I wasn't standing there, mumbling to myself, eyes clenched closed and hands writhing. I was not whispering some sort of telling phrase, like 'happy thoughts' on repeat. I was standing, eyes mostly open. Face maybe blank, maybe obvious. Thinking of those fields, and of that time, was a monumental effort of distraction my part, for I was not daft enough to pretend I was there- I was simply thinking, incredibly hard, of those moments.

That was it. Concentration, and the pure will I needed to ignore everything else going on.

Except I was still watching, listening, living, et cetera. I could not prevent myself from being self aware.

I had turned around and faced the stage, and was in the midst of debating if this was worse than the audience when Christina came to my side. Amy, looking like she was still reeling from happiness, wide-eyed in shock but without really coming to terms with is, stepped aside. Christina grabbed my shoulder, and I thought, 'this is supportive'.

Amy followed as Christina led me offstage. Everything was quiet, and it seemed eerie- but then again, why wouldn't it be? People are nice, in general, and weren't going to start making any sounds after a kid has a mental breakdown. They're going to wait until he's gone, and the panel has acknowledged it with a few transitory jokes, for that.

She was talking with me, softly trying to console me- I was seriously crying at this point, which sucked. I was like a child. Crying, needing comfort- god knows everyone was watching this. People would recognize me after this! Me and Blake Last, I suppose, but I think whatever shit I had pulled in whatever parallel universe Hell knew me from would be overshadowed by this.

I felt really dumb for crying too, since, jesus christ, why was I doing it? Why couldn't I stop? I wasn't scared, or sad, or anything. Not even nervous. I was just-

Ugh. I needed to stop dwelling. Suck it up.

The fallen girl from the panel had joined us backstage, and she seemed a lot more condescending in her consultation. But she was better at it, too, a lot happier sounding. She didn't seem concerned about me, just desperate for me to stop. I was too.

I started to pull myself together to the best of my ability, and got my breathing to slow down. I swallowed a few times, and soon I only had tears to contend with.

I wasn't really calmed down, but it was enough that I asked the girls to head back to the panel and took a seat on the floor. Amy, and her gang of friends, had stood by stiffly, watching the whole thing.

It had only taken me about five minutes to get myself under control- pretty good time, I think, considering past anxiety attacks had always seemed to have a half hour minimum. It might be another ten minutes of pathetic sniffling and miserable thought, but I was on my way.

The first person to break the silence was Michael, who leaned forward with one hand splayed out, evidently checking his nails. "Amy. Don't go anywhere after this."

That was all for another few seconds. I don't know how many people really knew what was going on, actually. I'll bet it was confusing out there, figuring if anything had been planned, and who these people were. Except me, evidently, but my best prayers were that I was secretly some obscure celebrity. Like a cult one, that maybe only weird kids like Amy and Ivy knew.

Backstage, Alex stepped to the edge of the stage and coughed once. He looked back to his friends, pointed forward, and made a sound like 'ah'. As confused as I was, his friends actually seemed to be worse off. Aspen mouthed something to him. He stepped out onto the stage.

After Amy's introduction had gone so poor, security was ready for Alex. I noticed one bodyguard, standing at the very edge of the panel and mostly out of sight, apparently ask if she ought to apprehend the kid. Stacy waved her back.

Alex walked out calmly, turning his steps into a sort of silly march, hands behind his back. He looked back at the panel for a while, staring them down in a very uncomfortable silence.

"Here." He said, leaning into the mike Amy had taken onto the stage and talking softly. He turned around and walked right towards the panelists. I could see every face twist in various emotions of confusion and concern. He stopped, standing very still at the very center of the table, a mere foot from Michael and Christina.

There was a movement of light and Michael was dead, and then he kept going after that- Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel were all very quickly very dead. It happened too fast for me to really be aware of- his arm flew at amazing speed, and there was a sort of light with each strike. I couldn't even tell what he was using to attack with. By the time I saw Michael's bloody head, pierced through the brain, fall on the table, I was distracted by him killing the next one in line.

He stopped at the last angel, sparing the blonde bodyguard. It really happened too fast for anyone to track, so it was only around his first step away from his killings that everyone else caught up with reality. There was a gunshot from a security guard, and then a lot more, and by the time he reached the microphone, he too was dead.

There was a lot of blood. Security ran from all sides to surround the bodies. Someone grabbed his friends from backstage, and they were restrained. They didn't look like they knew this was going to happen though- god knows Amy and Ivy were in tears over their fathers' deaths. I was actually grabbed too, but not restrained.

A lot of the panelists had leapt up at some point during the bloodshed, and were now cautiously edging away from the pooling blood. The night was cancelled, that was for sure- Security was already guiding the audience away from the square.

I was taken on stage along with the kids. We were herded to stand a little close to Alex's dead body. Ivy had managed to talk her way into being allowed to find her mother, and the two were hugging and crying quite miserably. Amy's mother was here too, though she was just standing near Amy.

