Tom's POV

Vivien woke up with me when I got ready for work. She was a little sluggish, but the smile on her face never left. She packed me a little sack lunch and gave me a kiss goodbye. What I did to deserve her, I'll never know.

When I gave her a kiss, I grinned at her and said, "stay here. Don't move. Wait for me. I'll be home before you know it, and we can start packing."

She smiled at me tenderly and said, "I can't wait."

We kissed once more, and I was out the door. I had already given Fuller my days off. Two weeks in Vienna with Vivien. I could not wait another minute.

In my pocket was a nice ring that I picked up for her. I have been waiting to give it to her in Vienna, just to make the trip extra special. She deserves so much, and I wanted to give her a ring to show her that I truly meant it when I said 'I do'.

I can't explain it, but when I was filling out a report I thought I felt my heart physically stop. My fingers began to tingle and sweat perspired around my hairline. My stomach began to twist, and I lost all my energy. At first I thought I was hit with the flu, but as quickly as it came, it left. I felt better and I went back to work but I just couldn't shake that weird feeling that I got.

I completed a case yesterday, so today I was just finishing my report on it. I was typing away merrily on my typewriter when Fuller's office door opened. I didn't pay him any attention until he called out my name.

"What's up, coach?" I asked after I finished my typed out sentence.

"Line one. Sounds urgent."

My eyebrows dropped, trying to think of what could be so important. I tapped the last period in my sentence before I leaned over my desk to grab my phone. I brought the receiver up to my ear and greeted cheerfully, "it's Hanson."

"Is this Thomas Hanson?" It was a woman's voice. I didn't recognize her and she certainly wasn't Vivien.

"Yes, ma'am. What can I do for you?" I asked while taking my finished report out of the typewriter with one hand and placing it in a folder.

"This is Nurse Montana from Metropolis Hospital. I have your wife, Vivien, here—"

"Woah," I stopped her. "Viv? Why?"

"We think you should come down right away. I suggest you have someone drive you."

"Oh, oh my god," I said, sitting up straighter and gripping the receiver in my hand tighter. "Is she okay? What happened?"

The nurse was silent for a moment before she finished with, "I suggest you come down as soon as you can."

I didn't waste another moment. I slammed the phone down and stood up so fast my chair pushed away and nearly fell over. I ran around to grab my coat that I had placed behind the chair and Doug's voice grounded me. "Hey, woah, what's the rush?"

"Vivien is at the hospital," I said as I put my coat on. "They want me to come down right away."

I began frantically smacking my pockets to find my keys. "Where are my keys? Has anyone seen my keys?"

"Easy," Doug said calmly as he stood up. He ran his fingers through his giant hair and said, "I'll drive you."

Viv has been to the chapel a couple of times since Fuller became our captain, so she got an earful the first time he met her. Thankfully, he warmed up to her and said that she could come by if she absolutely needed to but she had to come in through the back door, like the rest of us officers.

I ran into Fuller's office and told him about the situation. A wave of concern rushed across his face, and he told us to drive safe. Doug and I booked it down the stairs, and jumped into his car. As he was driving us to the hospital, I kept urging him to go faster and he thankfully ignored me. I guess it's a good thing that I didn't drive.

I barely gave Doug a chance to park. I was already jumping out of the car and I ran into the emergency room. I went straight to the sterile white nurses station and said, "I received a call that my wife was brought in."

"What's her name?" She asked while clicking her computer mouse.

"Vivien Hanson."

"Thomas Hanson?" I heard.

I turned my head toward a nearby hallway where a man in a white coat was walking my way. As soon as he said my name, I knew that he had the exact information that I needed. I marched up to him and said, "that's me. Where is she? Where's my wife?"

I felt so powerful and I sounded like such an adult. Where's my wife? That's my wife! Get away from my wife! Stay away from my wife! I didn't kill my wife!

The doctor looked and sounded melancholy. It made me feel sick to my stomach. "Let's talk in the other room."

He gestured toward a nearby empty room. He walked in after me and he shut the door. I put my hands in my pockets and turned to face him. I was sick and tired of no one telling me anything. I only wanted to see her.

