Chapter 29:  just maybe

JAJA

Six months ago

Not long since I was dragged inside the station ay pinasok rin ang isang lalaki. Unang mapapansin ang kanyang katangkaran, but when you get to see his face, it's all that will matter. He was bleeding, and his disheveled hair just added to the glory of his form.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa suot. Daddy's Little Monster cropped shirt, fishnet stockings, at sandamakmak na makeup sa mukha. Of all times, kung kailan nasa ganitong ayos pa talaga ako? Pero sandali, he looked so familiar. I think I saw him somewhere. I saw him look in my direction. Pinasadahan niya ako ng tingin. I bet all money I have right now that he's judging me.

I freed myself from the cuff, smiling to myself. Napansin kong bahagya rin siyang napangiti sa ginawa ko. Patuloy siya sa tahimik na pagmamasid sa galaw ko hanggang sa nilapitan siya ng isang pulis at pinusasan. The moment the police turned his back, mabilis na nakawala siya sa kanyang posas.

Lumapit ang kapatid ko sa pwesto ko at naupo. Napasulyap ako sa hawak niyang dokumento at muntikan nang mapasinghap nang makita ang profile ni Cooler Vander. My eyes widened as I looked at the guy's direction. So that's him?

"Ja, ano na naman 'to?"

Muli akong npalingon kay Brad. He looked so distressed right now, ngunit gaya ko, he was silently observing the guy seated not far from me.

"Nahuli ka dati dahil sa riot na kinasangkutan mo. Last time you're here, nahuli kang may illegal na armas. Tapos ngayon? Ja, you knew possession of illegal drugs is serious!"

I could feel the Vander's eyes on me. I sat comfortably, trying my best to act cool. "Hindi iyon sa akin."

"Hindi ito nakakatawa, Jaja."

Who said it was funny? Nagsasabi ako ng totoo. I didn't even know Jules made me carry drugs.

"Panahon na para hiwalayan mo 'yang boyfriend mo," sabi ng kapatid ko.

Here we go again. Sa tuwing may pagkakataon, he would remind me to break up with Jules.

"Bakit ko iyon gagawin?"

My brother was really annoyed. "Masama lamang ang impluwensiya ni Jules sa'yo."

"That's for me and Jules to decide." I crossed my arms and sulked on the side. Bawat galaw ko ay may sasabihin si Brad mula sa sinong kakaibiganin, anong kurso ang kukunin—even the food I eat. My brother is sort of controlling. Siguro ay dahil iyon sa pagkakapasa ng responsibilidad sa kanya mula nang mawala si Tatay.

Sinong niloloko ko? He's been like that since we were kids.

Napansin marahil ni Brad na naalis ang posas sa kamay ko. "At tinanggal mo ang posas mo."

I smiled to myself at ngumuso sa lalaking nasa kabilang silya. "So as he."

Cooler Vander looked in my direction with a little pout. Yup, I just snitched on him ngunit sa halip na magalit ay mukhang na-amuse pa siya. Tumayo si Brad upang posasan kami ulit ngunit bumukas ang pinto at iniluwa niyon ang isang lalaki. The suit and the pin he wore tells me he is his lawyer.

"I am Cooler Vander's lawyer," pakilala niya, making the whole station stiffen. Right, marinig lamang ang pangalang Vander, sapat na iyon para pangilabutan ang lahat ng naroon.

Sakto namang sumilip ang delivery rider sa likuran niya. "Pizza delivery."

All heads turned in my direction, knowing only I have the guts to order pizza at times like this. Masayang tumayo ako at halos takbuhin na ang distansya papunta sa pinto.

"Yes, I'm here! Magkano po lahat?"

Like all of the times, my brother disapproved of my actions. "Ja, hindi ito ang tamang oras para umorder ng pagkain."

I sniffed the box, smiling at the smell of melting cheese and yummy meat. Any time is the perfect time for food. Pabalang na sinagot ko si Brad at pinuna pa ang dispenser ng istasyon, dahilan na napaubo ang karamihan sa naroon. What now, I'm just stating facts.

