Chapter 13

Finn

Liam and I painted all morning.  He was working on the piece he was making for Jonah while I was working on another painting inspired by one of Elliott's sculptures.  We worked diligently until lunchtime and then cleaned up all our brushes and ourselves before we made sandwiches for lunch and then headed back into town.  I was dropping Liam off and then meeting with Garrett.  I asked Liam if he wanted to come with me, Garrett and I would mostly likely be talking about the gallery and the show, so it would be good for Liam to get used to that, but he was having a shy moment and asked me to drop him off at his apartment.  Luckily Aiden was home when I walked him to the door, because I knew that Jonah didn't like him left alone for too long.  His overprotection was sweet, I just hoped that when Liam was older, Jonah would know when to let him grow and experience the things he needed to take care of himself.

After I saw Garrett I planned to head over to my apartment to meet the delivery truck with my new furniture.  They would be there between 3:00 and 5:00 pm so I had plenty of time to linger over coffee with Garrett and get to know him better.  He was an interesting man and had spent several years in Europe working in some of the most famous galleries in the world.  He was also very supportive of my work and a good person to bounce ideas off so I enjoyed our now regular coffee breaks together.

Garrett and I had just met at our favourite café right across the street from Juntado when I heard a vaguely familiar voice behind me.

"Finn, right?"  I turned around to see a large body; the way the sun was behind him I couldn't see his face, only the well-built form of a very muscular man.  "Sorry," he said as he came around in front of me.  Garrett looked up at him curiously and as he came out of the sun and I could stop squinting I remembered him.

"Jacob." I stood up and shook his hand.

"You remember," he said quite pleased with himself.

"Yes," I chuckled.  I looked over at Garrett.  "Garret, Jacob; Jacob, Garrett."  The two men shook hands.  "Would you like to join us?" I offered, being polite.

"If I'm not intruding, I'd love to.  I was just coming for coffee myself, but coffee with company is always better."

"You work in the area?" Garrett asked.

"Yes, just a block up the street.  You?"

"I manage Juntado," he replied pointing across the street.

"Ah, it's a beautiful gallery," Jacob replied.  "I've been in a few times."

"Yes, and Finn is going to grace us with his paintings, we were just discussing his show in August."

"You're a painter?" Jacob asked me.

I nodded and Garrett piped up before I could reply.  "He's a rising star, he's already had several sold out showings in New York and now he's returned to dominate the L.A. Art scene."  Jacob looked at me and raised his brows with a smirk, I chuckled back at the inside joke we shared with Garrett's choice of words.

"Well, I'll have to attend, I consider myself an amateur art collector, I'd love to see your work." 

"Well, it's the last two weeks of August and the first week of September, but I still think we have plenty of tickets to the opening on August 18th if you'd like a pair for you and a guest," I offered.

"I'd love to come, but I'll only need one," Jacob replied, leveling a steady gaze directly at me.   I held his stare for a few seconds before Garrett interrupted.

"After our coffee, come by the gallery and I'll get your ticket," he offered.

"I have some right here."  I opened my messenger back and took out two tickets.  "Here are two, in case you find someone to bring with you."  I reached over the table and handed him the tickets with a small wink and my own smirk. Yeah, I'd honed the flirting game in the last few years.  I could definitely hold my own and through my art I spent a fair amount of time with people a bit older than me, I pegged Jacob in his late twenties or possibly early thirties; in the last few years I'd built up a confidence so it more than a few years age difference to intimidate me.

"I'm sure I could find a friend or acquaintance to bring," he said with a return smirk.

Garrett was looking back and forth between the two of us like he was watching a tennis match.  Luckily a waitress came out to see about our coffee.  The rest of time we all made small talk.  I learned that Jacob was a businessman running a software firm and Garrett and he found out they had some friends in common.  Jacob was interested to learn that I was going to be a junior at UCLA as that was his alma mater was well.  As was the policy, neither of us discussed where we met recently as privacy was the ultimate ground rule at any private club of that sort and Garrett had no involvement in that scene.  Even when I signed in as just a guest, I had signed a non-disclosure agreement that was read to me by the hostess.

