The last person I expected to see here was standing at my door. I couldn't even fathom why he thought it was okay to ambush me. I stared at him and the exact shade of green eyes looked back at me. 

"May I come in?" His deep voice cut through the silence.

"No. I suggest you turn back, take the elevator down and get in your car. Keep driving till you reach wherever you were hiding for the last decade." I said so calmly I was actually surprised with myself.

You know how you  practice  every word you would say to someone who hurt you? All those words and anger in your head go out the window once presented with the chance. There were so many things I had planned to tell this man the next time I saw him, during each scenario I had comecome up with I ended up wailing. 

As I attempted to close the door, his foot blocked it and he leaned in. "I came here hoping you had calmed down, but you are still acting like you used to when you didn't get what you wanted." 

How dare hehe! Acting like he knows me, when he knows zilch!!

"Ara, who's at the door?" Asked Soph from inside.

Looking behind me, she stood a few feet from me, worry written all over me as soon as she looked at our uninvited guest. "It's no one. I will be there in a moment." I assured her.

WeWe shared a look before she went back to the kitchen. Seeing as Theodore Scott wasn't intending to leave, I might as well entertain him. His parents sure picked the name, Theo was said to mean "gift of God" or "God given" and this man standing in front of me took it far and probably thought they meant "God's gift to women””.

Shaking my head from thoughts I asked with a forced smile, "Seeing as you don't want to leave my place, how may I be of help to you?" 

Clearing his throat, he looked at the floor before meeting my narrowed eyes. "Can we sit down?”

"No, only invited guests and I don't remember inviting you, Theodore." 

"Where are your manners, Amara? Didn't your mother teach you better than to address elders by their names? I am your father and you will respect me!" He barked, getting worked up.

Tired of being calm with him I flipped. "Don't you dare question my mama? She was too busy playing mother and father, working herself to the bone after you ran away." 

He opened his mouth to retort, but I wasn't having it. Not today! Shaking my finger at him I continued. "You are the last person to demand respect from me, so don't make me laugh saying you are my father. I don't have a father." I said, disgust written all over my face.

Who did he think he was, dumping us when it suited him and now he comes back barking orders and demands! He was a nobody to me, just as I was to him all these years. 

"Davina, I know I messed up-"

"No, no, no! You don't get to do that, you lost the right to call me that years ago. I'm not that little girl anymore!!" I yelled, my eyes welling up with unshed tears.

The only reason I didn't hate the nickname Ammie was because it was my mother who loved using it. My father optioned for my second name, a name I hadn't used since he left. Davina..

"Nothing you will say will erase the wounds you left me with. You didn't just leave mum that day, you left me, dad." I said, aware that my tears spilled over."You left and replaced us with your new family. Do you know how I found out about them?" I asked, wiping the tears.

"Your mum must have told you?" He asked, clearly not aware of how I found out.

Leaning against the door, still not willing to allow him any farther into my space, I took a deep breath. Not even my mum knew what I did. "For my sixteenth birthday, Wade asked me what I wanted and I told him to find you."

I was angry at mum, and felt like she was the one who didn't want me to see my father. Being the troublesome teenager wasn't big on my list of mischief, but that year a lot wasn't going my way and I secretly asked Wade to find my father.

"With the resources he had it didn't take him long as I thought to find you, I mean you weren't that far away. Then he took me there, a beautiful house, and a garden mum would have killed for,," I said with a laugh looking at the floor.

"But, I never knew you had visited," he said so quiet I nearly didn't hear it.

"A girl my age answered the door, and she asked me who I was and what I was doing there..."

The ringing of a phone interrupted me and he looked at me then said, "Just a moment please" 

I watched him as he took the phone from his suit pocket, then he put it to his ear and knitted his eyebrows. I don't know how, but I knew that whoever was on the other end of that call would take him away from me. Like eleven years ago.

"I am sorry, Da- Amara, it's an emergency. I have to go." He said, looking remorseful and I opened the door I was leaning on.

Just as I thought he was finally out of the door, he looked back. "I will make it up to you, I promise.." ThenThen he was gone.

Talk about déjà vu..

It was easy as it was for him years ago to run out of my life. I stood outside the door looking at him as he walked faster to get to the elevator, then walked back inside when he was about to board the box down. Closing the door, I sat down, my back to the door and brought my knees to my chest, letting the salty tears flow freely.

I hiccuped as they escaped the dam they had been imprisoned in for the past years and I felt Sophie's arms encircling me and she hugged me tight, her hand running patterns on my back. 

"Sh-she told me she was the only daughter Theodore had and to get out of there before she threatened to call her dogs on me and eat the rags I called clothes.." I finished the story I had been telling him before his phone rang through hiccups.