Nang siningil ako ng delivery rider ay bigla akong natigilan nang hindi ko makapa ang coin purse sa bulsa. Right, kinumpiska pala nila ang lahat ng meron ako.

I could borrow from Jules, ngunit ngayong naiinis siya, I doubt he will hand me some. Sunod akong bumaling kay Cooler Vander. "Hey, you look rich, pahiram naman ako ng four hundred twenty five, no, make it five hundred para may tip na."

He was still smiling kahit na duguan ang kanyang tagiliran. Why does he look so fresh? Nakakainis. Siya lang yata ang duguang pogi pa rin. It was too late to realize that like me, his belongings might be confiscated too. Bumaling siya sa kanyang abogado, na agad namang dumukot ng pera mula sa bulsa.

Nakangiting kinuha ko ang pera at binigay sa rider, bago humanap ng pwesto kung saan maari kong ienjoy ang pagkain, without Brad's nagging.

Mula sa salamin bintana ay nakita ko silang nag-uusap kasama ang abogado. Cooler Vander sat comfortably—like a brat who knew that daddy's money will get him out of his mess.

Napansin kong napatingin siya sa direksyon ko kaya agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin at inabala ang sarili sa pagkain. Ito ang unang beses na nakita ko siya, and I didn't expect him to look this good.

Pero gaya ng madalas sabihin ni Brad, do not be deceived by good looks. He looked like he's good at breaking hearts, ngunit mas malala pa roon ang ginagawa nila or so I've been told. My father's murder was what pushed Brad to become a police.

Simpleng tao lamang si Tatay, just a small-time magician who got caught in whatever wicked games rich people like the Vanders are playing. Wala silang pakialam kung may madamay man, as long as they benefit from it and rake more money.

Tama si Brad. The Vanders are disgusting people.

Nakita kong tumayo sila at palabas na. I immediately stood up, grabbing the box of pizza at sinalubong sila. "Pizza?"

He looked like he was in pain as he gripped his bleeding side, ngunit nakuha pa rin niyang ngumiti at nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin sa akin at sa pizza. Nakakainis, ngiti nang ngiti! Oo na, ikaw na may magandang ngipin!

"I know I owe you, okay, so take a slice as down payment?" Nahihiyang tanong ko. Kailan pa ako naging mahiyain? I'm so used to talking with people!

Bigla akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan nang bahagya siyang lumapit at pumitik sa harapan ko. The next thing I knew is that he was pulling a rose at the back of my hair.

Napasimangot ako. Well, not that fast and clean but it's okay. Maybe he can do better.

"That's it?" tanong ko at kinuha ang rosas mula sa kanya. Bahagyang naglapat ang mga kamay namin, and I ignored the small warmth I felt from that small contact. Mabilis na inihagis ko sa ere ang bulaklak. He was caught off guard at napatingala. Hindi nakaligtas sa paningin ko ang pagkamangha sa kanyang mukha habang tinitingnan ang mga gintong confetti na nalaglag. Tila batang tuwang-tuwa na hinuli niya ang mga iyon bago malawak ang ngiting tumingin sa akin. One confetti got caught in my hair kaya kinuha niya iyon at tinitigan.

"What's your name?" I asked, bago pa ako matumba sa tamis ng kanyang ngiti. Totoo nga yata ang sabi nilang may ngiting nakakapanghina ng mga tuhod.

"Cooler Vander," walang pag-aalinlangang sagot niya. "Yours?"

Kahit ibigay ko ang pangalan sa kanya ay hindi niya iyon makikilala. For sure he doesn't know Romeo Rustia, an innocent bystander who got killed because of them. Sa halip na sagutin siya ay kumuha ako ng ham sa toppings ng pizza. I reached for his chest pocket, tapping it a bit.

"Check it kapag nasa sasakyan ka na. Nice meeting you, Cooler Vander."

Tinalikuran ko siya at bumalik sa mesang pinagkainan ko kanina. Nang tuluyan silang umalis ay napatingin ako sa kamay kong hawak ang ham. I sighed, before putting it in my mouth at nginuya. Of course hindi ko iyon nilagay sa bulsa niya! It's just a simple sleight of the hand, misdirection, and in this case, post-planning.

