Derek would be so pissed if he saw me doing this in the car. [shuffles]

He keeps saying that I should not [thudding noises] be texting or talking while I am driving. He makes sure that I do not touch my phone then. "No matter how important the text or call," he says. "It can always wait. Everything can wait. Nothing is more important than your safety."

But he is not here and I can't. I can't stop myself. I just can't believe what I heard. It feels so strange to be something trustworthy. What is wrong with this town? Why can nothing go right here? I just cannot fathom. Here is the place that damaged me [horns blaring] perhaps beyond repair. But what it did to Jake.... is awful.

See, I do not even have a word proper enough to articulate my feelings towards it. Can you believe it that everyone now calls him a madman? He was the best student in our batch - a total genius. He could remember things after hearing them just once! Can you-son of a-[tires screeches]. Alright, alright. I was about to get hit. I have parked behind a motel. Don't give a damn if it's allowed or not.

Where was I? Yeah, about Jake. How did this happen to him? How did things change [static] so much? Is this because of me? Is it because I left him here, alone? Am I the one to blame? Maybe. I do not know! And I am so tired of not knowing!

[incoherent yells]...so tired. I cannot do this anymore. Why did this happen? His booklet lies on my lap. I am afraid to open it. What if I find evidence that what others are saying is true? That he really has lost his mind? Where are his parents? I have so many questions. And no answers. Nothing is falling into its place. [sighs]

I thought coming to Loutham would give me some answers to so many questions that I have about my life. Things that I still do not understand - for example, what happened to my father that changed him so much? The thing we saw on the day Sean drowned. Was it something our child brains made up to deal with the gravity of the situation [pauses] or was it something real? What is the meaning behind my mother's words during her last days? Let us drop the question about the things that are happening to me since I set my foot on Loutham.

No one really knows me [sobs]. Because they [sobs] never went through the things I went through. Derek tries. Timothee tries too. But I think they [pauses] they do not really understand the meaning behind my words. They think everything is here... in my mind. To them, it cannot be real. I do not blame them. I'd have the same reaction if our roles were reversed.

What I saw that day [pauses] the thing I saw made me want to seek Jake. He understands. I know he does. But if what they say is true... then my hopes are bleak. So I will resort to this recorder. I will recount how it happened. How everything started. And it was not the day we saw Miss Eloise's corpse being hauled from the sea.

It was the day of the memorial that changed it all, which set in motion the events that would lead us, me and Ma, to abandon Loutham.