Chapter 6

          No one has the courage to comfort me in my lamenting state. Continuous drips of tears and sweats were ones who alleviated these heartrending emotions. I am very emotional unstable right now. I never thought I'd see him like this: covered with white silk blanket and his hands were pale and stone cold. I can't believe it happened to him so unexpectedly. I am not ready to be alone yet. I still need a father who'll guide me and see the comfortable life I dreamed to build for us. He's gone nevertheless, and I don't know any more what will be the essence of my life without him. So, this is what those people felt when they lost someone they really loved. You are drowning in the sea of grief, hoping and praying for a chance to bring back those people you want to save from death. No words can describe how it hurts.

          During the great mayhem inside my brain, one of these two men asks me if I'm the patient's immediate family. I just nod as I kept shedding tears. They told me to hop inside the ambulance and we'll take my dad's lifeless body in the hospital. Just one last time, I want to see him before I escort him to his final destination. I about to remove the cover over his face, but then suddenly someone interfered.

          "I wouldn't do that if I were you," she advised.

          It is Sulli, who I thought only as the newest wacko sunshine in our place, and yet she was also belongs to the insensitive and disrespectful club of our neighborhood. I can consider myself there though. Other than that, why on earth she warned me out of the blue. Her grin makes me more annoyed like she was scoffing my wrecked condition. Can't she see I'm having my moment here?

          I only ignore her. It's easy for her to say those words because she never experienced to be left by her own parents. Otherwise, her parents never loved her the way I felt to mine. I experienced this lost not once anymore but twice. Those pains and longings that I repressed for a long time were chasing me again. Even today, I can't still forget my mother's precious smile at me shortly after she left the house. So, how could she easily blurt out those words without even thinking thoroughly?

          I resume my plan to get rid the blanket but she quickly grasped my shoulders below and dragged me inside our house. She subsequently told those men to bring the body to the hospital. She held my body so tight I couldn't move any slightest bit of it. All of my energy has been drained and I can't struggle back. Our neighbors saw us tussling against each other, but then she carried me inside very effortless. I am starting to think she's a psycho wrestler rather than a fallen demonic angel.

          She sat me down on a chair and called Minho to come over. I don't understand why she always had an absence of empathy towards me, like I am mourning for my lost. I deserve some space and respect. I bet she wants to piss me off more. If I will be given a chance next time, I will surely slit her neck without further ado.

          When Minho comes out to the kitchen, I am surprise once I saw his face. He plasters an eye patch in his right eye. He is grunting in upset due to the 'unknown incident' that I am assuming right away. As I survey the house, it appears that while I'm gone, our house got hit by a destructive hurricane which it breaks some of our ancient furniture. It gushes up my bloodstream, causing my face to become reddish and soon to be exploded. Before I could burst out this rage, he tried to coax me with his words.

          "Look, it's not what you think. We can explain."

          "Better you tell it now or else..."

          He sighs first, "Uh, well, at first, we'll pay everything we've broken so don't worry. Secondly, it's very complicated to tell you this thing directly because—"

          "Cut to the chase!" I flamboyantly blustered. "I don't care if you'll pay for everything. What I need now is an explanation why our house ended up like this!"

          "Aeries!" a very familiar sound surfaced the area.

          My eyes haven't ever shocked upon catching on to this voice. It's a voice that came from someone who I've missed to hear for a long time. His eyes are twitched, expressing his somewhat disappointment to my rudeness. No way.

          "May I have a word with you?" he asked. "I'll take it from here. Thank you."

          With an amount of extreme astonishment, I couldn't believe what I am seeing tonight. All the tears I had shed a while ago were just a joke. Now I know why Sulli halts my plan in order to save me from another stupidity. I can't wait to smash my head on the wall.

          He beckoned to come with him in his room so we could talk privately. He walks slowly yet stiffly whereas I am bothered if he might fall. I am totally fond of this level of anxiety. Asian parents are not other parents who will just talks to you about a certain problem, but rather they already prepared their so-called weapons such as hangers or slippers. I am telling you, be prepared to their famous way of disciplining their children.

          "Why did you do it?" he began to ask.

          I didn't answer. The logic about having an Asian parent is not to answer if they are asking you. If you answered them, they will say you are ill-mannered. Mostly Asian parents are like that, so don't be surprised if you've seen one.

          "I am asking you. Why did you do it?" his voice gradually amplifying.

          I can't tell you until when I can do this silent treatment. It's a complicated thing to explain since some parents are getting madder if their child's response is none. So basically, I am not certain with the thinking of my parent, but maybe it's just a hunch.