I cried for the father who would never priorities me before anyone in his life- I cried for the childhood stolen from me- I cried for the twelve year old who was bullied by her so called friends because her dad abandoned her- I cried for the open wound I had bandaged years ago- I cried for that little girl inside of me who longed to be her daddy's Davina once again. And I cried for Amara, imprisoned by her childhood.

         ~~~~~~~~~~😭👩‍🍳~~~~~~~~~~

I missed being here, the thrill of competing against other chefs, the tears that go into preparing "the perfect meal" and seeing a certain someone being all serious and charming. Yes, working at the restaurant offered me more experience, but being a waitress was starting to lack its appeal.

Nothing beats standing in a busy kitchen, creating mouth watering food. I had told Mrs.. Beth that I was willing to help in the kitchen if they ever needed extra hands, but she told me I wasn't ready. I had a feeling it wasn't her speaking, but rather the Aussie I called my big boss.

As Soph and I walked the long corridor at Le Cordon Bleu in our uniforms, reporting to our first class, I couldn't help but feel like we were being followed or watched. Each time I looked back to see if I would catch anyone, I didn't see anyone besides one or two students going about with their business.

Shaking off the feeling, I followed Sophie until we reached the small hall used for events. During the weekend we had received emails with our schedules, where each class would be held around campus, the chef instructors and lecturers in charge of each class. 

"Ara, any idea if Chef Jake has resigned? Can't see his name on this term’s class schedule.”

"He didn't say anything to me, but then again he hasn't talked to me since dropping me home yesterday," I replied, walking in the hall.

"He dropped you off like a good boss worried about his staff's safety, or he dropped you off because he wanted to spend time with you?" Soph asked with her eyebrows suggestively. 

Chuckling lightly while we looked for empty seats, I told her the mild version of how my Friday night went, not ready to spill the beans yet. I was scared of Jake's confession and knew once the girls knew I would have to face my feelings.

Was I capable of loving him the way he deserved to be loved? What if he proved me right that all men are the same? From the way my body and heart reacted each time he was close by, I knew that Jacob could do more damage than Alexander did and that's what scared me the most.

As soon as I saw his name was missing on the list of chef instructors, I took my phone to text him, but it never went through with it. The only thing that made sense was that he was still an instructor, but for the basic culinary group. Maybe I will bump into him somewhere around here today.

I hope he isn't still angry with me.

Once we were all settled in, three lecturers walked in. "Welcome back! I hope you enjoyed your short holidays and that you are well rested. This trimester needs your A game, we will have three practicals and three presentations from the Chef instructor," said a French gentleman I was seeing for the first time.

Then stepped forward the Chef who had welcomed us last trimester. She looked at the tablet in her hands and looked up after a moment too long.

"I'm happy to see that you are still all here, this trimester is going to be a lot more challenging than the last, but I expect to see you as you are in number next trimester,” she said, looking around the hall before she continued.

"The Intermediate Cuisine Certificate course will require you to use techniques introduced in the Basic Cuisine course last trimester. This course is a combination of French regional dishes and European cuisine techniques. I'm sure you went through the course information, so let me not waste time on that. Go and show us if the kitchen is where you belong!"

           ~~~~~~~~~~👩‍🍳~~~~~~~~~~

I looked at myself in the mirror, preparing for dinner we had at mum's place later. She wanted to come here yesterday when she heard that Theodore came by, but I assured her that I was fine. Mama being a true mama bear wouldn't believe that I was okay until she saw it with her eyes, so she invited Soph and I to dinner.

Photo albums I had gone through growing up didn't come close to seeing him face to face, though I looked like my mum's photocopy, my eyes were exactly like his. From the shade of green, to the long lashes and the small mole on top of my left eye. Shaking my head out of those thoughts, I applied lip gloss to my lip and made sure I had everything in my purse.

As we sat in the train, thoughts about how my life would have turned out if he didn't leave played around in my mind. I wouldn't have been bullied by the people I thought were my friends, mama wouldn't have worked herself to the bone trying to provide for us and neither of us would have suffered the way we did.

I didn't have the full experience of growing up with both parents. Even if he wanted a divorce, why didn't he do it the "normal" way? They could have had a shared custody, yes I know I would have hated it, but not as much as knowing your father didn't want you and he left to raise other children elsewhere! 

There was a time in my life I envied April, I still do actually. She has a very tight relationship with her father, even now that she was older. 

The train came to a halt, bringing me out of my thoughts and I sighed heavily. getting Sophie's attention. She gave my hand a squeeze for support and together we got out of the train and subway station.  

Arriving at the row homes in East Finchley, I took the key to let us in and could smell mama's cooking as soon as we walked in. Soph and I followed the smell and it led us to the kitchen where mum was beaming with open arms when we walked in. I walked into her warm arms and breathed in her sweet scent. 

