[Author's note: Trigger Warning. This chapter talks about suicide. You can skip it if you wish.]

~ PANDORA

"Excuse me?" Came a voice from inside Nerissa's area of the palace. Pandora didn't recognize the quiet, high-pitched tone.

"Come in," Pandora called, sitting up, stretching, and then walking from the bed to the doorway. She had been so tired that she failed to notice she was still in the clothes she was wearing the day before.

After she had left the war room, Pandora went straight to the High Hall, where Frederick had said some Regalian official had a register filled with names of Fount survivors. She insisted they let her help those survivors who had found refuge in the palace.

She was given a copy of one page of the register, and the task of assigning those on her list to a room on the fourth floor of the palace to rest for the next few nights. With so many names and so little rooms to work with, Pandora took a few minutes to organize her thoughts before she started calling names and showing them where to go.

Luckily, there were a few spinner volunteers who had gone through several rooms throughout the palace and constructed makeshift hammocks in corners and thick blankets on floors. Pandora got the opportunity to house more people in rooms due to the extra accommodations, almost like the rooms were upgraded to dorm rooms with bunk beds.

Just as she was finishing up and turning in her list back to the registry, Nerissa had gotten news of Pandora's arrival and had come to see her. Nerissa offered to share her suite in the palace, located near Luxa's. Pandora was pleased that she had such a great friend during such crazy times. She was also grateful, for she had completely forgotten to ask for a space in one of the rooms for herself!

"They retrieved a package for you," said a little boy who walked over to the doorway to meet Pandora. "From your home," he clarified. He held out a large yellow envelope.

"Thank you," Pandora reached out to take the gift. The boy smiled, nodded, and left Nerissa's quarters.

Reading the outside label, Pandora was happy to see Rose's familiar cursive handwriting. She opened the top of the envelope quickly. There was more than one letter inside; one had an envelope and stamp, the other was just a folded piece of paper. She removed the paper first, wondering for just a moment why Rose would enclose some mail that came for her. She laid the rest of the envelope down on the foot of her bed.

Dear Pandora, Pandora couldn't help but silently read it in Rose's voice.

I wasn't sure how often those messengers come to check if I've left a note, so I sent this a bit early... Happy birthday! It was almost her birthday? Days seemed to go by quickly in the Underland without her noticing. It also didn't help when her visions jumped between past, present, and future.

Living with you these past few years have brought me nothing but joy. You remind me so much of myself when I was younger. I wanted to give you something very special for your 23rd birthday. At first, it was very hard to come up with an idea! It's taken me some time, but I've managed to track down something wonderful. I just know you'll love it, dear! Pandora didn't notice anything else besides the other letter in the envelope. It must have been something small near the bottom that Pandora didn't see yet.

I'm sorry to say that this cannot be a simple, happy note, but, like most things in life, it is bittersweet. At this sentence, Pandora's smile disappeared. She steeled herself for whatever Rose was about to unfold in her letter.

A few days ago, I came across some unfortunate news. Your school project partner, Damien, was found dead the other day in his car. Dead? Pandora was shocked! It was just a short time ago that they had been working together, Damien flashing his perfect smile at her behind mountains of research at the library. Even though she had discovered part of his dangerous past, the one Professor Cleary warned her about, could bubble easily to the surface, she couldn't help but feel disheartened by the news. After all, he was trying to change. He didn't deserve his fate. How could he have died?

The police determined that he went for a drive, parked near his house, and then used his gun on himself. Pandora slapped a hand over her open mouth. She couldn't believe it. Why? Why would Damien do that? She sank back down on the bed. She took a few moments to let the news sink in before continuing the note.

There is something else, too. He wrote you a letter. It came in the mail just yesterday. He must have sent it before... I've put it in the envelope for you to see.

By what you've told me, I know the Underland is always in turmoil. It may not seem like it sometimes, but so is the world up here! Things may not go the way we plan for it to, but it almost always works out in the end. Just have a little faith, dear. Sometimes a bit of hope is all you need.

Do they celebrate birthdays in the Underland? If you do something special, be sure to let me know!

Love always,

Rose

After putting Rose's note down, Pandora held her head in her hands and took a deep breath. She picked up the yellow envelope, dreading that she now had to read one of the last things Damien had written.

The white envelope had her name written on the front and no return address. It had already been opened; Pandora guessed Rose took a look at it first, because Pandora wasn't around to look at her own mail. Slowly, she pulled out the letter and unfolded it. It was in Damien's handwriting; in fact, his handwriting was probably the neatest Pandora had ever seen it. Could he have taken extra time to painstakingly write this letter to give to her? It scared her, now knowing that he had planned everything. He wrote the note to her because he knew he had to take his life.

With shaking hands, her eyes moved back up to the top of the paper, and she began to read.

~ GREGOR

Gregor was just heading out of the bathroom back to the room that he shared with Howard, his friend Frederick, and another young man from the Fount, when he saw Pandora running toward him. She was visibly upset and held a piece of paper in her hand.

"Gregor!" she called when she got closer.

"What's the matter?" He asked. He walked over to her and let her lay her forehead on his shoulder. As she burst into tears, he ran his hands in circles on her upper back, as he had whenever his sisters needed his support so many times before.

What was the paper she held? It wasn't parchment, like what the Underlanders wrote on. It was clearly from the Overland. It wasn't something they mistakenly gave Pandora that was meant for him, was it? If it made her this upset, he was scared to find out.

