The drive home wasn't fun. Both Jashanna and Gracie were heartbroken and apologized multiple times while thinking they had contributed to us getting together in the first place, and then being miserable themselves because they had liked Zee a lot too. We all felt betrayed, and I didn't think that would change any time soon. I didn't cry. I wanted to, but I mostly just wanted to get home and just take a hot shower while forgetting everything.

My phone had been blowing up since we left the dorm, I think I had a dozen calls and texts from Zee before we even reached the car. I didn't want to deal with it, so I just turned my phone off for peace and quiet. I didn't want to hear any excuses or explanations. Maybe later, maybe when she came back for Christmas, but not now. And yes, as much as it might hurt, and as much as might be awkward, I would stick to my agreement and let her stay in the room I'd set up for her, as well as do the internship.

But I wasn't sure she'd want to do that anymore.

I had little doubt that Hollie would be angry once she found out, and I knew both Gracie and Jashanna were, so Zee might not want to be around that kind of atmosphere. But if she wanted to, then I'd keep my house open to her.

But not my heart.

That was closed.

The ride was so miserable that we never stopped for food, though I did pull over for Jashanna and I to have a bathroom break, because only Gracie had gone before we left. I stopped at the supermarket and got some stuff to make a simple meal of burgers and sides, and then headed the rest of the way home. I liked the idea of cooking on the grill tonight because it would let me be alone outside on the balcony while enjoying the view, and hopefully that would help soothe my soul, though I had a feeling that would take a lot more time.

"I'll take care of dinner," I told the girls when we got home. "Go rest for a bit." I knew they were tired, since we'd had such a long day in the car, with the emotions of the dorm episode piled on top.

"Are you sure?" Jashanna asked. "We could hang out with you if you like."

"Yeah, are you sure you want to be alone?" Gracie added nervously.

I nodded slowly, getting the stuff for dinner out. "Yeah. I think being alone is good right now. Besides, the little guys will keep me company." The little guys, Karma and Swiftie were already rubbing up against me, and I took the time to feed them when the girls went upstairs, though I knew they didn't want to. I gave each of the kittens some love, then started getting the dinner going after I poured a tumbler full of the whiskey and a couple ice cubes that I thankfully still had on hand after Harlow's visit.

A little later, the fries were in the air fryer, some mushrooms were sauteed and being kept warm, and I was out on the deck sitting next to the grill as the burgers sizzled on the grate. The first whiskey had been downed before I ever went outside, and the second was half gone, so I had a good buzz going considering I had been drinking on an empty stomach.

I stared at the phone, still off since before we left Tallahassee, and finally got the courage to start it up again. As expected, there were a ton of messages, over 70, from Zee. I didn't block her, but I muted the conversation and then ignored it. There were over a dozen missed calls too, all with voicemails left, and I just deleted them, as there was no way I could bear to hear her voice right now.

But just seeing the notifications triggered the long overdue tears, and I finally let out a sob that I was glad nobody was around to hear. Before long, I was ugly crying out on the deck, with rivulets of tears making their way over my cheeks, and my nose running while I let myself feel the hurt. I should have known. The signs were there from the beginning when she told me to call her daddy and Raquel insinuated that she was a player back home. She was just like Elliot, and I'd fallen for it again.

I heard the door behind me open, and then I had Jashanna and Gracie on either side of me, giving me hugs that were sorely needed. I knew I was a mess, and the drinking wasn't helping, but I wanted to stop hurting. I just leaned into the girls, letting them hold me for a minute before Jashanna picked up where I left off and took the burgers off the grill and got dinner on the table as Gracie held me tight.

"Come on, let's eat." Gracie lifted me a little. "You need some food, mom. Then we'll figure out what to do next. One step at a time."

I envied them. The girls had never faced heartbreak and I hoped they never did. With them so close now, if it didn't work out it would be horrible. But I had a feeling that as long as one of them didn't cheat, they would still be friends. On the other hand, I couldn't even imagine one of them messing up like that after seeing it firsthand and knowing what had happened with Elliot, so I had high hopes for them.

Thankfully, Jashanna had rescued the burgers before they were burned, though they were a little more done than normal, and the food all turned out to be pretty good. And they were right, it helped to get something in my belly beyond the whiskey. The day was still crap, but I'd take any kind of bright spot I could at this point.

