I don't want to either.

***

I stumble into my dorm, tired after a long day of classes. I pull out my book on music theory. First week into classes and we already have exams. Honestly, I can't be complaining. This is the fourth year I've done music, being unable to sing in my adolescent years. How much did I miss out on because of this? I flip to the bookmarked page and begin to drill myself with facts.

Soon the text becomes a blur on the paper. I mark the page and close the book. I yawn, looking at the clock. 1 am. I could probably keep going for another hour or two. I head out of my room, going into the kitchen for a drink of water. I peek into the kitchen, seeing Chanyeol in front of the microwave. I sigh. I can't avoid him forever. I grab a cup and get water from the refrigerator tap.

"Hey." Chanyeol acknowledges me with a nod of the head. I click my tongue in response, not wanting to talk. I get out of the kitchen as quickly as I can. It's too awkward being with him for long periods of time. I long for the days of the past, when I could be with him for days on end and not get tired. I miss him.

***

I walk into drama class, the one class I have with my dorm mate. Apparently, we both have an aptitude for acting. Like usual, there's a whole lot of girls uh, what's the term, fangirling over him. I roll my eyes. Some things never change.

...girls, fawning over my looks and such. (One : One)

To my surprise, Chanyeol doesn't flirt back. What's stopping him?

Chanyeol's POV

I pay the people around me no mind. I refuse to love someone that is not him.

Baekhyun's POV

I take a seat in the back corner of the room. Just like the old days. The professor comes in and starts class off by throwing us a paper with a couple of lines on it. A script for two characters. I immediately note that one of the characters doesn't have any lines. I suck in a breath. Really? Really? Of all the thing she had to choose from. This is the one she picks? I exhale, my fingers on my temple.

"All right class, I'm sure that by now, all of you have realized that one of the characters doesn't have any lines. I picked this one on purpose because you all need to practice conveying emotion without speech." The professor clears her throat. "Now, I need two volunteers." Hands go up, I'm not one of them. "Um, Park Chanyeol, come on up. I'll let you choose your acting partner." This instantly spurs an commotion among Chanyeol's followers, a few are waving their hands in the air frantically, while others are busy putting on makeup and perfecting their hair. I roll my eyes, picking up a book.

Chanyeol's POV

"I'll let you choose your acting partner." This causes most of the girls that were sitting next to me to starting screaming and waving their hands, drawing attention to themselves in general. I sigh. To be honest, I don't know why I volunteered. The script hit too close to home for my liking. Well, I'm up here now. I don't really have a choice in the matter.

I scan the room, ignoring the girls in the crowd. My eyes focus on my roommate, who's engrossed in a book. "Byun Baekhyun. I choose Baekhyun as my partner." The words escape my mouth, the name sounding familiar on my tongue. Baekhyun looks up in surprise. He blinks and walks down, getting some glares from the girls.

Baekhyun's POV

Why did he call me? Whatever. I walk down to stand beside him, ignoring the stares, looks of distaste and jealousy. I toggle my weight from one foot to the other, nervous. I hear Chanyeol's soft whisper in my ear, so familiar, yet coated with a layer of dust. "Which role do you want?"

I look at him. "You do the talking. I'm good at being silent."

He smiles. "Okay."

The teacher looks at us. "Whenever you're ready."

Chanyeol clears his throat. I look around. "Hey. Are you okay?" I look at him, looking unamused. I blink, then turn away. Chanyeol shakes his head, a smile on his face. "I'll try again, my name's Park Chanyeol, and I'm to be your roommate for the year. It would be nice if you talked to me, you know." I stare at him, and laugh silently. I hold out my palm and write on it with a finger.

'I can't.'

Chanyeol looks confused, but not at all frazzled. "So you're mute?" I nod firmly. "Were you afraid that I was going to judge?" Um, yes. You left, after all. I continue with the scene.

'Yes.'

"Well you're lucky I don't."

"And... CUT!" The professor nods her head approvingly and launches into a discussion about expressing emotion. I zone out immediately. I've had enough personal experience as it is.

***

"So, tell me about this ex-lover of yours."

"What?"

"You mention him a lot, but I never got the full picture."

"Why?"

I shrug. "Is it too personal?"

Chanyeol sighs. "No, not really. There's not much to say, really. I made a mistake. We haven't seen each other since."

Oh how wrong you are. "What did you do?"

"What else could I have done? I judged him, I couldn't bear the thought of spending the rest of my life taking care of a handicapped person."

"He was mute, right?"
Chanyeol nods.

"You do know some mutes can learn to talk again, right? There's something called speech therapy."

