The amount of guilt cannot be imagined when guilt should be felt but the feeling of guilt left you in gulit for not feeling gulit.

I wanna scream my lung out but I only can feel my eyes prickling to pool out and again I feel it dry.

My mind is such a bitch who does not  want to shift the thought on something elese.

It's repeating again and again.  I can't
......I slumped on the carpet and rested back my head at the ledge of the bed hoping it would help me.

After many long ,  I found myself with some of my old paper works.  I was doing things with my old revisions. My entrance is coming. I found no way rather than distracting myself from him to my studies.

But If it could only help. I am sitting with it only , and only did fewer problem get solved.

That's when i heard my door being knocked and I saw him standing , his face has nothing. That's mean he is not affected but me, i wish i could go vanish.

He sat on the bed side and i was before my study table.

We hadn't talked before this time  .  I don't know how we managed to strive this  hours hazardlessly till now.

He said nothing just was watching me . I tried to pen out some more and I did  .

Lastly ,  when I had this one,  no matter how much I try I am failing in solving it.    Irritating!

I get that it was enough for today. My brain already gave up.

And moreover it was already preoccupied by him.

So I gave up my all existing dignity and bring up the topic.

Now again I am staring at  him but can't manage to spill a single spit.

He assumigly raised his brows and I started.

"I...err....I mean , "

"What is it?"

"Actually , I should have ..... I don't how to start it_"

"If you don't know the way to start then you ought not to talk about this to begin with."

I glared at him, "But ,  I have to ."

Not again I am going to cry infront of him , " Listen , Jeonggook,  I know it was my fault at the first place and again it's my fault to be affected with it this much."

I shifted in  my place.

"I  can't take it out. It all happened in the heat of the moment  ,; but it's so awkward."

I fidget with my nails and seeing something interesting on my lap.

"But you  know?what is more weird and painful that I know I should feel guilty but I am not feeling it."

In my lap I saw a tear drop on my back of the hand. Oh loard why I am showing my weakness to him now.

A satisfaction was spreading through his body which was showed by the calmness on his face. Which left unnoticed by me.

There is no one on this earth for me except him, there is no use of layering myself to him .

There is still a hope in me my parents died seeing my prideful self. They did not have to see me like this.

My entire self got  changed. I lost the me already I found a self of my who is as filthy as hellenic witches but still I coped with that but here again I am ruining everything between us.

"I was changed , my puberty hit me that worse that I additionally get affected because of my loneliness. But things turned upside down when I placed my ownself at imagining and the Male was all unknown. "

"It was not all yet   ,  the light fall in the Male character's face and it was......it...."

" Who was it?" With  eyes of hyena he asked.

"It was You"

See you in the next chapter ...♡