FENRER

We walk this hells damned line time and time again. People fear that with a blink, we see the truth. What stops me from using my powers for ill? Only the balance of the world, of the flow, of the tree of magick which winds itself throughout the planes and connects us as one. Question posed to himself on the lips of a princess, he shoved himself underneath Ojain's paws and put his face in the wolven headdress of the Steward of Sungrove. Auric streams wrapped around the walls, and he clung onto each one to slam it into his head every time he bumped his brow into the headdress. Candles flickered with the passage of colorful rivers. Over, over, and over again. Some tasted like smoked fish. Others rotted with dismay. Few, full of old pain. Senses full with the overload, he choked on a gasp when it sizzled with flames. Opalescent bulbs grew around him to whither when he inhaled them again and again. The low buzz between his ears intensified into ringing - screaming. Yuven's cry for release from flames reflected off a prism. Fenrer Pyren. Fenrer. Fenrer.

"Molvisaliz!"

Full of pain, crimson-stained. Oceans of mire and plague. It squelched between his boots and filled them with rot. Each burst sent a cloud of blood straight into the flow, through his nose and salted his tongue. Bells rang with the drums of warning and war as shadows kicked open tombs, broke pottery and stole away the memories of his ancestors. Braziers burst with morning light and spread the tendrils straight into their temples to make them bleed into the runic sun. It flashed through so many existences, all at once. Grief. Hatred. Spite. It slipped past his lips in streams of blood as he choked on emotions without knowing, or caring, about the source until it filled his lungs.

"Little Wolf!"

It screeched with white-hot agony when he opened up the sapphire pearls and beheld political fury. Runes scorched his skin and then found himself thrown out of the circle by a golden-feathered wyvern. He kept his promise. He kept it. Repeated words of dawn's return, he smothered himself in the headdress and choked on bubbles. Auras swirled into his mind and he drove them into his own temples to leave holes when the withered bulbs grew and tugged at the flow. He kept it and I couldn't do anything — so much for being powerful. So much for—

"Little Wolf!"

A tail whacked him across the face and made him stumble further into his corner. The headdress fell into his lap as he dragged strands of his hair off his clammy brow. Kon's direwolf figure fluffed out his tail when he turned once more. Ears pinned, he padded forward, then slammed a paw into his rib-cage to push him flat against the ground as he let out a gasp. He winced when his next paw joined the other. Molten sunlight drove itself into his heart and broke the crimson current, but he jerked when Kon stood on top of him, driving down his entire weight until he was pressed against the stone floor. Bones weighted with lead, Fenrer swallowed the lump in his throat when Kon lowered his muzzle to him. His hands vibrated the dust on his floor while the flames sputtered into curling smoke.

"Setting the entire ocean of auras within this citadel into your own body will not fill the ravine," Kon said, but when Fenrer tried to haul himself upwards, he winced when Kon put his massive paws on his shoulders instead. "You can only take so much, Little Wolf." His tone came out a soft, concerned growl. "If you want me off, you must stop fighting. Feel the ground beneath you. You are getting too far out of your own mind and body."

Numbness drowned the furious white flames over his skin, and he bumped the back of his head against the ground with a groan. His blinds whispered with the wind and the bright sky gave him no sense of true time since Adara left with her silver lilies. Icy maelstroms spread hatred into the piece of magick he carried. Legs sprawled out, he drew his attention to the statue of Ojain, the Gatekeeper of the magick flow and the planes above and below. Kon's huge paws stepped off his shoulders and stomach, but he found himself with no strength to lift himself off the ground, giant or otherwise. The Ancient Design — of which we are all connected to the truth within ourselves. He brought his hand up to his brow; it was all he had the will to do. To fly free, seek knowledge, to point the way for those that shall come after us, and to guide those that came before us. He gave tiny points to the cardinal directions on his brow to give him peace. Ivara. Pyvansomiir. Evyriaz. Ojain. It slipped off his brow and he let himself into the dark.

Kon's low rumble of concern echoed through, but when he next opened himself to reality, the misty direwolf had disappeared. Darker streams of light slipped past his blinds, and he rolled over onto his side to drag himself upwards. Back onto his hindquarters, he bent his knees and used the side of his bed to get on two feet. Blanket around his shoulders, he cuddled into it and tried to unclog his sinus', wiping beneath his eyes with his shudder. Good intentions, hellish means. Good intentions. Hellish means.

"Little Wolf," Kon warned.

