Chapter 21: boyfriend duties

COOLER

Rustia was not that needy—a thing that I expect from a woman. It's my sixth day out of the country pero wala akong narinig na ha ni ho mula sa kanya. At kahit noong nasa bansa pa ako ay hindi kami nagkita ng halos isang linggo dahil masyadong busy sa trabaho.

And fast forward to almost two weeks time, wala pa rin akong natanggap na mensahe mula sa kanya. And for that almost two weeks time that we didn't see each other, hindi man lang ba niya ako hinanap? Namiss?

Normally, I like it when girls are not clingy, so why the hell I feel uneasy of Rustia's lack of checking on me?

Binilin ko rin ang kaligtasan niya kay Mnemosyne so I can rule out the reason na nasa peligro siya kaya hindi siya makatext, tawag o chat sa akin.Wait, does she even know my social media handles?

Muli akong napabuntong-hininga at sumandal. I cannot complain dahil hindi naman kami, but does it hurt to ask about my whereabouts? Nang nagtext ako sa kanya na aalis dahil sa trabaho, she didn't even ask me which country I would be going. Damn, I should have instructed Mnemosyne to keep a better eye on her, like update me on whatever she was doing.

I took another sip of the whiskey and sighed.

"Ninth," wika ni Poseidon. He was sitting across from me with a home magazine in his hand.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. "Huh?"

Ibinaba niya ang magazine at diretsong tumingin sa akin. "That's your ninth sigh since we boarded the plane. It's not even an hour yet."

I shook my head and avoided his gaze. Ganoon na ba ako kalala? I slouched in my seat and took another sigh.

"Okay, that's the tenth," sabi ni Poseidon.

I glared at him. "Stop counting."

He crossed his legs and gave his full attention to me. "You recently heard from Cronus na nasa mabuti siyang kalagayan and one of these days ay sisimulan na ang operasyon niya. Your brother Gray also agreed to celebrate your upcoming birthday with you. Our transaction was successful, and in fact, we closed another deal na hindi sana parte ng itinerary natin sa lakad na 'to. The only reason I could think of why you've been sighing countless times is Jaja."

Damn, sometimes I hate how sharp Poseidon is.

I debated with myself kung sasabihin ko ba sa kanya at hayaan siyang tuksuin ako, but my frustration got ahead of me.

"Hindi man lamang niya ako kinumusta," I replied looking away. She normally bothers me with her fascination with the microwave, or anything ordinary but new to her. She also used to text me random ramblings about anything.

Pinigilan niya ang tawa. "She got a job."

Bigla akong natigilan. "She got a what?"

"A job," nakangising ulit niya.

Napataas ang isang kilay ko. "And how do you know that?"

He grinned, raising his phone. "She told me.

"What?!"

I leaped towards his seat at hinablot ang cellphone niya. Narinig ko ang nakakainis na tawa niya ngunit hindi ko na lamang iyon pinansin at binasa ang message exchange nila.

Red Villan:
Hi, Jaja! How are you?

Jaja Rustia:
Hello Reeeeed! oks lng meeeee
i got a part-tym job @ the convence store na malapt sa apartmnt
Aaaaaaaaahhhh im so excitd!

See? This is the random rambling I am talking about! I swiped to read more.

Red Villan:
Well done, Jaja!

Jaja Rustia:
Tnx Red! Alam mo ba pangarap ko dati magkaroon ng sariling 7-eleven hahahahaha

Red Villan:
Cute! Do you want a franchise? We sure can look into that.

Jaja Rustia:
hahaahahahahahahah french fries lang ang kaya ko hndi franchise 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tiningnan ko nang masama si Poseidon. "Why are you exchanging messages with Rustia?"

He raised both hands and pouted. "What's wrong with a little hello? We're friends."

I'm not convinced kaya tiningnan ko siya nang mariin, arms crossed on my chest.

"Don't tell me pinagseselosan mo ako?" tanong niya.

Ano? Bakit naman ako magseselos? I don't know that word, selos. What?

Nag-iwas akong tingin. "Bakit naman ako magseselos?"

He grinned at me before pulling his phone back. "I don't know what game you two are playing, but dude, go and text her. It wouldn't kill you."

She didn't even text me in the first place.

