I sat alone in the women's locker room at the hospital, my back resting against the wall and my knees pulled in tightly to my chest.

I sobbed uncontrollably as I held my head between my legs, forcing myself to get as small as I possibly could. I wanted nothing more than to hide away.

This week had been unbearable, but the events of tonight, it threw me over the edge.

I was always told it was just a part of the job, it wasn't my fault, I did all I could... But still, I don't think I'd ever get used to this feeling.

The earth-shattering truth that I couldn't save everyone. No matter how hard I tried.

The sound of the heart monitor blaring as the pulse was lost, gone forever, it rang so loudly in my head.

The blood all over my hands and clothes, pouring out onto the operating table, that imaged was etched into my memory.

A man in a critical condition was rushed in tonight... And I failed. I had one job, the most important job I could have, and I failed.

No matter how people tried to spin it, that's what happened, and the weight of it crushed my soul.

The worst part was having to push through the rest of my shift, as if it hadn't happened. As if I was the same person I was when the day had started.

And now that I could finally go home, I was unable to move from my currently hiding place.

Thankfully, Geto wasn't meeting me tonight. He'd been gone for work this week, and although most nights I had missed his company, tonight I was grateful to be alone.

I definitely wasn't prepared to let him see me like this. He only knew one side of me. The happy, confident, always slightly tired side of me that loved life.

He didn't know the darkness. The loneliness. The hopelessness. And he never would.

Maybe that was the real reason I wouldn't let myself get close to him. The real reason I constantly told him that I didn't want anything serious.

I forced myself to my feet, my legs weak and fragile as I grabbed my things and slugged out of the hospital.

I welcomed the cool air of the night. It felt soothing against my warm, blotchy, tear-stained cheeks.

I stopped at a small convenience store, giving into my indulgences before heading straight to my apartment. I dropped all my stuff by the door, wasting no time before I showered and dressed.

I wanted to get straight to sleep, but I knew if I didn't take the time to unwind and eat something, I'd wake up with a huge migraine tomorrow. And considering I had to be back at work, I couldn't afford to have that.

As I made my way back to kitchen, I stopped at the table where the small box I had bought at the convenient store rested. Tempting me. Pulling me in.

"Fuck it," I mumbled as I sat down, fully prepared to give in.

I started smoking after my parents died, way back in high school. But once I decided to practice medicine, I knew I couldn't keep up the habit.

Still, once you're hooked on these damn things, it's so hard not to turn back when the stress built up. And every now and then, I would get a whiff of it from Geto, and it was so enticing.

So with the shitty week I had and the heartbreaking night I just lived through, I was more than ready to backslide into this habit.

I was only slightly disappointed in myself as I tapped the box on the table, taking out a cigarette and placing in my mouth.

I had the lighter in front of me when there was a harsh knock on my door. I jumped in my seat and let out a soft yelp, the cigarette falling out of my mouth.

Who the hell would be here so late?

I stared at the door, terrified by the late night visitor. Maybe if I waited long enough they would go away.. Then again, what if I waited and then they burst in to rob me since they thought no one was home.

I felt tears forming in my eyes as another loud knock came crashing down on the door. I shakily stood up, grabbing a kitchen knife before making my way to the door.

This was so stupid... Would I even be able to stab someone? Wouldn't they just overpower me anyway? What if they had a gun?

"W-who is it?" I called out, my voice cracking as I spoke.

"Y/n... it's me," the voice was hushed and hurting, so I quickly threw up the door, leaving the knife on the entryway table.

"Geto?" my eyes went wide as I looked at him.

He was leaning up against the door frame, a bleeding gash on his forehead as he held the side of his arm which looked like it was also bleeding.

His eyes drooped heavily. His work uniform tattered and dirty. His hair was a tangled mess and he looked moments away from collapsing.

I was so fucking exhausted, but what was I going to do... just leave him there? Turn him away?

I couldn't help it as soft tears rolled down my cheeks with the sight of him and the overwhelming emotions I was already experiencing tonight.

"Come on, come in," I ushered as I carefully helped him over to the tiny kitchen table.

"I-I'm so sorry," he huffed out as he looked up at me, already slumped over in his chair.

I shook my head as I wiped my tears, "It's fine. Just don't move."

I quickly left to grab my supplies, ready to patch him up once again. What the hell is going on? This guy told me he worked at a school...

I never did ask about the first time we met, but I knew I wouldn't be able to let it go this time. That would have to wait though because I was already in full work mode.

His injuries weren't as bad as the first time thankfully. He was a lot more beat up right now, but his wounds weren't life threatening like that stabbing had been.

I tilted his head up slightly as I sat near him, keeping my hand firmly on his chin, "I'm just going to start by wiping off your face, ok?"

