Wine. It did amazing things to broken people. I didn't know I was broken at first.

Okay, it sounded dramatic, but that's what everyone was saying.

But as the night went on and I drank more, I was becoming an emotional mess. All my feelings were resurfacing at the same time. 

That wasn't good.

The five of us – Will, Emma, Dylan, Jaz, and I – were sitting in the theater room with alcohol of our choice. I didn't originally choose wine but Jaz wanted some and she said it was a trip wasted if only she drank it so I agreed to drink some too.

Dylan surprisingly stayed sober. I thought the others were pacing with me, but they were also slowing down while I was sipping like there's no tomorrow. I didn't really catch on until everything was fuzzy. 

On the larger couch, Dylan and I were cuddling. Jaz and Emma were cuddling on one of the smaller seats and Will was sitting by himself. We all had blankets and I had a hunch we were going to fall asleep here. I didn't mind though, I was comfortable.

We were in the middle of truth or dare when the emotions really hit.

"Bella, truth or dare?" Dylan asked, his chest vibrating with every sound. 

"Truth," I replied absentmindedly. 

"Are you friends with that Ben kid?"

And that was all it took. Tears blurred my vision and I sniffled so snot wouldn't get all over Dylan. Everyone's panicked faces met my sad one. I probably looked so dumb.

"No," I sobbed. "I did something really, really bad."

Dylan's grip tightened around me and he stroked my hair. Jaz encouragingly nodded for me to go on. 

"I attempted to fake a friendship with Ben because I wanted to hurt him." I was leaving out the whole part about the actual mission. That was too much detail. "So I tried to get closer to him, no matter how rude he was. But then," I sniffled, "then, I went to his house and it was the last straw. He was so awful. I don't wanna be his friend anymore."

"It's okay! No one's forcing you to be his friend," Emma said softly like she was talking to a child. Sober, I'd hate it, but now I appreciated it.

My lip quivered. "But there's a problem. I wanted to hurt him so bad and I should be over it, right? Then why do I wanna keep trying? He hurt me a lot but I can't help but feel bad for him."

"Because you like seeing the good in people," Dylan answered.

Jaz had a thoughtful look on her face. "Why did you wanna hurt Ben so badly?"

I took a shaky breath. This was the first time I was admitting my true intentions out loud. Hopefully it didn't sound as dumb as I thought. "Because he reminded me of Dean. I couldn't be mad at Dean so I took it out on him. But... he's nothing like Dean. He's Satan's reincarnate. I was so wrong when I thought that. God, I'm such an idiot."

"Why are you angry at Dean?" Jasmine asked softly. She wasn't accusing or demanding, just genuinely curious. 

And this is when it went down. My heart broke as I recalled everything that happened these past few months. 

"Because he broke my heart. He chose Skylar over me and that hurt. If I had known I was disposable, I wouldn't have waited around for him. And now he looks so unaffected it hurts. Was I really nothing? Did I mean nothing? Did he lie when he said he loved me? If Skylar hadn't come into the picture, I'd be fine. But no, she came in and he left me for her!" I wasn't sure if they could understand my blubbering. "It hurts so much to have him around. We argue like we're friends and that hurts more than anything. I don't wanna be his friend. I wanna be his girlfriend. I love him, for fuck's sake! Why am I always a second choice? 

"And don't even get me started on my parents. Even they chose their work over me. They're never around anymore. I haven't seen them for, what, a month? Don't they care about me? They kept leaving and barely even communicate. What happened to the happy family I had? Since when is work more important than me?

"I'm so sick of everyone treating me like I don't have feelings. First Dean leaving me without a second glance. Even Ben! Things were going so well until he had a mood switch. We weren't even arguing! And it hurt because I really did wanna be his friend and he brushed me aside like I was nothing. And then my parents don't care about leaving me home alone in this stupid house. Why would they buy such a huge house if it was going to be empty all of the time?"

Wow. I really let everything off my chest. 

And doing so invited the pain. I felt heartbreak all over again. All my wounds, which weren't even fresh, began bleeding. This time the pain was so much that I felt myself weakening.

