Songs for chapter thirty eight:
1. New York City by The Chainsmokers (seriously listen to this)
2. See You Again by Charlie Puth [no rap]

|Skyler|

I busted into my room right when I made it home, and pretty much cried my eyes out until I ran out of tears. I expected Aden to call or text throughout the day or even after school, but he never did. He didn't show up for gym class either, though I agree it would've been tougher if he went about the class ignoring me.

I told Josie immediately after it happened, and to say she was furious was an understatement. She threatened to slap some sense into Aden, and to commit a crime to get rid of McKenna. Ryan stared at me with little emotion as I explained to him what happened, and he tried to sympathize with me with an awkward pat on the back as he told me he would talk to Aden — all the while stuffing a burrito in his face.

I'd gone to bed, my blood still boiling in anger but at the same time my heart lurched uncomfortably whenever I thought of Aden. He had twisted my words against me when I was trying to tell him about something that I was concerned about. Why were we even in a relationship if we couldn't communicate our issues to one another? I didn't mean to feel so bitter about it all, but I did.

This would be the first night that I'd go without talking with Aden over the phone. Even though I was still super angry I just wanted to hear his voice again — as pathetic as that sounded. The stuffed animal Aden gave me sat in the corner of my bed, and I had pitifully slept with it all night.

I wanted us to make up. I would apologize for raising my voice and I wanted him to apologize for twisting my words because I did trust him. This whole issue wasn't even about him, it was about McKenna. I couldn't give a flying fuck about what she and Aden used to be, but it mattered that she was still obsessed with him and he couldn't even see it.

I just wanted to talk to him.

But I wasn't about to call or text first even though I wanted work things out. I knew I didn't do anything wrong, as stubborn as that was.

He'd made me happy in the darkest times, and I didn't want to lose him over something that could be solved so easily.

So even though it went against my pride, I sent him a text the next morning. But, I got no response.

He wasn't in chemistry that day and the desk next to mine was cold and empty. I knew for a fact he wasn't sick since I saw his car parked in the lot. He'd deliberately missed class just to avoid me, and as much as it infuriated me, I didn't miss the crushing sensation that I felt in my heart. It was like he didn't even want to talk things out.

When the bell rang for the class to end, I left the room alone, for the first time since Aden and I began talking.

"Skyler, wait up!" a voice called out to me when I stepped into the hallway and Austin fell into step with me a moment later. He looked as great as he always did, in all his glory. His soccer jersey on instead of a normal shirt.

"Oh, hey Austin," I greeted him, almost cringing at how awkward it sounded. Our last encounter at the lake during our hiking trip was still fresh in my mind.

"Look, I just want to apologize for everything I've done — again. I was wrong for saying what I did at the lake and I know you're with Aden now. I wish you the best with him," Austin gave me a kind smile, his eyes laced with some sort of remorse for what happened.

Was I still with him? He hadn't even spoken to me since...

"Thanks, but I think you should be apologizing to Aden, not me," I told him. My eyes scanned the hallway as everyone began making their way to lunch when they landed on Aden, just a few meters away from us. His eyes were narrowed at Austin, until they zoned in on me. They were cold and emotionless, and for the second time that morning, a dull ache gnawed at my heart.

The ache only intensified when McKenna appeared next to him. He tore his emotionless gaze from me to her as they began talking. Her hand ran down his arm as she spoke, and they both laughed. How could he not see how much she still liked him? And how could he not see how that made me uncomfortable? He hadn't even bothered to ask me what she had said to me in the bathroom before jumping to conclusions faster than a skydiver.

"I'll see you later Austin," I couldn't even recognize my own shaky voice as I felt tears — both of indignation and sadness — prickle in the corner of my eyes.

"Oh okay. I'll try and talk to Aden," I heard Austin say behind me as I walked off to the other end of the hallway.

I skipped the rest of the day and went home instead, gym class could suck my ass. I expected more tears to come as I laid in my bed, but none did. Sure, Josie was my best friend, but she wasn't exactly someone who knew what to do in a situation like this. Josie and Ryan seemed to have zero disagreements.

