My heart was beating a mile a minute as I opened up the front door to see Zee marching towards me with her big duffel bag over her shoulder. She stopped in shock, then she rushed forward and almost tackled me into the house. "Demi. Fuck, Demi, I'm so happy to see you." She was already sobbing, and I just spun her around a little to get her out of the doorway so I could close and lock the door with one hand while keeping her in place with the other.

"I'm happy to see you too," I admitted softly. "I was worried about you driving all night."

I felt her hum softly, her mouth dangerously close to my neck as she kept holding me. "This made it worth it. I know I fucked up, but I really want to talk to you about everything. I need to explain it all, please?"

"We'll talk after we get some sleep. I promise I'll give you a chance to tell me what is going on, okay? But you've been on the road all day, and you need rest."

"No! No, no, no. Please let me tell you now. There is no way I'll be able to sleep if I can't tell you everything. I need you to understand. I have to get it off my chest, and then I'll be able to rest."

She knew I wouldn't say no to her. How could I? She'd driven all day and night to get here, and I understood that this meant a lot to her. It didn't mean that we'd be together, but it might help heal some of the hurt. "Fine. Let's go down to your room, and you can tell me there."

"Thanks, Demi. I owe you again." I followed her down to the basement, and into her room where she dropped the duffel in front of the dresser. Hopefully she'd be able to unpack and stay here for a while and not need that duffel again any time soon. "It would be wrong for us to talk while I shower, huh?" she flashed me a nervous grin, but I had a feeling that she was probably dying for a shower after being on the motorcycle for so many hours.

Fuck it. "Yeah, go ahead. You shower and I'll just stand outside and talk."

Her mouth dropped open in shock. "Seriously? You're going to watch me?"

Was I about to make a stupid mistake? I could control myself, right? Obviously, it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before, and maybe it was better to see her with a wall of glass between us rather than sitting on her bed only inches from one another. Naked. Touching. Slippery, soapy skin. Yep, this was stupid. "Yeah, I can handle it if you can." Where the fuck did that come from? Thanks, mouth!

To her credit though, Zee didn't do anything to tease me. Well, not more than seeing her in the shower was going to be teasing already, but I'd done that to myself. She just turned on the water, and then stripped while waiting for it to warm up. I couldn't help but notice that she was trembling, though if it was from the nerves, the cool air, or exhaustion, I wasn't sure. She also looked thinner too, just like Hollie had mentioned, and I assumed that she wasn't eating much either. It might not be the best way for us to have this talk, but we certainly needed it. We were both a mess. I watched her step in the shower, her little Cuban flag tattoo waving at me from her ass cheek, and grinned to myself. I missed that flag. The water was steaming, and fogging up the glass, which was a good thing as I could only see a dim outline of her in there as she stood under the spray with a relieved sigh.

"This feels good," she said in a low voice. "You're welcome to join me if you like."

I actually took half a step towards the shower before I forcibly yanked myself back. No! "You just relax, and we can start talking any time you like."

I could see the shadow of her head nodding, but she stayed quiet for a few minutes while gathering her courage. "When I told you about my life after I got kicked out by my parents, I left some things out. Things I didn't want to think about again. I didn't want you to think any less of me, and I should have been more open since I really wanted to make things work with you. Once I got off the streets back home, I was able to live with a couple of friends and their families for maybe a year. But they weren't exactly rich, and after that their parents couldn't afford to feed another mouth, so I had to find a new place. I got the brass knuckles when I was on the streets, because it wasn't fun sleeping with one eye open, and I didn't want to risk it again. One of the girls on the volleyball team that I used to play on said I could stay with her, but I'd have to be her girlfriend if I did. At the time, I didn't have much of a choice if I didn't want to be back to sleeping outside on park benches and under overpasses, so I went with it. For the next four years, I bounced from girl to girl, being their girlfriend and staying with them until things got too toxic. They would tell their parents that we were dating and in love, but really, I was just their toy. Every one of them knew I would give it up to them because I had nowhere else to go but the streets. After a while I would get desperate to escape their crap and go back to the streets anyway, especially when the weather wasn't too hot, until I found a better place. At school, I got a reputation as a player because I was with so many girls, which is what Raquel had obviously heard, when really, I was the one being taken advantage of. If my friends could have kept me at their place longer, none of that would have ever happened. But they did their best, and I finally made it out of there."

I didn't even realize I was crying at first, but I felt so bad for her. How could those girls take advantage of her situation like that? Why couldn't someone have just been nice and let her stay with them? "You did great, sweet girl. You made it out, okay?" Yes, I called her sweet girl, sue me.

She nodded slowly, but I couldn't see the expression on her face. "It got better over the last couple of years. I'd always been working jobs to save up for college, and I got really lucky. I started working at a place on the water, Ray's Bar and Grill in Miami. The owners were Ray and Tilly, and when they found out what was happening, they let me crash there at the bar in the office where they set up a bunk and I could still use my bike to get to school. I had two years to work and save up and that is the only way I could afford this last semester in FSU after I took most of last year off. I'll graduate a little late, but I'll still do it."

