"Bella, you need to eat something."

The voices were all laced with pity but I couldn't respond. I felt numb.

Everything was distorted. From the moment I heard the scream of the waitress to the ambulance ride to the hospital. I lost all sense of time. All sense of direction. It felt as if I was just floating; being pushed around by the wills of other people.

Somehow, it was exhausting.

I didn't know how much time passed, but I was approached by a different person. This time it was someone unexpected, making my gaze snap up to him in an instant.

Dylan crouched in front of me, grabbing my hands that rested in my lap. He looked troubled, as if seeing me like this caused him physical pain. "Bella," is all he said.

It was enough to make me crumble.

The next thing I knew, tears were streaming down my face. He looked absolutely pained as he stood up and took me in his arms. His hands soothingly rubbed my back as he whispered words I couldn't hear over my own sobs.

I cried for what felt like hours. Before, the tears were flowing in steady streams, but now I was snot-nosed and heaving. By the end of it, my brain felt dry and my eyes were heavy.

"Come on, let's get you something to eat," he whispered when the tears ran out. His hands continued to run up and down my back in a comforting manner. I would've appreciated this more if I wasn't in this situation.

I shook my head. "I- I can't. I need to stay here."

"Bella, he's not going anywhere."

He wasn't, physically, but...

His words were enough to have me cry again. Somehow, my dehydrated body was able to release more tears, even though I couldn't remember the last time I drank water. Dylan hugged me harder and gave up trying to argue. He wasn't the first and he wouldn't be the last.

We sat together, squeezed on a hospital bench. He hugged me for a long, long time. I cried into his chest, soaking his entire shirt. He didn't care one bit.

"Here, I brought her something from the cafeteria. They were closed but I forced one of the nurses to hook me up," a new voice said. It sounded hollow, just like I felt.

I looked up to see Damien sympathetically smiling down at me. In his hand was a tray with a sandwich and juice. I shook my head. I couldn't stomach anything right now without puking it up. He sighed and handed Dylan the tray before settling on the seat from across the room. This wasn't a new ordeal. Everyone had been trying to get me to eat all night. I just... couldn't.

His eyes zoned in on the person laying on the bed. He looked so devastated. Suddenly I felt bad that I was being so difficult but I couldn't help it. I couldn't think about anything but Dean. He looked so lifeless in that bed. His skin was pale, his eyes were shut for way too long, tubes connected into random parts of his arms. The only indication that I had that he was alive was the beeping monitors.

Fresh tears welled up in my eyes. "This is all my fault."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous," Dylan said softly.

"It is!" I furiously wiped at my face and sat up straighter. "If he wasn't so concerned about someone breaking into my car, he would've never gone back. We would've been happily eating in the diner." Suddenly a new thought occurred to me – one that had my eyes widening. "Oh my god, he didn't even want to go there! He only went because I did."

Saying the words put a crushing weight on my shoulders. Before I could go into full-on panic mode, Dylan soothingly stroked my arms up and down. "Hey. There's a chance he can hear you. Do you think he'd be happy that you're blaming yourself? No. You need to ease up on yourself. Anything could've happened. It could've been when you were at the movies or eating dinner. Hell, it could've been at his own house. I need you to take a breather."

Before I could argue, the door burst open, and in came two frantic people.

Reece and Skylar.

Both of their eyes landed on the lifeless body lying on the bed. While Reece looked like he was in shock, Skyler looked absolutely heartbroken.

I wondered who had called them.

Then she did the unexpected. She marched straight up to me and threw her arms around me. I stood there in shock before realizing something.

She and Dean were close. Dean and I were close. We both loved the same man. We were both heartbroken.

So I did something more unexpected. I hugged her back and cried. We both did.

Never in a million years did I expect to be sobbing with Skylar, which made the action even more terrifying. Only something truly devastating would make this happen, and it did. The thought was scary.

From over her shoulder, I saw Reece talking with Dylan, then Damien.

"How is he?" Reece asked Damien. Skylar finally pulled away to listen in, not even bothering to wipe her makeup-smudged face.

Mr. Cullen took a deep breath before dejectedly looking at Dean. "The bullet hit very close to his heart. They were able to remove it but he hasn't woken up yet. The doctors don't know why or when he will."

Hearing the news I already knew still managed to crush me. My knees felt weak. I collapsed onto the couch, holding the armrests for dear life.