Bumalik ako sa upuan ko at tumingin sa labas. Pero tama si Poseidon, why don't I swallow my pride and text her? Ah, I'm waiting for her to text me first because I don't want to sound so desperate. I don't want to come out so clingy. It was unusual for me to be like this.

I am never like this but with Rustia, I feel like I've become a different person. Gusto kong i-update niya ako. I want her to be clingy to me. I want her to constantly check on me. What the heck is happening to me?

"What's stopping you from texting her?" Tanong ni Poseidon.

Pride?

"I don't want to come out desperate," sagot ko.

He crossed his arms. "And sighing ten times isn't being desperate?"

My mouth parted in frustration. Anong karapatan kong maging desperado? We're just friends— special in some way but still just friends.

If I want to be angry about the fact that Rustia is not checking up on me, on what basis? Muli akong napabuntong-hininga.

Tumawa siya nang malakas. "Eleventh!"

"Oh, F you, Poseidon!" I growled in frustration.

***

Tapping my hand on the steering wheel, I waited for Rustia to arrive. God, I missed her. Muli akong napatingin sa suot na relo, it's been thirty minutes, and any time now ay pauwi na siya, according to Poseidon.

I still couldn't bring myself to text her. Sinubukan kong mag-compose ng message, but I ended up deleting it a few times and just decided to show up.

Inilabas ko ang maliit na kahon sa bulsa at tiningnan ang laman niyon. It's our matching rings. I threw my head back. I really don't want to be desperate. And I don't think the matching rings are helping.

I closed the lid and kept the box in the glove compartment. Bawat sandali ay mas lalo akong nananabik na makita si Rustia. She has that magic that made me this way, and to think we're not even fucking.

Why do I feel so content with just having her in my life? Flashes of her face came to mind, mga sandaling nakikita ko siyang masaya, the way she scrunches her nose when she laughs, the sparkle in her eyes when she's talking about something. My thoughts were interrupted nang mamataan ko ang dalawang pigura na papalapit sa apartment. One of which was Rustia, ngunit hindi ko maiwasang matigilan nang makita ang kasama niya.

A guy I've never seen before. I gripped hard on the steering wheel, bago nagpasyang bumaba ng sasakyan. Ang unang narinig ko ay ang tawa ni Rustia.

God, I miss that laugh so much, but why is she laughing for other guys?

Ibinagsak ko ang pagsara ng pinto ng kotse kaya napabaling ang atensiyon nila sa akin.

Rustia blinked a few times na para bang hindi siya makapaniwalang nakita ako. Her face lit up, at sumilay ang malaking ngiti sa kanyang mukha."C-Cooler?"

I smiled widely. "In the flesh."

She ran towards me for a hug. Aaah, I miss this. I tightened my arm around her, while she buried her face on my chest. Bahagya kong tiningnan ang lalaking kasama niya at ngumiti lang siya sa akin.

With her arms still around me, she looked up. "You're back."

"Yup," sagot ko nang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa kasama niya.

She got the message. Bumitiw siya at ipinakilala sa akin ang lalaki. "Cooler, si Vinny, kasama ko sa trabaho. Vinny, si Cooler."

I waited for her to say more about me, like kung kaanu-ano niya ako but she ended it like that.

I guess it's better than hearing her say Vinny, si Cooler, kaibigan ko.

The Vinny guy stepped forward to shake my hand. He was a tall, pale guy na nakasuot ng face mask. Kahit malamlam ang ilaw na nagmumula sa poste, hindi na kaligtas sa paningin ko ang kakaibang tingin niya sa akin at kay Rustia.

Really, or are you just jealous?

Tinanggap ko ang kamay ni Vinny, slightly clasping it as if sending a message to inform him of my territory. Ibinaba ni Vinny ang suot na facemask at ngumiti sa akin.

My eyes narrowed. Vinny is not bad-looking. Why the heck is Rustia hanging out with a not bad-looking guy?

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa baiwang ni Rustia at mas inilapit siya sa akin. I did that without breaking eye contact with Vinny. Wala naman siyang ginawa but I hate him already.

"I'm Vinny," pakilala niya. His lips twisted into a smile. "Hinatid ko lang si Jaja kasi gabi na."

"Cooler," sagot ko, trying hard not to turn my look into a glare. "Thank you about that but I don't think that's necessary."

Napatingin si Rustia sa akin but I opted to ignore it. Mas lalo namang lumawak ang ngiti ni Vinny.