The doctor turned to me and it seemed difficult for him to look me in the eye. He took a deep breath, and I was holding mine anxiously. He finally said, "your wife came in this afternoon unresponsive. We did everything we could, but she died. I'm terribly sorry."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like life punched my gut and knocked the wind out of me. I felt empty. In the blink of an eye, I lost everything.

I chuckled in disbelief, "no—no, she can't be. I just saw her this morning and she was fine. She was perfectly fine. It must not be her."

The doctor cleared his throat and said, "I am so sorry for your loss."

My smile immediately faded. I was stunned. I felt nauseous. I didn't know what to say. This wasn't something I expected to happen so soon. It didn't feel like she was gone. It felt like a nasty prank. I had always hoped that I would be by her side, holding her hand, so she didn't have to be alone.

I put my face in my hands for a moment, processing this information. I sniffed and looked up at the doctor. My eyes were burning and my cheeks were hot. "But... I saw her this morning... and she was fine."

"These things can be very unpredictable."

Why us? Why her? Why did this have to happen? I was trembling with rage and I just wanted to hit something, but I controlled myself because it wasn't the doctors fault. I cannot project my anger at the world onto him.

"Can I see her?" I asked, and my throat instantly got tight.

"Of course, follow me."

The doctor opened the door for me and my feet felt like lead. We shuffled down the hallway and into a room that had her name written beside the door. He slowly opened the door and I saw a couple of nurses around her. They looked to us and left, and the doctor closed the door behind them.

Vivien was laying on the bed, face up. Her body was covered by the blankets and sheets of the hospital bed, but her pale face was free. She looked like she was sleeping. Finally at peace, and free from pain. But, I couldn't feel her in the room with me. I knew she was already gone.

I looked at the machine that was connected to her that was beeping rhythmically. This gave me some hope that if her heart was still beating, she could wake up again. I asked, "what's that?"

"That machine is supporting blood circulation because her body cannot do it for her. She is also connected to a ventilator, which is breathing for her," he answered with a very calming, soft spoken voice. It was easy to tell that he could see that I was barely hanging on.

"What happens when you turn the machine off?" I asked, followed by a forced gulp.

"We will turn off the alarms to the machine and remove the tube. Then, we usually give the patient some pain medicine, and loved ones can say goodbye," he explained.

"Who decides if we should turn the machines off?" I asked.

"Her next of kin. In this case—"

"It would be me." I swallowed the lump in my throat as my red eyes blicked and my vision was blurry with tears. "Her husband."

"Yes, sir, that's right."

I sighed and asked, "in your professional opinion... what do you suggest?"

He said, "her body has been fighting for so long, it's not strong enough to support itself anymore. I don't believe she will survive long after we turn off the machine."

"What are the chances that she will wake up again?"

The doctor was silent for a moment before he said, "very, very low. Son, I know this is the most difficult and emotional situation. Take as much time as you need."

"You know what—no—" I stopped him before he could leave. She wouldn't want this. I think she would haunt me if I kept her like this and didn't let her go. If I could still feel her there, it would be different. I let out a shaky breath and somehow managed to say, "she wouldn't want to be stuck like this."

He nodded and said, "all right. I just need a verbal confirmation."

I looked at her lovingly and said gently, "turn off the machine."

"I'm going to have to ask you to step out as we turn the machines off."

I didn't ask any questions. He let me stand in the hallway while he and a few nurses walked into the room and shut the door. I was asked to sign some paperwork which distracted me from looking through the window into the room. When they were done, they finally opened the door and let me in. All the tape and tubes were gone, leaving her shell. One of the nurses inserted a needle into her arm, which I assumed was painkiller to help ease the transition.

The machines were turned off, so I couldn't even see if her heart was beating anymore. I couldn't see if her chest was moving up and down. The doctors and the nurses left me in the room alone. By that time, my face felt puffy and swollen and my eyes hurt from holding back tears. However, that didn't stop them from falling. I wasn't ready for the angels to call her so soon. I guess I always thought that I would see her again.

I pulled up a chair to sit beside her, and I held her hand in my hand. I prayed that any higher power who would listen to wake her up and she would miraculously get better. I would do anything for her to wake up again.

Please wake up.

I clung to this irrational hope for longer than I care to admit. I leaned forward and put my other hand in her hair as I kissed her face and I whispered in her ear, "come on, baby, we are gonna fly away from here together. We will just disappear, and we can fly to the moon. We will go. Just you and me."