Times like these, I asked my mom for advice and she would always manage to say the right thing, but obviously I couldn't do that anymore. I was all alone, just like how it felt months ago.

I glanced over at the Taylor Swift Folklore edition calendar that hung above my desk, sighing. I'd been so wrapped up in my own life that it never hit me until now.

It was my mom's birthday tomorrow.

I sat up in my bed, propping myself up with my elbows. Perhaps I could still see her and ask for her advice with Aden. My mom wouldn't have to spend her birthday alone.

_______________________

I stood unmoving in front of my mom's grave for the first time in five months since the funeral the next day. She was buried next to my dad, both tombstones unkept and overflowing with weeds. I felt a pang of guilt in my heart for not visiting more often but I guess a plane ride back every single week would've been chaotic, not to mention I was broke.

The weather had gotten significantly colder, but snow hadn't fallen just yet. My nose had already grown stiff and numb even though I had just gotten here.

Last night, I'd gotten a last minute plane ticket home with the money that my mom had left to me after she died. Though technically, Aunt Claire was the one in charge of it until I turned eighteen. She was completely fine with me visiting my mom, and even drove me to the airport.

I placed the bouquet of roses on my mom's grave, since those were her favourite, and then the bouquet of orchids in front of my dad's since that was what my mom ordered every single time she visited him. Not that they would last out here in the cold anyways.

It felt weird and heartbreaking to be talking with both my parents, not just my dad this time. Though mom always did more of the talking whenever we came since I never really knew him.

I traced my finger over my moms name that was etched onto the grave. There were no other words added to it because no one had expected her death so suddenly — not even her, and I didn't have the heart to come up with one after she died. My eyes clouded over with unshed tears as I sighed. I looked down at the frosty grass, running my hands through it.

"Hey dad, hey mommy," my own voice echoed throughout the empty cemetery as I began telling them everything about New York. How beautiful Central Park was, and Aunt Claire's penthouse, and the skyscrapers. I told them about Josie and how crazy she was, about how I finally talked to a Doctor Miranda about everything and since then I'd been sleeping better. But when I got to Aden, my voice broke and the tears began to fall, slowly at first, trailing down my cheek and under my chin.

"We didn't even break up and it already sucks this much. I don't want to lose him," I sniffled, every time I took a deep breath I only dissolved into more tears. "He didn't even try to understand what I was telling him. What am I supposed to do if he doesn't even want to listen?"

Silence.

You break up with them don't you? The honest voice inside of me said.

I let out a frustrated cry at the silence around me, chucking a stray rock across the cemetery as far as I could throw it. To my dismay, the sobs began racking through my body. What was the use? My mom wasn't going to reply, and my dad definitely wouldn't. My mom wasn't going to tell me what to do like she used to, because she was dead.

She's gone.

All I wanted to do was to be able to talk to her in person. Just one last time. And I couldn't even do that. Within a few months I had a whole new life, and she wasn't a part of it. My heart burned with the guilt that I felt from that, intensifying my sobs. I didn't stop the tears either.

I laid down onto the grass next to her grave as the sobs rack my body and my breath hitched. My heart ached for more reasons than one and the emptiness multiplied inside of me.

"I miss you mom," I let the tears fall down the side of my face, soaking the sideburns of my hair. "What's the point of getting close to anyone if they just leave anyway. I mean, dad left you and you left me."

I let out a shaky breath as I shut my eyes, the last of my tears running down my cheeks. The sounds of the wind rustling the dead leaves and the birds chirping magnified as I laid there and slowly, I drifted off to sleep to the gaping whole in my heart.

The sun was beginning to disappear behind the thick layer of trees that surrounded the cemetery when I finally woke up. I rubbed my eyes that were still swollen from my tears and sat up. The sky was a blend of orange, red and yellow creating an unfamiliar feeling of warmth within my stomach. A feeling that I hadn't been accustomed to in a few months.

I almost jumped out of my bones when I realized that I wasn't alone.