He was going to be okay. He HAD to be okay.

There was no reason for his body to react like this, which made it so much worse. The doctors had told us his body was physically healed, now it was up to his brain to catch up. They said he had gone into shock, similar to how I had been when I had gotten shot. The only difference was, he was out the moment the bullet pierced through skin. He didn't have a few moments of being delirious. There was no way to talk to him. I couldn't reassure him that I was there or that he'd be okay.

I hated myself for it. Why couldn't I have just walked with him to the car? Why couldn't we have just left his stupid wallet? I was fine with my car getting broken into if that meant Dean was alright. Hell, I'd take fifty smashed windows over that.

Then I blanked out. I vaguely remember Reece bidding his goodbyes and dragging Skylar along with him. Her silent tears were just as painful as the wretched sobs that left her body.

The members of the Cullen family took shifts on visiting, mainly because they still had to run the diner. The hospital room was small anyway. I stayed consistently. I couldn't bear the thought of me leaving and him...

No. I couldn't think like that.

"Bella, sweetie, it's been a day. I promise I'll call you as soon as we get any updates. Go home, shower, sleep," Natalie told me at some point. When I processed her words, my head whipped toward the window. Sure enough, it looked like dawn.

Huh.

"No, I just need a coffee and I'll be fine," I answered. My voice sounded raspy from the lack of water.

She shook her head. "I'm stepping out into the hall to take a call."

I nodded and watched her leave. As soon as the door clicked in place, I took a shaky breath and walked up to the bed where my boyfriend was lying.

My hand traced over his pale face. He was ice cold. I pulled the thin hospital blanket up to his chin and sat on the edge of the bed. I grabbed one of his freezing hands and enveloped it in mine.

This could've very well have been a prank. Dean always loved to annoy me. "Very funny, Dean. Time to wake up," I said, testing it out. When he remained frozen, I sighed. "Come on, you got shot in the chest. That's no excuse for your brain not to work – not that it worked in the first place." I let out a laugh but it turned into a sob as more tears flowed down my face. I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

Nothing.

Leaning forward, I rested my forehead against his. "Please wake up."

"Bella, you need to go home. We have school tomorrow," Dylan said. I turned around to face him, unsure when he even came back. Natalie trailed behind him, looking sheepish. She must've called him.

"Bella, go home. It's not doing any good for you to just sit here," she added with a reassuring smile.

I took one nervous glance at Dean before nodding. "Okay." Both looked relieved but didn't rush me. I turned back to Dean and whispered. Hopefully, he could hear me. "Look buddy, I'm expecting you to wake up by the time I get back tomorrow. And if you don't... I'll break up with you. Yeah! I'll go out with Reece or Andrew just to spite you."

Still nothing.

Heaving a sigh, I kissed his forehead. "And if you don't wake up... I hope you know I love you so much."

I hated the pessimism but I wanted to take precautions. On the off chance that he never woke up again, I wanted to say my goodbyes. You never knew what would happen.