The sobbing sounds from Ivy were overwhelmingly nearby, but when I really concentrated, I could hear a lot of other people crying. Fucking Michael was dead- fucking Michael. I bet angels everywhere were wailing.

"He was the killer, then." Someone said, flipping Alex's body onto his back. Or is it 'its' back? Are bodies just objects?

That didn't make much sense to me, but clearly the kid had been capable of killing angels. I looked at his face again, and for some reason was just filled with mild offense that that one policewoman had said I resembled the suspect in that one murder- Alex looked nothing like me. We both had pretty dark skin, but Alex was obviously of Indian, maybe middle-eastern descent. And beyond that, he had a sort of long face and small, thin eyes. He just- we looked nothing alike.

As I was busy feeling mild emotions, I realized something was a little bit weird with Alex- it was hard to tell, with blood coating his face, but I swore he wasn't... Alex. He looked actually younger, and just seemed to have- higher cheekbones, darker skin, a thinner nose, longer hair- basically everything slightly off from my memory.

I reached down and checked his right hand- it was perfectly fine, no sign of the deep cut he had received from the birdcage back on Earth a few days ago.

"Don't touch that." A security officer said. I wasn't happy to. I rubbed the excess blood off on Alex's coat when she wasn't looking and used hand signals to get Kell to come over.

"That's not Alex." I said, and he sighed in what looked like exasperation.

"Miss." Kell said. Took me a second to realize he was talking to the officer watching over me. "He's coming with me."

The panel was half shepherded inside, and Kell made sure I was with them. A meeting was called for immediately, and with guards surrounding us, ahead and behind, we ascended in two parties to the largest conference room the building had. It still didn't quite fit everyone- I took the time to count, once everyone had been assembled. There were ten members of The Few, three angels, Christina and the fallen angel, myself, a guard, and the remainder of the kids crammed into the room. Only the more relevant sat down, but it was still a tight fit.

"Should we... lose the youth?" Lane said. The kids were taken promptly to another room by someone from security.

"Well." Kell said. "Micky, Moll, Glenn, Logan- probably more, now that I think of it. Some of you weren't here fourteen years ago, during the chaos of the explosions and the assault. I don't know about you." He nodded towards the angels. "But there's a few things that we've done our best to keep secret, over the years."

"Should Blake be here for this?" Glenn asked.

"He might as well." Kell nodded. "Both these facts are things that have... persisted among some sources, but I'm rather upset to say they're true. Michael, and his brothers, can never truly die. They'll be fully alive again perhaps instantly, somewhere on Earth and in the same body. We don't know why. But it's something we agreed to... keep secret."

"Why?" Moll asked. "It's already a core part of the angels' beliefs. I can't see how keeping something like that- something that now has to be revealed anyways- benefits us."

"It doesn't. It's unsettling." Kell said. "Michael is immortal is perhaps the least pleasant sentence out there. Michael holds infinite power. We are not holding a peace agreement so much as we are offering a hand to a god in hopes he stays benevolent. He can't die, he merely returns with a new body. There's no way to end it. We only have to believe he likes us."

"But he's not aggressive." The blonde angelic woman said insistently.

"Some of the angels are. I know many angels, I have nothing against angels, but I fear if they knew their leader had agreed to end the war... not to benefit them, not because of any loss, but for no good reason at all- I feel some might insist he return to the old ways. I don't think Michael is the type to really want to return to fighting, but I do know he has a volatile mind."

"He could have ended the war single-handedly then." Noel said.

"He could have fought the war single-handedly." Kelsey said.

"There's another part to this." About midway through Kell's sentence, there was a knock on the door. A business-y looking guy- I don't know, something about him just really screamed business- entered like he was in a rush. "Sorry you couldn't make it here earlier."

The man sat down next to Kell, Logan giving up his seat for this to happen. "I assume you're discussing the events of earlier." He looked at me. "Who's this?"

"Before your time. Blake Last. I'd like to ease you into what we've already covered, but I'd rather not. Michael Lexington has been killed, but he'll be back soon. He's immortal, or perhaps some other, higher plane of that. New body every time."

"...Why was this never told to me?" The man asked, after a moment of contemplation.

"An agreement was made between Michael and I that the less people knew, no matter what, the better."

"What does this mean?"

"I'm not sure what Michael- and his brothers- are going to do now. It would be hard to keep them in Hell if we plan to maintain this secret."

"The angelic community will be nigh impossibe to govern without Michael." Lane said. "They're restless enough as is with the serial killings. The death of their primary leaders will have devastating side effects. I'd recommend up the security at the armory vaults just in case."

"That's a good idea." The new man said. "But the killer's dead- that should help appease them. Could we fund massive funerals for the brothers? Perhaps if we make a big show, really pander to them, we might be able to control them until the grieving period is over."

