"he WHAT?" His mother screamed. Alluka had just told her what had happened, Killua was sitting on the couch as she heard the scream. I'm sorry.... His shoulder was grabbed and his eyes snapped over to his mother, her eyes wide and terrified. "Killua baby! You need to stop" she sobbed, before grabbing him and pressing his head into her chest. He decided to speak up. "Mother...can we go see a doctor?" He mumbled. She stopped sobbing for a moment. "Honey, you don't need a doctor. You just need to stop doing foolish things" Killua's eyes stung with tears. "Mother...please" He pleaded, voice breaking slightly. She sighed, stroking his hair. "Alright...we can go see a doctor."

A few days later, Killua was sitting in a clinic alongside his mother and across from a female doctor. "What seems to be the issue with your son ma'am?" She said, grabbing a clipboard. She shook her head. "He keeps doing...foolish things, and getting himself hurt. He specifically requested to see a doctor, I don't see the need to come here. All you need to do is stop being reckless baby" The last part of directed at him, but the doctor looked him in the eye. "Let your son explain himself ma'am" He rubbed the back of his head, trying to find the words to say. "Mother...it's not on accident" She blinked. "W-What?" he turned to face her, "I don't just... accidently drink Windex, or cut my arm with scissors without meaning to"

She put a hand to her mouth. "Y-You mean...it was...on purpose?" I...I don't know. The doctor was silent, so he kept going. "I just...feel compelled to do those things. Why do you think it happens so often mother?" Tears rolled down her cheeks, he was about to speak again when the doctor spoke. "Ma'am, your son is suicidal" Killua's eyes widened. "W-Wait, n-" His mother started sobbing again, then wrapped her arms around him. But I'm not! He didn't want to kill himself, that wasn't what this was. "T-Thank you doctor" She managed, in between sobs, then grabbed his hand and stood up. Killua followed silently on their way out, eyes on the ground.

When they got home and mother broke the 'news' to the rest of the family, they started crying too. Alluka looked him in the eye though, she wasn't crying. She walked over to him and grabbed his hand. "Guys....can I talk to big brother alone for a moment?" His mother nodded, then proceeded to cry into his father's shoulder. She led him into his room, as soon as they were alone Killua spoke. "I'm not Alluka, I'm not suicidal" He said, grabbing her hand. She nodded. "I...I know, if you were suicidal then you wouldn't have tried to stop yourself. I've seen how you get when you try to hurt yourself, your eyes...they get all unfocused. Like, you're not really aware of what you're doing"

Killua looked down. "I...I know what's happening. My brain just...doesn't register that what I'm doing is harmful I think, or...or something, I don't know" Alluka smiled, making her meet his eyes. "hey, how about this. I'll...I'll always be here, so I can stop you if you go into one of your trances again alright?" He nodded. "Yeah...I think that'll work"

And it did. Over the course of a few months, he didn't have to go to the emergency room once. But then...the summer ended, and Alluka had to attend school. Killua wasn't allowed to go, he'd been homeschooled since an incident of him trying to cut his pinky off with scissors in kindergarten. He could still see the scar, there was a dent in it where a chunk of flesh had come out. Alluka was gripping his hand hard, terrified to go back to school. Killua smiled at her warmly. "Alluka...I'll be fine..." She wiped her eyes a little. "Big brother...I'm scared. What if...what if you try to kill yourself again and I'm not there? What if you succeed this time? w-what if-"

He patted her head, and her breath hitched. "I won't be alone, mother's here. She'll make sure nothing happens" Killua murmured. She nodded, and he wiped away her tears. "I'll be ok" She looked down, then back up at him. "Can...Can I sleep with you tonight?" He nodded, then sat down. Alluka curled up next to him with her head on his chest, Killua laid his head on his pillow with a sigh. I....feel bad. It was his fault Alluka was so terrified, if only he didn't have these urges... His thought process dropped off as he fell asleep, holding his little sister close.

770 words

To be continued...