Kashmir // Led Zeppelin

Grinder

Five days. In five days, I'm seeing that little time bomb again. I try to push away thoughts of her lips, her tongue, the way her body felt pressed up against mine.

So much for that.

I've never been so hot for someone so damn fast.

Ok that's bullshit. I was hot for Maria right away. She was a smoke show and didn't even know it. Although, knowing Maria the way I do now, I'm sure she knew exactly how smoking she was. But look how that intense, immediate attraction turned out. Screwed my life up good, that's how.

I hate thinking back on that time of my life. Too many wrong decisions. Too many wasted moments. Too many regrets. Here I am, alone, having made the choice when I was too young to understand the consequences. It seemed romantic, I guess, to wait for her. To pine away and give my heart to her kid. I wish I could have seen the true woman before my emotions took over.

Although I needed to be psychic for that to occur. Maria kept her crazy on lock down long enough that I was blindsided when it showed up. I don't think Duke ever truly noticed how off her rocker Maria is. If he hadn't been so caught up in being the Duke of the Reapers, he may have seen her true colors once his son was born. That's what finally did it for me. I watched the woman push her son aside, which is why I took over with him. She's a selfish woman. Always has been. Looked out for herself before she'd look out for anyone else. It wasn't until the night I tried to change things that I finally understood why.

I stand up from my couch and stretch. I rub the thoughts away as I run my hands through my hair, over my face. No use in dredging up the ugly past. Not now, when the little bombshell, Julia, is just a few days in my future.

I groan. She's not a hot hook up and I need to remember that. She may have acted like one the night we met, but that was the booze talkin'. I won't be getting away with much, I'm sure.

I pull the leather cut from the edge of the couch and shrug back into it. The thing has been a part of my identity for so long I feel naked without it. Wonder what Julia thinks of it? Did she notice that night, or the day she came back in for the follow up? Did it disturb her middle-class mindset? Obviously not if she's willing to have dinner with me on Friday.

Get a grip, Grind.

What a complete asshole I am, telling her to call me Rob. No one calls me Rob, haven't for decades. I forgot who Rob even was. The young idiot who jumped on a bike and followed his best friend into this lifestyle. That guy's been gone since I was nineteen. Everything I am is wrapped up in being Grinder, the silent second to Duke. The man who quietly leads now. I put a stop to all of the town to town bullshit. I got the Club to put down some roots and find a legitimate life. Duke and his old man were the ones on a mission to wreak havoc everywhere they went. I'm an under-the-radar kind of guy. I don't want illegal activities to threaten my future or my freedom. Being in one place all these years has been good for the brothers. No one yells, "Get the hell out," when we ride into town. Mostly they just invite us to a barbeque. I'm good with smoked meats.

Fuck. I need to get some damn work done. Invoices, supply orders, accounting. I'm the only guy to touch the books so I've got to get some numbers down, but hell if I've got the motivation. I stomp back into my office and plop down behind my desk. The ledger is right in front of me, already open to the dates I need to review. The numbers stare back at me. I cough and roll my head. Fine. Get to work, fucker.

My pencil is in my grip, yes, I do things the old-fashioned way, and I'm writing down the new calculations when my phone rings. Not my cell phone, the shop line. I answer it with a huff.

"Blue Bloods."

No "how may I help you" from me. I'm not that good with customer service. That's Butch's job.

"Brax needs to talk to the boys."

Ah, fuck. I thought I was done playing queen's messenger.

"Go ahead and tell him, yourself, Maria." I'm half a second away from hanging up on her when she shouts into the phone and directly into my ear.

"I'M NOT CALLING THAT PHONE! ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Ironic. No, I'm not the crazy one in this conversation. Although, the life I've led for the past twenty-five years is evidence to the contrary.

"Why the fuck did you have me take it to him, then?" I lean back in my chair and rub my eyes. This is pointless.

"So you can get a hold of him for me. I'm surprised I have to explain this to you, Grinder. It's a simple situation. If I call him, he has my number. And he can be traced back to me. I don't want to be found out."

"What about him? If he can be traced to you, you can be traced back to him. Ramon could use that information."

Silence. I can hear her deep breathing, blowing the air right into the mouthpiece of the phone. I wonder if she actually found a working phone booth because honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if that's where she's calling from.

"Is that a question? That's exactly what I'm saying. No tracing."

"You admit Ramon would use it to get to Brax?" My jaw drops that she would address the situation so casually.

"Again, is that a question? Are you really asking me?" The annoyance in Maria's voice is as obvious as an eyeroll.

I'm not getting anywhere with her. "Well, get to the goddamn point." I'm getting a headache.

"Tell Brax he needs to talk to the boys. Work this out with them so they turn their focus to the Kings. It's the only way, Grinder. He has to make his role known. No more hiding. They won't let him just slink away."

"You're talking about him like he's the criminal, Maria. Not the other way around. I don't know the details, but I don't need them to know Brax hasn't crossed anyone and isn't dealing." I don't know the real story, but that's beside the point. Brax isn't a crime boss or a gangster. He's above this lifestyle and that's been his problem. The world he lives in doesn't take kindly to those who refuse to participate. He's a target because of it.

"What he's done or not done isn't relevant. The only way for things to change is for him to go to the boys and plead his case. His uncles will listen. Lalo will back him up. He always has. Ramon and Jez will listen because they always do." Her voice has taken on an impatient tone.

I realize his family is nuts. But they do respect loyalty. It's why they took Maria back after she took off with us. That could have been seen as a betrayal, but Maria spun it to look like she'd pulled the Reapers out of their turf and kept them away.

