TW: Depictions of drug use.

Chapter Thirty-Four:

Ben had been right.

In the five short days that Blaine had been living at home, he had transformed the state of the house tremendously. When Ria stepped foot into the house, she wasn't met with the harsh and torrid air particles of cigar smoke and musty mildew but instead a flavourful aroma of vanilla air-freshener intermingled with the caramelisation of cookie-dough baking in the distance.

She couldn't help but swivel her head towards the lounge room beside the entrance. A room she would perpetually associate with drug paraphernalia. The room was cleaner; the chairs had been neatly drawn up around the dingy dining table, the pale blue rug sat at the doorway, and new cushions were placed on each sofa, creating an illusion of homeliness. But Ria couldn't ignore the frothy chalky material still lingering along the table or the ashtray decorated with several dozen cigarette buds. Blaine released her from her reverie as he silently slammed the door shut, an unmistakable embarrassed expression on his face as he completed the action.

Ria's facial expression softened into sympathy as she followed the two boys into the kitchen. They encountered the frantic older woman springing around, donning a much too-large apron as she knelt, staring through the oven window at the blaze around the cookies tray. She jumped up tall as soon as she realised she had company and an almost practised wide smile graced her face - a smile so big and unnatural that Ria's cheeks ached to look at her.

"Oh! I wasn't expecting you two to be back so soon." She hurried the words out as though an invisible being were chasing her. She clasped her hands together and brought them to her chest as she reverted her attention to Blaine, "How did the trial go, son?"

Ben piped up first, "He was amazing, mum. You should've seen him; he was so fast." Ben shuffled from one foot to another as he mimicked Blaine dribbling a football on the pitch, "Like this!" He roared excitedly, holding onto the kitchen cabinets with his elbows as he continued his rapid movements.

"I had no doubt you would ace it." She let out a small laugh as she gazed lovingly from Ben to Blaine. It was evident she wasn't currently intoxicated in the way she'd made an effort with her appearance. A soft rouge enhanced the apples of her cheeks, a carmine tint swept across her lips, and an excess amount of golden-hued concealer was utilised to hide the gloomy grey that seemed to encircle her eyes permanently. Ria wondered what the older woman would've looked like in her youth. Beautiful, she thought; if only she hadn't allowed the drugs to taint her skin and soul.

Ria observed as the older woman gently kissed her fingertips before inclining upwards and pressing those same fingertips against Blaine's cheek. He responded with a sad smile but didn't utter a single word.

Suddenly, Ben lunged towards the oven, licking his lips as he eyed the cookies through the oven window. He tried to open the oven door but was intercepted by Blaine.

"Ben, wait!" Blaine hurled the boy back, "They're not ready yet. Look, the oven is still really hot." He pointed to the dial on the oven, showing Ben that it was still at three hundred degrees, "See? You need to be careful, okay? Always check the dial and use special gloves before opening the oven."

He'd be a great father one day, Ria thought. But she shook away the thought as quickly as it entered her mind. Ria felt like an intruder as she watched the three family members joke in front of her; they could've been a completely normal family to anyone watching from a distance. She felt a jab in her heart as she realised she'd never have a similar moment with her own mother and brother.

"Ria, was it?" The older woman shuffled towards her, "I don't think I made you feel very welcome the last time you came over. I just...I wasn't in a good mind space at the time. My husband...he was unwell." She took frequent pauses to catch her breath as though she had been running a triathlon. "I don't think I introduced myself properly last time. I'm Tanya." She declared as she jutted her hand out towards Ria.

Tanya's hand shook from side to side as it remained in mid-air; a fight against gravity, and she was the losing party. She was grateful when Ria finally gripped her hand, shaking it in return, "It's nice to meet you properly." Ria was rendered speechless as the woman lunged towards her, enveloping her in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry." Tanya whimpered so quietly against Ria's ear that she almost missed the words. "But, I can definitely see why my sons are so besotted." She continued before she pulled away, softly caressing a few strands of hair that hung from Ria's shoulder. Her attention drew to the woman's left nostril, slightly larger than the right, a clear favourite for drug use.

