This was Timothee's idea. So I will just roll with it. As I have always done. [chuckles] Okay, this will be unfair because most of his ideas are great. While others... let's just say that they are questionable.

He likes to experiment, that guy. But sometimes his 'experiments' do not go well - as it is the case with most experiments. They never go well, at least not fully. I learnt that lesson in a hard way. [deep breaths.]

But no, we are not speaking about failed experiments here. This is supposed to be a coping mechanism for me, if I were to quote Timothee [shuffles] verbatim. He said when I find myself in a position where I am alone and can't reach out to someone trustworthy, I should note my thoughts and feelings down somewhere. Or maybe record it. Whichever suits me well.

Anyway, I am back in Loutham. After ages [pauses] honestly, I can't believe it. It has been so long that it feels so [pauses] what do I say, foreign? But it's familiar too. It's just the way we left it all those years ago. So far, it has not been too bad if you don't count the hair incident in the bathroom, the voices in the street or the dream. Well [sighs] I guess it's me. I am the problem. It's me. It has been a while since I have felt so many things together.

I am trying to enjoy my stay here. Honestly. I [pauses] do not want to be a nuisance, calling Timothee or Derek for every single inconvenience. That's just wrong. And demanding. That's something I do not want to be, trying to dislodge my problems from someone else [long pause]... I do not want to be like my father. That is the last thing I want to be like.

Ma used to say that I was a brave girl. That I will reach for the stars. But I think she was wrong [sniffles]. Ma, your baby girl is not so strong. She still needs you. Why did you [sobs] have to leave so soon? I wish you were here. This place reminds me so much of you. It is like you are still alive [sniffs] and well here. I can feel you here.

I have two daughters of my own and one angelic man for a husband, but I still need you. Ma, if you are listening to me and if the afterlife is real, then please know that I love you. [sniffs] I love you more than anyone else.

I love you ma. Wish you were here.