I pulled some tissue paper mula sa mesa ng mga pulis at pinunasan ang mga kamay. Kumuha ako ng baraha, one I always had on me in case one asked for my contact details. Grabbing a pen, I scribbled on the card at lumapit sa pulis na kumukuha ng tubig.

"Hi, Rex!" bati ko sa pulis. Isa siya sa mga nakakasundo ni Brad kaya kilala ko siya.

"Hey, Ja. Handa ka na sa litanya ng kapatid mo mamaya?" nakangiting tanong niya.

"Well, sanay na ako," sagot ko at mas lalong lumapit. "May pabor sana ako." Bahagya kong sinulyapan si Cooler Vander at ang kanyang abogado na may kausap na pulis, probably so they can leave and get all his confiscated things.

"Sure, ano iyon?"

I handed him the card. "Hmm, type ko kasi 'yon." Ngumuso ako sa direksyon ni Cooler at mapanuksong ngiti naman ang sinagot niya sa akin. "Pwede bang ilagay mo 'to sa chest pocket niya, but make sure hindi niya alam."

Kinuha niya iyon at mas nilawakan ang mapanuksong ngiti. "Aba, napakadali lang niyan. Kunyari ay kinakapkapan ko siya, standard operating procedure lang, pero tinanim ko na pala 'to sa kanya."

I almost frowned. Is that what they used to do kapag nagtatanim ng ebidensiya? But whatever, I can make this work.

Bumalik ako sa mesa at tinanaw si Rex na pasimpleng kinapkapan si Cooler, slowly sliding the card in his chest pocket, to complete the trick. Through him, I created the illusion of making the card appear in his pocket.

Tahimik na nagmasid ako hanggang sa tuluyan silang nakalabas. So far, he hasn't noticed it and he was also obedient enough to follow what I said na sa sasakyan na niya tingnan ang nilagay ko sa kanyang bulsa.

Nilapitan ako ng kapatid ko. His fist was clenched as he looked at the car outside. "Kilala mo siya?"

I shrugged, looking away. "We just met."

Tiningnan ako ni Brad nang matagal. "You got his attention."

I frowned, eyeing myself down. "Who wouldn't, when I'm dressed like this?"

"No, dahil sa ginawa mo. At least may mabuting nagawa rin ang pagsasama mo kay Tatay," sabi niya at humalukipkip.

Right, he hated my passion for magic tricks. Na dapat daw ang panahong ginugol ko sa pagsama kay Tatay at pag-aaral ng kung anu-anong magic trick ay ginugol ko lamang sana sa pag-aaral.

***

I didn't expect Cooler Vander to contact me, but he actually did. Mas nakakagulat pang malaman na may offer siyang trabaho para sa akin. It wasn't what I expected. Ako, tuturuan siya ng magic?

Sa umpisa ay natawa pa ako. I thought it was a code for something, but no, he really wanted me to tutor him. It was actually a fun and decent offer, pero kaya ko bang magtrabaho sa kanya?

They murdered my father. The name Vander, as fancy as it seems, is actually a bad one. Lahat ng ilegal na bagay ay ginagawa nila. What am I if I get involved with them in any way?

I turned him down, thinking it was a ridiculous job, hanggang sa nangailangan ako ng pera. Hindi lamang iyon, nalaman pa ng kapatid ko ang tungkol sa pagkikita namin ni Cooler. He devised a plan to get the money, and at the same time, ipaghiganti ang pagkamatay ni Tatay. I was hesitant at first, but my dire need for money pushed me to great extremes, such as blackmailing Cooler Vander para lamang ibigay ulit sa akin ang trabahong tinanggihan ko.

Well, guess what, I am now Cooler's girlfriend. This wasn't exactly the plan, dahil hindi ko naman binalak na magustuhan siya.

