According to everything I could find, Colton Young was a decent person. He was in his tenth season, and last year he'd signed a four year contract worth up to $52 million, so he was doing well for himself. He was a good looking guy too, from all the pictures I'd seen, had no worrisome posts, texts or articles, and even hosted a kid's camp every summer back home in California. He'd gone to UCLA, so it wasn't like he'd gone to any of my football rivals. He was divorced, some quicky marriage in college that ended before he was drafted into the National Football League and had no kids. Oh, and Quinn might have kept reminding me of the big penis he supposedly had after she confirmed the date that would be in almost three weeks. Hell, he was 6'6" and 270 pounds, so I guess everything on him would be big.

Honestly, if I was more into guys, I'd think he was a major catch. The problem was that Zee had reminded me just how amazing women were after way too many years spent away from them, and I didn't want to go back to men. Yes, I would go on a date with Colton, maybe even a second one, but that was about it. I'd have to make very sure that I didn't get into anything serious, because I was still figuring myself out, and that my own mental health and happiness was going to take priority before anything else.

But that date was weeks away, and in the meantime my life still needed to be lived. It was easy to throw myself back into work, making sure that each project was exactly where it needed to be before the end of the year and ignoring all the calls that kept coming in from Zee. I didn't even look at the texts, but I kept noticing the number going up whenever I replied to Harlow, who was still struggling with her fiancé. I guess we were both a mess.

Nobody said anything about my renewed scrutiny, but I was sure that some of them had noticed that I was paying more attention than normal to their reports. I hated it. The last thing I wanted to do was micromanage, because I knew that my employees were very good at what they were doing, but I needed the distraction.

I started doing a lot more with Gracie and Jashanna as well, which I'm sure annoyed them. They still had fun, but there is a big difference between hanging out with me while watching a new show instead of the two of them going upstairs and watching something snuggled up together. But they never complained once, because they knew what I was going through, and were happy to support me. They also had the good grace not to ask me if I'd spoken to Zee either, which helped. But they definitely bugged me a little about food, because I was having trouble having any kind of appetite, so I might have killed a few meals.

But night times were the worst. The first time I'd gone to bed, I'd opened my nightstand drawer to get out my Kindle to do a little reading, and it was nestled right next to the We-Vibe, and I broke down a little bit as I realized that I could have been using that with Zee on a night like that instead of just curling up miserably.

Nighttime also meant that I had no distractions, and my brain invariably drifted to Zee. I'd wanted it to work so badly. Nobody had ever made me as happy as she did, and not just in bed. Every time we went out on our lunch dates, it was exactly what I wanted, and seeing her interact with my daughters made me think that she'd be a perfect addition to the family.

And yet, I'd been wrong. All of the good things got me to look past the obvious issues that could arise in a relationship like this. Obviously, she was in college, and surrounded by gorgeous women that put me and my mom body to shame. Hell, even I couldn't help but notice that the blonde hanging on her had the kind of body that even a celibate monk would drool over.

Why on earth would she even look twice at me?

She was at an age and in a location when she should be exploring and having fun, not settling down and becoming a stepmother to three daughters while marrying a woman 15 years her senior. I should have never agreed with trying this in the first place. She needed someone young and fun that could do all the clubs and exciting stuff with her, not worry about their kids and running a company.

And yet I still wish that it had worked.

Fuck, this all sucked.

In the mornings, even when I was going to the office, I started working out a lot more. I wanted to look better because there must have been a failing on my end, right? Me not looking good enough? Hell, now I was about to go out on a date with a professional athlete and I couldn't even keep a college girl entertained. Thanks to having a play area cordoned off for the kitties now, I could do the same workouts in the evening too, right before I started downing more of Harlow's whiskey. I tried to rationalize it, because I was still eating better, plus working out a lot more, so a little whiskey was okay. But maybe I should cut back on the amount that I was drinking.

"Mom?" Gracie's voice pulled me from my thoughts the following weekend as I rapidly started to stir the penne pasta that was in the pot of water on the stove in front of me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, all good. Sorry." I didn't turn or she might see the tears that I quickly wiped away. I felt her hug me from behind, then saw her right arm reach around me to turn the heat on under the water with the pasta. Yep, cooking with cold water, that works. Well done, Demi! 

"I can see that," she whispered.

"Fuck, I have no idea what's going on in my brain right now."

There was only one more week before Hollie would be home, and of course that meant that Zee would be with her. I had hoped that every day things would get easier, because it would be another day past the dorm episode. But it was also one day closer to seeing her again. Part of me was really regretting offering the internship and the basement room to her, but I also knew that it was the right thing to do. No matter how bad I felt right now, I was going to help her out, and then she could find a job and move on. Hell, if she liked working with us after the internship, maybe I could send her to California and put her on Harlow's team, so I didn't have to keep seeing her.