Fuck. How the hell did I get caught up in this shit show?

"Fine. I'll give him a call."

"Good."

The line goes dead. I should have known. Maria isn't one for greetings or farewells. She shows up unannounced and leaves just as abruptly. Her way of moving through the world, I guess.

I close the ledger and walk away from my desk. I need a new perspective. I call out to Butch that I'll be next door and head out the back. I bought the entire business complex a few years ago, once Duke died. He'd owned the mechanic business next to mine but never did much with it, being on the road too long. It was really just a front for Club business. Now it's mine and it hasn't done much more than when he owned it.

But I have some treasures there.

I enter the main bay and glance around at the disorganization. Duke was crazy in his methods of storage. He said he knew were everything was but damn if anyone else could find a thing in here. The only pile that had my name on it sat in the corner covered in a tarp. It's been there for a while, longer than I care to admit. But some day, maybe a day sooner than I know, it will be put to good use. I've kept it for Brax, hoping against my sanity that he'd come back here, and I'd be able to give it to him.

Maybe, that time is approaching.

I make a resolution to not let myself dream. The same resolution I've made for as long as I've known him. Then I return to the shop to make the call.

I use the shop phone to dial Brax's burner number, just in case he recognizes it. He might be more likely to answer. Or to throw the phone in the trash once he sees who's calling.

It's a toss-up.

The phone rings several times before going to voice mail, which hasn't been set up. It's the automated voice telling me the person I am calling is not available. I doubt he'd check a message if I left one and leaving one could cause problems later. I hang up and try again. And again. Then I slam the phone on the receiver and grunt.

"Problem, Grind?" Butch calls from the front desk.

I don't want to give him a reason to gossip, but if Brax calls back I want to know.

"Trying to get a hold of Brax. He didn't answer. But if he calls back, tell me."

"Little Brax? Hoo boy, I haven't heard that name in a long damn time. My boy, Jackson, used to play trucks with him in the mud. Hmmm."

I catch the nostalgia from Butch's comments, remembering when the boys were all little and I used to watch them play together at Club get togethers. Jackson's been gone longer than Brax, when his mama up and left Butch and dragged their son along with her. Some old ladies can't take the lifestyle. Too bad she didn't stick around a few years. She would have had more stability.

I get back to the ledger I'd left behind when the phone rings. I choose to let Butch answer. Don't think I can take the disappointment I'll feel when the caller isn't Brax.

Seconds go by once the phone is again silent, Butch having answered it on the second ring.

"Grind, it's the boy!"

My heart starts to race. Why the hell am I nervous, a grown ass man. But I am.

I pick up the receiver and school my emotions.

"Glad you screwed your head on right and called me back, son." I lean back in the chair, mad at myself for sounding so aloof.

"Not your son, Grinder. What the hell do you want?"

"Ah, so we're back to the tough-guy routine. You must be recovering well. 'cause you didn't have that tone in your voice when I last saw you laid up." I'm relieved he's got such attitude with me and what that means for his physical health. I've been worried about his recovery but avoiding those thoughts, my usual M.O.

"Just get to the point, Grind. I don't have all day to shoot the shit with you."

No, I don't suppose he does. I chuckle to cover the strain in my throat. "You're just like your old man. Never could appreciate my personality." It's the truth, but I'm trying to lighten things up a little before I can't talk at all. This might kill me, having to talk to Brax like this. I sigh. Too much tension.

"Your ma got a message to me to get to you. Again. That woman needs to invest in a carrier pigeon if she needs a messenger so freaking bad." Again, this is the truth. Although Maria would be too paranoid that someone put a microchip in the pigeon. Would never work. "Maria thinks you should try talking to your uncles.

There's a beat of silence before he speaks. "That it?"

"I agree with her, Brax." Essentially, this is true. I think it's his only way out, at this point. "There's one thing I know about her and her family. They take care of their own."

"Ha!"

"Brax, listen to me. If you want to live your life your way, you've got to get your uncles off your back. The only way to do that is to appeal to their blood. Your blood, son."

I hear his scoff, not interested or believing in my words.

"How do you think your ma was able to go crawling back to them after she ditched them for your old man? She convinced them she was loyal to her blood relatives. She walked away from her title with the Reapers. She left us and never looked back."

It was the ripping of the band aid that I'd needed. She took off and I stayed here. My fantasy life had ended years before, but her leaving was the shock of truth that I'd finally needed to let her go.

"Thanks for the advice. I'll take it into consideration."

With that, Brax hangs up. So much like his ma in that way. Fuck. I hope he does think about it. And I hope he reaches out to me before things are all said and done. It's why I programed my cell number into his phone. I'm sure he's noticed by now the only contact his phone has is Baddest Bitch in Town. Who else would that be but me?

Grinder is gearing up for Julia. If you thinks she's the one who's going to be a nervous wreck...well, I'll leave that one alone for now 😏. Also, you got to know a little more about Butch. Let's just say I have an amazing story idea for his son, Jackson, so I'm playing around with it right now. Let me know if you'd like an estranged son, childhood friends to lovers romance with a side of MC and a little danger!

AND INEVITABLE HAD BEEN CHOSEN AS A WATTPAD EDITOR'S PICK FOR JULY!?!?

I can't believe where this story has taken me on my writing journey. I'm so excited you all have been with me for it 💛 Check out the new cover by Christine's Cover Creations, and the new revised chapters with thanks to my editor,
Bryony Leigh!

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Come find me!! I'm fun elsewhere, too! 💕