He nodded and I brought the wet washcloth to his skin, wiping off the blood and dirt.

I avoided eye contact, but I felt his gaze flickering across me as I worked, examining my features as I sat so closely to him. He winced slightly as I dabbed the cut on his forehead.

"Are you ok?" I asked him.

"Fine," he whispered.

I sighed, "Your forehead may only need a stitch or two. Now let's see your arm."

I helped get his jacket off, but he had a shirt underneath this time. He wasn't able to move his arm that much, so we only had one option.

"I'm going to have to cut your shirt off," I informed him as I stood up to grab scissors.

"You smoke?" he asked, and I could hear the amusement in his voice.

I rolled my eyes. I completely forgot about my moment of weakness. I snatched the carton off the table, ready to throw them out.

"Wait," he called out. "I've been trying to quit for you, but can I have one?"

I was equally annoyed and pleased by his sentence... I didn't know he was trying to quit for me.

"Sure," I put a cigarette in his mouth and helped him light it. "At this rate, you'll die well before these fucking things get the chance to kill you."

I heard him scoff a bit as I resumed my search for scissors.

"Funny," he muttered.

I walked back over to him, grabbing the hem of his shirt as I cut, "I wasn't joking."

He took a long drag as he stared, blowing the smoke away from me.

"The box was full," he commented.

"Because I didn't actually smoke any of them."

"Just thought about trying it? What happened to not being a hypocrite?"

"If you must know," I talked as I worked on cleaning up his arm. "I started smoking in high school. Can't ever seem to kick it completely."

"When's the last time?" he asked.

"6 months probably. Whenever I slip up, it's usually only one though."

"Just enough to take the edge off?"

"Exactly."

He watched me intensely, the same energy coming off of him as the first night we met. Maybe he's just scary when he's getting his ass beat. Makes sense.

"And what happened tonight that you needed some relief?"

I cleared my throat, focusing on getting the stitches ready, "I don't want to talk about it."

His eyes widened, and his entire body seemed to react to me shutting him down, "That bad, huh?"

I ignored him as I cleaned out the wound on his arm. I had no idea what this was from. It almost looked like something took a bite out of his flesh.

"And here I thought we were actually getting close," he mumbled.

I glanced over at him, the last of my patience going out the window, "Yea? Then how about you start. Wanna explain what the fuck happened to you?"

"I can't."

I couldn't help but chuckle a bit, "Of course not. We're clearly not that close, Geto."

He sighed but didn't say anything else, letting me focus on my work. It didn't take too much longer before I was finished tending to his wounds.

I sat back in my chair, packing up the rest of my supplies, trying not to meet his intense gaze, but it was becoming unavoidable.

"Do you live nearby?" I asked.

I had never been to his place, but it didn't seem weird considering he had never actually been inside my apartment until now. He would just walk me home and then leave.

He shook his head, "Not really."

I rolled my eyes, internally cursing myself for what I was about to do. Why the hell did I have to be so kind and caring? I should just throw his ass out on the street.

"You can stay here for the night if you want," I offered.

He narrowed his eyes at me, "Figured you'd kick me out as quick as possible. Tell me not to come back."

"I'm happy to do that if you'd prefer," I muttered as I stood up. "Otherwise, I'll grab you a clean towel so you can shower."

He caught my arm as I began to walk away, making me turn to face him again. His eyes were so much softer now as he sat there looking up at me.

"Thank you, Y/n. I really am so grateful for you."

I smiled softly as I shook my head, "It's no problem. I'll see if I can find any clothes that might fit you."

He didn't move and he didn't let go of his grasp. Instead he continued to stare at me, his hand sliding down my arm until he reached my hand and intertwined our fingers.

"You are so beautiful," he huffed out.

I couldn't deny that his compliment made my heart flutter, but it was also so frustrating. After everything, that's what he wanted to say to me? Really?

I smirked back at him, "What a boring way to describe me, Geto. I expected more."

He chuckled as he let go of my hand, rubbing his face as he laughed. He looked caught off guard by my comment, but he also looked pleasantly surprised.

I watched as he stood up, taking a step closer to me, so close that he could easily lean down to kiss me if he wanted to.

"You're absolutely right," he smiled as he carefully caressed my face. "You are so much more than that."

I closed my eyes as he tucked a small piece of hair behind my ear. His hands were rough and warm, and I loved the feeling.

My heart raced as I felt his lips on my forehead. They were so much softer and fuller than I expected, and I desperately wanted to feel them against my own.

"You're everything I've been waiting for," the gentle words vibrated against my skin, causing chills to race across me.

I gulped at the sensation, but as I felt my entire body ache for him, my trance broke completely. I wasn't ready for this... And the walls that were so close to be taken down shot back up.

I took a quick step back, far away from his alluring grasp, "Let me go get you a towel."