My head hung down as I gasped out to avoid hyperventilating. I bit my lips together to get them to stop quivering and I sniffed as I lifted my head up again. I smiled gently, and my lifted cheeks made the tears spill out of my eyes. I pet her hair back, the way she always liked. "It's okay, you can go. I'm right here. Whenever you're ready. I'll be okay. It's okay for you to let go. I love you to the moon and back, and I will spend the rest of my life loving you."

Viv will be with me the only way that she can be, until she is in my arms again.

I closed my eyes, and suddenly I felt a little squeeze of my hand. In the smallest voice, I thought I heard, "Tom?"

I lifted my head up to see her looking back at me. I let out a little relieved laugh and my face scrunched as I sniffed. She gave me a weak smile, and I pressed the back of her hand to my lips.

"I need you to stop doing that," I chuckled through my tears.

All she did was grin at me, like she always does. A little ray of sunshine in the dark and dreary hospital room. The universe wasn't ready to let her go yet.

Suddenly, the door knob turned and my eyes shot open. I looked back at the doctor entering the room, and turned my head back toward Viv to let him know that a miracle occurred, and she was awake! She was going to live. It only took a moment for my heart to drop to my stomach. I realized that her waking up was all in my head.

I could have sworn I heard her voice say my name. I know I felt her squeeze my hand. I didn't imagine those things. Maybe that was her just saying goodbye one last time.

The doctor walked up to the bed and stood beside her. He took out his stethoscope and placed the round part on her still chest. His face was soft, but then he stood up straight and he confirmed that she no longer had a heartbeat. He told me to take as much time as I needed, and he left again.

I brought her hand up to my shaking lips and pressed her limp hand against my lips, smearing my tears against her pale skin. Then I pressed her hand to my forehead and let my head hang defeatedly.

I sniffed and my voice broke as I asked her, "how is my heart supposed to beat without you?"

I can still remember the moment I first looked into her eyes. I saw her and I growing older together. I love her more than waves upon the sea, more than time, and more than love itself. I love her more than ever.

They had some more paperwork for me to complete at the nurses station, which I disassociated for. I didn't know Doug was standing there until he put his hand on my shoulder and guided me out to the parking lot. The sun was setting, and the stars were beginning to come out.

Doug didn't know what to say, but he knew. I knew that he knew, and my throat was so tight, I wouldn't be able to let out a squeak. But right before we got to the car, Doug said quietly, "hey, man... Tommy..."

I turned to face him, and his face said it all. He opens his arms up to me, and I took his offering of a hug. I thought I could stay strong, but I scrunched my face as the tears began to cascade down my cheeks. I buried my face in his shoulder, and I felt my throat closing up. My body trembled to get some air into my lungs, forcing me to make a gasping noise. The one person I needed the most was dead.

Doug hugged me tight, and let me be sad. His hand patted my back, comforting me in the only way he knew how. I had never broken down in front of him, or anyone, like this before. I never wanted to.

She had her first sunrise twenty-three years ago, and the sun set for her tonight.

Everything was moving slowly around me, without me. It was so surreal, like I was in a nightmare just begging to be waken up from. There was an ache in my heart, and a terrible knot in my stomach. I was nauseous. My entire world was turned inside out. I felt like I was watching a landslide tumble down around me, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Vivien was the reason I was losing sleep. She was the reason I was still breathing, and now all I felt was hopelessness. I would have climbed mountains, and swam through every ocean just to be with her. If I could turn back the clock, I would have found her sooner so I could love her longer. I needed her to come back. I need her to hold me tonight, and tell me it was all just a nightmare.

If I could relive yesterday, or even this morning, I would have said goodbye. I would have kissed her a million times, just to see her smile one last time.

If love could have saved her, she would have outlived me.

It's raining. Why is it still raining?

I did everything I was supposed to.

It's not fair.

—A FEW WEEKS LATER—

All colors had faded to gray, and my whole world had crumbled down around me. Every morning was the same, but this was the day I had been dreading. It was a terrible feeling to wake up, knowing that I was going to be saying goodbye to my best friend for the last time.

I tried to pick myself up and go to work shortly after, and try to distract myself with work as if nothing happened. Fuller sent me home a few times because he didn't think I was focused enough to be at work. But when I was home, all I saw was the ghost of her. It felt like everything good was missing since she left.