The three of us were chatting amicably when I saw a figure I recognized walking across the street toward Juntado.  I stood up to call over to him.

"Nico!  Nico, over here."  Nico turned and I saw a small smile as our eyes met, he quickly redirected his gait towards us.

"Hi." I said when he reached the table.

"Hi," he said nodding and then looked between the two others with an unreadable gaze.

"Nicolas, this is Garrett and Jacob.  Garrett and Jacob this is Nicolas."  I introduced Nico with his full name as his nickname was only for close friends and family.  He nodded to each of them and shook their hands.

"Actually we met a few times several years ago Nicolas," Jacob said as he shook his hand, "Jacob Sterling."

"Yes, I remember now," Nicolas replied and suddenly looked less than happy.

"Come sit with us, have a coffee," I offered.  He nodded and came around taking the empty seat next to me.  Once he was comfortably seated, I explained that Garrett was the  manager of Juntado and we were making final plans for the gallery showing.  Nico looked at Jacob and I explained that I had met Jacob recently and he saw us having coffee and I invited him to join us.

"Were you headed to Juntado?" I asked.

Nico wasn't very talkative and seemed almost uncomfortable.  He nodded before replying, "I was in the neighbourhood so thought I'd check it out."

"I can take you over after our coffee," Garrett offered and Nico gave him a curt nod in reply.

"My new furniture's coming this afternoon," I told him.  "That was pretty fast, eh?"

"That's great.  Do you want me to come help you set it up?"

"You don't have to…"

"I'd like to," he quickly said, "I don't have anything else to do today.  I did some work at the office this morning, but a half day was all I was up for on my first day back."

"You're back in L.A. for good," Jacob asked.  I guess he was familiar with Nico and his company.

"Yes."  His reply was short, but then a more detailed answer would be too personal for both of us.

"That would be great Nico, I'd appreciate some help," I told him, getting his attention again.  "Maybe we could grab some pizza and a few beers after.  There's a place I saw on the same block, it looked good."

Garrett and Jacob watched our exchange with interest, which I disregarded.  "Yeah, that sounds perfect," Nico agreed.

Jacob finally excused himself to get back to work.  "It was good seeing you again Finn, I hope we bump into each other again, but if not, I'll see you on the 18th!"

"Great.  It was good seeing you as well."

"Will you and Benji be coming out…" he let his sentence trail off so I smiled.

"I'm not sure, I'm pretty busy these days getting as many paintings finished as I can for the show."

"Well, good luck with that."  Jacob nodded at each of the other men and took off down the street.  The three of us finished our own coffee and walked over to Juntado.  I excuse myself to use the restroom after, 3 coffees, and left Garrett to show Nico around until I returned.

"Isn't it great Nico?" I said when I caught up with them.

"It's a great space.  Your work will show well here," he replied.

"I love the studios next door, they're also part of the gallery, they offer work space for artists, classes…it's really a great concept."

"I agree, this place is perfect for you," Nico said.

"It's getting late, we should head over to my apartment before the delivery guys get there," I suggested.  We said our goodbyes to Garrett and I made plans to come back in a few days to talk logistics for my show.

"It's about 10 blocks, I said as we headed out the door, we have time to walk, is that okay?  I feel like I've been sitting for hours."

"That's fine.  It's probably easier than finding another parking spot anyway."  Nico and I walked side by side, walking at a comfortable, steady pace.  Since I was taller now I kept up with him just fine, I remember back…then…I would often have to speed up my gait to keep up with his long legs.

"I dropped off a few boxes before I met Garrett.  Once everything is set up I can start unpacking them."

"You sound excited about having your own place."