"They sound like some great people." They really did, and I hoped I'd have a chance to thank them some day because they had done what I wish others had done for her.

She nodded again, this time faster. "They really are. They're up in Charlotte now, they closed the bar in Fort Lauderdale to be near their family. They have a daughter playing basketball at UNC, so now they're closer to her. That was where I was headed when you called, I thought they might be able to use me in their new place."

"I should have made it clearer that you would always be welcome here," I said, moving closer to the shower so she could hear me. I was having trouble speaking with the tears leaking from my eyes and my throat thick with emotion. "So, just to make it crystal clear, you can stay here as long as you need to, okay? No matter what happens, this is your room."

"I know that. I just didn't think I could bear to be staying here and not be with you." I could hear her sniffling in there, and I was too. "When I met you in the hotel, my first instinct was to pay you with sex, like I had to back in high school. That was why I told you that you could call me daddy. But you made it so much more, and it was infinitely better. You never made me think I was paying for anything, but that you actually liked me, and honestly, I think I started falling for you right then. Nobody had ever treated me that well, and I was just a stranger to you."

"Then why were you with those girls?" I asked, as I stuck my head around the glass, gazing at Zee in all her glory as she washed her hair, her body wet and gorgeous as the water sluiced between her breasts and down to her... No! Don't look! "Gracie and Jashanna said you weren't cheating, but I don't understand why you would put yourself in that situation."

She hung her head, then lifted it again and looked at me. "I have no good excuse. Lila, the girl you saw, has a sister in Japan and she is making them all kinds of money for western amateur porn. They even take foot pics and send their used panties over to her to sell. I ran the camera, and I was doing it all semester to make sure I could afford everything for school. I never knew I'd get a paid internship, which helps. But still, there is a class associated with it that I had to pay for, plus I wanted to pay you the rent and spoil you too because I know you're doing it to me. I know you're planning to get me Christmas stuff, and I didn't want to not be able to buy you anything. I really didn't want to run into another situation like high school, so I was getting as much money as I could while I was there."

"You know I would have never made you do that!" I gasped.

"I know, I know you wouldn't. It was more like a security blanket for me, I guess. I started helping them back when I first got to school, always at Lila's apartment, but her roommate got sick, so we used my room that one time. I know it was stupid, and honestly, I wish I'd stopped after I knew you wanted me back here, but the money was good, and it was easy and I wanted a little extra to pay for gifts for the girls too. Everyone here is so amazing, I just wanted to show my appreciation too." She was almost sobbing at the end, while I was feeling frustrated.

"Why didn't you just tell me you needed some money? I would have given you whatever you needed. They could have kicked you out of your dorm for filming things in there!"

"Because I don't want that!" she countered sharply. "I don't want you to feel financially responsible for me. You already have three daughters to care for, and I wanted to be able to stand on my own. Yeah, I should have chosen a better way, but I never want you to feel like a sugar momma, because I hate feeling like a burden. I'm so sorry it worked out like that, but it allowed me to get the money I need to finish my education and pay my first month of rent here plus a little extra. And yeah, I know it was against university policy, but it was the quickest way I could get the money."

Part of me wanted to be furious about how she'd gone about it, and yet I was also proud that she'd been able to go do what she set out to. And yes, I didn't at all like seeing what I did, but at least she hadn't hurt anyone doing it. I really had no idea what to think about the situation anymore. She didn't cheat, but she'd done something that I couldn't get behind and jeopardized her university enrollment too.

It put me right back where I was before. I could forgive her, and I could get past what she did, but it still made me think that she wasn't in the same place as I was in terms of being in a mature relationship. But damnit, I really wanted to forgive her and just move on, because I felt so much for this girl. "Zee, it's okay. It's in the past, and now you can move forward."

I could see her body slump. "But not with you?"

I paused, not knowing how to say this correctly. The feelings I had for Zee were still strong, but could I really risk my heart with someone who made choices like that? Should I wait? If she had talked through what she needed, I could have helped! I don't even mean that I would give her money, but I could have given her a loan that she could pay off, or an advance on her salary, or even help her find a job that would have been safer than risking her college career by doing something she knew that I wouldn't have liked.

"No, not with me. Not right now." I paused as she slumped against the tiled wall. "Zee, I like you so much. I wanted so much for everything to work out with you. But I can't risk doing anything with you with the way things are. I don't think we're in the same place. You have no idea how much I wanted this to work. The girls all love you, my friends all like you, you fit in well here, but I need someone who can be a good role model for the girls, and what you did isn't what I want them to be into. I know, it might be prudish, but I don't want them thinking it is okay for them to do anything like that, especially in the dorms. How would you feel if one of the girls thought it was okay to do that because you did it? If it were just me, maybe I could give us a shot, but I have to make the decisions for me and all the girls as well." I paused and I had another realization. "Hell, we just got a new daughter here too. Dani, Elliot's daughter, was given up by her mom and is staying with us and she's only nine. I have almost too much to deal with now. I need something safe. I think we need a little time before I can say that is you."