Ria couldn't hate her. The woman was suffering, narrowly escaping the grim reaper each time she chose drugs over her sons. It wouldn't be long, Ria thought, and from the dejected look in Blaine's eyes, he knew it too.

"I use to make cookies for Brody and Blaine when they were children." She signalled behind her at the oven, "It feels like a lifetime ago now, but I guess...sometimes life gets in the way. But I thought now would be a good time to get the equipment out and make some cookies to celebrate Blaine's achievement. He was an easy kid. He would eat whatever, whereas Brody always had to have almonds in his cookies; otherwise, he'd have a tantrum. I can't tell you how many trips I had to make to Tesco to make sure we always had almonds stocked." She chuckled at the memory, "I hope you'll stay for lunch and dessert." And then, her face settled into a more serious expression, "I hope you're not allergic to anything? These days, people seem to be allergic to life. I hope you're not one of those people."

"No...no allergies. And, yeah, of course. I'd love to stay. It smells great." She said softly, "Would it be okay if I use your bathroom first?"

"Upstairs. Next to Ben's room." Blaine replied.

"I can show you if you like, Ria?" Ben offered, his eyes still glued on the cookies through the oven door.

"No! No...that's okay. Tanya might need you to do a taste test on the cookies." She laughed awkwardly as she spoke, not missing the dubious expression on Blaine's face. She quickly sprinted up the stairs before anyone objected further. She strolled past Ben's room until she got to the second room she was sure belonged to Blaine, simply for the unopened suitcases that rested by the door.

Her eyes dodged around the room, noticing the peeling plaster from the walls as she knelt by a set of drawers. She opened the first one, sceptical of what she was expecting. It had been eight years since he'd lived here properly; would he have anything of worth lying around in his old bedroom? She wondered if he'd kept any vehicle registration documents from three years ago. She kept hers in the back of her drawer like a prized possession, but Blaine wasn't like Ria. She doubted he'd have kept his safe.

Lost in her thoughts, she barely noticed Blaine kneeling beside her as she continued frantically sifting through the drawers.

"What are we looking for?" He spoke gently, a soft, amused smirk curled upon his cheeks; "If you tell me, I could help you look."

A gasp released itself from between her lips, "answers." She said truthfully, not making eye contact with the boy but acutely aware of how near he sat. She could feel him touching her even though there were a few centimetres of space between them. Her body defied her as it responded to his closeness, a pavlovian response in its own right.

"Answers." He repeated, tasting the word and pretending to scratch his head in thought, "Well, I don't think you'll find them in this drawer." He opened the one above it, "I think I actually keep them in here." He jested.

She rolled her eyes before swerving herself to face him, ensuring ample space between the two, "This isn't funny, Blaine."

"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke."

"I don't want you to be sorry." She answered, "I want you to be honest. I need you to be honest and tell me what happened. From start to finish. Every detail. I need to know."

He shook his head, his larynx bobbing up and down as he swallowed. Now, it was his turn to avoid eye contact as he spoke, "No. I can't."

She pressed the back of her hand against her mouth to muffle a scream emerging from her mouth, "Everyone is mollycoddling me. You're all wrapping me in bundles and bundles of cotton wool as if I might break if I know the truth. And maybe you're right. Perhaps I will break, but I am an adult. I deserve to know the truth about my dad. I don't deserve to be lied to every single fucking day by people who claim to care about me."

He gazed at Ria in a way that unsettled her as though he saw right through her, "You're right. You don't deserve to be lied to, Ria. And that's why I've stopped. I'm telling you the truth. I know it's not what you want to hear. But that doesn't mean it's not the truth. I was responsible."