Pandora pulled away from him. After taking a shaky breath she said in a quiet voice, "I need to tell you about my friend Damien."

"Alright," Gregor replied although he had many questions to ask her. Why was she so upset about her friend? Well, if she told him multiple times that he could talk to her about anything he needed, he was going to let Pandora talk to him about whatever she needed.

"Here, let's go to a quiet room to talk."

Pandora let tears fall down her cheeks as she bit her lip and nodded, trying to keep quiet.

Gregor led her upstairs to the Prophecy Room; it was most likely the only room in the palace that was forbidden to house anyone, possibly due to its strong historical significance on the civilization.

"What is it you need to tell me? What's made you so upset?" he asked her.

Pandora gave him the paper in her hand, walked to the nearest wall, and sank to the floor. She hugged her knees and tried to control her sobbing.

Gregor was relieved that Pandora told him it was about her friend, even though he still felt bad for her. At least it wasn't terrible news about his family. He could now be calm and help his friend as much as he could. He read silently to himself.

Dearest Pandora,

I'm awfully sorry for the trouble I caused you in the past. I tried to apologize in person at your apartment last week, but Rose wouldn't allow me to see you.

I knew that guy Howard was someone you truly cared about. It probably didn't seem like it, but I tried very hard to not lose my temper. I made it obvious that I liked you very much and it hurt to see you with someone else, especially with the way you two look at each other.

There's something I need to get off my chest, and I haven't got anybody else that I trust enough to tell. You're so intelligent and kind. You're always happy to make other people's days perfect, even if it means sacrificing your own. You listen carefully to what others have to say, and you're so patient. It's what attracted me to you. I feel like I could tell you anything and you wouldn't judge me for it.

It's why I am confiding in you. Why I'm writing this letter to you. I know you won't hold this against me, and I know what I'm going to tell you might sound crazy. That's alright though; nothing fazes you.

Like you saw on that horrible day when I drew my gun on Howard, there are times in my life where I go down a dark path and I can't control myself. It started happening around the age of thirteen. I get into these states where all logic and reason leaves my brain. It's like an extreme fight or flight response; everything fades into the background except the one thing my eyes are locked onto.

Sometimes, I'm terrified of myself. I'm scared when I'm around other people; scared that something's going to set me off and I'll go on an endless rampage.

I've never found a way to control it, no matter how hard I try. My parents tried to take me to therapy, anger management, even juvie couldn't straighten me out.

When I was sixteen years old, I killed someone at school. I didn't mean to, really. All I could see beyond the veil of red was his head and my foot. The worst part was he didn't do anything to deserve what I did to him.

I had been expelled and put in juvie again for a while. No one was rooting for me to pull through anymore. My parents disowned me. They liberated me, so I couldn't go back home. I wasn't eighteen yet, but from then on I was treated as an adult.

Thank God I had a period of relief from this. I miraculously got my GED. Then I got a decent job, a car, and money for college. Everything was looking up for once in my life. I even met you, the most wonderful human being on the planet.

Now everything is spiraling back again. I won't go into the details, but I've now lost my job. And I've lost you.

I've been through this for years now, and I've endured enough to know that this will never go away. It will always be sitting on the edge of my consciousness, eager to take over and make me do terrible things that I regret later.

I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being labeled as "bad." Or "evil." I've been called so many things. I'm starting to think they're true. I don't belong anywhere. I've failed my parents. I've failed my job. I've failed you.

Wherever you are and wherever life takes you, Pandora, I hope you are always happy. You deserve everything that's good in life. Thank you for reading this - my last letter. I wanted to leave you on good terms. I hope this note will suffice.

Good luck with everything I know you'll accomplish.

Love,

Damien

Gregor looked up from the note oddly shaken. For all he knew, he had known Damien his whole life. He sunk to his knees and looked to Pandora for some sort of explanation. Tears stung at his eyes.

"He mailed that letter, got in his car, and shot himself," Pandora managed to whisper in between snivels.

"He was a rager like me," Gregor said quietly, staring at the note but not reading any of the words. "Just a few years older."

"He had no one to talk to," Pandora said. "He came to me for help... I know that now, and I didn't do anything. I tried my best to reject him any time he reached out to me. My teacher warned me that he was dangerous. I didn't see that he needed me because I was too busy being afraid of him."

"People became afraid of me, too. I have... had... a friend named Lucas. He was the first person I clicked with at school when we moved, and he stuck by my side through everything. And then... earlier this year, he was over at my house. We were just hanging out. Just goofing off... but then my mind slipped. My rager side took over, and I... I almost choked him out if my dad hadn't walked into the room. Lucas didn't tell anybody. That was the last favor he ever did for me, but he never talked to me again. He doesn't even look at me.

"If I had snapped like that one more time in my school, who knows? I could've killed someone, just like him," Gregor said.

"I don't mean to freak you out by showing this to you. I wanted to prove to you that you made the right choice by coming back down here, where there's someone who knows exactly what you're going through. Where people understand that being a rager is a part of who you are."

Gregor nodded as he mulled over what Pandora said. A tear accumulated in the corner of his eye, and with a blink, it was sent careening down his cheek. "I'm sorry about your friend. I'm sorry that it was too late for him."

"But it's not too late for you," Pandora said confidently. "Remember that."

"I will. Thank you."

Gregor helped Pandora stand up and gave her a long hug before they wished each other a good night's sleep and parted ways.