** 𝒶𝓃 𝑒𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝒟𝓇𝒶𝒸𝑜'𝓈 𝒶𝓊𝓉𝑜𝒷𝒾𝑜𝑔𝓇𝒶𝓅𝒽𝓎 : 

"𝒰𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝓀𝒾𝓃" - 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟣𝟢**

 I remember every detail from the night I left Hogwarts at the end of my sixth year. Everything I had thought, said and done. But I had no idea, back then, what I thought had been the scariest night of my life would just be the first ordeal along the torturous path I had taken.

All I knew for sure was I had done what was necessary for my family's survival, but, strangely enough, I couldn't get any pride from it.
The feeling of being freed from my heavy burden left a bitter taste in my mouth. Yet, I could state without a doubt that I had no regrets. I had obtained my father's release at the end of the day.

The relief of being reunited with my family didn't last for long though, for the place where I was born began to turn into a mausoleum as days went by. Everything felt increasingly unfamiliar, from the manor's marble floors, to my father's dazed look, or my own reflection in the mirror. 

I found myself so lost in the maze of my own mind sometimes, I did not even hear my mother coming in, then sitting next to me, this one afternoon. 

"Remember, when you were a little boy, you loved to stay here and look at this music box". She had said, pointing at the enchanted object in my father's display case.

I nodded absent-mindedly then.

"You wanted me to tell you everything about the stories behind these objects. And why you were not allowed to touch them." She recalled with a soft smile. "One day, you were six years old I believe, you tried to cast a spell to open the display case with such force, the furniture began to splinter."  

I gave a faint smile as I recalled how stubborn I was as a child.
At least, this part of me was still there.

"I remember, Mother." I replied as she stared at me, worry being evident on her face.

I didn't want to give her any further reason to worry about me. I didn't want anyone to know that deep within I was utterly lost.

"You had to grow up so fast, son. But I promise this is for the best." She said softly.

"I know." I heard myself reply. 

Did I?

I didn't know what to think about myself or any of this anymore. 

I admired the unwavering dignity of my mother, and I still do, today, as I'm writing these lines. She had this inexhaustible strength that helped my father and I stand our ground despite the humiliation we had to endure from the others everyday.
When I could feel my father was just as scared as I was in the Dark Lord's presence, my mother on the other hand, always stayed perfectly composed. Perfectly stable. 

"I want you to go back to Hogwarts after the summer holidays." She announced. 

I nodded, though I did not want to leave her side then. But I knew she would not stop worrying about me if I didn't.

I felt her hand on my shoulder, and it nearly made me spill out what all I was burying inside. 

I was too reserved, too proud maybe, to tell her just how much I loved her.
How much comfort this simple gesture brought.

My father appeared at the doorframe just then, coming to fetch us, as we were expected to join the others. His face palid, his stance uncharistically wobbly. 

They were all already sitting around the large wooden table in the dinner-room when we arrived.

Selwyn began his speech and explained two attacks were planned for tomorrow : the first on Potter who was to leave his aunt's house, the other on a "mudblood nest" as they called it.

"What does the Dark Lord want us to do with the mudbloods? " My aunt then asked eargerly.

"He said he needed some of them to stay alive. Twenty would do. We'll just kill the rest of them. " Selwyn replied.

The lack of emotion in his eyes was simply chilling.

He told everyone the names of those who would have to pursue Potter, then those who were expected to take care of the Mudbloods, including himself.

"Your kid is coming with us " he told Father. The sneer on his face showed how much contempt he had for us. 

I was waiting for Father's reaction to that, trying not to show my stupor.

"Very well. I assume I will be in charge of bringing back the mudbloods to the Dark Lord then?" Father asked. 

They all snorted unrestrainedly.

"You didn't get it, did you? Your son may have made himself useful but you, Lucius-- You're to stay here, waiting for your precious kid to come back, if he does." He snickered, to my greatest dismay.

●~●●~●

I didn't sleep that night.
I stared at the ceiling, thinking about every possible way things would turn out the next day. 

The only man I had ever attacked didn't suspected anything, didn't even try to save his own life.
And yet, I was unable to-- 

Tomorrow would be different, this time I'll have to defend my own life against theirs... what if I was disarmed?

I recited every spell that could be useful, making up a strategy plan in my mind.

My head was pounding so hard. I started to feel sick as the anguish intensified and caused my stomach to contract painfully. 

The memory from this night at the Astronomy Tower was still poisoning me, like a vampire's bite.

His calmness.

My numbness.

I felt the pain in my stomach, as if someone had grabbed it from the inside, squeezing hard. 

I managed to get out of bed but had to hold on to the walls to maintain my balance  somehow. I could barely feel my legs. My head was spinning, faster and faster, as I tried to walk in the dark.

I finally reached the bathroom and barely had time to close the door behind me when I vomited the paltry amount of food I had managed to swallow. I tried to snap out of it, holding my forehead above the sink, splashing water on my face, when I heard heavy footsteps behind me. Getting closer and closer.

I prayed silently with all the strength I could muster at the moment, that it would not be my father. And I froze, waiting for the door to open any moment.

And I saw my aunt's eyes, glowing in the semidarkness, holding a small vial out to me.

"What is it?" I asked as I recovered my spirits. 

"This will help you to hold up with the raid tomorrow." She replied with a disturbing kind of smile.

I put the vial into my pocket and went back to my bedroom without a word.

I refused to believe I had become so weak. Or perhaps was I desperately holding on to something I knew was wrong. 

I stared at the window and waited for the sunrise, thinking about what Mother had told me earlier.

The first light of the day broke through the vermillion clouds.

The time for my first raid with the other Death Eaters had come.

*** 𝕋ℍ𝔸ℕ𝕂𝕊 𝔽𝕆ℝ ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻𝕀ℕ𝔾

𝓒𝓸𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽, 𝓼𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓮....

ɪ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ɪᴛ ! :) ***