"Another daughter?" she smiled crookedly at me, but it never reached her eyes as she turned and sank down onto her haunches. "I really fucked up."

"You made a decision that was based on things you've gone through, and I get that," I admitted.

"But you're not going to let me live it down."

"Zee, it isn't that. I already forgive you, but it isn't that easy. It might not seem serious to you, but everything I do has to be for the girls. I'm willing to put my happiness on the back burner if I need to." That wasn't my original plan, but that is how it had worked out. Besides, with Dani living with us now, my future was a little more limited. "If I hadn't seen what was happening, would you have even told me about what you were doing? Or would you have hidden it?"

"I wanted to, I really did. But I was so scared after the comments that Raquel said to you that you wouldn't trust me, and of course now you don't." Her head was drooping, and I felt bad, but this was hard to get past for me after everything I'd gone through with Elliot constantly cheating and hiding things, even if it wasn't the same.

"I know, baby, I know. I really hate this. I wish I could go back in time and make it not happen."

"How long do I have?" she asked. Looking up at me glumly.

"I told you, you can stay as long as you like. This is your home. I'm not kicking you out, okay?"

"No, I get that. I mean how much time before you move on with someone better?"

I snorted a little. I didn't think it was that simple. It might be that there was nobody better, at least in terms of making me happy. But when I factor the kids into it, I might have to make other accommodations. "You're already hard to beat. But you have time. I have a date next weekend, but it isn't serious. I doubt anything will happen with it."

"A date?" she blurted. "Already?"

"Yeah. After I got back from seeing things up there, I was upset and told Quinn to set me up. I guess I was angry and I just wanted to see what it was like to go out and date again. You and I never really had many chances for that, and I need to remember how. Trust me, this is mostly me just going out with Quinn while two guys are there as well. I don't expect to do anything serious until the spring at the earliest. My schedule is too busy."

"So, I might be able to win you back?"

I sighed, not knowing if I should trust my brain or my heart. Fuck it. "Yeah, you have a chance. I need you to be good with the kids, even if you don't need to be a stepmom. But, like I said, they will need a good role model. I can't have you hiding things and lying, even by omission. I need to be able to trust you, and think you can handle this too."

"And what about you?" she wondered.

"Zee, you know better than that. You already have me, but trust is hard to get back, and I don't know how to do it. I've been burned before, so my heart is a mess. There were so many other ways of getting money that you could have used if you'd just talked to me. You don't have to be on your own. Asking for help is okay. And I have to see if I can meet all of your expectations too, this can't be a one way relationship. If you're not getting everything that you need, then I need to know that too."

"Are you still going out on that date next week?"

I nodded. "Zee, no matter what I feel for you, and even if I'm giving you a chance to win me back, I have to see what else is going on out there in the world."

"Then can I have one goodbye kiss?"

I couldn't help but giggle, but then I said fuck it again. I backed up and peeled off my clothes, then got into the shower. I walked slowly, my eyes trained on her as I let the water course over me and I knelt before her. Her eyes were hungry, devouring every inch of me and I leaned in close. "You want a goodbye kiss?"

She nodded quickly. "I want a lot more than that, but I'll take what I can get."

I leaned in, letting my lips ghost over hers before I detoured to her ear. I knew this might be a mistake, but I did it anyway. "Zee, I just want you to know that I'll be rooting for you. I want you to win me back. I don't want this to be a goodbye kiss, but you have to earn more." I ran my hand down her arm until I reached her hand, then pulled it up and placed it on my breast. My nipples were already hard and poking her palm. "I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine." I trailed my mouth back to her lips where she was panting softly, and then pressed my lips to hers, letting my tongue tease hers for a minute before I pulled back. "Show me you can be good for the kids, win my trust, and can be careful with my heart. Please. I can't go through being hurt again."

She nodded quickly, her mouth flapping wordlessly, and I stood up and walked back out, I paused to grab my clothes, making sure to give her a good view as I bent over to get them, then walked upstairs, still wet from the shower.

I couldn't even explain what I had just done, other than contradict myself at every turn as my heart and brain fought for control of what I was saying and thinking. I had no idea what was going to happen now, but I really did hope that Zee could prove me wrong and be the mature young woman I needed because I couldn't imagine feeling anything more thank I did for her for someone else.

Or maybe I needed to rethink what I needed. Was I expecting too much? Was any love ever truly perfect? What would happen if I looked at things through her eyes instead of my own? There was a good chance that things weren't as bad as I thought, and just the shock of seeing that girl hanging on Zee made me feel insecure and angry. I really didn't know any more.