Kim Soo Jin

I wake up early in the morning to Yong Soo crying. I finally managed to get some sleep. Maybe two or three hours. I sit up, but immediately feel dizzy, so I fall back on the bed.

But the little one complains more and more, so I try again, but just like before, the black and white spots dance in front of my eyes.

Then the door opens and Seonghwa pokes his head in.

" Soojin, are you up? "

" Mhhhh..." that's all I can moan.

" What's wrong?" - and he's already here by my side " Are you bad? "

" I'm dizzy. I tried to get up, but it didn't work. And Soo is hungry. I have to go out and make formula for her. I'm just pulling myself together" and I wave to him can go about his business.

"You're not going anywhere," he says in a slightly unusually raised voice. "Lie back down! I'll be right there. "

He storms out with it.

Well, I even managed to draw the always calm and peaceful Seonghwa.

I'm crying again.

The door opens and Seonghwa comes in again, holding a tray.

He puts it on my lap.

A bowl of porridge and Yong Soo's baby bottle on it.

He picks up the baby from me and takes the bottle, sits with her in the armchair and starts to feed her.

" Eat too! You're sick because you haven't eaten in a while. "

" I'm not hungry" I sniff.

" Try to eat a few bites. You need it. "

" I can't stand it, I can't swallow anything! I'm sick of the idea too. "

" Then lie down, rest. We will take care of the little one until then" and he go out with her.

I lie in the darkened room for a while. I can't stand the light right now. But I can't sleep either.

This is how the morning passes. I just lie down and cry, shutting out the outside world.

They knock, but I don't have the strength to answer. I have no desire for anything or anyone.

San enters the room.

" Hi, how are you? Lunch is ready. Are you coming to eat? "

I shake my head and turn to face the wall.

" Okay, then have a good rest! " I hear his confused voice, then the door closes.

The day goes by, sometimes one of them looks at me, but I pretend to be asleep.

The evening will come. Seonghwa comes in.

" Would you like dinner? You should, you haven't eaten anything all day" he worries.

" I'm not asking for anything. I just want to sleep, I'm not hungry. "

" Then sleep well! Yong Soo sleeps with me and Hongjoong. She is fine. She ate, slept, and was entertained by the others.

" That's good " I say indifferently.

It is comforting to know that everything is fine with the little girl, but the pain overwhelms my senses in such a way that I cannot get more positive feedback out of myself.

There is silence. Suddenly I thought he had gone out, but then he spoke:

" Get some rest, good night! " and goes out.

Seonghwa

Back in our room, I find the baby in Hongjoong's arms as he walks her up and down the room, humming STAR 1117 to her.

He just shrugs at my questioning look:

" She cried, so I picked her up. I didn't want to her yell up everyone."

Then, when I don't respond, he asks:

" Is there something wrong? You're so lost."

" I'm worried of Soojin. She didn't eat anything today. Looking at her eyes, she wasn't even sleeping, she was just crying. I'm worried she'll be sick. "

" Quite a shock for her. Mourn. She needs some time."

" I hope she gets better soon. Both for herself and Yong Soo. " I sigh a lot.

" Don't worry, we'll keep an eye on them. But now let's go to sleep while the little one sleeps. "

Before going to bed, we pushed our beds together to fit.
So now we went to bed with the little one between us, so she wouldn't roll down. We even put a nest around her, that's for sure. We don't have much space left, but we'll make it.
Hopefully we'll have a restful night.

But my bad feeling didn't go away.

I wake up in the dawn to a clicking sound. It came from outside.
So I get up to see what it was.

The electricity is on in the bathroom. But when I knock, no one answers, so I open the door. I was greeted by the most terrifying sight of my life.

Kim Soo Jin

I can't sleep. I'm just throwing myself.

How could my life turn so bad? I lost everything. I can't even take care of Yong Soo properly. I don't have a home anymore, I don't have a family anymore, and here I'm just a burden. A thorn in the neck of the team. Because of me, they can't work either. I can't bear this pain. I became happy too quickly, I certainly don't deserve it.

Such and similar thoughts run through my head all night. Screaming, blaming myself,

I didn't sleep again.

