It takes two large iced coffees to get me through the workday on Thursday. I haven't been sleeping as much as I want to these days, so my energy level has been close to zero.

"Remi," Jill calls out from a few feet away, waving me over.

"Hey, Jill," I say when I make it to her.

"Four people have complained so far about the fridge not being restocked with water. Did you not do that when you came in this morning?"

I close my eyes shut, mad at myself for forgetting. "I'm sorry, I must've forgotten. The phone rang and I got distracted. I'll take care of it right now," I say, going to pass her, but she stops me with her hand.

"That's not all. I'm being asked where the towels are. I went to look in the cupboards, but they were empty."

Shit. I forgot to get them from the dryer.

"I'm on it," I tell her, but she grabs ahold of her hips and looks down at the floor, sighing.

"Remi, what's going on? This isn't like you. You're usually on your A-game. Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," I lie. "Won't happen again."

It's safe to say that I'm a mess today. That my mind is elsewhere. But I'm human. There's only so much that I can handle, and right now, I'm at a breaking point.

***

I'm exiting the fitness center after a long day when I get a text from Bella asking me if I want to go with her and Nico to a party tonight.

The short answer is no. The long answer is no because I don't want to run into Brooks. I mean, I do, but I also miss him, and I know that seeing his face will make me change my mind about us being on a break.

I can't change my mind, though. I need the space. He needs it, too. Eventually, he'll see that I'm right. We're too different.

Bella respectfully accepts my response and tells me to text her if I change my mind.

When I get home, the house is empty, and I realize that my parents are out for the night. My Aunt Julia is in town with her husband, so they're all at dinner. I was asked to join, but I knew that I'd be wiped from work, so I politely declined. My Aunt Julia visits on a monthly basis, so I just saw her a few weeks ago.

I heat up some leftovers and take a seat on the couch, flipping the TV channel onto Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I need the alone time, but two hours go by and I'm bored out of my wits.

I think about the party tonight, and how I want to get out, I just don't know if it's the right move. Maybe I can avoid Brooks? Maybe he doesn't even want to talk to me?

I head upstairs, take a hot shower, and think about the party some more, finally deciding that I should go.

Towel wrapped around my body, I reach for the light pink sundress that's in my closet and don't think twice about it.

I'm going to this party. And that's that.

***

I was planning on asking Nico if Brooks was going to be at the party, but I didn't have to because Bella brought him up in the car ride over. Apparently, Brooks was out to dinner with Wade, so they headed straight to the party from the restaurant. 

Nico hasn't been giving me much insight into how Brooks' been, which I completely understand. It's called 'Bro Code'. Plus, Bella's been filling me in on whatever intel that she has. She claims that Brooks hasn't been super friendly these days, and I can't help but feel responsible for his change in attitude.

We step inside the party, and my eyes immediately wander the room. I'm not trying to stir up a conversation with Brooks tonight, but I do want to see with my own eyes that he's okay.

I stick with Nico and Bella and introduce them to Veronica when we spot her in the corner talking to some people. Veronica's eyes widen when Nico shakes her hand, and Bella finds it cute.

I scope out every single person in the room to make sure that I don't miss Brooks, but I can't find him anywhere. I think Nico senses my curiosity because he tells me that he just texted Brooks to see where he is.

"Should we head outside?" Nico asks, and Bella and I nod our heads.

A few people are swimming in the pool, but most are off to the sides, chatting and drinking. I gaze around the area, no sight of Brooks anywhere.

"Any word from Brooks?" I ask Nico, who pulls out his phone.

"Nope," he says as he scrolls through his messages.

"I'm sure he's here," Bella says, clutching onto my shoulder with her hand.

"Yeah," I sigh. "I think I'm going to take a little walk around. I'll be right back."

"Want us to come with?" Bella offers, but I decline.

The party's pretty loud, so I make my way down these steps that lead to a private beach.

All these rich kids and their private beaches...

I've only walked a few steps when I see someone sitting down on the sand, knees perched.

I make my way closer, tilting my head to the side, but it's not until I'm standing a few feet away that I notice him.  

Brooks.

I contemplate turning around and walking back to where I came from, but my heart betrays me when it tells me to stay right where I am.

"Hey," I call out, getting Brooks to look over his shoulder.

He appears too sad to be startled by my presence. "Hey," he says back in the same low-spirited tone that I just gave him.

"What are you doing down here?" I ask as I make my way towards him.

He shrugs his shoulders like he has no energy left in his body. "Just needed some silence."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude. I can go back inside," I offer, wanting to give him the quietness that he needs.

"I don't think I'd ever not want you next to me," he says, and I smile softly at him.

I walk my feet to where he's sitting, and his eyes trail my body as it takes the space next to him.

"What about you?" he asks once I'm sitting. "What are you doing down here?"

"Same thing as you. Needed some silence."

He wraps his hands around his knees, nodding his head, and I keep my eyes on him. I can sense his sadness, and it hurts me. I'm just as sad.

"How are you?" I ask even though I already know the answer.

"Been better," he admits, and I admire his honesty. If the roles were reversed, I'd probably lie and say that I'm fine. But then he turns it on me, testing that point, and asks, "You?"

"Been better," I confess, surprising myself when I steal his words. 

"I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss you," he says. "That I hate everything about this break."

I follow Brooks' motion and wrap my arms around my knees, chewing on my upper lip. "It's the right thing to do," I nod, trying to convince myself of the words that I speak. 

"For who, Rem?"

"Brooks...," I begin.

"Because it's not for me."

"It is, though. It is for you," I fight back. "You'll see."

"No," he shakes his head. "You're wrong. I won't."

"Brooks...," I try again.

"What are you so afraid of? That I'll break your heart?"

"No."

"Then what? What is it?"

"Brooks," I sigh. "I'm just...going through a lot right now, and my mind...it can't be on this," I say, waving between our bodies.

"And I get that. So, let be there for you. Why won't you let me be there for you?"

"It's not your place."

"It is though," he argues. "Anything that involves you becomes my place."

"Exactly! Becomes your place by circumstances, not by choice."

"It is my choice, Rem. I choose you, that's my choice."

"I don't know...it just...it feels like too much is happening all at once. I can't be there for you, for my parents, for myself..."

"I don't you need you to be there for me."

"But I want to. I want to be there for you. I just...can't right now."

He huffs, knowing that I'm not going to change my mind, and I hate seeing him so distraught. So, I reach my hand out, touch his knee and let it sit there.

"It's not that I don't care about you, Brooks, or want to be with you. I do. I just have to be there for my family right now. They need me."

"And I get that, I do. So, I'll wait."

I close my eyes. "Don't wait for me, Brooks. It'll just be a waste of your time."

He looks at me in disbelief. "Why do you say that?"

"You can have any girl that you want...," I begin, but he cuts me off and comes to a stand.

"I'm not doing this again with you, Remi," he huffs. I follow him and stand up, too, dusting the sand off my body. "I told you that I don't want anyone else but you."

"Now, Brooks. You don't want anyone else but me now."

"No," he contests. "I don't want anyone else ever. Why don't you see that?"

I chew on the inside of my cheek.

I do see it. I do feel it. I just can't accept it. I don't know why.

"I'm sorry," is all I say because anything else will just be a lie.

Brooks looks at me for a few seconds before centering his body so that it faces the ocean. He grabs ahold of his hips and looks up at the sky. His body suddenly decompresses, and he turns to look at me again, nodding.

"At least we have the stars, right?" he asks, a faint smirk on his face.

"Yeah," I whisper. "At least we have that."