Chapter 22 – Confirming Intentions

I slowly drift back into consciousness, guided by the faint chirping of birds out Caius's window. I try drinking in my surroundings with my other four senses before I let myself open my eyes. I'm covered with a thick blanket. Caius's arm is around my waist, and my back is pressed to his chest, but there's a thick blanket completely around me, preventing me from feeling as close as I wish I was to him.

"Bite me," I remember saying last night. My cheeks instantly heat up at the thought, so much so that Caius is sure to realize I'm awake if he didn't already. He doesn't show any sign of movement though, which I'm thankful for. I've still got daydreaming to do before I start my day.

I surprised myself. The thought of a vampire biting me had been laced with trauma for years. What got into me? I also think back to how willing he was to follow that order. He stared at my neck for what seemed like ages, before his razor sharp teeth made contact. I didn't feel anything at first. He must have been testing the waters. Gradually, a numbness spread through my neck and down to my collarbone. It was as if he was trying to find that sweet spot that would let him get through. After seemingly giving up, his lips replaced his bite, apologizing to every inch of skin he tried to pierce. He settled down next to me in bed, wrapping me in the sheets with him until I eventually dozed off.

"Caius?"

"Hmm?" he mumbles, still not moving.

"What did you find out in Washington? Did you figure out how to change me?"

Finally I feel a rustle on the other side of me. "We have an idea."

"What is it?" I ask surprised. I turn around and face him anxiously but his eyes are still closed.

"I don't want to speculate," he starts, "In fact, it might actually be better if you don't know right now."

"Why is that?"

"Let's just say, when vampires bite a human, it's like we're under a trance so strong, almost nothing can make us want to let go. If I knew for sure how to successfully bite you last night, I wouldn't have been able to help myself. So until there's success, it's still just speculation. There's no point in getting anyone's hopes up."

I let his words sink in for a bit. "But if you have an idea, why can't you try it, then?"

"It's not the kind of thing I can just try so easily," he explains. I furrow my eyebrows.

"Then what?"

He chuckles in response, sitting up to close the curtain to cover the cracks of daylight a bit more. His hand shimmers as the sun hits it momentarily. "Trust me, you'll be the first to know."

"Okay," I sigh. "What are you going to do today?" Caius looks amusingly at me.

"You want to know?" he grins, "It'll likely just be a research day. I'll mostly just be at my desk."

"Ah, I suppose I should let you get to it then!" I say, getting up out of bed. "I should get myself to the kitchen before Chef Lavitto wonders where I am."

"Anna," Caius calls, before I can reach the door. I turn around immediately. Something about hearing my name come from his voice wakes up the butterflies in my stomach. "Will you be visiting your sister today?"

"No," I answer, "She has some sort of field trip today with the Nephilim students." Caius nods and walks me to the door.

"Maybe I'll see you later then," he says in a low voice, leaning against the frame. I respond with a smile, unable to trust myself to speak at a volume quiet enough to be undetected by the other vamps down the hall.

*

"Antonio, I'm starving," I say, swinging the door open.

"Hey, you know how to say that in Italian," he scolds me. I chuckle, repeating the phrase as he taught me. We converse in basic Italian throughout breakfast. I'm proud that I feel like I'm finally starting to make progress in the language, but I do know that since Chef Lavitto is the one teaching me, he knows my level well enough to know what difficult words and grammar to dance around and simplify. I'm sure a conversation with anyone else would knock my confidence down a bit. I enjoy the moment though!

My linguistic high carries on throughout the morning, so much so, that I decide to take a trip into town alone for the first time since that night at the club. I pack all my cards and phone into my purse, but just as I'm about the exit the castle, a gust of wind hits me from my left side. Wind inside the castle? I question.

"Where were you all night?" a sudden voice asks.

"Jane!" I jump, "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Really? I thought your heart was with someone else at the moment," she chuckles knowingly. "I caught a glance of you going to breakfast in the same clothes you wore last night."

My chest is thumping and my face is heating up. "It's nothing like that!" I manage to stammer out. Maybe I actually still will have that heart attack.

"Then you better tell me everything or that's what I'll believe," she says with her trademark devious smile. I laugh.

"Of course," I say shaking my head, "You know, I might actually benefit from your perspective anyway."

"Of course you would, but what is it?" she asks. I sigh. My trip downtown is over before it even began, but honestly getting everything out might be better for me than all the overthinking I probably would have done.

"Let's go to my room. I'm literally always paranoid that someone is listening when I'm in the open somewhere."

Jane nods and we walk back together in silence.

In the safety, at least, perceived safety of my own room, I shut the door and fall onto my bed.

"Have you heard anything yet about what they found in Washington?" I ask hopefully. To my dismay, she shakes her head.

"It's probably not my place to know," she says.

"Well, according to Caius, it's pretty much not my place to know either, despite me being the whole reason for their trip. I can't understand why. If they want me to be a vampire so badly, why wouldn't they tell me? How isn't it something I can do or help with? It's just weird that they're hiding it."

"Would you become one of us if you could?" Jane asks.

"Emily coming back pretty much solidified my decision. I don't want her to be alone," I tell her. "So being a vampire is the obvious choice," I laugh.

"Is it just the 'obvious choice', or is turning into a vampire something you actually want?" she asks. Looking down into my hands, I realize I'm still kind of wondering the same thing. It's the convenient choice for sure. "I know it's hard to take your sister's wellbeing out of the equation. I can't imagine making such a big decision without thinking about Alec's needs, but it would benefit you to think of things from a new perspective. Put yourself first and forget about the responsibilities you think you have. Whether you find you really do or really don't actually want to become a vampire, knowing for sure might help."

