The body hung there. Lifeless, and in a sense, formless. His handsome face, the face that brought a smile to Nerezz's lips. The handsome face that jumpstarted Nerezz's heart when their lips met. The shining handsome face had turned blue. It was the colour of blueberries – that violent blue bordering on purple. The whites of his eyes had clotted red. Those beautiful brown eyes...

Nerezz didn't know what to do. So, he stared. He tried to make sense of the scene – his boyfriend's body swaying gently above a knocked over chair. The rope made the slightest straining noise – but in the quiet apartment the noise sounded so deafening.

"H-Huxley?" Nerezz spoke to the corpse. However, in his soul, he knew he would never in his life receive an answer.

Huxley had... left.

"Huxley!" Nerezz shouted in panic as the situation registered in his mind. Nerezz rushed over to the hanging corpse. He tried to lift Huxley off the noose – but it was bound too tight around his beloved's neck.

Nerezz frantically called 911, his eyes spotted an envelope beneath the chair.

"Nerezz?" A distant, distressed voice called.

There was a tremor and Nerezz's eyes snapped open.

Nerezz was panting and gasping in air. His lungs seemed to refuse to expand – it felt as if the noose had now wrapped around his abdomen. He placed a hand to his forehead to soothe himself and the skin was drenched in sweat.

Nerezz begged the question: how many times will he have to dream and endure this torture? He was unaware of a sheepish Axel staring at him.

"You, uh, were crying... Are you hurt?" Axel asked awkwardly.

Nerezz finally looked at the tall blonde. His hair was almost completely dry yet still tousled in several directions. He was wearing what appeared to be red pyjama pants which contrasted his blue eyes. Nerezz must have slept the whole day.

Axel must have taken another shower as his abs were still slightly glistening from the water.

Nerezz touched his cheeks and they were, indeed, wet. He had cried in his sleep, although he knew that wasn't uncommon. Most nights he cried in his sleep. All from that dream; that memory.

"No. No, I'm okay. I'm not hurt", Nerezz mumbled, sitting up on the couch.

Axel plonked himself next to Nerezz, "It was a nightmare wasn't it?" He asked casually, there was no curiosity or subtle analysis.

"It was a...memory", Nerezz clenched his fists on his lap in agony at the memory.

Axel saw this motion, and it spoke volumes. Seeing how vulnerable Nerezz is. Seeing how desperately the dark haired boy tried to hold on – but the string he was clutching was too thin.

And the anger finally escaped its cage.

"Everyone has bad memories and experiences. Yours aren't special – just get over it", Axel snapped.

He immediately regretted what he had said.

Nerezz's face went blank. God had taken an eraser and wiped the dark haired boy's face clean of all expression, of all emotion.

"Nere-", Axel attempted to quickly apologise.

"Thank you for your hospitality. I'll be on my way now. Have a lovely evening." Mechanically Nerezz stood up and walked to the front door.

"It's almost 10 p.m! You can't walk that far at this hour!" Axel urged, following closely behind the shorter Nerezz.

"I'll make it. Thank you again", Nerezz reached for the doorknob as Axel reached for one of Nerezz's wrists.

Nerezz violently slapped Axel's hand away, "No, Axel. I want to go home. Don't touch me. Bye"

Axel stood stunned as Nerezz walked out and closed the door. Of course the blonde was worried for Nerezz's safety but some words struck through him, coursing through his veins like acid.

"Don't touch me."

It was something one says in anger... But Nerezz showed no signs of anger when he said it. He was robotic. He was decisive.

Axel banged his head against his closed door. Why would he open his mouth to say something so cruel and so careless? Why didn't he know how to handle emotions? The intent was to be mad at Nerezz's agony and pain, but it came across as mocking that pain.

Axel lifted his head from the doorframe.

"Why do I care about whether Nerezz is hurt or not? Why do I even care about him? It's better to just leave him alone – he's a risk by his own. I can't stop that. I know I can't stop that. It would be better to just forget it." Axel spoke confidently to himself.

He pulled out his phone and texted a random number:

"My place. Now... ;) ~ A"

Sex fixes everything, Axel reminded himself.

*****

It was cold. It was dark. And, Nerezz was aware that he was crying.

But he would power on. He had the will to, despite his leaking eyes. He would get home and maybe... maybe tonight he can leave in peace. Be gone; erased.

Axel was right, of course, and that's what made the pain all the more unbearable. Nerezz knew, in his very bones, that he clung to the past as a security blanket.

He clung to the memory of Huxley.

He clung to the happiness and the love that came with Huxley.

Like Axel had said, "Get over it."

Get over the love of his life, get over the dozens of kisses, get over their first date... get over finding his body. That terrible blue colour haunted his mind. The dead blue of Huxley's once shining face.

Nerezz eventually walked up the stairs to his apartment and went inside, not bothering to lock it.

His vision had almost completely blurred. His tears just wouldn't stop. Axel was so angry. Huxley is never coming back. What's the point anymore?

"I love you", Huxley whispered shyly into Nerezz's ear.

"NO YOU DON'T! OR ELSE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME HERE!" Nerezz fell to the floor, weeping and screaming at the memory.

He wept and sobbed, clutching onto whatever he could find just to add pressure, to reel him back to reality. He had grabbed his phone and clutched it with all his might.

One missed call from Axel.

Axel. What was so special about him? He'll leave too. He doesn't care...

"I don't think anyone cares", Nerezz whispered behind leaking eyes.

He blocked Axel's number on everything. He did it not out of spite, but for protection. Axel and Huxley were cut from the same cloth.

And, Nerezz wouldn't survive a second Huxley.

He barely survived the first.