"Mama, we did it!"

Grabbing the bars and pulling herself up on the platform, Dani laughed and gave him a high-five. "We did! You were awesome."

If she'd known she was going to climb a rock wall, Dani would have worn different shoes. Her boots slipped a few places but she successfully followed Jacob up the wall that seemed way too high for a four-year-old.

Everyone assured her that he'd done it many times. There were so many things in his life she'd missed, and Dani wasn't sure she'd ever catch up. A cloud of sadness fell over her. It wasn't that she hadn't enjoyed the BBQ lunch which had been less awkward than she'd imagined. She wanted to be happy for Josh and Meredith, like everyone else but the feelings wouldn't come.

When came to obeying the Lord feelings weren't to be trusted. Actions are what mattered, and Dani was determined to keep her actions in line with what God would want. She might be hurt, but Dain was trusting God to do what was best for all of them.

Their group was big enough that she didn't sit anywhere near Josh and Meredith, and the giant playground in the middle of the covered outdoor tables was the perfect place to socialize and entertain kids.

Country music played in the background reminding her of simpler times. A memory of Josh strumming his guitar inflicted another wound. He was talented. Once he'd sang just for her. Songs he'd written about his love. Now, he probably sang for his fiancé.

They climbed down and she watched Jacob run to Meredith, probably to tell her about their accomplishment. Dani watched with mixed emotions. She was jealous, but it was far better for her son to have a stepmother whom he loved. She'd never liked any of her mother's boyfriends not that any of them had ever stuck around in the morning.

"I wanted to tell you, Dani."

She stiffened at the deep timbre of Josh's rich voice and took a steadying breath before slowly turning to face him. Her belly flip-flopped at the burning look in his eyes, and her mouth went dry. She shouldn't notice how handsome he was, but she did.

God, help me remember YOUR will not mine.

"You didn't ask me to come to church to witness it, did you?"

"Dani, no, I'd never---I am so sorry." He raked a hand through his hair. She saw the truth in his eyes. "It happened so fast. I'd have told you yesterday, but I didn't know."

"I understand. Jacob's birthday wasn't the place for difficult conversations." She shrugged, determined to keep her tone light.

"Why is it difficult?" he asked, his gaze intent.

Her jaw dropped and she stared. Was he serious? "You know, Josh."

Too late she realized the words sounded too much like an accusation. Josh took a step toward her.

Something hot glittered in his eyes. "No. I don't, Dani. Tell me."

"I'm sorry!" she cried, her voice breaking.

"I don't want an apology. You're acting hurt when as far as I know you're doing just fine without Jacob and me. It's not like you've been a big part of our lives for the last four years."

"I want to be." She heard his sharp intake of breath. "I didn't mean—" Dani blinked, fighting for composure, checking the confession that would only hurt them both. "I love Jacob, and I want him to know me."

Josh took a step closer. Then another. He seemed to radiate carefully leashed energy. She swallowed hard. Taking her arm, he pulled her aside away from the crowd. "Tell me, Dani. I need to hear you say it."

He was still holding her, his warm, gentle hands closed around her biceps. She wasn't even sure he realized it, but Dani did. Her heartbeat spiked, leaving her shivery. This was wrong!

"I-I want to get to know my son better."

"You know I wanted to raise Jacob with you. If there's something I need to know..." Something flashed in his eyes. "At least have the courage to admit it."

He tightened his hold and a soft whimper escaped her. His touch did not hurt her. Her own regret did. Josh immediately released her and stepped back.

"Will it make a difference, Josh?"

"I don't know."

She felt her bottom lip tremble. "You want to hear that I messed up! That I made a mistake! I messed up! There. I've said it, but what good does it do? You're getting married."

Josh drew back as if she'd struck him, his expression stunned.

Raw pain ripped through her.

"Why now? What's changed?" His voice was deeper than usual, his stance protective, and the spark in his eyes dangerous. "Did that guy hurt you? Did he—"

"No," she whispered knowing what he was asking. "Not like that."

"You're ok?" His gaze slid over her as if trying to assure himself she was unharmed.

"Yes."

His gaze sizzled. "Do you really regret leaving us?"

"I have for a long time. After you took Jacob, I was depressed. My life seemed meaningless, and every day I woke up and wondered what you and Jacob were doing. I wanted to be with you."

Josh stared at her. "You never said anything."

"I didn't know how." She brushed a strand of hair away with trembling fingers.

His fingers lightly chucked her chin, forcing her to look at him. "You pick up the phone and say what you just said to me."

"I should have, but my mom—no, I made bad decisions. It was all my fault. Everything was falling apart, and I didn't know what to do. I know it makes no sense."

"It makes sense to me." He looked suddenly sad. "Jennifer pushed you into that life. I know how strong the temptation was."