"Right, but I insisted since malalim na ang gabi. Who knows anong panganib ang meron sa daan."

Blah blah blah blah blah blah.

I personally picked this place dahil alam kong ligtas dito. The convenience store is near and all other establishments where Rustia can get all her needs are within close proximity. Maayos rin ang security rito, at ang panganib na sinasabi niya, ay alam kong hindi maiiwasan but who cares about what he says? He needs to leave Rustia alone.

"Thanks for that, dude," I replied with a smug grin on my face. I hope he got the underlying message with that grin which is shoo shoo go away.

Bumaling si Vinny kay Rustia. "I have to go Ja, see you tomorrow?"

Rustia, all smiley, nodded before waving. "See you tomorrow. Thanks, Vin!"

Vinny also nodded at me before he walked away. Kahit nakatalikod na siya ay kumakaway pa rin si Rustia, so I pulled her hand down at hindi iyon binitiwan.Tila nahihiyang napatingin siya sa akin at sa magkahawak naming kamay. I frowned a little. I want to rip off the smile on her face na para kay Vinny. I only want her to smile like that to me.

Rustia pulled in again for a hug. "Namiss kita."

Ginawaran ko siya ng halik sa buhok. "I missed you too." But why did you not get in touch?

Naramdaman kong mas humigpit pa ang yakap niya sa akin. "Pumasok na tayo."

"Sure, I'll just grab something in the car," sagot ko sa kanya. She nodded at naunang pumasok sa gate samantalang bumalik naman ako sa sasakyan para kunin ang mga pasalubong ko sa kanya.

I bought a lot but because I don't want to be desperate, iniwan ko sa bahay ang iba.I grabbed the paper bags na nasa sasakyan, and remembered my other gift. Binuksan ko ang glove compartment at inilabas ulit ang maliit na kahon. I stared at it for a solid minute before closing it and tossing it back to the compartment before getting out of the car.

***

JAJA

Halos malaglag ang panga ko nang makita si Cooler na pumasok sa pinto. He had tons of paper bags with him na may markang kung anu-anong designer brands. Most of them were brands I've only seen on TV.

"A-ano iyan?" tanong ko sa kanya, almost dropping my keys as I watched him place the bags on the floor.

"It's for you," sagot niya.

Tahimik ko siyang tiningnan. He was not the usual Cooler I know. I mean, ang kilala kong Cooler ay masayahin. Kahit na may problema ay hindi halata dahil matamis ang kanyang ngiti. It's not an overstatement to say na isa si Cooler sa may mga pinakamagandang ngiti sa buong mundo. Pero ngayon, kahit nakangiti siya, ay may tila kung anong tinatago siya sa likod ng ngiting iyon.

"C-cooler, hindi ko matatanggap-" I stopped when I saw him pout like a sad puppy. Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ang kamay niya. "I know you're a giver, at gustong-gusto mo akong i-spoil, but what am I gonna do with all of it?"

Napayuko siya. "Did I overdo it?"

Tumango ako. I like us to be honest with each other kaya sasabihin ko sa kanya ang totoong nararamdaman ko. Na nabuburden ako sa mga binibigay niya sa akin. It pressures me so much dahil ano ba ang kaya kong ibigay sa kanya?

"I'm sure mamahalin 'tong mga ito. Nothing extravagant, please?"

He blinked a few times na parang hindi maintindihan ang ibig kong sabihin. "What's the maximum?"

Tumawa ako at mahinang hinampas siya sa braso. "Maximum ka diyan! Wala, okay? I'm not a material girl. Masaya na ako na makita ka."

He pouted and looked at me with disbelief kaya tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

"What?" tanong ko.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at nagkunwaring walang narinig.

"Cooler, ano 'yon?"

He looked away, still pouting like a kid. "Did you miss me?"

Sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ko. "Oo naman."

Tinapunan niya ako ng tingin. "You really did?"

I cupped his cheeks at hinarap siya sa akin. "Opo. Miss na miss kita."

"Then why were you not texting me?" tila batang nagtatampo na tanong niya. He wasn't ready for this confrontation, I know, pero mukhang iyon ang bagay na bumabagabag sa kanya.

Did I miss him?