But lately, Brad has been bugging me about the money's whereabouts. Hindi ko alam kung alam ba niya ang relasyon namin ni Cooler, but I bet he knew. How do I tell my brother that I really like Cooler, and at the same time, how do I tell Cooler that I only wanted the money's whereabouts at first? Maniniwala kaya siya sa akin kapag inamin ko sa kanya ang lahat?

I slouched on the seat and tried to clear my mind. Ayaw ko sa buhay na puno ng galit at paghihiganti. Simple lamang akong mag-isip. It's not like Cooler killed my dad, so bakit si Cooler ang gagamitin ko just to get even?

My brother will hate me. He will surely call me an irresponsible daughter. Pero mababalik ba ng paghihiganti ang buhay ni Tatay?

Why can't life be simple? Can life just be about love and forgiveness and then everyone will be happy? I wish it will be as simple as that.

I deleted my call logs before walking back to the cabin. Mahimbing pa rin ang tulog ni Cooler nang makabalik ako. Looking at him right now pains me. Walang kaalam-alam sa mga bagay-bagay. He may be some big name in their family business, ngunit sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, Cooler is just a baby.

My poor baby.

Shaking off my thoughts, I decided to roll back in bed with him.

***

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was Cooler's warm skin against mine. Ilang beses akong napakurap at napatingin sa kanya. He was facing me sideways, his head propped on his hand.

"Napahaba ang tulog ko, sorry," sabi ko at sinubukang bumangon.

Cooler smiled at me. "You look so cute while asleep."

My chest tightened. Bawat oras na lumilipas ay bumibigat ang dibdib ko. Masyado akong nawili sa mga bagay sa pagitan namin, at nakalimutan ang rason kung bakit muli akong lumapit sa kanya, despite initially turning down his job offer.

Naramdaman ko ang panunubig ng mata ko. Should I tell him? What if he will hate me? I sat up at bahagyang tumalikod sa kanya para hindi niya makita ang mga mata ko.

"What's wrong, baby?" nag-aalalang tanong niya. Bumangon rin siya at umusog sa direksyon ko, trying to make me face him.

Umiling ako at pilit na ngumiti. "No, I'm just... happy."

I caught him staring at my face, carefully analyzing every corner. May bakas ng pag-aalala ang kanyang mukha.

"If you're worried about me, I'm okay," he assured me. Bahagya niyang hinawakan ang nakabendang tainga. Mas lalo akong naluha sa sinabi niya. He slightly panicked as he pulled me to face him, warm hands sliding on my wet cheeks as he tried to wipe my tears away.

Naluluhang ngumiti ako. "I'm not worried, okay? Masaya lang talaga ako."

Lies. Lies. Lies.

"I'm happy too. Guess happy is what I get because I love you a little too much," he confessed, making me tear up even more.

"Huwag naman sana labis-labis, Cooler. Paano kung masaktan kita?"

He stared at me for a long while, na tila ba binabasa ang lahat ng nasa isip ko. I was torn between confessing everything or keeping it to myself. Maybe I could find a way out of it. Maybe kaya kong kumbinsihin si Brad na wala kaming mapapala sa paghihiganti. Maybe I could keep Cooler to myself.

But all of those are just maybes.

Maybe I cannot do all things.

My cheeks were caught between his palms. "Hayaan mo lang akong mahalin ka, at kung masaktan man ako..." He smiled. "Wag naman sana."

My laugh got caught in my throat. He slowly leaned forward with my face still in his hands. Bumaba ang mga mata niya sa labi ko, at wala na akong ibang gustong gawin kung hindi ang halikan siya. I didn't know I was addicted to kisses until Cooler kissed me.

"You can hurt me in so many ways, but I will still love you," he assured me.

Napailing ako sa sinabi niya. "Cooler, hindi mo alam ang sinasabi mo."

"I'd do anything for you. Anything. I'd even die for you. Ganoon kita kamahal."

No, he didn't know what he was saying. He will hate me when he learns I was only after the money. He will hate me once he knew I've initially connived with my brother. He will hate me for being a liar while demanding full honesty from him.

The pain in my chest was killing me. Nakalimutan ko kung paano huminga— that or Cooler just takes my breath away.

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