"Please wake up," I whispered one last time before standing up and wiping my tears. Dylan wrapped his arm around me as he led me out of the dreaded hospital I made my own room.

~~~

I was there again. Beachwood Park.

It was dark outside. Dean's gang was huddled around, waiting for his arrival. I was eavesdropping on their conversation about how he wasn't going to show up.

And then he did.

He looked magnificent under the streetlights. His cheekbones and jaw laid out shadows on his face. His eyes glowed in the darkness of the night. His hair was disheveled, making him look dangerously handsome.

His leather-clad body exuded confidence. He wryly smiled at his gang mates, joking around with them yet managing to keep his superior stance. Everyone around him looked unimportant; minuscule like they were specks of dust on the Earth.

Then the first shot rang out. Almost instinctively, I looked down at my arm. My brows furrowed in confusion. I had been through this scenario enough times to predict the outcome. Where was the pain? The stinging? Why didn't it hurt?

The gunshots continued. I kept searching for my bullet wound. Where was it?

When I looked back up at the gang, they were all gone. Then the gunshots stopped and I was left in an eerie silence.

This was different.

I blinked and Dean reappeared. This time, he was staring directly at me, like he knew I was there the entire time. He stood there, ten feet away. I couldn't see his expression from here, only his piercing eyes. Then he spoke.

"Bella. This is all your fault."

Then the gunshots resumed. This time, they weren't directed at me. Dean stupidly stood in the exposed area. His body twitched every time a new bullet pierced his skin. He kept letting himself get shot. 

No no no! I was the one who was supposed to get shot! Not him!

The reality of the scenario was finally catching up to my mind. I screamed.

"Dean!"

I shot up in bed. My entire body was damp in sweat. My eyes were wet. I was trembling harder than someone in the cold without a jacket.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I turned to see Dylan sitting up with me. He was staring at me cautiously, but also with pity. I blinked, allowing my surroundings to come into focus. I wasn't in the park, I was at home. Everything was okay.

Except it wasn't.

The crushing reality came back. Dean was sleeping in the hospital while I was sleeping in my bed.

"Hey, it was just a bad dream. Everything's okay," Dylan said soothingly.

I nodded and fell into his chest. I was so grateful he was here right now. Without him, I would've been way worse. Both of my parents were still with my grandpa and I didn't tell them about Dean. From what I knew, none of my friends knew besides Dylan – and even I'm not sure who called him.

"I'm going to take a shower," I muttered after a few minutes. "Sorry for waking you."

"It's okay. Are you going to school today? And before you say no, I think you should. It would be a nice distraction for you."

"But–"

"Look, whether you're here or there, Dean's still going to be in the hospital. His sister promised to call you if anything happened, right?"

I nervously bit my lip and nodded. He had a good point. I wasn't going to go to the hospital until later regardless, so at least I could go to school. Maybe I could grab his work for him so he could catch up when he woke up.

If he woke up.

"Now you know how we all felt when you got shot," Dylan attempted to make me laugh. I couldn't.

Instead, I absently pet Ryder, who was sleeping on the edge of my bed, and headed to the shower. I washed up all the hospital grime from my skin and completed my entire morning route. When it came to changing, I shoved myself in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. My hair was a tangled mess on my head so I simply tied it up.

When I went downstairs, I saw Dylan had already taken Ryder out. I thanked him and nodded toward the door. Normally I'd eat breakfast but I was still having trouble digesting food.

School wasn't what I was expecting. I thought I could go on like normal but one look from my friends had them questioning me like crazy.

"Well, you look like shit," Jaz commented as soon as she saw me. Emma smacked her arm before smiling at me. She chose not to comment about my appearance. Something on my face must've given away how miserable I was feeling because Jaz stepped in front of me and put her hands on my shoulders as her eyes nervously darted between Dylan and me. "What's wrong? Did you and Dean break up?"

I wanted to scoff at her assumption but I couldn't even do that!

"Dean's in the hospital," I mumbled instead, looking directly at the ground.

"Oh look, the bell. Hah, we'll see you guys later." The next thing I knew, Dylan was dragging me to class.

Except, he wasn't.

He pulled me around the corner of the hallway and put his hands on my shoulders. "You're crying."

My hands reached up to touch my wet face. "Oh."

Dylan sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "This was stupid. I'm sorry. I'm taking you home."

I didn't argue. I didn't want to stay at school. If I couldn't get through five minutes without crying, how was I supposed to last seven hours? This seemed like the best. I just hated that Dylan had to skip too. I should've brought my car.

He grabbed my hand and began tugging me toward the door. Some people in passing gave me weird looks, Andrew included. It wasn't hard to tell I was a mess.

When we pulled into my driveway, Dylan unbuckled his seatbelt. I put my hand on top of his and shook my head. "No. You go back to school."

"What? No. I'm not going to leave you alone like this."

