Can't Fight This Feeling // REO Speedwagon

Julia

It's been a long week. And it's only Wednesday. But when a girl has her first date in decades looming over her head, time crawls by. Slowly. Agonizingly slow.

"This is torture," I say. The J sisters and I are having our monthly dinner date. We get together at one another's houses, let our kids play, and enjoy some girl talk. Tonight, the girl talk hasn't held my attention and the words I just blurted are my confession.

"My cooking or hanging out with us? Jeez, Julia, tell us how you really feel." Jackie smirks at me. I can tell by the twinkle in her eyes she knows I wasn't referring to either of those options.

"I don't know if I can go through with Friday night." I lean over and cover my face with my hands. I have gone back and forth over this so many times I don't know what to do. Every time I think I'm okay spending time alone with him, I second guess that decision and think of all the ways it can go wrong. Thankfully, the kids are all out in the backyard playing basketball with Jackie's husband. I don't want Lola or Eric to overhear me talking about my date.

"Hon, we've been over this. You two have major chemistry. It would be criminal to let that go without at least one date."

"Criminal, ha!" Something tells me Grinder, err Rob, has intimate knowledge of that term. So does Ms. Jackie the lawyer. True she doesn't work in criminal law, but that's beside the point.

"Yes, the lawyer made a law joke." Jackie rolls her eyes and looks to the other sisters at the table. "Back me up, ladies."

Jordan puts her hand on my shoulder. "We're going around in circles about this. You're nervous, which is to be expected. However," Jordan looks at the other two, "if she really doesn't want to spend time with the guy, we shouldn't shame her into it."

Jess is silent but looks over at me with sympathy. Jackie scoffs. "No one is shaming her. Come on, we were all there. We saw that kiss. We saw how he reacted. He didn't get all sleazy and dirty, acting like she was an easy lay. He respected her. He kept things above board. Then he CALLED you, told you his real name and ASKED YOU ON A DATE." She crosses her arms and sits back. I half expect her to stand and face me for cross examining. Her lawyer side is definitely on display.

"That is true," Jordan says.

"Hmmm." Jess nods.

"So, if you don't want to do this because YOU aren't ready, that's one thing. But don't back out because you are second guessing your man. He's put himself out there for you in every respectable way he can. He's agreed to your terms. He's been patient and not demanding at all. Let that sink in before you back out and break the guys heart."

I laugh. "Break his heart? That's a little dramatic, even for you."

Jordan leans in close, whispering in my ear. "He told you his legal name. I think that speaks for itself."

My jaw drops. "And what in the world does that say, exactly?"

"Um, that he trusts you? That he wants to be genuine with you and not put on an act? That he's willing to embarrass himself to make you more comfortable with him because he can tell you aren't used to his hard edges?"

"All of that from telling me his real name?" I look around the table to each of my girls. They all nod in agreement. "Wow."

"Yeah. Wow." Jackie says, case closed.

We don't have a chance to say more because the kids start streaming in the house for dessert. Basketball game over, Jackie's husband joins the din in the kitchen and pulls out two gallons of ice cream and toppings. The other sisters start clearing the table while I take in the scene. I have an amazing support system here. These women would drop everything to come help me just as I would for them. They wouldn't steer me in the wrong direction or give me bad advice. I need to remember that.

My eyes follow Jackie as she wraps her arm around her husband's waist. He leans down, being almost a foot taller than her, and kisses the top of her head. It's so sweet and loving I feel a lump form in my throat. I haven't had that kind of relationship since...well, I don't think Dean was ever that sweet with me. I find myself wondering if Rob has a sweet side. If he would kiss the top of my head while doing dishes in the kitchen. The very image of such a basic fantasy is heady, much more so than any dirty thoughts I might have lingering from kissing the man. It's the little things, the day to day displays of true affection that I miss. That I never truly had. And I want to have it so bad it hurts.

Decision made I rise to help with the cleanup. I'm giving Rob a chance to show me who he really is and what the two of us can be together.

***

The second half of the week flies by in complete opposition to the first half. Suddenly it's Friday afternoon and I'm prepping the kids to go to Dean's for the weekend. Lola is in a snit, which is now her normal disposition, and Eric can't seem to find anything he needs.

"Guys, Dad will be here in ten minutes. Let's get moving!" I'm folding laundry in hopes of finding Eric's baseball socks. He has a game in the morning and Dean doesn't keep any of Eric's uniform over at his house. I suggested that he purchase a second set just for situations like this, but he refused to spend the money.

"Found them!" Eric calls from his room.

"Stop screaming, gawd!" Lola yells from hers.