"No." She breathed out a jagged breath. "No, you weren't. Every fibre of my being tells me it wasn't you that you're incapable of doing something like this. And, fine, that isn't concrete evidence of your innocence, but I know it wasn't you. I believe it."

She heard a harsh sound as he slumped against the drawers behind him, "Maybe you don't know me at all." He whispered.

"Well, that's just another lie, isn't it?" She sighed, her eyes peeking over at his phone as he got a notification. She thought she saw a flash of burnt orange on his screen before he quickly flipped the phone over, away from her eye line. "What was that?" She lurched her hand out, "Can I see? Please?" He hesitantly extended his hand and tapped the screen, exposing the picture to her.

She identified the picture instantly. Blaine had taken it at her home before they'd left for Reid and Lydia's engagement party. She'd requested him to snap photos of her for Instagram. She'd been preoccupied, laughing at something Hazel had said. And the picture now graced his lock screen.

"I should've asked first. I'm sorry." He murmured, his voice gruff with an air of reticence.

"It's fine." She whispered, "Ben was right, wasn't he?" she glanced up at him as she veered towards him, embers brewing within her core as she neared him, "You think it's your job to protect everyone, don't you?"

She located herself on his lap, her legs on either side of him, his hands encircling her waist. Her forehead pressed against his. She could see the gleam over the sclera of his eyes, and she knew they mirrored her own, "You expect me to believe you could do something so cruel? The man who sets reminders on his phone daily to ensure his brother doesn't worry? The man who supported a young, confused pregnant girl who didn't feel she could confide in anyone else? The same man who ensured I'd never feel unsafe in my workplace again? You expect me to believe that?" He had his eyes tightly closed as she spoke, afraid she would see the truth in the grey of his irises. "Who are you protecting now? Is it Indiya? Is it my mum? Is it Reid? Is it someone else?" She beseeched him to answer her, but the only response she received was fervent shaking of his head.

"No one. I'm not protecting anyone." He whispered, but his voice broke twice as he spoke.

"You are." She reaffirmed, "But who will protect you?" She whispered, her fingers laced between the thick locks of his hair, her breath hitting his neck, "Let me protect you, Blaine. Tell me the truth, and let me do the protecting for once."

"I've already told you the truth."

She sighed before changing the subject, "Did you know that the police interviewed Indiya? That she was the last person to speak to my dad? Did you know that?"

He nodded, "Yeah...she called him because she was worried about Reid. It was before we got in the car."

"Answer me one thing. How did you know my dad worked on Shernwell Street? You couldn't have known that, Blaine."

"Reid must have mentioned it in passing once or twice." He shrugged off the thought.

"Only Reid and mum would've known. And mum was gone when I woke up. All three of you were home. Where was mum? What time did she get back in?" She asked herself more than Blaine, "Who goes to clear their head at one a.m?"

"Someone who's found out the man they love is dead."

She bit her lip as she gazed at him. He was fiercely loyal. She knew that. She shook her head as she finally hauled away from him, realising her attempts for answers were futile.

She left him feeling cold and incomplete as she parted from him, patting her clothes in place as she advanced towards the door.

"Do you hate me, Ria?"

She didn't turn around but stopped at his words, "No."

Blaine's heart clenched in his chest as he watched Ria leave; the sound of her descending the stairs and the front door slamming to a close rang in his ears. He could've lived with it if Ria loathed him because it meant she'd eventually move on. She'd meet someone new, worthy of her, and she would have been content one day. And that would have brought him great sorrow, but at least she'd have been happy. But the girl didn't loathe him. She was obstinate beyond belief, stuck in her ways, and would never move on if she didn't hate him. He knew that, and the thought haunted him.

He climbed down the stairs, a bitter taste hanging in his mouth. He could hear his mum and Ben chatting in the kitchen, the scent of cookies heavy in the air. But he didn't enter the kitchen. Instead, he found himself drawn to the lounge on the sofa. His eyes were glued to the table in front of him; the white globules of powder were unexpectedly enticing. The syringes were tantalising as they called out his name.