"It's not her fault. I should have left, but I felt powerless. I saw myself doing things I despised and wanted to—to die. I know that seems weak, like an excuse."

"I know exactly how it feels. The money, attention, the alcohol. The drugs." His eyes darkened. "I wanted to give up too."

A soft cry of anguish shook her chest at the thought of him in so much pain. Reaching up she covered his hands with hers. "It was when I told you I wanted an abortion, wasn't it?"

"It doesn't matter. You didn't go through with it."

"It was my fault. I was a terrible friend. A terrible person. You were strong enough to run away."

"Not on my own. God reached out his hand and saved me from drowning." Josh watched closely, gauging her reaction.

"I know he did. You turned your life around and made something wonderful of it. You're why I started praying. I hoped God would save me too."

"Dani—" He opened his mouth to say something but stopped, and released her suddenly. "I'm having trouble with this newfound faith of yours."

She flinched, feeling suddenly vulnerable. "What do you mean? I've accepted Jesus, asked for his forgiveness, and I'm a new person."

He gave a curt nod.

"I-I haven't been baptized yet, but I will." An unbearable ache settled in her middle. "You think God wouldn't want me because I thought about an abortion?"

"What? No!" He straightened. "Of course, he wants you. You've accepted Christ, and his blood covers all sin. I didn't mean to make you doubt your salvation. Forgive me."

"Then what did you mean you were having trouble with my faith?"

"Ah, Dani. It's not your faith I'm having trouble with. It's what it means for us."

"You know I want to be a part of Jacob's life. Of all your lives." Her stomach knotted. "But it's not up to me."

"It's always been up to you." He practically growled the words. "I've prayed that you would come to the Lord. That you and I would one day raise Jacob together as a family."

Her heart beat faster. "What are you saying?"

"I don't know what I'm saying!" He raked a hand down his face.

She started to put her hand on his arm but jerked it back. "If you think I want to come between you and Meredith, that's not my intention."

A harsh sound came from deep within his chest. "Right." A beat of silence and then, "Meredith was going to adopt Jacob after we married, but—"

"What?" She sucked in a quick breath, shocked and distraught.

Josh reached out and put a steady hand on her shoulder, and despite everything, she felt better. "That was before you came back. I shouldn't have said that about Meredith. We'll make a new plan now."

Dani wondered if he even realized his hand had moved to her back and was making slow, soothing circles. Lord God, give me the words. "Meredith will be your wife. She's going to be a part of Jacob's life."

They stared into one another's eyes. She wondered if he'd even heard what she'd said. Seconds slipped by.

When had he stepped closer? Her stomach brushed his buckle and she moved back but his eyes never left hers. "Josh?"

He blinked. "You'll always be Jacob's mother."

"You'll let me be a part of his life?" Hope flickered inside her.

Josh dropped his hand as if he hadn't realized he was touching her. He stepped back. "I'd never take him away from you. You need each other."

Without thinking she threw her arms around him. "Thank you, Josh. I won't let either of you down."

***

He tore his gaze from Dani.

What was wrong with him? He wasn't questioning his engagement, not exactly, but the timing was rushed. Had he misunderstood God's plan for him and Meredith?

Josh remembered the hope in Dani's voice when she asked him to let her be a part of their son's life. Did she really think he'd take her son from her? She had to know him better than that.

He kept seeing her bottom lip trembling as she made a confession that turned him inside out.

"You want to hear that I messed up! That I made a mistake! Fine. There. I've said it, but what good does it do? You're getting married."

Yet when he'd given her the chance to say she wanted things to change between them, Dani didn't take it. He'd wanted to raise Jacob with her as a family. Even Meredith knew this, but Dani once again chose to keep them apart. It wasn't like he expected her to want to get back together after all these years, but he still hoped.

"Hey." Meredith stood on her tiptoes and slid her arms around his neck. "Where'd you disappear to?"

He caught Caleb's knowing gaze from down the table.

"Just making sure all was good with Dani and Jacob."

"She's a natural with children," Meredith said, drawing his attention. "I don't think you need to worry. Jacob said they're having a lot of fun."

"That's what I saw too."

"She's nothing like I expected." Meredith sounded clearly relieved. "From the magazine pictures I've seen she seemed so cool and sophisticated. But she's down-to-earth and nice."

"Yeah, she is." He managed a smile as he leaned over and said quietly. "We need to talk, Mer."

"Sure. Everything ok?" Meredith slid her arm around him.

Dani had her chance. Mer's your future.

"Yeah. It's nothing really. Sorry, it's been a long day," he whispered, pulling her close.

She seemed to accept that. Josh began to pray.

Lord God, am I doing the right thing?