Jaz was kneeling in front of me in a flash. She gently cupped my face and wiped my soaked tears. "My baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I kept bringing him around. He kept insisting it was merely a break. I didn't know the whole story and I thought you were in denial."

"Wasn't I though?" I bitterly laughed. "I put on a brave face because I didn't wanna deal with everything. And when I realized it wasn't enough, I used Ben as a distraction."

"I'm so sorry," Jaz repeated.

Then I looked up at everyone else, letting out another laugh. "You guys are no better. I love you, I truly do, but I can't keep your secrets anymore. It's emotionally draining. Please, come to me if you need to. I'll always be there for you. But there has to be a point where you face your problems. I just... I feel so damn guilty all the time around you guys."

They all had guilty looks on their faces and frankly, they should've. They had put me through a lot of shit. I never would've told them sober but the alcohol was messing with my common sense. 

Holy shit, what was I doing? The words were coming out before my mind could even process them. I was word vomiting. 

"Come on sweetie, let's talk more about Dean," Jaz coaxed and I listened.

"It all started at the lake when I saw Skylar wearing one of his shirts. I knew they were friends, and I shouldn't have been jealous, but she was so smug. And w-when I confronted him about it on the last day, he ignored me. Then the next day he came over and said 'we were stupid to think things stayed the same after six months.'" Another sob erupted from my throat. "And then we ignored each other, which was fine. I mean, he had Skylar and I distracted myself with Ben. B-but then he started noticing me again and coming over drunk and it hurt so bad." 

I was going to regret this in the morning. 

Dylan only held me tighter. "I'm so so so sick of being pushed aside," I continued. "That's why I was so affected by you two breaking up." I pointed at Will and Emma. "You guys were just as bad as me and Dean. I got scared. What if no one was willing to put up with me like he was? What if I never find love because I enjoy pointless banter and sarcastic nature? I managed to push away basically all the boys in my life: Dean, Ben, Drew. What if I never find love?"

"Hey, I'll marry you if you end up alone," Dylan said softly. Kindly. 

I choked out a laugh, appreciating the humor. "I'd rather die than see the day." I joked, then my eyes widened. "Oh my god! See? I can't even have a good crying session without saying something mean. How will I get a boy to stick around?"

Jasmine's eyes flamed. I never saw her so infuriated. Not even when Drew broke my heart. Not even when Ben insulted her. But now she was fire. Her fists were clenched and her dark eyes got even darker. Without a word, she stomped up and left the room. 

"I'll go see what she's up to," Will said before following her out.

Emma crawled up to sit on the opposite side of me. "Bella, I'm so sorry. It was so inconsiderate to pile all my problems on you. And I promise I'll tell Will about Dylan."

Dylan stiffened under me. I couldn't see his face but I could only imagine he was as pale as a ghost. "Is that really necessary?" he squeaked.

"Yes," Emma and I said at the same time.

"It seriously is, Dyl. I feel so guilty around him. He needs to know," I explained when I saw his slumped body. 

He nodded, his chin rubbing against the top of my head. "Fine."

"I'll tell him when it's a good time," Emma said, nervously biting her cheek. I nodded and hoped she really would. 

Jasmine stormed back in, Will trailing. He only shrugged at our curious looks. She sat down right in front of me and kept a hand on my knee. "I'm sorry. I'm never going to support that stupid son of a bitch again! God, I can't believe he replaced you so soon."

"Me too," I mumbled. "Can we not talk about him ever again?"

"Of course," she forced a smile for my sake. 

"Or any of this," I continued. "I'm clearly wine drunk. You guys cheated."

"How so?" Will asked, turning amused fast.

"I thought everyone was getting drunk!" I exclaimed.

Emma turned a slight shade of red. "Actually, Will and I aren't spending the night. It's better to drive sober."

"Oh?"

Will shook his head. "We figured we should talk before we spend the night together. If we don't, we'll probably end up strangling each other." We all laughed even though it sounded legitimate. "So we figured tonight is good. If that's okay, of course." 