"Is there really a point to not wanting to be a vampire though? It's not like I have much of a choice," I remind her.

"True," she admits, "But diving head first into something is always easier if you're the one who made the jump. If someone else is the one pushing you in, I worry you'll be resentful."

"I think I get what you mean," I sigh, "It would just put my mind at ease if I knew how they were thinking of turning me. I literally can't imagine what they would have to do to break through my power. Promise me you'll let me know if you hear anything?"

"Of course," she assures me.

--

I spend the rest of the night after dinner in my room relaxing, imagining a phantom Caius there next to me to keep me company. I wonder what he's actually doing right now? I find myself wondering. It's like there's an invisible rope trying to pull me toward him, but I don't want to resist. I've never had anything more than a crush in my life before, so this... whatever relationship we have, is completely new to me. After relying on my independence for so long, I didn't expect to be the kind of person to have a man occupying my thoughts this much.

"A night alone will be good for me," I whisper to myself as I search my drawers for the TV remote.

"Aww, and I was hoping we could spend it together," a voice says suddenly, making me jump.

"Caius?!" I exclaim, turning around. "Are you done working?"

"Well, I want to be done, so yes," he chuckles, glancing at the remote in my hand, "What are we watching tonight?" My heart thumps in excitement. I really can't believe he has such power over my emotions without even trying.

"Um, you watched my movie yesterday, so you can choose! It's my turn to see what kinds of things you like," I grin.

"Really?" he asks, walking slowly towards where I'm standing, "What if I told you the kinds of things I like don't involve a TV?" He stops directly in front of me and gently takes the remote out of my hand without breaking eye contact. My heart is still racing thinking of all the teasing last night. Is it even possible for a vampire and a human to go beyond that? I mean... I'm sure it's possible, but would there be complications? Is he even thinking of that in the first place? I don't think I'd be mentally ready for it yet anyway. First of all, this is all completely new to me. Plus, we'd need to have an official relationship I think. That way there'd be no intruding doubts coming up. I still don't understand why one of the most powerful vampires in the world is seemingly choosing me. I think an official relationship would help simmer down those insecurities a bit.

My thoughts are interrupted by an icy hand that found its way to my waist; I jump a bit at the sudden contact, but Caius only reacts by bringing me in closer. My cheek is now against his rock-hard chest as his lips search for that magic spot that prompted a wave of goosebumps only one night ago.

"You're still hungry, aren't you?" I whisper breathlessly upon seeing his almost pitch-black irises.

"Does it worry you?" his voice is deeper and rougher than I've ever heard it. I could have fainted right there.

"I'm starting to wonder if it should?" I ask, meaning to keep a similar energy to his tone, but my voice ends up coming out a lot weaker. He pulls back and studies my expression for a moment, a devious grin making its way onto his face.

"Your scent is torture," he says.

"So why put yourself through it?" I ask, blinking up at him.

"Remember what I said about that trance vampires fall under when biting someone?" I nod. "I've never actually practiced restraint before, so I need to get used to your scent as much as possible."

My eyes widen, "So that means the way you're thinking about changing me actually does involve you biting me?!" Immediately a million questions race through my mind. Does that mean they found a way to turn my power off somehow? A wave of vulnerability hits me. So could someone who didn't like me be able to do it too? But he said he couldn't do anything last night... How isn't it something he can do, or even just test out, right now? Honestly maybe I should go search out these connections from Washington myself to get the answers no one seems to want to tell me.

"It does..." he confirms regretfully, as if realizing his part in activating my overactive train of thoughts. "Let's make a deal. Give me a couple months to keep practicing restraint with you, and then I'll tell you our theory." A couple months feels like a long time to be in the dark about something so important, but I nod. In vampire years, a couple months will have been nothing looking back.

"So... about that practicing restraint, how exactly do you plan on doing that?" I smirk.

"By getting as close to you as possible, of course," he replies, lacing his fingers through mine and backing me up into the wall. The butterflies in my stomach reawaken, getting caught in my throat. Caius watches my neck as I try to swallow them back down.

"Do you remember what you ordered me to do yesterday night?" he asks in a monotone completely unlike how he has ever sounded. His gaze is almost looking through me rather than at me.

"I do," I whisper, cheeks reddening. How could one forget asking a vampire to bite them? I'm unable to take my eyes off his expression. "but since you want to practice restraint, you don't get that same permission today," I smirk. He freezes, as if my response was unexpected. Something about feeling like I have power in the moment gives me a massive boost in confidence. Before I can stop myself, I push him back and escape his grasp. Laughing, I jump onto my bed over the covers and pat the spot next to me so he comes over.

"You're kind of moving around like a zombie right now," I chuckle as he lies stiffly down on his back next to me. His breath stops as I scootch closer to him, half-hugging his body with one arm while wrapping my leg around his. I close my eyes and feel his lungs fill with air again after I stop shifting positions. Our bodies are calm, but I know his mind is just as awake as mine is.

"Hey," I start, but a bit of insecurity pops up, wondering if I should even ask. If I don't ask though, I'll be feeling insecure for a different reason anyway.

"What?"

"We should go on an actual date," I say.

"Oh?" he asks, a hint of interest in his voice.

"What do you say?" I wait. If he really is as interested in me as he seems, it only makes sense, right? If things only keep going the way last night and today has gone, it'll just feel more like a version of a "friends-with-benefits" relationship, if you know what I mean... No shade to people who prefer that of course, but personally it puts my mind in a limbo of "What the heck does our 'relationship' mean?" Plus, it would be nice to see a new side of him outside the castle.

"Let's make a day of it on Saturday," he finally answers, "There are a couple places I'd like to show you."

"Perfect!" I smile. I wonder what he has in mind?