Chapter 28: truth and lies

COOLER

I woke up to the smell of coffee and breakfast. My body hurt so badly, and there was a dull ache on the side of my head, reminding me of the injury with a threat of hearing loss.

Gone was the body that provided me with warmth and comfort throughout the night. Kinapa ko ang magkabilang gilid ngunit ang malambot na kama lamang ang nahahawakan ko. Napabalikwas ako ng bangon at hinanap sa paligid si Rustia.

I noticed her on the side, neatly piling the food and carefully placing the coffee on the saucer. Dahan-dahan akong bumangon, and my little move made her look my way.

"Gising ka na pala," nakangiting bati niya. There was no hint of the crying and sobbing because of what happened last night.

Kumirot ang dibdib ko. She was acting all strong for us. This time, the ache in my heart felt so good. It makes me like this woman very much. She was not pushy; she let me cry and comforted me with hugs and warmth. Sa bawat oras na lumilipas, mas lalo ko lamang siyang nagugustuhan. The feeling she's making me feel is so strong that I want to do nothing but lock her in my arms.

Sa unang pagkakataon, hinayaan ko ang ibang tao na makita ang kahinaan ko. For the first time, I let someone know how hurt I am. There was no judgment, no false comforting words, just a touch of understanding.

Pinanuod ko siya habang papalapit sa kama. She secured a cup of coffee in her hand and handed it to me with a smile.

"Coffee?"

Napangiti ako at tinanggap iyon, taking a careful sip. Nagdulot iyon ng init sa lalamunan ko, and I know the warmth in my chest is not because of the coffee.

She leaned forward at hinalikan ang pisngi ko. "Good morning," bati niya.

Inilapag ko ang kape sa gilid before pulling her into me. Mas lalo siyang lumapit sa akin at nakangiting napahawak sa magkabilang balikat ko, while I secured my arms on her waist. I took that moment to stare at every corner of her face. Napalunok siya ng ilang beses at sinubukang salubungin ang mga tingin ko ngunit agad siyang namula at napayuko.

I pulled her even closer to me, hanggang sa konti na lang ang espasyo sa pagitan namin. My hands were on her sides, at ibinaon ko ang mukha sa pagitan ng kanyang leeg at balikat, gently kissing the exposed skin.

"B-breakfast is ready," paalala niya.

I hummed on her neck, making her slightly shiver. "I love you."

She stiffened before she pulled me off her neck. "Ano?"

Napangiti ako at muling inabot ang kape, taking a big sip. "I love you."

The more I said it, the more it caused turmoil in her. Hindi siya mapakali at sinubukang lumayo sa akin ngunit mabilis na sinundan ko siya, pulling her by the hips.

"Where are you going?" I asked, looking at the food she had readied. "How about breakfast?"

"H-ha?" She looked away, feeling uneasy.

I slightly giggled before pulling her to kiss the top of her head. "Stop freaking out, I just said I love you."

She looked at me, lips slightly parting ngunit walang salitang lumabas doon. Mukhang hindi siya naniniwala sa sinasabi ko, but this isn't me being not completely honest with her.

"Let's not let the breakfast go to waste," sabi ko at umupo sa harap ng pagkain. I took a bite, oblivious of her surprise at what I just told her. Unti-unti siyang napaupo at tila wala sa sariling nagsimulang kumain.

It felt so good to finally admit it to her, and to myself. Mahal ko siya. Mahal ko si Rustia. I knew I loved her when I couldn't find the proper words to call what I felt for her. Bawat galaw niya ay mas lalo akong nahuhulog sa kanya. So why would I waste time admitting what I truly feel?

"Don't feel burdened," wika ko habang ngumunguya. "I just ran out of levels of how I like you, so this is where I called it love."

She started eating fast, hanggang sa mabulunan siya. Natatawang tumayo ako at sinalinan siya ng tubig. I handed her the water.