My mother sat next to me, her body fully intact, gazing up at the beautiful sky above us. She turned to me, with a smile on her face that I didn't realize how much I'd missed. Her blonde hair flowed down her back gracefully just as I remembered.

I was dreaming.

But for some reason I wasn't sad or angry. It was a calm and content feeling that rushed over me.

"Mom," I managed to choke out from surprise. I threw my arms around her, burying my face into her neck as I shut my eyes tightly, trying to relish in the feeling one more time. "I miss you."

I felt her body shake as she chuckled, "I know Skyler, I miss you too."

"Is it beautiful where you are?" I asked when I finally let go.

"I'm not in any pain," my mom nodded. "Your dad is with me too." A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips as she said it, and I knew for sure that she was happy where she was. All my life she'd wanted to be with my dad.

"I'm glad," I said softly.

"And about that boyfriend of yours," she gave me a crooked smile. "If it's meant to be, it'll be. Remember to live in the moment, and you'll be just fine."

We sat shoulder to shoulder watching the sunset as I took in her words.

"It's just not fair that I'm all alone," I sighed.

My mom laughed as if it was a joke that I'd just told, her eyes glistening. "Life isn't fair, I'm sure you already know that by now. But what's thrown at us doesn't define who we are, it's how we deal with them that does."

My eyes trailed back to her gravestone and then to my dad's. Her words were much like Aden's. It seemed like everyone I knew was wiser in more ways than I was.

"Skyler," she called out and I looked up at my mom again. "I want you to live the life that you would've if I was still alive."

"But—"

"That's what I need you to do for me, just this one last thing. It's not wrong to live your life without me, and you're just about there anyways," she cut me off. "Skyler you do have to move on one day, and you'll never be alone. You dad and I always with you, in there."

She placed her hand on my heart. Even though my consciousness knew this was a dream, her hand felt real. I'd longed for her touch for months now, and here it was.

"You're going to become an amazing woman, promise me you'll do what I asked," she pushed back a strand of my hair, tucking it behind my ear. She glanced up at the sky, sighing as she breathed in the fresh air. "It's time for me to go," she sighed.

My eyes grew cloudy with tears as I wrapped my arms around her again, squeezing her body towards me as tightly as I could. Just one last time. I felt her lips against my forehead as she pressed a light kiss there.

"Goodbye for now," I heard her say.

I looked up at the sky past her shoulder, the orange in the sky faded away into a dark blue, the sun just about completely disappearing over the horizon. The day was coming to an end but it felt more like a new beginning.

"Goodbye mommy."

I opened my eyes, immediately bolting straight up. Unlike in my dream, the sky was dark besides the occasional star that lit up the area around it.

Even though I sat alone in a dark and cold cemetery — however creepy it was made out to be — I wasn't scared. I glanced over at my mom's gravestone, and then at my dad's, smiling at the memory of the dream I just had.

For the first time in a long while, I didn't feel the familiar empty hole gnawing at my stomach and in my heart as I thought of her. Instead, there was a warm, bubbly feeling that enveloped me, spreading throughout my whole body, all the way to my toes.

It was peace.

A small smile spread over my lips as I gazed at my mom's gravestone, watching as a yellow and red caterpillar climbed its way over the top of the stone. It definitely wasn't the season for caterpillars, but that didn't matter because it was more than just a normal caterpillar to me. My mind flashed back to the day of my mom's funeral, and an image of her unveiled in my mind.

"I promise."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hope you all liked this chapter! Please do vote, comment and share if you did!

I hope you can all tell how important this chapter was! So... do you guys think Aden and Skyler will end up together in the end?

As well, for those of you who did check out Pertinacious THANK YOU SO MUCH!! As it is for a contest I can't update the book until after it's over, but also, I wasn't sure if I was going to. The topic is super sensitive and honestly it enraged me lo even write about. We'll see if I continue it I guess :)

Thanks for reading Under the New York Sky! There's only a few chapters left!

~SweetnessInTheSalt