Pulling away, I looked away when mum beckoned Soph to go get a hug and wiped the tears trying to escape. I was never a crybaby growing up, but these past weeks it was all I seemed to do. When I was sure that there won't be any tears betraying my cover I looked over at mum and found Soph laughing at something mum said.

"What are you two laughing about? I'm starving!" I announced and my belly growled loudly proving my point.

"You are always starving," said mum and Soph with a chuckle.

Looking at each other they laughed as I stood by the kitchen island annoyed that they were having fun at my expense. Mum welcomed and loved all my friends, the fact that I had people around me was enough for her. I took out my phone and captured them before sending it to April with a caption.

                            Me: Grace has found your 
                                   replacement 😜

 April: You wish! She's misses
           me, that's all.

            Me: Don't be so sure, they’re talking
                   abt herbs & last time I checked 
                   you can't cook. Will you compete
                   with Soph, queen of cooking?

April: Meh! That's no competition, 
         Grace and I will discuss boys
         while you two cook 😉

                  Me: What?! Does this mean you
                          know who she's seeing? 

April: 🤐🤐 Enjoy your dinner.

            Me: If you don't tell me, I will not tell
                   you the juicy gossip about Jacob.

April: You aren't playing fair! But,
          I will ask Soph 😛

"Sophie?" I called out laughing. "Don't reply to April's message," I said the very second that her phone vibrated with a message.

Soph and mum looked at me like I had grown two heads. I shook my head at Soph when she unlocked her phone and smiled at her phone. 

"Ammie, help me take this to the dining room," mum said pointing at the dishes.

"I will be there in a moment," I replied, focusing on Soph who was typing on her phone.

"Didn't you say you are starving? Or you get full from just thoughts of April's text message?" Mum threw back at me with a grin.

Not ready to have a conversation about Jacob with my mum, I quickly took the dishes to the dining room. In a few moments Soph brought the rest of the food and we said a short prayer before eating. The dining room was filled with laughter each time mum told Soph about my childhood. 

This wasn't the first time Soph had come home with me, but the first time we visited mum got called in at work and they didn't get a chance to embarrass me. It was always a delight to be surrounded by my loved ones, bonding over food or "boys" as April said.

When we were all too satisfied to move, I took the plates to the kitchen and mum joined me after some time to help me with the dishes. We washed them in silence, the only sound coming from the show Sophie was watching in the living room and the kids still out in the streets.

Mum broke the silence. "How are you coping?" 

"I don't know, at first I was hurt and heartbroken that he left again, now I'm not sure," I answered honestly.

"I'm sorry my baby, I should have protected you better from him." Ma said, facing me.

As I looked at her, I realized that I was never angry with her for meeting him. I was scared of where I stood should they get back together, especially seeing as I wasn't ready to forgive and move on.

"No, he was your husband and I wasn't the only one he left that day. You deserve explanation just as I do, maybe even more than I do,"

Mum wiped her hands with a dish towel and pulled me away from the sink. "I never wanted an explanation for why he left me, only why he left you. And I have long dealt with my anger with him," Mum said, taking a seat at the kitchen island.

"What hurt more was seeing you heartbroken like that, especially when you came back from seeing him." she said, making me frown.

"You knew I went to him? How?" All these years I thought mum didn't know about that trip. I mean I had lied to her about my whereabouts, not even April knew where I went. Only Alex and Wade knew!

"Ammie, you should know by now that Wade can't and won't lie to me. He told me when he found your dad and what you wanted to do," Mum said with a small smile.

"What?! Way to break my poor heart. It's like you just told me father Christmas ain't real," I said with a hand on my chest trying to lighten up the mood 

All these years I lived with regret for lying to mum when she knew? Coming back from that short trip was so hard, I couldn't sleep over at April's place because she would know something had happened by just looking at me. So I came back home and lied once more to mum, told her I had a headache and locked myself in my room.

"Why didn't you say anything? I was so miserable, mama." 

"You were an angry teen most of the time and I didn't want to break the trust you shared with Wade. It was heartbreaking seeing you spiral into trouble, it was after that day you started drinking right?" she asked with teary eyes.

Days following my birthday I used my pocket money to buy alcohol, hid some in my bedroom and skipped classes with this girl from my class to go drinking. I thought I had it all under control until I almost hit another car with Alex's car.

"I thought Mel didn't tell anyone about that little accident." I mumbled and cleared my throat. "I wanted the pain to stop, and it did for a while." 

For years I thought my mum didn't know about my drinking habits, but it seemed like she knew it all.

Mum wiped the tears on her cheeks, and hugged me. "I'm so sorry I wasn't always there."

"You were always there when it mattered mama." I assured her.

After a while mum pulled away, and wiped her tears then mine. "What must Sophie be thinking of us, leaving her all alone?"