Chapter 4

"How is she?" Jessica's mother asked worriedly as soon as the doctor came out from the emergency room.

"She had consumed an overdosed amount of sleeping pills, but luckily you brought her here on time. However…" the doctor paused as he wiped off his sweat. The older woman came to full alert as she waited for him. "We've found out something else."

"What is it?"

"We suspect that she has a serious heart disease."

"What?"

The doctor sighed. "I'm really sorry to tell you this. But if that is true, then she'll need an immediate operation, or else..."

"Or else?"

"She may...die."

It felt as if she was being shot by a bullet upon hearing the last word. Seeing her expression, he comforted, "Don't worry. Nothing is confirmed yet. We'll do a more thorough check up for her tomorrow though. You can come in to see her now."

He patted her shoulders in comfort and left.

The whole world seemed to be darkened to her. Tears raced their way down her cheeks. Why? God why? Jessica had always been a miserable child, and now she still had to face this deadly disease.

~~~

Jessica's mother sat beside the bed and shook her daughter gently. "Honey, are you awake?"

She realized that the younger girl's shoulders were trembling uncontrollably.

"Honey, are you okay?"

"Umma, what did I do wrong?" Jessica turned to face her mother. Her eyes were all swollen.

"You already know about it?"

Jessica hissed bitterly, "How can I not? Umma, I know I'm not a good person, but there are tons of bad people out there. Why did this disease choose me?"

Her mother cupped her face. "Honey, don't cry."

"I'm not going to die right?"

Jessica asked a question that her mother couldn't bear to answer.

"Umma, I want to live. I have so many things that I want to do...I want to take care of you. I want to get married and build a happy family of my own..."

It was obvious that her mother couldn't do anything about it but Jessica was still desperately in search of an assurance.

"Honey, God loves you. He won't let you die."

That was the only thing her mother could say.

~~~

"Please honestly tell me about my daughter's condition."

The doctor sighed. "We've confirmed that she really has a heart disease."

She squeezed her eyes shut trying to control the overflowing emotions. She finally opened her eyes. "Would she be able to survive?"

He flipped through the files for a minute, and then looked up to face her. "This disease is caused by long term stresses and oppressions. Normally, it is hidden. But if the patient experiences a tremendous shock, then it can be very deadly. She needs to be operated immediately in order to have a chance of survival. However..."

"Doctor, please just be straightforward. I've prepared for the worst."

"Asides from the cost—"

"I'm willing to pay any cost for the operation!"

He shook his head. "It's not about the money. But the process of finding a suitable heart is extremely difficult."

"But it's still possible right?"

"I would say the chance is very slim. There are tons and tons of people who are in line waiting for a suitable heart as well."

~~~

After finding out about her situation, Jessica went wild. She didn't want to stay in the hospital, and demanded to go home. She figured that she would die anyway, so why bothered staying? Her mother finally yielded to her and brought her home. When Jessica got home, she locked herself in her room and refused to eat anything.

"Honey, come out to eat something. You're very weak right now."

"What's the point of eating? I will die anyway. Stop bothering me!"

"Honey, please be optimistic and have faith in God. I know they'll soon find a heart that suits you."

Her mother constantly knocked on the door but Jessica didn't respond; and when she did, she was screaming in pain, "Umma, my heart...argh…"

"Honey, open the door!"

Jessica managed to unlock the knob. Her mother hurried in and saw her squirming on the floor. "Honey!"

She bent down to help Jessica get up.

"Umma, I feel like somebody is crushing my heart. Argh!" Jessica's face grimaced painfully. "Umma, it's so painful. I want to die…"

What the younger one said deeply tore the mother’s heart. "Honey, please don't say such things. Let me take you to the hospital!"

Jessica shook her head hysterically. "No, there is no use of going to the hospital. Please Umma, just kill me! I would rather die than having to experience this pain," Jessica begged as she hammered her chest with her fist.

"Honey, please be strong…Umma is always with you." Tears raced down the older woman's cheeks as she prevented her daughter from hurting herself. "If God let me, I would rather be the one in pain. Just let me bear all your pain."

It took a while for Jessica's pain to go away. She finally felt better. This disease was killing every bit of her, but little did she know, her mother was suffering just as much.

~~~

"Can I come in?"

Yuri was surprised to see Jessica's mother standing in front of her house.

"Sure." Yuri stepped aside to make way for her. She glanced over the older woman's shoulder but sighed in disappointment when she realized that Jessica wasn't with her.

"Sorry to bother you."