          "For Pete's sake, Aeries, answer me!" he broke the vase in front of me. "Why did you do it, huh?"

          "I-I d-didn't mean to shout—"

          "Not that crap! I want you to explain me this," he threw the letter to my face. I fetched it and have seen what its content. I couldn't utter a single word after I read it. I am just petrified in my place while being preoccupied with fear and terror.

          It is not about shouting at Minho, it's about my debt. I got exposed.

          "Where did you get these millions? How come you had it if you're only a part-timer?"

          My hands are wobbling in distress, still thinking an acceptable reason to answer his question. If only I could spill to him that I got involved into a more troublesome, I already told it so. I had never seen my dad so mad at me. No more calm talks, he just heated up. It's not just about that fact but also I am concerned in his health if this querying continues. My gut tells me he is aggravated and frustrated. He keeps on walking and gripping his hair, like he is pondering some solutions, or worst, another problem he could raise.

          "Where did you get this money?" he grasps my shoulder. "Don't tell me you do it..." he stops and his grasp became tighter.

          "Dad, you're hurting me..."

          "Stop playing fools with me! We both knew you are working as a part-timer. Where the hell did you get this amount of money?"

          He violently pushes me on the floor and he fell as well. I got alarmed despite the fact I stumble down badly too. I immediately stand up and help him to get on to his feet. Instead of acknowledging my help, he resists and keeps on struggling by slapping and kicking me. In spite of that, I still assist him to lay him on his bed. This is the first time he acts in aggressive manner. I knew him as a very composed and relaxed man when we are dealing with our problems, but tonight, this is not the dad I used to have. He changed all of a sudden.

          "I spent all of my life providing you everything, and this will you repay me? Is this the reason why you came home late around these weeks? All this time, you're selling your body in order to have money?"

          I was shocked when he inferred that. He emphasized those with full of displeasure. It took me time to process every hurtful and mean word he said. Obviously, I can't even imagine myself selling to anyone in turn to make a living. I assume that he will forgive me for involving to loan sharks but I guess I was wrong after all. He doesn't know everything about the truth.

          "I expected more on you, Aeries. You disappointed me. You are a disgrace to this family!" he cried out.

          Those statements are the exact weapons to completely kill me inside. His words became the chains of destruction. Everything I did was for us and yet he saw it unclearly. I thought it was worth it to sacrifice for someone you love likewise what he did to support me. The reciprocation I dreamt to pay back was a total failure.

          I am already done with my life.

          "You know, Dad. I always asked myself with these thoughts and they've been bothering me until now. I always asked myself if I ever did something wrong to you? I always asked myself if I became selfish when I got a work. I always asked myself if I want to leave you behind."

          I didn't anticipate tears are leaking down when I am expressing those. I tried to be calm as much as possible, channeling positive vibes around the house.  Yet, it is nowhere to be found.

          "What are you trying to imply? You want to abandon me like your great mother did to us?"

          I titter a bit, "No, no, I didn't mean that way. I'm just saying that if I planned to do it, I already did. But look, I never did." This time I can't hold anymore my tears as they continue from oozing.

          "Because you're the only person I had. No one will love and take care of you more than your family. I am part of your family, your daughter, remember?"

          His bristle suddenly disappeared once he spotted me crying in front of him. All of the agony, desolation and melancholy I've been keeping in absolutely burst out. I can't stifle anymore these feelings; it's tormenting me every now and then. A moment of silence took place after I expressed my feelings. My vision gets blurry but I keep on wiping those irritating tears. I saw him casting down his head, whether he feels guilty, upset, or nothing at all.

           "I am still grateful you became my dad. You taught me not to give up on everything, especially on your loved ones even if they hurt you the most."

          We both established a direct and serious eye-to-eye contact.

          "Thank you. Thank you for showing indirectly how worthless I could be as your daughter," and then I sent him the widest smile I could ever give.

          I stormed outside, rendering him wordless. I didn't imagine I have to tell him that direct and harsh remark. My heart was completely damaged because of it. I can't think any better idea on how to hold this burdensome from within. All I can really hope for is to have rest and peace of mind.

          The moment when my feet felt a sting in exhaustion, I sat down on an unoccupied bench near beside me. I still am wiping my tears, but these are constantly overflowing as it damping my whole face. I kept entreating myself that I love my father no matter what trials we've facing right now and I will always do.

          "A girl like you shouldn't be crying. Whatever your problem is, everything is going to be fine," someone suddenly spoke.

I tilt my head to that person and I am fully surprised.

He is offering me a handkerchief.

Who is he?

To be continued...

MIRACLES IN DECEMBER

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