"Jimin" I called out for him as soon as he began to leave class alone.

The school day was over. Along with the dismissal was the familiar sound of backpacks unzipping and zipping back up again, hurried footsteps, and lots of phone calls to parents saying "ma, pick me up".

Taemin and Jongin had walked out together, leaving Jimin alone while he packed up. The both of us didn't rush to leave. We weren't alone, but when he turned to look at me, it felt as though we were.

It's not easy to look at him eye to eye. He really has such an empty gaze, but there was some sort of beauty in it. Like the emptiness could be filled again.

I cleared my throat and slung my bag over my shoulder.

"I'm sorry about lunch" I said to him.

He simply nodded and muttered a barely audible "ok" before turning to leave. It was clear the moment I called his name that he didn't want to speak to me. Obviously so, too. Even still, I felt the need to apologize.

I made him uncomfortable. I hurt him over and over again. I killed a part of him and now that he's got a second chance, I just waltzed in uninvited.

It feels like shit. To stare at him. To always have seen him, but him never being able to see me. I wasn't me when we met. I was property of Taehyung's. I was his puppet. I was a follower. Sick in the head.

The ache in my heart spreads to my belly and my head. To my sweaty palms and to my weak knees. I'm sickly too now. It isn't his fault, it's mine. I broke Jimin, killed him. I hurt someone so deeply that it made me filled with so much guilt I barely wanted to live either. I deserve to suffer like this though, so I won't try to escape.

"You could've tell them you know..." i trailed off. "You should've" I reasoned.

He stopped at the door way. His back was still turned to me. I took notice at him lowering his head and clenching his fists. The last few students walked passed us, minding their own business.

"Why? So everyone could hate you? So people would treat you like an outcast? I..." he paused to sigh "I don't like you, but I don't wish that on anyone" he explained

My mouth went dry at that. I felt like if I spoke I'd choke. After all I'd done, he wasn't vengeful. He was reasonable.

"Still- tell them something..." I managed to say.

At this point it almost seemed like I was begging for him to hurt me too. In the back of my mind its like I'm telling myself, let him hurt you too as payback. I know things don't really work this way though.

"It's fine. There's no need."

And with that he left me alone in the doorway of our homeroom. My mind was flooded with self hatred and confusion.

And I know I should leave him alone because it's what he wants. I know I have no right to pry in his life or to bother him. No right to join his friend group or to talk fo him at all, but my feet move before I can tell myself no.

I caught up with him and cleared my throat again.

"Do- do you live in the same house? How do u get home?" I questioned him.

"My mom drops me off in the mornings, I take the bus home. Which is partially why I'm in a hurry to leave." He spoke with that all too familiar bored tone.

I take the bus too. I didn't see him on it this morning though, but if his mom takes him that explains it. How haven't I seen him before then? Has anyone else?

No. Taehyung would never willingly take public transportation when his parent's have him all taken care of.

"can I join you?" I spoke before I could think.

God, Jungkook, why can't you leave him alone?

He paused once again. Sighing audibly so.

"I guess"

I let out a sigh myself then too. There was a heavy feeling in my chest that moment. A tugging feeling that felt worse after him allowing me to join him. Not that there was much of a choice anyways. We live in the same district either way.

Waiting for the bus felt like forever. And it wasn't only us, but the tension surrounding us must've been like a barrier. Nobody stood beside us in this moment.

The bus finally came and again, we didn't hurry to get on. Part of me hoped the bus would be full and we'd be forced go separate for his own sake. If that wasn't the case, I couldn't hold back from being beside him. I can't leave him alone. I know I should, but I'm sick.

I entered first. Glancing around at the seats. There were plenty. And when he took the window seat, I sat beside him. He looked out the window immediately to escape my gaze. Maybe to even get lost enough in thought to ignore me.

"Jimin..."

He continued to look out the window. That heavy feeling intensified.

"I'll tell them myself if you want" I said.

If he's too kind to hurt me, I'll be my own downfall for him. I can't stay away on my own because I'm selfish. I can't help myself, but I know it hurts him.

"No. Its personal, you don't have the right to." He snapped. "Even if you did, there's no point. My friend group chose you, just like they did me." With a heavy sigh and a lazy glance my way he shot me a broken half smile "we're forced into coexistence."

"I'm sorry- I tried to decline-"

"I know." He said.

His eyes were still on me and if felt like some had shined a heat lamp right in my face. It felt hot and suffocating.

I'm hurting him.

Jungkook, leave him alone.

"We can- We can't ever be close can we? Never friends. Just people who coexist right?"

Stop being selfish.

He looked down at his hands. Playing with the rings he wore on his bony fingers. I felt a sensation that threw my entire body off. The anxiety was settling in, making me tense up.

"I'm sorry that even being near me makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry. I-I know I'm a bad person." i apologized.

I want nothing more to grab his hands and hold them both. For him to be okay with that and to be what he wants. Who he want's to see and hear.

I can never be that for him.

"I do still like you, and I'm sorry I didn't stick up for you. I shouldn't have done any of the things I'd done. And i wish i could sit there and explain to you why I did it all, but none of it matters because at the end of the day I still did it. Any thing I could tell you would only sound like a pitiful excuse. But Jimin, I'm so sorry.. I'm so so sorry..."

Say something, Park Jimin. Break my heart. Tell me I'm a horrible person. Tell me to leave you alone. Tell me that you will tell the others everything. Tell me it's all my fault. Tell me you want me to disappear.

"I-if you expect me to say that it's ok, I won't be able to." He spoke quietly.

I know.