He kicked me out too... Is this what my curse brings me? Pain upon others that I don't want to hurt? Auric streams ran down his cheeks when he tried to wipe them off to free himself of whoever's emotions decided to stick to him. Chills swept across his cheeks when he pressed it against the window to observe the outside. Clouds gathered around the tallest peaks and mountain crags while harbor bells continued to ring in harmony. It pulsated with the wind in his mind when the maelstrom made a second, insistent return of spite. Hate. He drove his fingers into his heart when it slowed to a flurry.

"Molvisaliz."

He tried to ignore the sound.

"I want to—" It strangled out into a broken melody. "... Can I come in?"

Grass swayed, and he used the motion to throw it into the door and missed the knob with a rattle and hit his desk instead to scatter piles of paper onto the floor. Arm limp against his side, he winced when the maelstrom tore its way through instead and braced himself for the cold judgment of the world who bound him around his arm. Yuven, a ghostly apparition of his childhood, slowed to a stop at the mess with a package hanging in one hand.

"Hazebulbs from Maria," he said, tone cold when he slammed it on his end table, feathers fluffed out in distaste. "Though I know you are not like to take them." Nostrils flared, Yuven stomped and sent a hot burst of the same white flames into the fireplace to set it on fire. His icy resentment tore through his throat when he went for the door. "Because you never take care of yourself and aren't about to leave this room to visit Neven." It slammed on his face and the last of words. Fenrer hitched against the pain when the maelstrom faded as fast as it appeared. Underneath the drone, he lost himself in the movement of the heavens until stars sprinkled across the mountain with the twirl of the two moons. Days of the same, and maybe Adara was right.

He hobbled his way to his dresser to sort through clean shirts before changing and buttoning it up. Belt clicked into place, he stared at himself through the mirror. Swirls tore through the forest, broken apart by the leaves as it steamed his nostrils and he went for his jacket and Aura Blinder to give everyone else peace denied to him. It wrapped around his fingers, but it flowed out of them at her words, her wish. Out into the main heart of the western wing of the citadel, he slowed to a stop by the Infirmary. Sconces lit the way to his sea of avoidance, but the auras dwindled, so he switched on his heel and went back to the echoed screams. In front of the protected, runic doors, he sucked in the water and stepped through. Straight to the back area, he checked for other auras before slipping into Neven's room.

Full of hate.

Neven slept peacefully, but his pallor remained a sick gray across his lips as magmatic stones lined the mattress. Hands tucked into his ribcage, he sifted through the warm sapphires, then drew themself back at their sizzled fear. Lips parted to form words, he found himself without the use of his voice though he tried to drag the apology out of them.

"Fen?" Maria's voice jerked him back to life and he faced her where she stood in the doorway with phials in her hands. "I haven't seen you in days, where have you—?"

He didn't tell her either.

Fenrer's knees buckled, but he used the momentum to push himself out of the room though she called out his name. Out of the Infirmary without a welcome, he broke into a trot out of the citadel and into the caldera. Air stuck to his lungs and tore through them with his breath, but he forced himself for the exit paths to the Gauntlet, following the steps he once took before with Yuven, already Oathbound. Cascades of water trickled through the openings as he ducked through a large one, splattering it across his cheeks to slide down as tears. Mist swirled into the tunnel when he followed the familiar path. It split the waterfall when he came closer to the rune door. He clenched his fists at the haze Yuven left him with when he collapsed and seized among the peaceful grass.

He traced the swirl and opened the way through. It rolled out of his way, and he forced himself through on weak knees. Starlight bounced on the pond Adara sat beside, where she placed a tarp to protect her books from the dewdrops. Silver lilies followed the trail of twilight when he came closer, and she turned to him with a relieved smile. "I'm glad you came. You can sit down," she said when the silence stretched between them for too long. "You... don't need to talk if you don't want to. I can certainly talk enough for the both of us." Adara placed a book in her lap to open it to another page, but she kept her eye on him. He met it, but then glanced away as he came closer, on his knees in the river until he was cross-legged, draped with the silver cob-webs. Fingers dug into his jacket, he tugged it tighter around himself to provide him comfort.

You shouldn't have to.

Teeth dug into his lower lip, the spiderwebs expanded into thick seaweed on his lap every time she expanded her fireward, holding it with a single finger within the focal point of the twirling glyph. Owls hooted through the opening in the roof as she continued using Yuven's notes and tried other things. A tiny fire whip danced around her fingers, into a plume of fire to stifle itself with air. "I think I'm getting pretty good," she commented and broke the silence. "Are you hungry? I grabbed a couple things from the citadel refectory..."