"This brings me back to what I was saying when you first entered. The killer isn't dead. I would have suspected as much, but Blake specifically seemed to notice-" He looked towards me in expectation.

"It wasn't Alex. He looked close, but he was lacking a scar I know he has on his right hand, and- I could tell it wasn't him."

"Yes." Kell continued. "It was Alexander, as I am sure DNA testing will confirm. Alexander can't die either. I'm not sure what he was planning with this spectacle. But he has a lot less reason to stay hidden than Michael, so I'd expect he'll return to killing soon."

"He's after me." The man said.

"He's clearly after angels." Amy's mother said. "But your old leader Alexander- he did not die? Did he age?"

"There's a strange, strange possibility he is an angel, yes, if I am interpreting your questions correctly. No one knew much about him."

"If he was an angel, I'd recognize him." The other angelic woman said. "Or at least, someone would have."

"Speaking of which, how did none of Alex's friends realize Alexander has taken his place?" Christina asked.

"I didn't notice anything either." I said. "He might have slipped in at some point backstage, when they weren't paying attention. But it still is odd."

"And where is Alex the kid?" Amy's mother asked.

"Who knows." The man said. "But Alexander- he's clearly after me. If he's come back, he must want to his old position back." I finally put a couple things together in my mind, and I realized this man had to be Julian Occasio, Julie's father. What was it with rich politicians naming their sons after them, anyway?

"Alexander isn't an idiot. He's not going to demand we give him back the chair of ophiuchus." Glenn said. "He might try to kill you, I guess, but I wouldn't bet on it. He seems set on angels."

Lane sighed. "He always did really hate angels."

"What are we going to do?" Occasio asked.

"One of us is going to have to meet Michael and his brothers by the Hellmouth and determine that situation then. The police should be mobilized, and set to patrol the city, especially districts composed primarily of angels. Lane, I'd love for you to do this personally. Normally I would have one of the board put everything together, but with all of us together again like this... we are united, now, in knowing too much."

"Absolutely." Lane said, and she left immediately.

"Statements should be prepared immediately concerning the deaths of the Lexingtons, as well as a statement acknowledging the death of the still unknown killer. This, I think, I can trust to our PR representative, though if any of you are up for it..." Kell's open ended question was greeted with looks of somber exhaustion. "Very well." Kell himself looked very tired. Something about him didn't seem suited to talking for a long period of time. He lacked the voice for it.

"We will need a fake identity for the body." He continued. "As well as a covert autopsy. Official, but... the less people around, the better. Stacy?"

"I knew you'd chose me." The man said dearly. "Though I must question why." He too left immediately.

Kell seemed to be searching through his mind for what else needed to be done. "Cassiel, Victoria." He pointed to the angelic women in turn. "You two are not employees of the state. But your cooperation would be lovely. I know you're highly revered. Can you try and... do your best to maintain peace among the angels?"

"I don't think there will be much unrest." Victoria said. "But of course."

"Percial." Kell said, looking at the blond bodyguard.

"Hm?"

"Is there... anything you're good for?"

"Yes."

He left.

Kell faced the rest of the table. "Everyone should be on damage control. Try to stay out of the spotlight, but don't be too elusive. Act positive, but mourning, with a touch of peace that the serial killer's dead. Things should slow down in a few days. Keep in contact with me, and everyone else, and we'll see what happens."

As everyone cleared out of the room, or else became preoccupied in other matters, I was left standing and unsure. I faced Kell. "What should I do then?"

"You'll probably be safe. I doubt we're under any real threat of violence from anyone at the moment, and it should take about an hour for Alexander to even get down here. You can head home, if you'd like."

"Who was Blake?"

"Oh. Right. My apologies for... that." Kell made a confused hand gesture that about perfectly summed my prior anxiety attack. "Humans used to accidentally end up in Hell when a soul deal went wrong- the cycle change's fault, mostly, fucking with the world as it does. You were here about nineteen years ago, right before the last changeover. You had a bit of fame, actually. But it shouldn't be a real problem."

"What was I like then?"

"I'd guess pretty similar. I met you only a couple of times, as you were traveling around Hell with a former employee of mine. You seemed cheery."

"How did I get famous though?"

"It wasn't really you." Kell said. "You were traveling with Mannie Avila."

"Oh. I heard of her."

"She got involved in a lot of things. You were there with her."

"I guess that's why-" I kind of laughed. "The kids, they were trying to have me search for Mannie. Said she'd lead them to Alexander. They had this whole scheme cooked up just to- I guess that's why they kept trying to have me do it. Thought somehow I'd know where she was."

"She hasn't been seen since the night you were taken back into the cycle system."

"Yeah. I wouldn't know who she is."

"You wouldn't." Kell said, I think trying to comfort me. "That wasn't you. You don't have any of those memories."

"Hm." I said.

"You should go home."