"Thanks for rescuing the dinner." I looked at the pair of them, and noticed their eyes were red and puffy too. I really didn't want them feeling guilty about this, because even without them suggesting to Hollie to bring Zee home for the party, she probably would have either then or at Thanksgiving. I'd still have grown attached to her, and I'd still be in the same position. I guess it was better to know now than after she moved in and I fell for her even deeper. "Please don't feel guilty for this, okay? With Zee as Hollie's roommate, you know she would have come here sooner or later when Hollie found out that she had nowhere else to go. This was always going to happen, and at least this way she still saved me from Elliot."

"I really liked her," replied Gracie sullenly.

"We both did," agreed Jashanna. "She was so cool and didn't treat us like kids."

It hurt to hear that because it was just another reminder of what had been lost. But it wasn't like she wouldn't be around. Just because she and I wouldn't be together any more didn't mean she couldn't still be friends with the girls. I wasn't sure they'd want that, but I needed peace in the house. Drama wouldn't help.

"She's still cool, and maybe you can still hang out if you can forgive her."

They shared a look and a shrug. "Maybe," Gracie said. "I don't know what to think right now. That was pretty fucked up seeing and hearing all that today." I wasn't going to say anything about her swearing because she was right.

"I don't know if I can be her friend after seeing her hurt you. If she could do that to someone that she is supposed to try to love, then what could she do to a friend?" Jashanna wondered. It was a fair question, and I didn't have an answer for it. I wasn't going to force either of them to be her friend, but I wouldn't stand in the way of it either. The choice would be entirely theirs.

"I won't tell you what to do. But I would say that she's had a rough time of it growing up, so maybe give her a chance to make it up to you," I suggested.

"Does that mean you're going to give her a chance?" Gracie asked.

"There is a difference between friendship and love. I promised her that this would be her home, and that she could do the internship, no matter what happened. I think she has a chance to be a real success, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to put my heart on the line again. I really don't see that happening."

They both agreed with that, and I was able to change the subject to talking about the tour, since that was what the day was meant to be about. They were both impressed with the campus, as I expected, and I had a feeling that they'd both apply there. Would it be their first choice? That would have to be determined, but it would still be a good school for them to attend.

Once dinner was done and cleaned up, I took a nice, hot shower, and then curled up in bed with Karma and Swiftie, who seemed to instinctively know that I needed some snuggles tonight. Karma plopped onto my lap, while Swiftie nestled in under my arm, and I felt a little more at peace with their love and affection.

I stared at my phone once more. I hadn't gotten a call from Zee in over an hour, and I was hoping she'd given up. Yes, maybe I'd be able to talk to her again, but that couldn't be over the phone, and she'd have to accept more of a boss and employee relationship that didn't include sex in the boardroom or anything. I couldn't help but open my messages and noticed that there were more than a dozen new ones, but I still ignored them for now. Hopefully, she'd get the hint.

Maybe I was an idiot, or still tipsy, but I impulsively sent a message to Quinn, just to give me an outlet and something else to talk about.

Me – Hey, does your tight end still have that teammate that needs a date?

She didn't answer right away, and not shockingly, she didn't reply with a text, but called instead. "Hey, Quinn."

"What the hell happened to your hottie?"

"It doesn't matter, it just didn't work out. I think I just need someone a little more mature. His friend isn't as young as he is, is he?"

"Are you kidding? His buddy is Colton Young, three time pro bowler and 31 years old. Trust me, he's mature. Are you sure you want to do this?"

I shrugged, not that she could see me. "Yeah. I think I just need to have a date with someone else. It might not go anywhere, but I probably need a few practice dates before I figure out what the fuck to do next."

"Well, do practice dates involve sex? Because the rumors from the locker room say that Colton has three legs and you could do with a good dicking down." Quinn started snickering at the thought. "If I didn't like Alec so much, I might steal him."

"You know damn well I'm a top and he won't be dicking me down. Besides, sex won't be on the table. Did you know that's the first time you called him by his name instead of his number. Does that mean that you're getting in deeper?"

"Yeah, I think so. It's still crazy, but he makes me feel great. I really wanted you to be happy too, but maybe Colton can do that for you."

"I'm not worried about it. Just don't make him think that I'm there for sex or a relationship. I just need to get back into the dating scene and forget a few things."

"Yeah, I can do that. It might not be for a few weeks though. They have a game this Sunday, so there are no dates on Saturday, and then the next two weeks they're in New Orleans and Houston for games. But the week after that I could set something up on a Friday night."

"Fine, do it." Fuck it. Maybe this would be good for me. No more diving in fast, just go slow and date a few people to get the hang of things and then see who I might be out there once got my dating feet under me.