I wonder how love is.
I experienced 'love' thrice.
But all of them go into the deep down pit.
Being stupid over humans love.
Where I never got once.
People might say,
"They will come once you are ready."
But even the love from my parents I never get.
So what are you gonna say now?
You fall in love.
If people like you back you're lucky.
But if you got rejected it's your fault?
Issit?
Maybe I need to remind myself that,
"You're not pretty."
"Why are you so fat?"
"Won't you try dieting?"
"Worthless child I ever met."
But I want to feel love too.
Why can I?
Is god hated me so much?
That he did this to me?
Or am I the one who give myself this burden?
Am I the one who make my life miserable?
Am I the one who put the high hopes in my mind?
Yes.
Yes you did.
I want to feel love to you know.
My friends told me they love me too.
I appreciate it.
But it's not the same.
Platonic? lust? Passion? Commitment?
I want to feel those...
But I can't.
I will never can't.
I have given my heart pieces to so many people.
Until I left with a little tiny bit of heart.
What did I get in the end?
Nothing.
Why are you acting shocked?
Why can you just move on?
Why still stay and hurting yourself?
Why are you crying if you know this will happen?
Cuz I'm still trying to find love.
It's never easy.
Cuz it's hard.
And I might just give up
And off myself right?
Hehe
Might as well do that.
I'm tired of waiting.
Why wasting time?
If can finish it early?
Right?