"How would you know?"

"I used to be mute." No reason to hide it from him.

Chanyeol looks at me in shock. "How?"

I shrug. "I don't know. All I know is that I wasn't born mute." This is a half truth. I do know what happened, but I wasn't lying when I said it was an incident. "I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

***

It goes on like that, I ask Chanyeol some question about his ex-lover. He responds, and I make a remark about a similar experience I had. How long will it be until he figures it out? Seriously, how many mute brunettes has this guy met?

He doesn't figure it out.

I give up trying. I'll tell him at the end of the year.

***

I survey my room, making sure I don't leave anything behind. Good. I grab the sheet of paper still on my desk, pull out a pencil and sit down. I glide the pencil across the paper, choosing my words carefully.

Hi.

By the time you read this, I'll probably be gone. Don't go looking for me.

What if I told you that you were living with the mute brunette that stole your heart all those years ago? That I actually learn to talk, after you left. Did you really think I would be mute forever? You really underestimated me, big time. We never even officially broke up.

I can't even begin to describe what I felt when you left. I don't remember crying, but I do remember feeling hopeless. You came, and you left. I was used to it by now. You caused a huge riot when you left. Most people blamed me for your disappearance. I forget the number of lockers I was shoved into. But I don't regret telling you, and I never will.

I didn't know what to think when I heard that you were back. By a stroke of luck, we ended up as roommates. I wanted to run, I wanted to run and never look back. But I stayed, because I knew how much it hurt to be left behind. You talked about me, you never did forget me. But I was right under your nose, yet you didn't see me. I don't regret not telling you all this earlier, it wouldn't have made a difference.

You finally feel the grief I felt, three years later.

Take the bracelet to remember me by. I hope you remember why I chose it.

I still don't know if I want to see you again. Maybe this is my last goodbye. I only wish for you to find happiness, even if it's not with me.

Goodbye.

(You should know who this is by now.)

I fold the paper in half, leaving an object on it. My BBH bracelet.

...I gave him the bracelet with the engraving BBH on it. (One : One)

I sigh, then grab the paper and the bracelet and put them on top of Chanyeol's suitcase. Knowing him, he won't find it if I just leave it on my desk.

Grabbing my own things, I sweep my gaze around the house and walk out the door for the last time.

Chanyeol's POV

I run up the last flights of stairs and unlock my dorm room for the last time. Instantly, I can tell that something's wrong. The room feels different, cold and unwelcoming. Baekhyun's gone. He left without a goodbye. I know he didn't particularly like me that much, but still. A farewell would have been nice.

I finally notice the bracelet and paper placed deliberately on my luggage. The piece of jewelry seems familiar somehow. I pick it up, the sunlight filtering in from the window catching on the metal and drawing my gaze to the engraving. BBH. The memory comes flooding back. What? How? When? Oh no, is he really...?

I slowly unfold the note, my stomach twisting. The handwriting is neat and careful. Just like it always was.

...written on it in a neat print. (One : One)

Hi.

By the time you read this, I'll probably be gone. Don't go looking for me.

What if I told you that you were living with the mute brunette that stole your heart all those years ago? That I actually learn to talk, after you left. Did you really think I would be mute forever? You really underestimated me, big time. We never even officially broke up.

No we didn't, I guess a part of me was never able to let go.

I can't even begin to describe what I felt when you left. I don't remember crying, but I do remember feeling hopeless. You came, and you left. I was used to it by now. You caused a huge riot when you left. Most people blamed me for your disappearance. I forget the number of lockers I was shoved into. But I don't regret telling you, and I never will.

Baekhyun, my dear Baekhyun. I'm so sorry.

I didn't know what to think when I heard that you were back. By a stroke of luck, we ended up as roommates. I wanted to run, I wanted to run and never look back. But I stayed, because I knew how much it hurt to be left behind. You talked about me, you never did forget me. But I was right under your nose, yet you didn't see me. I don't regret not telling you all this earlier, it wouldn't have made a difference.

Why didn't you? This could've been different.

You finally feel the grief I felt, three years later.

I think I got the lighter end of things, at least I got a note.

Take the bracelet to remember me by. I hope you remember why I chose it.

I do.

I still don't know if I want to see you again. Maybe this is my last goodbye. I only wish for you to find happiness, even if it's not with me.

But I can only be happy if I'm with you...

Goodbye.

You did leave with a goodbye after all.

(You should know who this is by now.)

Baekhyun. Baekhyun. Baekhyun. Ugh, why am I so blind?

I wish to see you again. But you left.

Baekhyun's POV

It's been done.

I left.