The vibe in the gymnasium after school isn't like it is out in the commons or in any classroom. In a corner of the gym all the dancers were warming up. The moment you step inside it feels homely.

It's the type of welcoming feeling I haven't felt in a long time. I'm not sure if I can say I've missed it. I feel too- distant from it to try to miss it.

Lee Taemin and I locked eyes immediately and a giant smile took over his originally relaxed face. The others looked my way then. I stiffened up right where I stood. They all looked so curious and only Taemin was smiling. The rest eyed me up and down to check me out.

My first introduction here went well. I don't want to keep testing it though. It's impolite not to introduce myself right where I am. How can I, the way they all stare has me suffocating.

"Hello. I'm Park Jimin. I hope we can get along well" I quickly blurted.

It was so awkward and forced. However, the others expressions all lightened up. I was no longer some stranger intruding on their practice. I was Park Jimin, the boy auditioning a month late- no pressure.

"Park Jimin, come warm up with me!" Taemin called me over.

I made my way to him. The others still watched me, but I tried to pay little to no attention to it. It's hard not to. I jut have to ignore them all for now. I can't forever, but as of right now, I only sort of know Lee Taemin. I'm only comfortable talking with Lee Taemin.

"I'm so glad you came. This is Kim Jongin, he's my best friend" he gestured to a familiar face.

I had homeroom with Kim Jongin.

"Hey, heard you were trying out. Good luck, Taemin's been talking about you all afternoon" Jongin said to me.

He ran his fingers through his hair cooly. His features are soft, but his gaze is something else. Not cold, but he gave off a sort of- "I'm much better than you vibe". It was intimidating, yet when he speaks his voice is soft- manly, but gentle.

"Thank you..." I spoke formally with him. He spoke to me casually right off the bat, so I know it can make things awkward, but even if I hadn't- it would have still been awkward.

"Hey so once you're done warming up and getting your heart rate up, I was thinking we could should you a little something. Then we can get to auditioning you right after"

For me, I warm up gradually. I'll do simple things like touch my toes and tricep stretches. After that though, all of my stretches are dynamic. Targeting multiple muscle groups at a time. I like to start with straight leg kicks for myself once I feel loosened up.

Only doing static stretches will leave you sore after dancing. A lot of the guys here are only doing basic stretches for their entire warm up. Nothing controlled and focused on increasing their heart rates. Taemin however, is doing jumping jacks and lateral lunges. Those are dynamic. It'll improve his agility and simply just improve his overall performance.

"So, what is ur style?" Jongin asked.

"I've trained in contemporary most of my life, but I'm comfortable with hip hip too" I paused a moment. "But I.. I'll take whatever choreography you give me and I'll try my best." I assured him.

"Oh, I liked him" a voice from behind me said.

I looked over to see a boy on his stomach on a yoga mat. He slowly raised his legs up and over himself. Once his feet were on the ground, he pulled himself up and off the ground to face me.

"This is Ten. He's a foreign exchange student, he'll be here next year too to graduate with us" he introduced him to me.

Ten smiled widely before he turned and went back to warming up. I watched him for a moment. He paid me no attention as he did so. Moving like jelly. It was incredible, but definitely damaging to his spine to some degree.

"Alright everyone, I think we're all ready now. Lets show off what we've been working on. Don't view this as a practice. View this like we're aiming for first place. Get into formation"

Taemin quickly handed me a remote.

"Press play when I give you a thumbs up, please"

The entire team got into their places and as soon as he'd given them all one final look over, he relaxed his expression and gave me a thumbs up.

The music blared and it was much louder than what I had expected. I jumped in my seat and I could see a smirk on Taemin's face. It wasn't a cruel one. It was like he was trying to fight off a smile to keep the expression he needed for the routine.

I tried to look at everyone, but it was coming to an end and I could barely draw my eyes away from Taemin. He's definitely leader for a reason. His presence is demanding. His expressions are captivating. However the moments I do find myself looking away, it's just to notice Jongin and Ten. They are center the majority of the time, I understand why perfectly. Nobody else besides those threw pulls you in the way they do.

They finished up and just as they did they all smiled and stared at me like puppies waiting for a treat. I stared back, genuinely impressed, but not entirely expressive. I clapped calmly and softly.

"You guys really deserve more wins" I admitted.

The entire group lit up and hugged each other. Taemin praised them and had them take a seat where I was. He approached me next and handed me his phone with youtube open.

"You ready? You can pick anything you want"

It hit me now, I've been too sick to practice. Too unmotivated to as well. I didn't know I'd be auditioning today either, so I had no time to mentally and physically prepare for this moment. I took his phone and bowed as a thank you.

There's a few to choose from, but all of them have some sort of flip that I know my body can't take right now. Something simple- think, Jimin, think. Perhaps I could quit right before the flip. Perhaps I could lie and say since I didn't have time to prepare, I won't be doing it.

"I'll do a bit of what I remember... This was late notice so I'm really.. embarrassingly unprepared. And fair warning, I really haven't danced for a few months now. I'm probably so rusty-" I could go on an on about why I might be terrible.

"It's fine, just relax and get into your happy place." A random spoke out.

I didn't even see who'd said it, but it felt encouraging enough to shut me up from rambling. I cleared my throat and gave Taemin his phone back. Gesturing him a thumbs up the moment I was ready as well.

I felt it when I was warming up, an overwhelming sense of fatigue. I'm pushing myself now. I'm pushing myself now for this spot on the team. I need this team. I need to get in. I need to feel normal again even if it's just once. I need something, so please body, don't fail me now. Work with me for 3 minutes and I will take it easy afterwards, I promise.

I tried my best to move naturally. To make it appear like I had much more strength that what I really do. I even managed to keep my expressions clean. I wont let myself fall apart at the hands of how exhausted I feel. At the hands of some stupid eating disorder.

I can't truly heal until I find something to grasp onto for dear life. By god for me that is dancing. That is this class. I know it even if all I feel is empty, I know deep down the old Park Jimin is trapped and for his and my own good, I need to find a way to free him. I lived for a reason, so please, give this moment to me.

The areal cartwheel is coming. I feel strong. I feel awake. I feel as though I can do it. I went for it and the moment I landed I felt legs want to give out. I scrunched uo my face in sheer pain. Then, I slid into a splits and ended it there. I can't go on.

My body couldn't take it. I couldn't do it. Any wrong move and I couldve broken something. How careless of me. I'm a complete moron for thinking I could do it.

Taemin paused the song, realizing I'd ended it there.

"This is all I had so far, sorry" I lied quickly.

The room was quiet. Nobody said or did anything. Thats it. I just embarrassed myself in front of the entire dance team at my new school. I'm a complete and utter loser. How could I do this to myself? I did it all to myself. I shouldn't have tried the cartwheel.

"Please let him join" two guys shouted in unison.

And suddenly the rest were smiling and clapping.

I looked at Taemin who was still quiet. He slowly cracked a smile and clapped as well.

"I swear you must secretly be an idol trainee or something! Ok, You do seem a bit rusty, but it's ok, you can definitely fix that over the summer with practice! You're in, Park Jimin!" Taemin cheered.

A wave of relief hit me. A wholehearted smile too over my face as I carefully stood up. The pain felt so minimal compared to my accomplishment in this moment.

I made it. I have purpose here.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" I repeated

This is the most joy I've felt in so long. All because I made it.