"I am.  Back in New York after I moved out of Declan and Jaime's I had a tiny dorm room.  This apartment is like a palace compared to it.  And a great painting space…though Garrett suggested I paint at Juntado, it's a good way to connect with other artists…but then I'll also be at school…I don't know.  It's probably easier to work at the apartment, I can paint late into the night and then just crash."  I rambled on what seemed like endlessly for the rest of the walk and when I'd look at Nico he had a relaxed happy smile, so I just kept going.  Maybe I was a bit nervous, but it was also really nice to just be talking like two normal people again.  It felt easy and…there are no words for what that meant to me.

The furniture was delivered shortly after we arrived and Nico helped me get everything in place and then we unpacked some of the boxes.

"Nico, I called out from my studio room."  He walked in from the kitchen where he had been putting away dishes and other kitchen stuff he had helped me pick out the other day.  "Can you help me put these up?" I asked, a little shyly…but the framed photos brought back so many memories.  They were the ones of me and my Dad that he had gotten for me.  He walked over and took one out of my hands.  He had a sad smile on his face.

"You're going to put them in here?"

"Yeah…maybe this one in the living room," I replied, holding up the one of us with the prize winning fish.  "It feels weird to have them in my bedroom, you know…"  I trailed off.  Okay.  This was awkward.  How do I explain to Nico that I had found it weird when sleeping with Chris or any of the other boyfriends I'd  had to have the pictures of my Dad watching.  "Umm…yeah….I just like to keep my bedroom simple."

"It's okay Finn.  I understand.  I read your journal last night.  I know…"  I looked over at Nico's strained face.  I knew in the back of my mind he would be reading it, but I guess I hadn't thought about it a lot or that he would have read it last night…or that we'd be talking about it, so soon.

He put the picture on a table and sat down on a stool I'd ordered for the studio.  He let out a deep sigh and crossed his arms across his chest, his shoulders drooping in almost a defeated posture.  "I read how much I hurt you and how much pain you went through," he said in a sad voice.  "It was…more than I could ever have imagined and I'm so sorry I put you through that.  It was…very hard to read, but I was so proud of your strength b…Finn, the way you worked through it."  He looked up at me with the most sincere look in his deep brown eyes that looked glossy as I thought maybe he fought back a tear or two.  "You grew up into such an amazing man."

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't prepared to have this talk.

"I know you've…been with others and I’m glad.  You deserved to have relationships with boys your own age.  That time I saw you in New York…you were with that boy…Henry I think you said his name was in the journal."

"I'm sorry, I'm sure that kind of hurt," I said quietly.

"Your happiness is more important, and I deserved it after the hurt I put you through."  Nico's gaze had held steady, telling me how sincere he felt about this.

"That's not true, no one deserves the pain either of us went through."  His head dropped again, I could tell he didn't believe what I said.  "Nico?"  When his eyes met mine again I hesitated for a moment, "Um," I took a step forward, drawing up some courage, "Can I…I want to give you a hug."  God, I sounded like I was 12 year old.  His eyes looked almost pained and I took a quick step back before I fought whatever form of fear this was and stepped forward again with my arms open.  He didn't move so I took the last few steps forward and put my arms around him.  He was still sitting on the stool so his head was at my shoulder level.  Nico was stiff at first, but slowly his arms came around my waist and I held him tightly.

"I forgive you," I murmured and I felt his arms tighten around me.  His head was leaning on my shoulder, his face turned away so I didn't know what was going on in his mind, but he held me with almost a desperation so I kept my arms tightly wrapped around him and rubbed his back. 

We stayed like that for several minutes until finally I heard him whisper, "thank you." 

Slowly we relaxed our arms and I stepped back.  Neither of us knew what to say, so finally I just turned and picked up the small took kit I had packed with the pictures.  "Um…so I think we should set these up on that wall, in kind of a collage." 

We fell back into work mode and left the rest behind, at least for now.

"Are you hungry?" I asked when we were finished.