"Dyl," I pleaded. "Please. I just need to be alone right now. If anything happens, you'll be the first I call."

Something in my tone must've given away how desperate I was because he dejectedly nodded as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm coming directly after school, okay? Sit tight until then."

"Okay."

I got out of the car, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. He waited until I was inside to peel out of my driveway.

I spent a good fifteen minutes just lying on the rug in the living room, playing with Ryder. He tried his best to make me feel better. He licked my face, he brought his toys, he even did that cute little howl thing he did once in a while. None of it made me laugh. When his little doggy brain realized I was being sad, he whimpered.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, patting his head. Seemed like I was making everything worse.

The restless energy hit me in waves. On one hand, I needed a distraction from the pain in my heart. On the other, I was too exhausted to do anything else. I was tempted to call Dylan back just so I'd have someone to keep me company.

Eventually, I sat up. I wasn't doing anything here, which is the exact same thing I'd do at the hospital. At least there I could keep an eye on Dean.

I decided I should just go. Without bothering to change, I grabbed my keys and ran to my car.

This was dumb. I should've stayed home, but I couldn't. Not when Dean needed me.

I walked to his room like it was muscle memory, even though I couldn't remember how I had gotten there the first time. I slowly cracked the door open, letting whoever know that I was entering.

It was empty, minus Dean of course.

For a split second, I was pissed. How could they just leave him alone in here! What if something happened? How would they contact me?

Then I realized that everyone had lives. They all knew nothing was going to change whether they were there or not.

There was also the fact that they were used to this. Dean was in a gang for fuck's sake! He got hurt a lot. He went to jail for two freaking months. The Cullens probably weren't fazed. I'm not saying they didn't care, because they did. I saw the way his mom was silently crying and stroking his hair. I saw the way his dad was whispering in his ear. Even his siblings were concerned, even though they were too busy looking after me. It's not that they didn't care, it's that they knew dropping their entire lives for this was impossible.

And then there was me. It's not like I was leaving anything important behind anyway.

"Hey, Dean. I know I said I wasn't going to come until after school but I'm sure you'd be proud of me skipping. You were always a bad influence," I said softly into the room. Smiling a little, I sat on the edge of his bed and grabbed his cold hands into mine to warm them up. "But I don't think you should've copied me. We all know I'm the first one to get shot. Why'd you have to steal my spotlight? Now I won't be able to play the guilt card with you."

Nothing.

Dejectedly sighing, I rested my head on his chest. The faint sounds of his heart and steady breathing were reassuring, more than the stupid machines.

"Dean, you need to wake up now. I'm bored and lonely. It's selfish of me, considering I have a million people trying to make me feel better, but I only want you. Is that dumb? You probably think I sound so stupid right now. But you'd be smiling because you'd feel honored. I know how much it means to you when I choose you, and I always do. It doesn't matter if I'm drunk or sober or with another guy. It'll always be you. It's a little toxic, but true. I think I need to stop comparing everyone to you." A little laugh escaped my lips. "You're going to kill me for saying this but Ben reminded me of you. Both of you were rigid and acted all high and mighty. Both of you were super bipolar as well."

I paused, seeing that maybe he'd want me to continue so badly that he'd wake up.

He didn't.

"But the thing with Ben was, he wasn't you. He didn't make me feel butterflies the way you did. I need someone who will fight me with. Who won't hesitate to tell me I'm stupid, even though you better never say that. What we have is chemistry. We have fire, passion, lust. But even though I get into the most unsafe situations because of you, you make me feel safe. I know you'd never harm me. You'd protect me with every fiber of your being, even to the point where you're selfless. I love you for that."

Just then, the door creaked open. I lifted my head off of Dean's chest to greet the visitor when my mouth formed an 'o' shape.

"Reece? Shouldn't you be at work?"

Reece shrugged before closing the door. "Shouldn't you be at school?"

My eyes flicked back to Dean. "I tried. Then I ended up crying in front of all my friends."

Reece laughed as he settled on the chair in the corner. "You have been crying a lot more lately. Are you pregnant or something?"

I raised my brows at his assumption.

He threw up his hands defensively. "Just wanted to try. Maybe he'd wake up thinking he was the father or something."

"Very funny," I sarcastically replied.

"Have you eaten yet?"

"No," I timidly replied. I knew exactly where this was going.

He then surprised me by saying, "Me either. Do you wanna maybe eat together? I don't want to be alone."

Suddenly I softened. Of course he was grieving. He's known Dean way longer than I have and they're best friends.

I knew I was being selfish lately, so I agreed. "But what about...?"