I just had to get past Christmas. And the internship. And the trip to Norway. And seeing her every day in the house. Yep, piece of cake. My only saving grace was that the pool would be too cold to swim in, so I might not see her in it. Of course, she could still get into the hot tub, but I'd have to not look. Yeah, I was screwed.

Gracie pulled me away from the stove and let me over to one of the bar stools at the counter. "Here, sit. I'll take care of dinner." She turned to Jashanna and waved her over. "You're on hugging duty."

Jashanna didn't hesitate, she just sat on the stool next to me and wrapped her arms around me while Gracie took care of the pasta. Luckily, I already had the meatballs and sauce made, so she just needed to boil the penne and it would be done. You know, now that the stove was actually on.

I hugged Jashanna, just closing my eyes and letting myself go for a bit. I felt foolish for all of this, since I knew I was acting like a girl with her first crush getting heartbroken, but I really didn't think I could feel worse about a relationship ending. Hell, we'd barely just started officially dating and it had evaporated into thin air. So, why was I letting it affect me so much? I'm a grown ass adult! I should own this situation, tackle it, and move on!

Honestly, it reminded me of when I first took over the company. There were a few of our old clients that didn't like a younger woman in charge, and we didn't get some contracts renewed, and for a while I took it personally, thinking that it meant I couldn't do the job. Then Elizabeth assured me that wasn't the case. In the first few years she was by my side and showed me performance numbers that showed that we were actually doing better with me in charge, regardless of what some of those older clients thought, and we ended up replacing them with others.

It wasn't me. I was doing just fine, and they didn't want to be associated with me for a stupid reason. Now, I didn't know what Zee was doing with those girls, in my mind it didn't matter if she was cheating or practicing some new massage technique that made a lot of moaning and screaming, it was something she knew that she shouldn't have been doing if she was that upset about being caught. I was still shocked she did it in the dorm at all! But it wasn't a reflection on me.

I didn't do anything wrong. I had supported Zee, given her the internship and a place to live as well as the friendship of an entire family. Yes, we'd had some amazing sex, and she had made me happy, but even with this heartache, what did it cost me other than an aching heart? I would have had to hire an intern anyway, so that was a sunk cost, and doing the bedroom downstairs had always been something I meant to do, and now all the girls could fight over it once Zee moved out. That didn't seem like a bad thing at all.

As for me, I could move on. Sure, I had a date lined up that wouldn't mean much, but at least Quinn would be there, so I knew I'd have fun. And who could tell what would happen. Maybe Colton would turn out to be a great guy and there would be more dates in my future. I knew that Jashanna and Gracie really wanted me to end up with a woman, and I had been thinking that myself, but I needed to look for myself and see what would make me happy.

Yep. That was it. I was done moping. When Zee showed back up, she would just be another client that didn't want me. Someone that I could replace with a better choice. No, I didn't have any better choices lined up, but that didn't mean they weren't out there. Tampa was a city filled with gorgeous women, and I was sure that I could find one that would make me happy. Oh, or a man. Right. Yeah, good luck with that.

"Thank you both," I finally said as I lifted my head up from Jashanna's shoulder. "I know I've been a mess since our trip, but I promise to be better."

"Mom, you're allowed to be a mess for a little bit." Jashanna didn't release me from her hold, and I didn't mind. She was a good hugger, and I hope Gracie appreciated that!

"I know, but my little bit is over. It's time for me to woman up, right? I can move on. I have a date in a few weeks, and maybe I'll try a few more after that before I try taking this whole dating thing seriously."

Jashanna glanced over at Gracie, then looked back at me. "You have a date? A date in just a few weeks?"

"Yep. Quinn is setting me up with a teammate of her tight end boyfriend. I figure I better learn how to date since Zee and I didn't get a chance to do anything but a few lunches."

"You're going on a date right after Zee gets here?" she asked, as though she needed to explain it.

And I guess she did because I hadn't even thought about that aspect of it. "Yeah. I guess I am. It shouldn't matter though, right? She has her other toys. She doesn't need me."

"But what if she wasn't having sex?" Gracie asked quickly. "What if she wasn't cheating?"

I looked between the two of them, my eyes narrowed as I realized what was happening. "Have you been talking to Zee?"

Gracie bit her lower lip, nodding slowly while Jashanna dropped her head. "She called us when you wouldn't answer. She was so upset! But she wasn't cheating!"

"Was she doing something I would have approved of?" I stood up, my voice raised. "Would either of you want the other in a situation like that?"

Their faces fell, and I had my answer. Even if she wasn't cheating, whatever she had been doing wasn't right.