y'know what's sad

i can't post a couple of my ocs because they have a color scheme that is vaguely similar to canon characters

like this guy, that I made

i can't post him anywhere because his scales are teal, and because of that people will say that he looks like glory

same reason i don't post anything relating to cascade on my yt channel- everyone just says he looks like glory because he has teal scales and sunset wings

i can't even post art of Altum anymore because he's light purple and Anemone is silver. apparently because they're both light colored, they're the same dragon

so much of what people do is restricting me from posting what i love and it sucks

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i'm glad that i finally got around to updating loyalty because every single day that i don't update i feel guilty

i know i shouldn't, i'm not writing for other people's benefit but a big part of me still yearns for people's approval

it's dumb i know but it's just how i am

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my birthday's coming right around the corner... actually in exactly 1 month today (19th) i'll be turning sixteen

it feels insane honestly

i'm applying for a job, i'm getting ready to start driving

my mom is going to plan a v small sweet 16 bday party, and let me invite only the family members that are actually nice to me

except, she said i had to invite my grandpa. he's not terrible he's just kinda transphobic and talks to everyone like they're beneath him

it doesn't matter how old i get he's always condescending

and it doesn't matter how old my mom is either. or my dad. he just talks like he's superior

he's part of the reason i'm so constantly talking bad about myself,,, i'm afraid of growing up with a superiority complex like he has

he's not fun to be around and i want to be fun when i'm older

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i'm so tired of people

like people on the internet

except for my friends, they're always amazing

but the ones who constantly ask for art, the ones who annoy me and try to get me to update my stories and tell me i'm writing wrong and that my book doesn't make sense

they're the reason i'm constantly annoyed

i just wish i could be honestly happy

for like... one day. i want to be consistently happy is that too much to ask?

even my own birthday isn't going to go how i want it

whatever. my mom wants me to walk now so i gtg.

bye.

-Ultimate