"Oh, it is okay. I was just a little surprised that you came," Yuri answered wearily.

"You look tired," the older woman pointed out the obvious.

Yuri nodded faintly. She was indeed very tired. She hadn't slept nor eaten properly for days, and the cause was obvious. Despite her anger, Yuri couldn't deny that she missed Jessica like crazy.

"Jessica couldn't come," Jessica's mother said the obvious, and Yuri nodded in acknowledgment. "I'm sure she wanted to but—"

"It doesn't matter anymore!" Yuri cut her off with a lie.

"Yuri—"

Yuri raised a hand up to stop her, "I'm glad to see you, but if you came here because of Jessica then I really don't want to know."

"Are you still mad at her?"

"Aren't you supposed to be mad at her as well?" Seeing the older woman remained silent, Yuri added, "For disowning you?"

"I have no reason to be mad because I was the one who lied to you," Jessica's mother insisted.

Yuri snickered. "I'm sure she would've said the same thing even if you didn't."

"She was embarrassed, but I'm sure she would never say that."

"I don't—"

"Trust me, Yuri. Jessica is a filial daughter. She appears to be aloof but she loves me a lot, even more than herself."

Yuri looked away but she was, in fact, still listening to the explanation.

"Yuri, you're a good and blessed girl. I'm sure you've always lived in happiness judging from your attitude toward life."

Yuri had to agree. She was always thankful for all the blessings in her life.

"But Jessica is different." The mother wiped the falling tears off of her cheek as she thought about her miserable daughter. "She doesn't have a loving father. She doesn't have a mother whom she can be proud of."

Yuri turned back to face her and began to focus on the unfolding story. It was a different side about Jessica that she had never heard of.

"Her life was a disaster ever since she was born."

~~~

"It was only until she met you that I was able to see her true smile again."

Yuri dropped her shoulders and shook her head lifelessly. What she had heard sounded too unbelievable. Whenever they were together, Jessica would always talk about the happy things that happened in her life. Yuri cursed silently at herself for being such a careless girlfriend.

"If you were to live her life, you would never have blamed her for anything." Yuri closed her eyes as she listened to the last few words. "I'm not here to convince you, but I just thought that Jessica deserves some justice for herself. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

The older woman stood up and headed for the door, but not before Yuri called her back.

"Where is Jessica right now? I want to see her!"

~~~

Knock Knock

"Come on in," Jessica answered without moving from her bed.

She heard footsteps. Although her eyes were closed, she could tell that the person had sat beside her bed. It is Umma, Jessica assumed.

She felt a hand gently drying her damp forehead and carefully brushing her cheek. The touches felt different yet familiar. She felt drops of salted water land on her face. She felt a pair of lips press softly against hers. It was definitely not her mother!

"Jessica?"

Jessica felt her body tremble uncontrollably upon hearing the unmistakable voice. She knew who the person was, but she didn't dare to open her eyes for she was afraid it was just a dream. Tears somehow managed to escape from her closed eyes as she heard the person confirm.

"It's me…Yuri. I'm back."

Jessica finally opened her eyes. Though her vision was blurred by tears Jessica could still immediately recognize the person whom she loved with all her heart.

"I'm sorry." Yuri leaned down and pressed her wet cheek against Jessica's. "I miss you."

~~~

"I miss you."

Yuri had Jessica sit on her lap, and whispered the words for what seemed to be the millionth time since she arrived. Jessica was tired, but she would never grow tired of hearing those words.

They remained like that for a while until Jessica repositioned herself to face Yuri.

"Yuri yah." She placed a hand on Yuri's cheek and asked, "You have heard about my condition right?"

"I will never leave you again!" the tanned girl responded almost instantly as if she already understood her girlfriend's unspoken intention.

"Yuri, listen to me!"

"I won't—if what you're about to say is that I should leave you!"

"I will die! And I don't want—"

"I don't care! I won't let you face this alone!" Yuri insisted sternly as she pulled Jessica into a close embrace. Her flooding tears dampened Jessica's shirt.

"Jessica, I'd promised that I won't ever leave you alone. I'd broken my promise once, but not again. Please let me stay with you this time."

Jessica loosened her body and nodded in defeat. After all, she couldn't afford losing Yuri now.

~~~

On her way home from the market, Jessica's mother passed by a church. She went inside and sat in the front aisle. Today sermon was about "Salvation". The pastor was preaching about how Jesus had died on the cross for all sinners. She had listened to this sermon many times, but for some reason, it touched her deeply today. At the end of the service, she began to pray silently.