"We'll just be downstairs. I don't think anything will change in the span of thirty minutes," he said before looking at Dean and attempting a smirk. It was a little sad. "Maybe the fucker will get jealous enough to wake up. Hey, Dean! You hear that? I'm taking Arabella here down to the hospital food court. Isn't that super romantic?"

Laughing, I playfully smacked his shoulder. "Okay, okay. Let's just go."

I kissed Dean's forehead and told him I'll be right back before leaving the room with Reece.

We walked down to the cafeteria in silence. It was more of a thoughtful silence, still laced with sadness. It was weird, I could tell you that much. A small part of me couldn't believe this was real. Yes, I was sobbing uncontrollably earlier, but a piece of me just believed this was all a dream.

It was safe to say that my life got so much crazier when I met Dean.

"What do you want?" Reece asked as we scanned the food options. I made a face. I wasn't in the mood to eat anything but something told me Reece wouldn't let that slide by, so I opted for a cookie and the lightest salad they had. He ended up with a slice of pizza and breadsticks.

Together we sat at one of the small tables.

"Did you see who the shooter was?"

I looked up at him. He was completely serious yet casual at the same time. I only managed to shake my head. "I was inside when it happened. By the time I ran out, the lot was clear. Then again, I could only focus on my boyfriend bleeding out so I didn't really check."

He flashed me an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry... it's just..."

"What?" I frowned, putting my fork down in my bowl.

"I mean, when Ben abandoned his task, I think we all thought it was over. None of us even considered that Don's men were still on the prowl for Dean."

"Well, it sure as hell wasn't random," I scoffed, forcefully stabbing a piece of lettuce but not bringing it to my mouth. "And that shot was definitely meant to kill. They wouldn't have aimed it so close to his heart if it wasn't."

Reece nodded in agreement before going back to his meal. His eyes had a faraway look. I wondered what he was thinking.

"I feel like I failed," he whispered so faintly that my ears had to strain to hear him. My brows furrowed in confusion. "My one job was to protect Dean and I didn't even do that," he added.

My eyes widened as I furiously shook my head. "Hey, no! Don't blame yourself for this. None of us saw it coming. We were all so stupid to assume it wouldn't happen."

"But–"

"And if anything, this was my fault. I'm the stupid one who insisted we went to Mel's even though he didn't want to. God, I'm such an idiot! Why didn't I listen to him?"

"Bella," Reece rolled his eyes. He reached across and put his hand on top of mine. "That's ridiculous. Do you really think that? It was just a matter of time. It could've been when he went another day, or maybe even at his own house. It wasn't preventable, you know that."

Sighing, I withdrew my hand. He said the same thing as Dylan, but it wasn't sticking with me. I couldn't help but feel guilty.

"I don't think it's your fault," I softly replied. "I know it was your job, but he's not dead. He's very much alive, so I'd like to think the mission was accomplished. Plus we lost intel. It's not like there was a Ben 2.0 lurking around at Westcreek."

Reece opened his mouth to say something and then hesitated.

"What?"

He nervously averted his gaze to my tortured salad. "What makes you so sure it wasn't Ben?"

"No, Ben wouldn't..." I frowned. He couldn't, right? He said he wouldn't.

"You don't know for sure," he responded cautiously, as if he was trying to mind my feelings. "And it wasn't necessarily consensual. I don't think you realize this but abandoning your task in a gang, especially for things like this, can have heavy consequences. He might've been threatened with his life."

I did know all that, but I chose to ignore it.

"Sky's checking in on Ben's location to see if he was here this weekend," he added.

"But that's so dumb! He has a house here! He could've been visiting! That doesn't mean he shot Dean," I defended.

"But it also could've." He sighed and raked his fingers through his honey-colored hair. "Look, all I'm saying is that you can't trust everybody. Ben's word is as good as fake currency. He might've promised not to hurt Dean, but that didn't mean he meant it. Maybe he didn't want you to hate him."

"I..." My mouth opened and closed like a fish. Reece had a point; a good one. Truth was, I didn't know what Ben was capable of. He said he was leaving because he didn't want to hurt me but that didn't mean he prioritized my life over his. Maybe they did threaten him.

Maybe he did shoot Dean.

"We'll figure it out," Reece said reassuringly, although he didn't sound too sure himself. And that made me uneasy.

Neither of us had the appetite to finish our food so we threw it away. I felt bad for wasting food. I felt worse when I tried to eat.

We stepped onto the elevator with a tense silence surrounding us. I didn't like it. I leaned against the wall and stared down at my feet.

"Everything will be okay," I said, more to myself. Reece hummed his acknowledgment but that was it.

I couldn't wait to get back to Dean. The fifteen minutes being apart made me anxious, especially because no one was up with him. I didn't like the idea of leaving him alone, even he has been for a while.

"Page the doctor!"

I froze at the sound of a nurse yelling commands. They couldn't possibly be talking about Dean, right? There were plenty of patients here.

I practically ran to the outside of his room. Dread pitted in my gut as nurses ran in and out, looking frantic as they did so. My hand found Reece's and he squeezed, looking just as pale as me.

Something happened to Dean.