I go to the bathroom in the dawn.
I wash my face.

Then I see some guy's razor blade on the edge of the sink.
I don't even think about it, I just pick it up, run my finger along it, my blood runs out in its wake.
Good sharp.

Then I press it to my arm and, biting my lip to prevent myself from crying out, I drag it along, several times.

The next moment the blade falls out of my hand and the world before me goes black.

I lie down on the bathroom floor and am engulfed in painless darkness.

Seonghwa

After the momentary fright, I rush into the bathroom, grab the towel and press it on her arm. Meanwhile, I start yelling at the others:

" Help me! Get up! Someone come help me! "

Yeosang and Mingi come running.

" What happened?" they ask at the same time.

I just look at the blade lying on the ground next to us, covered in blood. They understand everything.

" I'll bring the first aid kit! " says Mingi.

" I'm calling the doctor! Yeosang adds.

Hongjoong also looks out of the room.

" What happened? "

" Unfortunately, my bad feeling was confirmed " I bow my head. My eyes are filled with tears.

But Mingi is already here with the bandage, so I pull myself together and quickly apply a compression bandage to the affected area. Then I pick up the unconscious girl and take her to her room and lay her on the bed.

" The doctor will be here soon! " Yeosang comes after us.

" I'll go back to the baby" says Hongjoong " then tell me what's going on! "

Meanwhile, Yunho, Wooyoung and Jongho woke up to the noise. Only San continued to sleep as if nothing had happened. But seeing the seriousness of the situation, the others also woke him up.

" Hyung what happened? are you ok You are pure blood! " San worries.

" This is not my blood" I look at my hands, my clothes " Jinni's "

I will tell them what happened, how I found the girl lying in the blood.

" OMG!" the boys imagine.

" I wouldn't have thought of that! " Yunho shakes his head.

" She deceived us by showing herself to be strong" Jongho bows his head.

" I had a bad feeling that evening, but I didn't expect it to be so bad. I should have paid more attention to her and not left her alone. "

" Hyung, it's not your fault! None of us expected this. Don't blame yourself! " Wooyoung consoles.

"We didn't notice either," adds San.

The doctor arrives, Yeosang escorts him to us.

I'll tell him what happened while he examine the girl.

He attaches a bag of blood and an IV.

" She suddenly lost a lot of blood, that's why she's unconscious. She receives a dose of 0 blood and a small infusion of fluids. You made the knitting skillfully! Lucky you found her so quickly and reacted calmly. I sew the deeper cuts together and then bandage them. Twice a day, in the morning and in the evening, the wound must be treated and the bandage changed. If possible, always have someone by her side. Physically, she will recover quickly. Her soul, on the other hand, will be a different story. "

When he has treated Soojin's wounds, he says goodbye:

" I wish you perseverance! This is going to be a difficult time for everyone. Especially for her. Support, don't blame! She will do that herself. Call me if you need me! Hello!"

Yeosang walks him out.

" Yunho, Hongjoong asked us to let him know what's going on. Would you tell him? He is in our room with the baby."

" Of course, I'm going. "

" Hyung, go, wash up, change your clothes, because that much blood on you is scary! Until then, I'll stay here with Jinnie! " San grabs my shoulder.

" Meanwhile, Jongho and I will clean the bathroom " says Wooyoung.

I head to the other bathroom and get into the shower, dressed as I am. I turn on the faucet and pour the warm water on myself.

Along with the blood, I try to wash away the feeling of what would have happened if...

I finally release my tears.

After relieving myself, I finish my bath, getting rid of my now completely soaked bloody clothes.

I wrap a towel around my waist and go to get dressed.

Hongjoong is lying next to Soo-ya, but he is not sleeping.

" Are you okay? " he asks worriedly, examining my face.

" Well," I answer " it was just quite shocking. But it's a relief that I arrived just in time. "

" Come and rest next to Yong Soo. She will sleep. While you bathed, I fed her with the help of Yeosang. We'll keep an eye on Soojin until then" Hongjoong gets up and goes out without waiting for an answer.

And I hide under the blanket, next to the baby dreaming peacefully.