I rub my temples and abandon the laundry for the time being now that Eric found his socks. I need to double check that he has everything else because I don't want any reason for Dean to linger at my door. We still haven't set up a neutral drop off point so I'm anxious about this exchange. Dean seems to find any excuse to give me a lecture and I don't have the composure to deal with him today. All of my energy is focused on tonight. I have so much to do to get ready before Rob comes over.

Once Eric is packed and Lola has emerged from her cave, surly attitude firmly intact, I take a deep breath. The doorbell rings followed by a harsh knock and I tense once again. Dean is here. I shuffle the kids over to the door and let them answer it. He's here for them, anyway.

"Ah, ready on time for once," he says as the kids stream past him to his car. A ridiculous sports car with hardly any room for his family. I'm sure he's using it to impress some coworkers, and maybe some women he's interested in.

Not my problem anymore.

"Have a great weekend, kids!" I wave at the door, my gaze focused on my children and ignoring my ex.

"Listen, Julia-"

"Nope. I don't have time today, Dean. I'm busy right now. Have a good time with the kids. We really need to determine a neutral spot before your next weekend."

Dean shakes his head. "Fine. If you don't want to discuss the kids needs..." He puts his hands up in peaceful surrender. As if. The man doesn't have a peaceful bone in his body. This is all his passive aggressive mode of operation.

I hold in the glare and refrain from taking the bait because I just don't have time for his toxic tendencies. "Sounds good. See you!"

I close the door in his face, once again resisting the desire to slam it, and lock the bolt. There. Done. I literally brush my hands of his presence and set to cleaning up the house, starting the dish I have planned and then getting myself ready. Jess already stopped by last night to help me plan my outfit so at least I won't be staring at my closet for an hour trying to decide on a look.

I pick up the clutter my kids have strewn around the house, depositing it in their rooms, then get to work dusting, vacuuming and scrubbing all of the surfaces. I gather the dinner ingredients and prepare the chicken, whacking each breast with the tenderizer and picturing Dean's face as I do it. I brown the breasts in olive oil, adding seasonings and white wine, then set the wild rice to cook. Veggies will steam just before serving and I have a beautiful spinach and strawberry salad chilling.

With a sparkling house and dinner simmering, I make haste to my room to freshen myself. I shower and shave, lotion up with a sweet scent of peaches then start on my hair. Soft waves surround my face when I'm done with the curling wand and start dressing. Jess insisted I wear a sexy bra and panties set under my clothes. I tried to tell her it was pointless because there was no way I would show the man my underwear on the first date. She was undeterred, however, telling me if I feel sexy all the way to my skin, it will reflect in my outlook, my confidence.

I laugh a little as I put them on, feeling silly to try getting confidence from my underwear. But she is right because I do feel sexy, which leads to a sense of empowerment.

"Fine, Jess. You win." I speak the words out loud as I step into the little black dress we decided on. It's very simple, with no embellishments, so I don't look overdressed even with the low-heeled sling backs and a delicate silver chain. I smooth the dress over my waist, my fingers brushing against the inked words on my hip hidden by the fabric. It's strange how the simple sensation of touch can illicit such strong memories.

I remember the feeling of Rob's lips against mine, his tongue teasing mine. The feelings are visceral. As much as I want to get lost in the memories, I know he will be here any minute. I resume my preparations, applying simple make-up and lip gloss. My heart is starting to race in anticipation. I shuffle into the kitchen, keeping my hands and mind busy with final touches on the dinner.

The doorbell rings and I freeze in place. My hand rests on my chest, trying in vain to calm my pulse and settle my breathing. There is just no use. As I stumble to the door, more nervous than I ever remember being, there's a gentle knock. It almost stops me in my tracks because there's something endearing about its concern. If a knock can demonstrate a person's disposition, I think Rob's just did. My heartrate settles, my breathing relaxes, and I'm ready.

I swing open the door, smiling at the six foot plus man standing opposite me and realize I was wrong. I'm nowhere near ready for what Rob is about to do to my heart.

I just made it! I'm on a road trip with the family and right now the internet and data is really unreliable. I wasn't sure I'd get this update posted on #WickedWednesday. It almost became a #ThirstyThursday 💀🥵🥵

Next update will feature Grinder's POV as he knocks on the door...omg I can't wait!! ❤️ Thank you for reading!! And if you have the itch for an angsty, darkish new adult bully romance, check out Broken Lullaby coming to Kindle Unlimited at the end of August. Our beta readers are all over tik tok talking about their book hangovers with this one so...❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹

Music is always required. Here is this weeks offering— sorry about the cringy video 😬

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