I went to her funeral, and my team came to support me. They really liked her. Whenever she'd leave, they'd tell me how kind, funny, and beautiful she is. Despite this, no one really knows what to say to me, which was fine. I didn't want to talk anyways.

I invited her parents. She had their number in her address book, so I called them. Listening to her mother's wail on the phone was haunting, and her father's choked up voice asking where the funeral will be. But when I saw them, I didn't have the heart to talk to them. Viv told me that she told them about me, but I don't think they know what I look like.

Because of her parents, I was able to see all the friends and loved ones that Viv left behind. All those people flew or drove across the country to be here to say goodbye, and I could feel how much love was in the room and how many people she touched during her life.

Without Viv, how was the sun still shining? How were the birds still singing? How were the stars still glowing? Don't they know it's the end of the world? How does life still go on when my world is crashing down? I thought maybe I'd forget how much she meant to me. Every day feels a little longer without her, but I'll tell her all about it when I see her again.

Now, I know that everything in life isn't certain, but I just always thought I would see her again. My body was aching. I never got the chance to say a last goodbye. I know I have to move on, but it hurts. It really hurts.

After her funeral, I sat in my car for a long time. It was like a shadow was overtaking me, and every ounce of hope was gone. My fingers trickled up to my neck where it played with the pendant of her favorite necklace. She always called it her good luck necklace, which made me smile. I'm going to wear it now, everyday, so I can be close to her.

I didn't feel ready to drive. I didn't know what to do with myself. I hadn't felt like this since my dad died when I was in high school. I turned my car on, and turned on the radio just so I wasn't drowning in my own thoughts. I turned up the volume, and my eyebrows scrunched together as I focused on the song.

"You got your passion, you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...
Vienna waits for you?"

It took me a moment to realize what song it was, and it made me smile. This song is one of her favorites. It was the first time I felt her in a long time. This told me that she was here, and she will always be with me. Maybe this was her way of telling me that she made it to Vienna. Just over the rainbow, a hop and skip away from the moon. She reminded me that even if she's not here physically, our love will live on.

Viv was sweet like candy in my veins and I've been dying for another taste. I fell apart without her. I just want to kiss her lips again, hold her hand forever, and make her feel wanted. I could only hope that her fears and pain had gone away, and her days are filled with love and light. I truly hope the angels know what they have, and how lucky they are to have her. I bet it has been so nice in Heaven since she arrived. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for her.

After she died, I couldn't bare to go back home. I went back to my apartment because I was afraid of wiping the memory of her away. In my head, she will always be at the house.

But after the funeral, I knew I had to go back to begin the process of cleaning it out. This is going to be a very long, and difficult process. I found her blanket on our bed. It may not look like anything special to anyone else, but to me it was everything. Big, fluffy, and the darkest gray. She loved this blanket. I ran my fingers over it and wrapped it around myself. It still smelled like her, and I'm terrified of losing her scent. I hope she doesn't mind that I'll hang on to it for her.

Viv told me that she couldn't promise that she wouldn't break my heart. She wasn't lying. My heart shattered, and I was still trying to pick up the pieces. How am I supposed to move on when she doesn't feel like she's truly gone? The memories will never go away, and I feel a pain in my heart every time I hear her name. Time wasn't in our favor, so this isn't goodbye. This was a see you later.

I did not get nearly enough time with her, but I would wait a million years for her. I could close my eyes and still feel the warmth of her touch, and sometimes I can still smell her perfume linger in the air. I need to be close to her again. I'll always remember her this way: young, wild, and free.

One night, I came home from work and the sky had already darkened for the night. My landline was in the middle of ringing as I unlocked my front door, but I didn't have the energy or heart to answer it. I didn't really have the energy to do anything anymore, but I force myself to go to work.

I trudged around my apartment as the phone continued to ring. I opened my fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer and scanned the dinner options I had. The phone stopped ringing and my voicemail said loudly, "it's Tom Hanson. Leave a message after the beep."

I tried to ignore the annoying beep that followed my greeting, but the message that followed was impossible to ignore.

"Tom, this is Joan Clarke, Viv's mother."

My head snapped back towards the phone, and I stared at it, frozen. I didn't want to close the fridge door and accidentally interrupt.

