I saw Lila's white dress billow like a flurry of cloud as she sat in her Audi before I could inform her that my relatives were conservative and her strappy dress was oceans away from their standards. I saw her unwittingly settle in, tucking a stray, wavy strand behind her ear and opening Instagram on her phone. I had watched her empty half a bottle of hair cream to tame her hair which had poofed up due to humidity. I was pretending to sleep then, just to see how she acted when no one watched her, no one to please. It was funny to see how long the carefree Lila stared at her reflection until she caught my stare in the mirror and threw the half-empty bottle at me. And I found myself saying (to which she giggled hard), "If life was always this beautiful, I would never dream."

She had said, "You mean sleep."

"Ready to go?" I heard Manu approaching me, he was absently playing with the keys of the car.

"Sorry, I just remembered that I forgot to carry some stuff. Give me a second." I rushed back into the villa, grabbing the bags of snacks that my mother had prepared for her siblings. She would deep fry me if she found out that I forgot to hand those precious goods to my uncle and aunt. Just as I emerged out of the room with the two, stuffed plastic bags, I saw Raul walking from the opposite end of the corridor . . . Oh, God. For the first time in my life, I had woken up early with Lila so we could abscond to my relatives' place without Raul or Anthony's interference. I became aware of my thumping heartbeats as the distance between Raul and I closed, so much so that the plastic bags rustled against his legs. But that was it. Neither did he ask me anything nor did he spare a glance at me. That was his way of making me feel insignificant as if I was always the shadows thrown by Lila's blazing light.

But soon enough, I felt my insides function normally again as I passed him safely, pitying that he didn't know light and shadows went hand in hand.

"Not that song again!" I let out a false exasperated sigh, watching Lila's shoulders shimmy at Ik Junoon song. "I will be so sick of this song by the end of this trip."

"All your songs just makes me cry! You have the saddest playlist ev-ah!" She dramatically tossed her head back, her hair spreading like waves on the cushion behind and her eyes connecting to me. I had this sudden urge to bend down and lightly kiss her lips, but Manu was right behind me. She noticed me standing in conflict too because a naughty grin quickly made its way across her lips. And she scooted to make room for me and the snacks. "Let's hear what Manu has in his playlist. Play the songs that you like, Manu! Tulsi and I can never agree on this topic." First, Manu shook his head from embarrassment, but Lila persisted, "I'm dying to hear some different songs!"

In his early thirties, Manu played the Bollywood songs of the '90s, a strong reminiscence of his youth. Adults generally tended to listen to the songs of their youth as if after one crossed youth, they surrendered their entire being to nostalgia. The finest example was producing children and living vicariously through them. And narrating their instances from childhood to their bored offsprings, not wishing for heaven after their death, but for childhood. I wondered what it would feel like, decades from now, listening to the stupid songs that Lila liked now with hair greying on our heads, hers a little frizzy.

We arrived at my relatives' place in less than an hour, the house where I spent my summers since childhood. It was nothing grand like Lila's villa, but the simple two-storey concrete house with a terrace was nestled among a thicket of mango and cashew trees. It was freshly painted in a pumpkin orange colour except for the white, plain cornice. The cloth and beads toran that my mum had gifted years back still hung over the door and the tricycle which was too small for my eleven-year-old cousin seemed to be permanently parked right below the doorbell. I rang it, looking back at Lila who was wandering under the mango trees, her lips slightly parted in awe at the ripe mangoes that were at an arm's length from being plucked.

I saw the perspiring, plump face of my mother's sister who had attended Pavitra's wedding through the grills of the door and she hastily wiped her face with the free end of her cotton saree, letting me in at once. There was a power cut because the house was dim with no fans switched on in this dehydrating heat. My little cousin wasn't home as it was so peacefully quiet that I could hear the jingling of my aunt's bangles. She spoke in Marathi, "You should have told your uncle, he would have come and picked you up in his scooter."

"No, it's okay. I came here in my friend's car, so it wasn't an issue." The moment I said that Lila came running into the house with the biggest, ripest mango in her hand.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist! I hope you don't mind me plucking this one, aunty," she addressed my aunt in Hindi who regarded her suspiciously. "I tagged along with Tulsi when she told me her relatives had a mango farm. There are so many trees! And the mangoes are the best I have ever seen in my life!"

That flattery was more than enough to completely win over my aunt who came back from the kitchen with a tray of two glasses of Kokam sherbert and slices of mangoes. She fanned the tray with the free end of her saree to drive the flies away and set the tray on my lap. "There's a power cut. Your uncle and your little brother have gone out, otherwise, he would have switched on the generator. I don't know how to do all that. Ah, it's hot, isn't it?" She said in Marathi, looking directly at Lila. "I'll put a mat outside so you both can sit there and eat. It's cooler under the shade. After a while, your uncle or light should come. Let's see who is the fastest."

Lila gaily ran outside, twirling like a princess straight out of a fairytale. "You're super lucky, Tulsi. You have all your kind relatives and this farm with these mangoes. The only family I have besides my mother is Manu!"

"That's not true," I said quietly, following her with the tray in my hands. "You have me as long as you want me too."

