Ever since Killua turned 3 years old, he started getting these urges. Urges to jump off high places, to sink a razor into his skin, to drink toxic substances, and more. As a child he had to be kept on a tight leash because he kept 'accidently hurting himself'. Falling into ditches, cutting himself on sharp edges, trying to drink or eat things like dish soap and random pills he always found lying around on high surfaces. It wasn't until he turned 14 that his parents realized it wasn't just simple curiosity, but something else entirely.

Killua was sitting in the kitchen as his mother was cooking breakfast, the rest of his siblings were with father at work. He was excluded of course, his father worked at a bar and his mother always worried about him hurting himself so she forced him to stay home with her instead. He didn't particularly like his mother, she always shouted at him and kept him from doing things. It was kind of irritating. She sighed, "I'll be right back kil, I just have to go fetch some herbs from the garden alright?" he nodded. "Yes mother..." She exited the room, and Killua's eyes landed on a bottle on the counter that looked particularly interesting. The label read, 'Windex' Killua blinked. Why is it in the kitchen? Mother usually had it in a cabinet, but she had left it out apparently.

He slipped out of his stool and walked over, then unscrewed the bottle. He smelled it for a few seconds, for some reason the scent was...compelling. He brought it to his mouth and was in the process of gulping down some of the liquid when suddenly he heard a scream and he jumped, dropping the bottle. "KILLUA!" He slipped as the liquid splattered on the floor, then his throat started burning as he began to foam at the mouth. His mother stared at him with a horrified expression for a solid 5 seconds, before grabbing her phone and dialing a number. She sobbed and spoke rapidly but Killua was losing his senses, coughing hard. His mother knelt down a few moments later beside him and cupped his cheek. "Killua that's toxic! It could kill you! I called poison control"

He couldn't make sense of what she said after that, but a few minutes later the door banged open and some strange men he'd never seen before came in. He lasted only a few more seconds before he passed out, the searing pain fading from his lungs.

When he woke up, he was laying on his bed. Killua groaned, then coughed a little and put a hand to his head as it started pounding. "Killua sweetie" His mother murmured. He blinked, realizing that she was kneeling beside his bed. Everyone else was there too, including Alluka. Alluka was his favorite sibling. Even though she was younger than him, she always looked out for Killua. She'd actually prevented quite a few fatal accidents, such as one time he wandered onto train tracks out of what he had previously thought was curiosity. "M-Mother?" His voice cracked, and she gripped his hand. "Kil honey, you can't keep doing this. I know your very...adventurous, but one day it'll get you killed."

Milluki scoffed. "Adventurous? I'm starting to think he's just a dumbass" His mother and father both shot him a glare. "Milluki!" Kalluto shook his head. "No, he's right. How many times has he been to the emergency room? Nearly a hundred. Surely he should've learned by now" Killua looked down, tuning out the argument. Why...why do I do it? It wasn't that...he wanted to cut himself on sharp objects. It just...happened. He looked down at his arms, arms that had dozens of scars on them. Scars he'd inflicted on himself. He felt arms wrap around him and glanced up to see Alluka on the bed beside him, she was crying a little. Killua hugged her back, burying his face into her shoulder. "Big brother...please be more careful" she whispered. He coughed again, throat burning. "I...I will, I promise."

A few weeks later, he found himself looking at the Windex again. As soon as he realized he was staring he smacked himself across the face and looked away. No! It's toxic! It could kill you! He shouted internally at himself. Alluka jumped slightly, then grabbed his hand. She'd been sitting next to him in the living room. "Big brother?" He gritted his teeth. "I was looking at it again..." She blinked. "Looking...at what?" He looked down. "The Windex..." Her eyes widened. "B-Big brother...do you...want to die?" He glanced up, startled. "W-What? No!" He said, alarmed. She bit her lip, suddenly Killua's throat felt dry. "Can you get me...some water?" She nodded, then kissed him on the forehead and exited the room.

No less than 10 seconds later, his eyes landed on that Windex again. Killua's lips parted slightly, and he started walking over. He felt compelled to drink it again. He was in the process of unscrewing the bottle when someone grabbed his arms. "BIG BROTHER!" He snapped out of it, then gasped and dropped the bottle. "W-Why?" Alluka said, voice shaking. He looked her in the eye. The glass of water she'd brought him was shattered on the floor, dropped in her haste to keep him from ingesting the toxic substance another time. "I-I..." He couldn't speak for a moment. "I don't know" Her eyes watered a little. "What do you mean you don't know?" Killua looked down. "I-I don't understand why I did it again. I remember h-how much it hurt last time" He stammered. Both him and Alluka were silent for a few moments.

He dragged his gaze up to meet Alluka's eyes once more. "Alluka...there's something wrong with me. I think..." He trailed off, Alluka cupping his cheek worriedly. "I think..." She continued. "We should take you to a doctor"

980 words

To be continued...