"You're all I think of, every passing minute. You make me feel myself, komportable ako sa'yo. Gusto kitang makita sa umaga, I want you to be the first person I see when I wake up. And when I fall asleep, I want you to be the last person I see. I may not be the best boyfriend out there, but I want to be the best one for you," I said, letting all the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. "You don't have to say you love me too, because I will seriously feel bad if you say it but actually don't. Save it for the moment that you really feel it. Sa ngayon, hayaan mo muna akong mahalin ka."

Mapupungay ang mga matang nakatingin siya sa akin. She buried herself in my chest as she hugged me.

"Natatakot akong mahalin ka nang lubusan Cooler," sagot niya. "Not when you cannot be completely honest with me."

My chest tightened. Is this where we talk about the topic I kept dodging? The sad reality is I'm so deep in this business shit, I just can't ditch it that easily. Pinilit kong ngumiti. Can I tell her about the illegal works? The bodies in the yard? The few bribing scenarios? She could know all the bad things I did and then she'll hate me and leave me. That cannot happen. I couldn't let her know the full extent of what I do. Hindi niya iyon magugustuhan. I wanted us to work out, so there's no way I'll screw it up with full honesty.

And lying does?

"How about this, I'll tell you five things. Three of which are lies and the remaining two are truths. You can guess which one is which." She looked a little bit sad, but that's the only option I can give her right now.

She sighed before giving me a nod. "Alright."

Alright, let's start with the hard truth.

"I'm beaten with a cane by a relative and my right ear is temporarily deaf." I made sure my face was devoid of emotion. Of course, buong buhay ko ay nasanay na akong itago lahat ng emosyon when talking about relatives. Hindi na totoo ang kasabihang blood is thicker than water. Most of the time, blood was just there being all unpleasant and nauseating.

Her doe-eyes looked at me with so much sorrow and pain. Her lips quivered as she tried to hold me ngunit pinigilan niya ang sarili. "That's...unbelievable."

Itinaas ko ang dalawang daliri. "I speak 9 languages: Filipino, English, Spanish, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, German, Korean, and a little bit of French."

Ngumiti siya. "That seems true, knowing how smart you are. Kung mali man ako and it's actually a lie, then maybe the lie is in the numbers. Baka lagpas 9 na lenggwahe ang alam mo."

She was just trying to be positive and strong for both of us. The commentary was not necessary but she did it for our sake, so none of us would break down.

I reached for her shaking hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm actually a cat person. I just pretend to like dogs more than them because dogs are a lot cooler, easy to get along with, and you know, unlike cats they're not jerks to anyone."

"I like cats more too," komento niya. "I can't match a dog's clinginess and energy. Mas gusto ko ang pusa, it's like having a nonchalant housemate."

Ngumiti ako sa sinabi niya at nagpatuloy."I hate my life. I hate me. Sometimes, I want to die."

Mariin ang tingin niya sa akin, but her gaze was devoid of pity. If more than anything, it was adoration. "We all want to die...sometimes." Mas hinigpitan pa niya ang pagkakahawak sa kamay ko. "But I'm proud you're making it past those thoughts."

Gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko habang kasama siya. It's like I found someone who I can confide in without hesitation. This felt so new to me. May taong nakikinig sa akin, just carefully lifting the weights off my chest without me worrying about a dead body the next morning.

I can easily tell my cousin Ryu what I feel, or Poseidon on some matters, but the next thing I knew is them blowing a gasket and ruining other people's lives. I cannot blame them though because I'll probably do the worst. But with Rustia... It was different.

"That's four," sabi ko, sighing heavily. "Lastly..."

She looked at me with so much anticipation and curiosity in her eyes. I wish I could just tell her all truths and then we will both be happy with it. Pero hindi ganoon ang buhay, there will be painful truths and comforting lies.

"... I knew who killed your father, and I knew where the lost 13 billion money is."