He recalled a time when he asked his mother why she used so often. What was so great about being so off your face that you could barely recognise yourself, let alone your children? What was so great about rolling around on a sofa and urinating yourself because you no longer had control over your bladder?

She'd responded that the five seconds of pain from injecting and the next twenty minutes of sensory pain were nothing compared to the psychological pain of heartbreak, rejection, and the general woes that came with life. She'd told him people underestimated psychological distress. They didn't understand that it could be much more damaging than physical pain because it withered your brain away.

He'd never understood, but he knew he never wanted to follow in her footsteps. Tanya had been a child of a drug abuser, just as her mother's mother had been. Blaine swore his generation would end the cycle. But now he wasn't so sure. Maybe he was predestined for this life; perhaps addiction was in his genes just as much as having grey eyes and brown hair was.

He seized the metal straw on the table and leaned forward, the white powder transcending upwards until it met his nostril. The subsequent drying of the nasal mucosa caused him to choke as he actively resisted coughing the substance back out, defying his body's defence mechanisms which were actively fighting against the abhorrent white substance.

If he could forget for even one hour, the disappointment on Ria's face, the disgust on Reid's face, maybe it would be worth it.

He tipped his head back on the sofa and could still see her—Ria, that night when she'd woke up, disoriented and asking questions. He'd wanted to vomit when he saw her; she didn't resemble her father that much, but now as Blaine envisioned her, he witnessed her face morphing into Rayhan's.

He leant forward, employing the cardboard ashtray on the table to encircle the powder residue and form it into a straight line as he prepared to take another sniff of the substance.

And then another. And another. And another. Until he lost count.

And, then, it came. The constant smell of copper as he sensed a liquid pour from his nose and down onto his lips. His hands reached up, coming into contact with the thick globs of blood pouring from his nostril. He squinted his eyes and scowled as the flaxen lights became too bright for him. He clumsily endeavoured to stand up and switch the light off but lost his footing against the sofa leg.

He tumbled down and felt the side of his head make contact with the edge of the table; it felt hard and solid against his scalp, but there was no pain.

Seconds later, he felt a pounding in his head. Unlike anything he'd ever experienced before, thousands of miniature humans had climbed into his brain from his ear and were intent on smashing his skull to pieces from inside. He could hear Ben and Tanya from the kitchen, their voices emerging as echoes - too loud to bear as he secured his hands over his ears.

His heart raced in his chest steadily, and then he became aware of how several beats were missed. One beat missed for every tenth, then every eighth and then every fifth. His breathing rate increased to compensate for the lack of blood from his heart pumping at a decreased rate.

He fanned open his eyes and thought he saw the familiar furious bearded man with blood smeared across his face. His clothes ripped as he glared down at Blaine. He was yelling something, but Blaine couldn't decipher the words over the echoes of Tanya and Ben from the kitchen.

He stretched his left arm to leverage himself from the floor. And only as he glanced down did he realise his arm was jerking uncontrollably. He peeked over to the right and noticed it was also contracting in rhythmic movements, as were his legs. His head hit the carpet again with one loud thud. His body was still convulsing aggressively as the substance infiltrated his vessels, reducing the amount of oxygen reaching his brain.

He heard their voices in the background - Ben crying and Tanya screaming. He hated himself for putting them through more turmoil, more pain. Hadn't they been through enough? But he had to forget, just for a few hours. They would understand, wouldn't they?

It was the final thought he had before he saw Ria standing over him, beaming down at him, placing a kiss against his lips; so warm, tender, and full of love.

He remembered feeling safe in her arms before he welcomed the darkness that consumed him.

------------------------------------------------

Authors Note:

I apologise for the slightly heavy chapter! There is now only one chapter left before the highly anticipated flashback chapter, yay!

Please, remember to comment + vote x