Of course! Halos mabaliw na ako sa kaiisip sa kanya. Normal lang ba na maramdaman itong ganito sa isang kaibigan? Namimiss ko siya sa bawat oras, minuto at segundong lumilipas, pero sino ako para mag-demand sa kanya ng oras? Unlike me, Cooler's time is precious kaya as much as possible, ayaw kong maging demanding sa kanya. How many messages did I compose and delete, in fear of him thinking I am too clingy?

Still cupping his cheeks, I tiptoed to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. Saglit na lumambot ang ekspresyon ng kanyang mukha ngunit agad ding umiwas ng tingin at napalabi.

"I missed you. Hindi lang kita tinext kasi baka busy ka sa trabaho."

"I can always spare time," he replied.

"Pero kapag palagi kitang tinetext, mas lalo lamang kitang mami-miss," sabi ko.

He looked straight at me. "So be it."

I was taken aback, hindi maintindihan ang ibig niyang sabihin. He stared at me intently at pakiramdam ko ay nawawala ang lakas ng tuhod ko dahil sa tinging iyon. He reached for my cheek, before his hand reached for my loose hair strands and tucked them behind my ear.

"I want us to be honest with each other," sabi niya. "Kung miss mo ako, tell me. Kung mas lalo mo akong mami-miss, I like that even more. I was also debating with myself as to how to feel missing you so much," he confessed, his voice wavering slightly. "But I don't want to come out desperate for you, even though I think I really am."

Napangiti ako, feeling a sense of relief. "Miss na miss kita." He stared at me as if he wanted to say more. Nahihiyang napaiwas ako ng tingin. "Nagdinner ka na ba?"

He nodded. "Tapos na."

"Do you want anything?" tanong ko.

"Ikaw," seryosong sagot niya.

Natawa ako at mahinang hinampas siya sa braso. "Sira. Magkape na lang tayo."

He smiled. "Sure."

Nakangiting iniwan ko siya at nagpunta sa kusina para magtimpla ng kape. Kumuha ako ng dalawang tasa ngunit ilang sandali lamang ay naramdaman kong lumapit siya sa likuran ko. I froze as I felt him behind. Mayamaya ay naramdaman ko ang mukha niya sa balikat ko. His warm breath provided comfort that I never knew I needed. Bumuntong-hininga siya sa balikat ko, and I know at that moment he's bothered by something.

"Remember how I told you I want us to be honest with each other?" he asked, slightly nibbling on my skin.

"Hmm?" I responded, my heart racing.

He spun me around to make me face him. "I have a confession."

His eyes locked onto mine. I could feel my pulse quicken, the anticipation of his words making my breath hitch.

"Ano iyon?" mahinang sabi ko.

He took a deep breath, his hands gently gripping my waist as if anchoring himself. "I haven't been completely honest with you about my feelings," may pag-aalangan na sabi niya. "Alam kong wala akong karapatan, and it would seem like I am not in my right mind to say this pero..."

I looked at him, my heart pounding in my chest. "Pero?"

He took my hand, and played with it. "Pero nagseselos ako kay Vinny."

I opened my mouth pero walang salitang lumabas sa bibig ko. Pero paanong magseselos siya kay Vinny? I barely know the man.

"Kay Vinny?" sinubukan ko siyang tawanan but it only came out as an awkward laugh.

He nodded like a kid.

Dati ay kapag may kausap akong ibang lalaki, Jules would flip and call me degrading names like whore. Ayaw niyang nakikipag-usap ako sa ibang lalaki and we would end up fighting about it for days. Whenever he abuse me verbally, iniisip ko na lamang nagseselos siya and it somewhat comforted me. Na kaya siya nagseselos ng ganoon ay dahil mahal niya ako.

"Cooler, wala kaming relasyon ni Vinny," sabi ko sa kanya. My heart warmed at the thought na nagseselos si Cooler kay Vinny.

"So as we," mahinang tugon niya. "Pero nagseselos ako."

What I didn't know back then is jealousy can be discussed like this. No name calling, no shouting, no accusing, just a heartfelt confession. Naramdaman ko ang panunubig ng mga mata ko. Did I really lose myself like that before? Did I leave everything behind including self love and respect at hinayaan si Jules na tratuhin akong basura?

Is this what it felt to be in a non-toxic and mature relationship? Wow, Cooler Vander is acing the boyfriend duties despite him not being my boyfriend.

#

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