this was the last thing, holding my life together. Now it's just gone.

While I drove back home, I noticed the sky. Tonight the stars were like embers of a fire, scattered out while burning bright. They didn't even need to be lined up, they didn't need to be perfect. The sky was a beautiful sight to behold. The simplicity of the scenery was perfect as it is. My jaw dropped open wide. All of this was just... True art.

How beautiful. I thought to myself. I wanted to see the stars, so I parked on the side of the road near a secluded farm and laid out on the grass. It didn't bother me how odd this was, or what everyone would think. I was free. Like a bird taking off as they soared across the sky on a sunny day. For a long time I wished to be that bird. I always imagined doing something audacious with my life. Not to be saddled at a dreary job and carry all the past mistakes on my shoulders. But then I realized, I've never needed a grand escape. Approaching my forties, I couldn't pull it off even if I tried. I'd die trying before freedom was in my grasp. Yet here I am, laid out under the stars, enjoying what little beauty there's left in this world.

With all the mayhem, the darkness, and the wars within wars that spanned since the dawning of our time, peace was hard to find. It always had been hard to find. Though I found it with the simple cleaning of my mind. The only surefire way to find that peace everyone craves is by letting yourself breathe. Letting the bad energy out while not letting the pressure mount. By watching the stars and soaking in the warmth, peace would be restored.

Seeing the stars, I thought about my past. How much life I'd wasted away. The bitter taste of guilt. So much darkness. All that pain which filled my heart was gone within seconds. Now placated with pure bliss. A kind I hadn't felt in a long, long time...

My thoughts were interrupted as flickers of light made their way towards me. Upon seeing the lights flashing from the farmer nearby, I stood up.

"What're you doin' here?" The angered farmer asked, with a gun in his right hand.

I looked at him and smiled. "Just admiring the stars."

He looked up at the sky and nodded. "Yeah. It's sure a thing of beauty."

He didn't admire it for long though, once his eyes glared at me with rage. "Now get off my property or I'll make you."

I could've reasoned with him, but knew it wasn't worth the hassle. I got back in my car. He watched while I drove back into town. I kept seeing his shadow in the reflection of my rear-view mirror, until the silhouette dissipated into the dark night.

With no job or friends to hang with, it was time to head home. A place that wasn't really a home. Just an apartment for a lonely man. I always tried to avoid being there. It was like the moment of truth. Once you go in, you never come out. Though I do come out for work, it's not easy leaving that place. With little to do and nobody to love, I've never felt the need to leave my apartment.

It was that night, I had came to a decision. One that could've changed my life forever without bringing it to an end. I had considered death as a friend for some time, but knew it wouldn't bring me the solace I desired. It was something more that would bring me back. It would give me life again so I'd be someone... Like those people on the posters whose bodies stood tall on the top of a mountain, looking out at all of those below. A beacon of success.

I planned on heading home and revamping my style. It wouldn't be entirely fake, but it would bring myself some confidence and make me feel great. Like I belonged in this world. I'd wear a vibrant red dress shirt. Red always brought out the flair from within. I'd wear a nice black tie, pants, and leather jacket to show my classy side, without being too formal. The jacket giving me some kick, I'd abandoned in my youth. And I'd dye my hair brown. My Blonde hair was too bright and black would be too dark, but brunette was that perfect balance that would catch people's eyes while not turning them off. Any other color such as green or blue would attract attention. This would do nothing to ease the courage, I was trying to build before embracing it for all of its glory.

At last I had arrived at my house, in the midst of my poorly designated neighborhood which was filled with the usual crimes, screams for help, and petty indifferences. It was truly a miserable place to be, but it was all I could afford. Though there was a time when moving was an option, I couldn't leave. Everything would just feel too different. It would make me feel as empty as I did when my brother Frederick died. Frederick...How I miss him. We loved each other so much. If he hadn't done that idiotic dare while we were far wasted, maybe we both could've survived. We could both be so happy right now.

After closing the door of my car, I looked up at the sky one last time. The stars weren't quite so visible anymore, they were nonetheless beautiful. I smiled and proceeded to walk home.

"Don't shoot!" A man pleaded.

"You're gonna die for this!" The angered man shouted before firing many rounds at another man, who had ran past me. Before I could react, the bullets penetrated my body. Two in the upper chest and the third in my abdomen. I fell to the ground while heavy, rhythmic breaths escaped my body. Blood streaming out. My weakened left arm holding my abdomen while the other covered the two gaping wounds. My life dissolving before my very eyes. The shooter came by and scoffed. "Bitches always be gettin' themselves shot."

After shaking his head, he ran after his target as if my life hadn't mattered. Which he was right. It clearly didn't.

"Please..." I rasped for help while trying to fight, in hopes somebody would've had the heart to call an ambulance. But nobody did. Even those who witnessed the incident were too shaken to act.

What felt like fifteen minutes had gone by and the blood shortage was weighing thin. I was going to die no matter what miracle took place in the next five seconds. Once again I felt everything crumbling from inside. My mistaken birth, my failure to become an engineer, the dismal friends I had, the responsibility of Frederick's passing, my life of woe had finally came to an end.

I don't understand...

While most people thought I'd be happy, I truly wasn't. My life may have been miserable, but there was still joy. There was potential. There was... life. Though my time in this world was finished, I wasn't. I'd never be finished. And so I laid there. Looking up at the sky. Everything unfinished... Yet there was still beauty within the bittersweet death. I'd be free.  I'd be reunited with Frederick. We'd be together again. When the wounds bled the last of myself, I felt my time coming. The big moment had arrived. I smiled while closing my eyes as it was a sign, everything would be alright.