Paxton's POV

"Yeah bro. Hey you got anything on you? I got paid today." Ryan asks me. 

"What do you need?" I ask. 

"Man I need something stronger." Ryan says. 

He can't stand still. He's going through withdraws. 

"Like?" I ask impatiently. 

"Got any oxy?" 

"Yeah I'll cut you a deal. 3 for $30. Sound good?" 

I usually sell Oxy for $15 a pill. 

"Yeah man." He says while rubbing his nose and his eyes moving around everywhere, catching every movement. 

I roll my eyes and walk to my car. We're in what we call 'the shop.' It's the gang members garage and it's where we all meet up at. We meet up for different reasons, to get high, to sell, watch strippers, or to hunt. 

I get to my Ford Bronco and get the Oxy out of my glove compartment. 

I walk back into the shop and hand Ryan the baggie and he hands me the money. 

"Let me know if you need anything else." I tell him. 

I go sit with the group of people smoking a joint. It gets passed to me and I take a long hit. 

"Hey don't hog it." Logan says from beside me. 

I look at him and blow the smoke in his face and pass it to him. 

I know, my lifestyle isn't the best. Jordan would scold the shit out of me for some of the things I do, so I just keep this part a secret. 

She's just a goody goody. I love her though. 

I step out of the circle and decide to head out.

"See ya guys." I yell as I walk away. 

As I'm walking out someone stumbles on almost making me fall. I look up to see a drunk guy I haven't seen before. 

"Hey dickbag watch where you're going." I say and push him back almost making his weak legs fold beneath him. 

"The fuck? Don't mess with me dude." He fumbles for words.

"I did though. Your drunk ass won't do shit. Pussy." I say and walk off. 

As I walk off he grabs my shoulder and spins me around. He tries to throw a punch but I dodge it and punch him square in the nose, hearing a crack. He doubles over holding his nose and whining. 

"Hey!" The leader walks over to us. 

"You guys know the rules. We don't turn on each other." 

"Bro who the fuck even is he? He's not one of us." I scoff. 

"Yes he is Paxton. He's a new member." 

"Whatever." I say and leave. 

I get in my truck and drive off. I text Jordan and tell her I'm coming home. I told her I was going to the grocery store, which I did do. She's asleep anyways. She won't know the difference. 

That stupid fuck scuffed up my knuckles. I hope Jordan doesn't notice. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk into the kitchen after making Jordan a horny mess then leaving her. I know I'm evil. Its called humbling. 

"I love you stinky!" I yell as every pan in the cabinet falls in the floor. 

What the fuck. 

"I love you bastard." She mumbles from the other room. 

I can practically hear the eye roll. She's had an attitude since day one. I was a dick to her on day one though. 

I start thinking of all of our times together. 

She's running in circles in the middle of the field. God, this girl has a lot of energy. The sun is shining directly on her, making her shoulder length black hair glisten in the sun. Her blue eyes are shining so vibrantly. Happiness is practically radiating out of her. She is smiling so big I'm sure her cheeks hurt. 

"What are you laughing about?" I say from my sitting position on the ground. 

"I'm having fun! You should try it sometime!" She says while running away.

"Where are you going?" I yell. 

She ignores me and keeps on running. Her hair is bouncing on her back. 

I jump up and run after her. No way she can outrun me. 

"Come here you short fuck!" I yell at her while laughing. 

She looks over her shoulder and sees I'm catching up to her. 

She squeals and tries to run faster but her short legs are already at their max. 

I catch up to her and wrap my arms around her waist and take both of us to the ground; me being on the bottom so she doesn't get hurt. 

I keep my arms around her and she just lays on top of me, still in a fit of laughter. I like to listen to her laugh, it brings me peace. 

"Baby look!" She says excitingly as she jumps up. 

Here we go again, I just caught my breath. 

I stand up with her and see a beautiful lake ahead of us. 

The sun is shining right on top of the water, making the baby blue water sparkle. 

"Cmon!" I say, grabbing her hand. 

I lead her to the edge of the lake. I look around and spot a dock. She sees it about the same time I do and looks at me and smiles. 

The sun makes her skin look so much paler but I love it. I love every part of her. Her hair is the perfect color and length; it always stays so shiny. Her teeth aren't overwhelmingly white but they're not yellow either. I love her smile that she hates so much. And her voice that she says sounds like a little child. I love how she's not skinny but she's not fat either; she has just the right amount of fat on her. She gets so insecure about it all but I can't see any of it. I love every part of her. 

We get to the dock and stand on the edge. The water is so clear that you can see the bottom. Its clear with a blue tint. 

"It's so pretty" She says with her eyes sparkling. 

"Just like you." I say and smile at her. 

She looks at me and laughs. 

"That was so cheesy." She continues to laugh with her teeth showing. 

"God I love you." I say and instantly take it back. 

I've never said those words out loud before. Do I love her? No, absolutely not. I can't. 

She looks at me with a smile still on her face. Her cheeks are tinted red now. Her blue eyes are scanning my face to see if I really meant it or not. 

I don't love her. I can't love her. But I do. No I don't. Absolutely not! 

"You love me?" She says with her smile growing. 

I want to say no but I know its not the truth. As much as I didn't want to love again, it happened. I love her. So damn much. 

"Uh, yes." I say while rubbing the back of my neck and smiling awkwardly. 

Her smile grows even more making her dimples come out on her cheeks. 

She quickly jumps to me and hugs me very tightly. Shit she's strong. 

"I love you too." She says while bringing her face level with me. 

She lets out a breathy laugh, her hot breath hits my face. 

I smile at her as I look into her blue eyes. I can tell she's so happy just by her eyes. They're sparkling. I snake my arms around her waist and pull her closer. 

I put my hand on the back of her head and push her head closer to mine. I lean my forehead on hers. Then I kiss her. 

This is the best kiss I've ever experienced. 

I love Jordan Richardson. So much that it hurts. 

I just don't want it to happen again. I don't want my mind to take over and make me do that again. 

thoughts? comments?  what do you think of Paxton's secret life? 

vote and comment lovelies:)