He shook his head and dug deeper into his ribcage full of Yuven's bitterness. Underneath the silvertouched seaweed he found a sense of uncertainty, of fear built upon a navy spire. He chewed on his uselessness and slid them off his knees to let them whisper through the grass though she remained unaware of the sight he saw. Exhaustion drove him deeper into his collarbone with his hands against the tarp, being all that remained to keep him from collapsing into the dirt. He twisted around to Adara when she held out another package. "You sure? I don't think you've eaten a lot for the past couple days."

He nodded and gazed up at the stars, until Adara raised her hand to him.

Fenrer laced his fingers through hers, then jolted when she pushed her hand and wrist forward without hesitation and sent a shockwave into his elbow. "Ow?" He held his offended wrist against his chest.

Her smile brightened the air when she curled her fingers into a fist. "Huh, that really does work." In her aura, a wriggle of confidence and devious purpose. It touched his cheeks, and he swung himself off the tarp before the warm burst of air released itself from her clenched fist. On his feet, he held himself at an instinctual readiness when she rushed forward. Jade glyphs grew from his palms to catch her magick, but he stumbled back when she went for a kick to his shins instead. It slammed with silver power to scatter the dew into the air.

What is she—?

Fenrer grunted when she brought the full force of her arms into his, far more powerful than a corrupted deer as he wrapped his arm around hers to try and wrestle her aside, but she put up a fight against weak giant's. Instead of pure strength, she used nothing but her momentum to throw weight around as she bumped herself against his back, and he almost slipped on the dew with a gasp, but he dug his fingers into her hands and tried to keep up the pressure she sought. "You really want to do this with me?" he asked, finding a smile on his face.

Somehow.

"You're not as heavy as you look." Adara hooked her arm around his back, and he drove his feet into the dirt when she tried to wrangle him to the ground. "I've thrown burlap sacks full of food over my shoulders that were more bulky than you." Her ankle tucked against his, but he slammed it down to stop her short from tripping him. "No cheating."

"Fine..." Fenrer twisted on his heel and drove both his hands into hers, pushing her back to the tarp. Adara went to step, but she gasped when her boot touched mud and she slipped. Fenrer held on tighter before she fell into the water of the pond, lost in the silver waves. He brought her back to her feet and braced himself for another heart-pumping round, but he stopped when she hugged him close.

"That's better." Adara nuzzled him.

Huh, that was—

Fenrer found himself helpless when she drove him back into the tarp. "Ow." He sat up, rubbing his back when Adara stood over him with a proud smile on her face. "What happened to no cheating?"

"I ain't the one who can wrestle a deer or have giant's magick that can make me stronger—" Fenrer hooked his foot around hers, then tugged his leg back to cause her to fall on the tarp as well with an oof to interrupt her train of thought. He chuckled, the sound hard on his swollen lungs when she gave him a playful scowl. "And that was just dirty."

"Then we're even." He rolled his shoulders, but readied himself when Adara put her hands on them. "Third time's the charm, then?" He studied her when she sat beside him in the other direction. "Maybe... I did need this." He flicked open one of her books and frowned at Yuven's scrawl along the notes, but returned to her when she pushed her palm against his face.

"It's just me."

And all the auras I can see.

He folded his lips inward, but relaxed when she pressed hers against them. Her fingers traced around his neck, then sank deeper through the mist full of starlight dewdrops stuck to his face from his walk through the cascade to reach her. Straight against his own spine, he held her close and tasted love within the lily-blooms instead of the spiteful world. Any thoughts left in his throat dissipated when she held him, engulfed him with her shining light to pierce the shadow of loneliness over his back. Adara drifted off his lips and held onto the sides of his head, her breathing steady as she looked at him, dead ahead into the spiral of pain in his eyes. He went to drop them, but he stopped when she gripped tighter.

And for a moment, the truth opened itself wide to his terrible sense and created flowers made of magick. It lodged in his throat when he forced himself to meet her brown gaze of unbreakable steel. He's right though... an Aurus hurt him — an Aurus hurt him and I, another Aurus, could do nothing about it. I couldn't undo the pain... I'm not powerful. I'm just an idiot, like he said. Heavier raindrops slid down his face when Adara embraced him close, brushing her hand through his hair. I'm just an idiot who couldn't even stifle Neven's pain when he tossed me out because why would he want me to be in there in the first place? He should've said no from the start. It's my fault. 

My Oathbound hates me.

Fenrer clung onto her and cried the tears of the world in choked silence.