She turned away from admiring the mangoes and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You both think this is a good spot? There would be some ants around, but they're black ants." My aunt huffed as she stooped down to spread the mattress, the excess flesh creasing at her elbows then unfolding and dangling further up on her arms. I handed the tray to Lila and rushed towards my aunt to help her, not out of affection or pity, but decorum. "Yes, yes, this is a good spot. No harsh sunlight will fall on you. You need to take care of your skin, right, Tulsi? Look at your friend, how fair and beautiful she is."

In a fleeting moment of being dumbstruck, I felt Lila's little finger intertwining with my brown one and her warm breath was followed by her rough whisper, "You're super hot. Don't listen to others."

I glanced at her and she had the widest grin on her face, but her eyes, those dark eyes were twinking with honesty.

"I'll go inside and prepare lunch for everyone. I hope Lila likes seafood. Tulsi, let me know if she wants anything." Then my aunt looked dotingly at Lila, grabbing her chin and speaking in Hindi, "Let me know if you want anything, okay, beta? How pretty you are, so pretty."

"She's madly in love with you," I remarked after my aunt had left, sitting on the straw mat beside a complacent Lila. It was serenely and comfortably silent, neither the type of silence where one felt like filling it with words nor the type where one was afraid to disturb it. Every once in a while, the afternoon silence called on its benign companion, the breeze which swished past the leaves and mangoes and delightfully caressed our skin. Lila was sensitive to it all, giggling when a leaf would softly land on her head or a mango in her lap. Sunlight filtered in between the canopy of leaves, slitting and falling across her collarbone. I wanted to kiss her there, to feel the warmth of the sun.

"Is something here?" She took a glimpse of her chest in bewilderment, her slightest double chin appearing. I was laughing for being caught in the act of staring at her. That bewildered her more and she kept away the glass of Kokam sherbert, searching for any stains on her dress. "What are you laughing at? You're annoying me now! Is something there? There isn't anything, no? Why are you laughing? Tell me, even I want to laugh. Tell me!" She lunged at me and tried to muffle my laughter by pressing her hand on my lips. "Since you're not telling me, I won't let you laugh either!"

I laughingly fell backwards on my elbows, shaking my head away from her hand. "It's nothing, I swear! It's honestly nothing, trust me!"

Her weight was lifted away from my body and I heard her sudden dispirited comment, "You're the one who should learn to trust me."

"What happened?" I sat up, tucking my long navy blue dress under my thighs.

"You keep doubting me. You think that I don't love you as much as you love me."

I was amused by this spectacle. "Where did this come from?"

Her eyes were averted to her hands folded on her lap like a yogi. "It's true! You always doubt that I'll leave you. You think I'm not loyal. You think all these untrue stuff about me. But I broke up with Raul yesterday, that's the first thing I wanted to do."

"How did he react?"

"He was cool with it. We're still friends, I can't stop being friends with him."

"I understand that. I never asked you to completely stop talking to him," I said more defensively than I intended to. "Of course, I understand. You both have been best friends since childhood and you know each other better than anyone else---"

"See, that! You think I'm stupid, that I don't get you. But see, you keep bringing him up. You don't trust me." She slumped back after the initial excitement of pointing my flaws waned like the melted wax of a candle.

"You're the one who brought this topic up. I didn't even want to think about him today." Sighing to shake away my irritation, I switched the leg on which my bum was resting. "Let's just forget about it, okay? I don't know why we're talking about him and ruining this afternoon. It's rare to have cool afternoons in a hot place like Tarkarli . . ."

I was surprised to see her eyes watery, not from laughter and her lips quivering, not from suppressed giggles. "Why don't you say that you trust me?"

"Hey, hey, hey, what happened to you, today?" I gathered her in my arms, patting her head on my shoulder. She briefly raised her face and I saw her red nose and her dark eyes cradling those big tears, too big for them to hold. I quickly and gently pressed her head against my shoulder, not wanting to see her. I had never seen her cry and I wanted to keep it that way, to not let her sadness claw at my heart. Her oblivion to circumstances around us was our strength, she couldn't know things now, she shouldn't.

I felt the wetness of her tears seep fast into my skin and I stilled.

"I'm not stupid! This hasn't been easy for me either . . . " Her snotty nose rubbed against my shoulder as she sniffed noisily. She didn't know the rules to cry, she cried like a child, unable to lock the rawness of her voice to the chains of propriety. I rocked her back and forth like a mother rocks her child, desperately wanting her to stop crying. I felt her hands fisting the back of my dress with all the vehemence that was pouring out of her today. Her words were gurgling with tears as she burst out, "I loved you first. You were running away from me, but I loved you! I know how the world is around us, I'm not stupid. But still, I love you, why, why can't you trust me then? If you don't trust me, why will the world trust people like us!"

My chest expelled the trembling breaths out of me and when I felt like I was no longer breathing, I said calmly, "I'm sorry for putting it all on you and making you feel that way. I trust you, do you trust my words?" I felt her slowly nod against my shoulder and her body shivered one last time, from all the emotions that it had held captive. "God, look at these ants now. They have all come here to see the show we put on." Lila looked at the plate of mangoes infested with greedy ants and smiled, smiled despite the dirty tear stains and her pink, snotty nose.

It was under the mango trees that Lila peeled away her skin and laid herself bare in front of me.

* * *

Glossary :

Toran- decorative piece (like a wall hanging) hung over doors in India.

Kokam sherbert a refreshing drink.