"Thank you for saving us, Jesus. I beg for the mercy of your cross once again. Please save my daughter Jessica. Please don't take her away too early. I'm willing to pay anything just to have her alive. Even the price is...my own life."

She went home after the service was over. She checked out Jessica and realized that she was sleeping peacefully with Yuri next to her; so she went into the kitchen to make some soup for them.

There were too many things on her mind that she didn't realize a pair of arms had slid around her waist.

"Jessica? You've woken up already?"

"Umma, thank you for everything," Jessica said gratefully.

"Silly girl." She turned around and rubbed her daughter's head.

"I may be silly but I'm truly feeling grateful. Umma, I love you." Jessica tightened her arms around her mother's waist and kissed her shoulder.

"I love you too, honey."

Jessica would soon realize how much.

~~~

Jessica woke up the next morning and found the house empty. She knew Yuri was at work right now. But what about her mother? Jessica knew that her mother wouldn't leave her alone like this without telling her. She decided to go out to search for her.

"Did you see my mother?"

She asked everyone in her neighborhood, but they all said that her mother had left the house early in the morning. Jessica waited until evening, but her mother still hadn't returned. She began to feel so worried that she went to the police station and reported the case.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine."

Yuri had been assuring her repeatedly. But how could she not feel worried? It had been 2 days, but there was still no sight of her mother.

"Umma, where are you?" she murmured to herself, "Please, don't scare me..."

Ring Ring

"It was from the police station." Yuri handed her the phone.

"I think we've found your mother," the person on the other line informed.

"Really? Thank God! Where is she right now?"

It was a call that Jessica wouldn’t really want to receive.

"I think you should hope that it's not her."

Why so?

"Somebody reported that while they were fishing, they found a drowned woman around the age of 40-50."

Jessica felt sick in her stomach.

"I'm sorry to bring you the news. You can go to the mortuary to confirm whether it's your mother or not."

~~~

The memories end there and now Jessica finds herself walking down the dark hallway of the mortuary.

"May I help you?" a receptionist asks.

Jessica is about to answer but through the corner of her eyes, she sees a familiar figure lying on the bed. Her stomach twists into a tight knot.

"Umma!"

"Who are you?" the man in white coat asks as he tries to pull her away.

"She's my Umma!" Jessica slips off from the man's grip and begins to shake her mother by the shoulders. "Umma, are you alright?"

"She is...dead." The man and his assistants try to stop her, but she is uncontrollable right now.

"NO! She is still alive!" Shaking her head in denial, Jessica continues talking to the lifeless figure on the bed, "Umma! Wake up! I know you're trying to fool me...you've won! Now please…wake up."

Jessica's face is washed by tears. "Umma, you promised that you'll always stay by my side. You are not allowed to break your promise! How am I supposed to live without you?"

The man says to his assistants, "Just let her stay with her mother for a while."

And so they left.

"Jessica…" Yuri finally catches up with her.

"Yuri. My Umma..."

Yuri kneels down beside the poor girl and hugs her. "I know...I saw everything..."

"Yuri, help me to wake up my Umma...please..."

Yuri closes her eyes to refrain her tears from rolling down. "She's dead...sorry Jessica...she really is."

"No Yuri...she will never leave me..."

"Jessica...I'm sorry, I'm so useless," Yuri says painfully as she reaches for a letter from her pocket. "The doctor handed this to me. It was from your Umma."

Jessica Honey,

When you're reading this letter, Umma probably won't be on earth anymore. I know you're hurting a lot. I hope that you won't be mad at Umma for being so selfish. Umma don't want to leave you. Umma love you so much...but because Umma love you so much, I can't afford to see you die. I would rather trade my own life for yours. Honey, you've always been so miserable since your childhood. Umma is so useless. I couldn't do anything for you then when you were tortured by your father. Through your hard times, I couldn't do anything but bothering you. I owe you a lot. Now, please allow Umma do something for you as compensation. Just this time! Once Umma die, you'll be able to use my heart. I…can see that you're crying right now. But honey, please be strong. Even when I'm not with you, I still hope that you'll be happy—because you're the prettiest when you smile.

Love you much,

Your Umma.

Jessica drops the letter and collapses in front of the ice cold corpse. Her tears are flooding. Her heart is crushed.

"Umma, why did you have to do that? I'm so unworthy of it…I’m unworthy of your love…"

She buries her face into her mother's corpse and cries out, "Umma…I'm sorry."

For the first time in her life, Jessica is finally able to say those three words to her mother. It may be a little too late.

The End!