"We didn't have a chance to meet at the funeral, but my husband and I are flying to Metropolis tomorrow to... um... get Viv's stuff. We were hoping that we could meet with you at... oh, what's it called? Big Foot Coffee Shop. Viv told us that it was her favorite, so we wanted to check it out. Um... Viv wrote us letters while she was in Metro, and she sent us pictures of the two of you to let us know that she was okay. We would really appreciate it if we could meet you around noon... if you're free. Have a good night and we hope to see you tomorrow."

The voicemail ended, leaving me leaning up against the fridge. I've actively avoided that place because it reminds me of Viv too much. I exhaled slowly and twisted the top off the bottle and tossed it on the counter.

The next morning, after thinking about it all night, I decided to take the day off and meet her parents at the coffee shop. I was nervous, but I felt like I had no reason to be.

I hesitated before I walked into the coffee shop. The building had an aroma of freshly ground coffee, and I could hear customers enjoying their drinks and talking to their friends. My eyes fell to a woman facing away from me, wearing a dark shirt and I immediately recognized her hair. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought she was Viv. There was a taller man standing beside her, and his eyes landed on me. He said something quietly to the woman and he pointed in my direction. She turned around and her face brightened when she saw me. I smiled and walked up to them.

I smiled half-heartedly, "hey, I'm Tom."

"Tom. It's so good to finally meet you," Joan said and gave me a motherly hug.

I shook Martin's hand, and shoved my hands back into my pockets. The shop was pretty empty, but it wasn't rush hour. I looked at Joan, and Viv was a spitting image of her. Viv was supposed to grow up, looking exactly the way her mother did now. Beautiful, lively, and happy.

Joan said, "I just wanted to let you know how much Viv loved you. Her last couple of letters to us were only about you." She laughed and sniffed as she began to cry. "She thought very highly of you."

"I love your daughter very much," I said.

"We know you do. She knew too," Joan said.

"I really miss her," I said and looked down at my feet with a sniff. "I'm just really sad she doesn't get to go on any more adventures."

"You were her biggest adventure. You may not get to spend the rest of your life with her, but she got to spend the rest of her life with you. Thank you." Joan handed me a paper and said, "we received this letter in the mail shortly after she died. We thought you'd want to read it too."

"What's this?" I asked and began to open it.

"She was an organ donor, and she was a perfect match for a little girl in Oregon."

I read the letter and saw that one of her eyes and her heart was donated to a child in Oregon. I sniffed and blinked hard so I wouldn't get emotional in front of these strangers. I handed the letter back and said, "that's incredible. I had no idea."

The door opened behind me, and the Clarke's smiled and gestured for me to turn around. I frowned in confusion and turned around to see a little girl walking into the shop, with her parents standing behind her.

Martin said behind me, "we thought you'd want to meet Audrey."

The parents walked up to each other, then thanking the Clarke's profusely. I stepped up to the shy little girl, and her big eyes looked up at me. I noticed a bright red healing scar poking up from the neck of her purple shirt.

I guessed that she must have just started grade school. She had dark hair, and when she smiled up at me, she created little crinkles by her eyes. One of her eyes was bright blue. The other, was so familiar. She had Viv's eye. It was like she was looking at me again.

"Oh my god," I said softly.

Joan walked up beside me and knelt down to Audrey. She wrapped her arms around her, and pressed her ear to the girls chest. She cried out happily, "oh my god."

Joan finally stood up, and sniffed while still smiling. Audrey came up to me, and I knelt down on my knees in front of her. I smiled and I could feel my nose burning and my eyes watering. I said, "hey, sweetheart, I'm Tom."

"My name is Audrey," she beamed.

"Hi, Audrey." I cleared my throat. "May I give you a hug?"

She nodded and extended her arms out to me. I wrapped my arms around her fragile little body, and I gently placed my ear to her chest. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. I could feel Viv's heartbeat once again. I closed my eyes, and it was like we were back at her house. I got to feel her heartbeat for the last time.

I released Audrey from my embrace, and I looked into her eyes again. I was choked up and I just couldn't find the right words to say. I smiled at her with tears in my eyes. My lips trembled as I finally croaked, "thank you."

It was the closest to goodbye I was ever going to get.

I just wish we had five more minutes.