***

JAJA

It was odd watching Cooler take off his high and mighty mask, at hinayaang ilabas ang mga bumabagabag sa kanyang dibdib. He wanted us to enjoy the rest of the day, but I insisted he should rest. Sa simula ay nagpumilit pa siyang bumawi, but later agreed na saka na lamang kapag nakapagpahinga na siya.

He was curled on the side of the bed. His tiny breathing was so blissful, kaya dahan-dahan akong gumalaw upang tumayo mula sa kama. I walked to his side of the bed, crouched down, and stared at his sleeping face.

Why does he look so good? He's so pretty it hurts.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-vibrate ng cellphone ko mula sa bulsa kaya tiningnan ko kung sino iyon. My brother's name registered on the screen, kaya tumayo ako at bahagyang lumayo. I took a final glance at Cooler before answering the phone.

"Brad."

I heard my brother growl from the other line. "Nasaan ka?!"

"Brad, relax. Buhay pa naman ako," wika ko at mas lumayo roon. Naghanap ako ng pwesto sa deck, malayo sa cabin kung saan baka maistorbo si Cooler sa ingay ko.

"You better be, dahil akala ko ay patay ka na nang hindi kita macontact kagabi," sarkastikong sabi niya.

I rolled my eyes. "Anong kailangan mo?"

"Really, that attitude?" tanong niya. "Are you trying to get me out of the loop? Baka nakakalimutan mo ang nangyari nang hindi mo ako ina-update? Did you really soften for that Vander? Nakalimutan mo na ba ang ginawa nila kay Tatay?"

I pressed my eyes closed, remembering what happened last time nang magpunta kami ni Cooler sa Four Seasons. I kept it from my brother, kahit dapat bawat galaw ko na may kinalaman sa mga Vander ay dapat pinapaalam ko sa kanya. The place burned, and my name was involved, complicating what my brother and I were trying to achieve.

Apparently, it was Cooler who commanded to burn down the place sa rason na hindi mapagtanto ni Brad, but someone just me

My task was simple. Get close to the Vander, alamin kung nasaan ang pera, and then revenge my father's death.

If only that was so easy.

Alam kong nanganganib ang buhay ko sa ginawa ko. If Cooler finds out I'm only sticking around because of our plan, malamang hindi na ako sisikatan ng araw.

Napabuntong-hininga ako at luminga-linga sa paligid. "I think Cooler knows where the money is. Hindi pa niya sinasabi kung nasaan, but he will surely tell me soon."

Tila baliw na tumawa ang kapatid ko mula sa kabilang linya. "Good. Coax him more into telling you a lot of things we can use against them. Naiintindihan mo?"

I nodded, slowly slouching on the seat. "Naiintindihan ko, Brad."

"Good, alalahanin mong para kay Tatay 'tong ginagawa natin," sabi niya at nagpaalam.

Nang pinatay ko ang tawag ay napabuntong-hininga ako. How long will I be pretending? Naguguluhan na ako sa mga bagay-bagay. Para 'to kay Tatay, but recently my mind was swayed because of Cooler Vander's vulnerability.

Am I just a good actress o talagang nadadala na ako ng nararamdaman ko para kay Cooler? I didn't audition for a role back then 13 times just to be this lousy!

A part of me is hurting for him. Hindi mahirap ang magpanggap na nag-aalala ako sa kanya, because Cooler Vander really has a lonely life. I felt sorry for him. May bahagi ng utak ko ang kumontra. I was worried for him, for real. Ang pag-aalala ko kagabi sa kanya? It was real—pero ayaw kong aminin iyon. Mas lalong hindi dapat iyon malaman ng kapatid ko. We've worked hard to get this far; I'm not messing this up.

I have to make his life miserable, hindi ganitong nagiging miserable rin ako dahil sa kanya. Kailangan kong tatagan ang loob ko. We're so close to the 13 billion. I have to keep my eye on the prize and make sure not to mess things up.

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A/N:

Jaja...Wtf?!!!!

ShinichiLaaaabs