I had a goofy grin on my face. They were finally working out their issues! "Of course. And I'm sorry for all the meddling I've done." They both dismissively waved it off so I took it as a good sign. 

"Bella, can I talk to you alone?" Will timidly asked. I nodded and got up, but Dylan pulled me back down and wrapped the blanket around my shoulders. Then the others left the room, leaving only Will and me alone. "How are you?"

"I've had better days," I laughed but it sounded strangled. "What's up?"

He sheepishly smiled and sat down next to me. "I understand why you were freaking out about Emma and me now. So, I'm sorry. And even though your meddling can be annoying sometimes, don't stop. I wouldn't be where I am without you, so thanks."

I grinned so hard, my tear-stained cheeks hurt. Thinking about it, I probably looked insane but I didn't care. Will managed to lift my mood with a simple thanks. "So I can still play Cupid?"

"Yes," he chuckled, patting me on the arm. "Play Cupid. Because as long as you believe in love, you'll be okay." He got up to leave but turned around at the last second. "Oh, and I wouldn't worry about Dean. He's still whipped." 

I offered a small smile and watched him leave. His words should've given me hope but knew it was pointless. He was with Skylar now. I didn't matter. 

Only Jaz and Dylan came back. I assumed the other two left and honestly, I didn't mind a bit.

The duo sat beside me, squeezing me in the middle. 

"Bella, I knew you had a lot on your mind, but all this? It's a little ridiculous. How'd you manage to keep it in?" Dylan asked with concern. 

I repeated my earlier thoughts. "I told you, I kept myself distracted."

Jaz shook her head. "You know, we found it a bit weird when you didn't cry over your breakup."

"Really?" I asked. I was a little surprised they even noticed.

Dylan scoffed like I said the dumbest thing in the world. "Obviously. We're not dense. And you never wanted to talk about it."

"Like ever," Jaz added. 

"'I don't wanna talk about it' was literally your catchphrase." 

I rolled my eyes. "And expect to hear it more. I'm wine drunk so I'm letting my emotions out. It won't happen again." 

They both glanced at each other before breaking out into amused grins. They obviously didn't believe me. 

"So, now what?" Jaz asked, leaning her head on my shoulder. Dylan followed and put his head on my other shoulder. It was ironic considering I was the one who needed a shoulder to cry on. 

"What do you mean?" My throat felt dry at this point. I needed water. 

"With Dean, I mean." I could sense the hesitation in bringing up the topic but I let it slide considering it was hopefully the last time we ever spoke of him again.

I pondered on the subject for a second. Only a second. I shrugged, making their heads lift up slightly. "Nothing. We're done."