"Starved," Nico admitted with a small smile before looking away.  How could it be that his new Nico, this vulnerable, almost insecure man was even more devastatingly beautiful and sexy than ever.  Was it the changes in him or the changes in me that made this so evident. 

"Let's get the pizza to eat here, first meal in my new kitchen," I suggested.  Nico agreed and we headed out, first to place an order for our dinner and then to stop by the store and pick up a couple of six packs of beer to put in the fridge.  It was a little embarrassing because Nico had to buy the beer.  I was old enough to go to war, but not old enough to buy a little beer.  How stupid is that.

"So where did you meet Jacob?"  Nico asked as we ate our dinner.

"Benji dragged me to the club he and Ajax go to a week or so back," I admitted, "when Ajax was out of town...but Benji asked him first."  Nico looked surprised as his brows went up.  "I just went as a guest," I added.

"I'm surprised you wanted to go…"

"I guess I needed to go to show myself I wasn't afraid any more, that I can stand on my own two feet and not be afraid…and it was no big deal.  I didn't let anyone intimidate me and I got to meet some of Benji's friends.  It was okay…no big deal," I repeated.

"Are you going to go back?" he asked levelly.

"I don't know, the regular club part was fine, good music, I didn't get carded…I like Benji's friends, so I might…but not to…I'm not going to go to meet a…Dom or anything.  I'm not planning to become a sub again…I don't need anyone to take care of me." I clarified.

"I know.  I see that.  I'm glad."

"Would you go back…to the club I mean, I assume you've been there before."

"I have, a long time ago.  And no, I have no interest in going there."  Nico's reply was short, almost curt, and he didn't seem to want to elaborate so I took another bite of my pizza.  For the most part our conversation was easy going, but there were still subjects that made Nico uncomfortable.  When we were finished we cleaned up the kitchen together.

"Are you staying here tonight or at Ajax and Benji's?" he asked.

"I don't have any of my clothes or other stuff I need, so I'm going back to theirs," I replied.  "Benji and the guys are going to help me move everything in tomorrow.  I had a bunch of stuff shipped to their house that I just left in boxes for until I got it here."

"Do you need any help?" he asked.

"Nah, we got it covered.  There's not too much.  It will only take us about an hour between the six of us…but thanks for asking." 

"Do you need a ride back to the marina?  Did you drive in?"

"I've got my car, thanks…I should get going then, so you can get back before it gets too late."

"Yeah…where are you parked?"  We headed out the door and Nico walked me to my car and then I drove him to his. 

"I didn't bring your journal, but I'll return it next time I see you," he said just before he opened his door.

"Sure, no rush.  Whenever."  Once again things had turned awkward.  I didn't know where exactly we stood…do we make plans to get together again…or…

"Listen, do you want to have dinner or lunch again in a few days?" he asked.

"Yeah, that would be great."

"Okay.  I'll text you and we can figure out when you have some free time.  I know you're pretty busy painting, but…"

"I like hanging out with you Nico, I'll make the time."

"Right.  Okay.  Thanks.  Good night then…drive safely."  He looked over and his mouth turned up in an uncertain smile.  I returned a warm grin that I hoped would put him a ease and it seemed to.

"Good night Nico, I'll text you tomorrow…let you know how the move went."

"Great," he said, sounding relieved.  "I'll look forward to it."

Nico finally stepped out of the car and I watched as he walked over, unlocking his car with the a click of his key fob.   When he was in the car he looked over and waved so I nodded and drove off.

I chose not to think too much about what was going on…Cynthia, my old therapist had often told me to stop overthinking things and I figured she must be right.  Better just to take each day as it came and go with the flow.  I was really looking forward to tomorrow and finishing my move and my first night in my new apartment in my new bed.  Never thought I'd be moving into a place like that all those years ago when I stepped off the bus here in L.A. after my mom left.  My life has had its ups and downs - the downs pretty damn hard, but here I was and it wasn't too bad a place to be.