Believe it or not, I think Jasmine was more heartbroken than me. 

~~~

"Headache," was the first thing I mumbled when I woke up. 

My hands felt around me and found a fluffy mattress instead of a stiff couch. Sitting up, I looked around to see I was in my room. Jaz was still sleeping to the left of me but there was an imprint where Dylan's body was. I didn't even remember being moved here.

Blinking slow, I took in my surroundings. I was in my pajamas, which I wasn't in last night. There was a wine glass on my bedside table, along with a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. I reached over and took the pill before my headache worsened.

Oh shit, I was hungover.

I nearly choked on my water as last night's events came back to me. At first, it was flashes of sympathetic and guilty faces, but then my words slowly came back to me. I did a lot of talking last night. Like, spilling all my guts out. 

I was emotionally vulnerable. 

Putting the water down, I groaned and covered my now red face. How embarrassing! I hadn't meant to let all those emotions come out. I probably sounded so weak. And dumb, too.

"So stupid," I whispered to myself.

"I see you remember last night."

I jumped and uncovered my burning blush to see Dylan leaning against the doorframe to my room. In his hands, he was carrying a tray of food. Ryder was standing beside him, eyeing the food. His nose occasionally crinkled when he tried to catch a whiff.

He came closer and gently put the tray on my bedside table. Then he shuffled back in bed but sat upright. His arm snaked around my shoulder, pulling me to his side. We sat like that in silence, even though I knew he was dying to ask a million questions.

So, instead, I said what was on my mind. "Dyl, how come you've been acting so different lately?"

"What do you mean?" he asked even though we both knew what I was referring to.

"You've been extra pig-ish." 

He playfully pinched my arm and I swat his hand away. Then he let out a long sigh. I felt his muscles relax under me. "I didn't realize."

"I think being captain has gotten to your head," I replied, pulling away slightly and tapping his head lightly with my knuckles. "Oh yeah, definitely." 

He rolled his eyes and squeezed me harder into his body. I laughed and squirmed in his grip. He eventually released his hold but kept his arm around me anyway. 

I decided to elaborate on my issues, just in case he didn't see the true extent. "Look, I'm only saying this for your good, okay? I understand no one likes their faults pointed out, me especially, but sometimes you need to hear it. Ever since the beginning of the year, you've been acting weird. Like, extra weird. You acted like a total jerk then got defensive when we confronted you about it. Just because you have this newfound power doesn't mean you have the right to act like this." 

There was a long silence and I wondered if I spoke out of line. All we could hear was Jasmine's steady breathing and Ryder's soft snoring. With the food long forgotten, he was sleeping at the foot of the bed. 

"As much as I hate to admit this... you're right," he finally sighed. One hand lifted up and ran through his bedhead. "I guess I was excited to become captain. Last year, when I was co-captain, the team didn't respect me like this. I was still seen as an equal. But now that I'm the one in charge of their plays, they respect me a lot more. I guess I used that as a way to be an ass and control them. But, I agree. My treatment of them isn't the fairest and I should stop before they resent me."

I smiled and pinched his cheek, making his face move side to side. "I'm so proud of you."

He rolled his eyes again but a smile lingered on his lips. It was a sad smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Bella, I wanna apologize for not being a better friend. I knew you were keeping so much in your heart. I just didn't wanna push you, but I should have. You clearly needed to let everything off your chest."

I covered my embarrassed face once again. "Don't remind me," I said. The sound was muffled by my palms. As the color left my face, I dropped my hands into my lap and fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt. "Do you think Drew's ever going to forgive me?"

Dylan let out a scoff. "I don't think he's in the place to forgive you."

My head snapped up to his serious face. "What do you mean?" Was he implying that Drew would never forgive me? 

Seeing my panicked expression, his face softened. "Not like that, Bella. I just mean that he's being such a dick right now."

My brows furrowed in confusion. "Come again?" How was Drew the dick in this situation? If anything, he had every right to hate me.

Dylan looked at me like I had two heads. "You're being serious?" When I nodded, he let out an exasperated breath. "Wow. Okay. We need to talk about this." I wasn't sure what this meant but I waited for him to explain the Andrew situation. "Drew shouldn't be reacting this way. It was his fault for expecting something from you in the first place. It was his fault for waiting when you had a boyfriend. It was his fault for never admitting his feelings in the first place. Bella, you aren't at fault here. You never led him on by being friends."

My furrow in my brows deepened. "Didn't I, though?"

"No! You straight-up emphasized the friends part in your relationship. You never told him to wait for you. He's the one who expected too much from you. You shouldn't apologize for something you're not at fault for." 

I looked at him blankly. What he was saying was making sense, but my brain just couldn't process it.

He shook his head, making his dark hair fall into his eyes. "I don't know what's happened to you, but you're letting everyone walk all over you. First it was Dean, then Ben, now Andrew. Hell, even Jaz does it! You're letting everyone get off easy. You're not standing up for yourself."

His words hit me like a slap to his face. Everything he said made sense and stuck.

I was letting everyone walk all over me. What happened? Why did I let this happen to me?

Why didn't I stand up for myself? 

The bed slightly shook as Jasmine stirred. She looked up at us through her thick lashes. Her purple strands covered the majority of her face. 

"Some people are trying to sleep."

Dylan and I laughed obnoxiously loud, making the bed shake even more. She attempted to hit us with a pillow but missed completely. Then she took the pillow under her head and smushed it over her ears to block us out.

As my laughter died down, I thought about Dylan's words. He was totally right. I've been too accepting of everything that happened to me recently. 

It was time to change that.