Idk.

I feel like, I don't even have friends anymore.

Or is just my paranoia or my self conscious just scaring me.

Idk.

But I'm trying to make plans for my future so I actually get that Master's degree in baking or art or whatever.

Idk.

Something is really holding Me back.

Not someone, but something.

And in the night I always see dark figures.

And my family thinks I'm crazy, cause I call them my

"Friends"

And my mom thinks I need help cause only 8 and 7 year olds have imaginary friends and I'm a teen now.

Idk.

I need a friend that'd understand me completely and wouldn't just joke around with me ig.

Idk.

I feel unsecured in my own little world filled with dark objects and fake girls and friends.

Idk.

But there's this one particular figure that comes around at 9 and stalks me and would leave afterwards.

Idk.

I never mind.

See, some people would call me crazy

Which people do, I don't mind.

But I think its just my imagination that's just driving me wild.

And I've been like this ever since i started

"Acting weird"

Well since I was 8

Or 5

And sometimes I'd start crying for no reason

Then the next minute I'm fine.

And I'd just start smiling for no exact reason

And I hate smiling to be honest

That's why people always told me

"You're a pretty girl, just smile."

And I'd only smile for a second just to get them out of my business.

I wonder if I have some type of mental illness or whatever but I doubt that

I don't highly doubt it but I do

And out of all the friends I have they don't really help me

Cause something in them isn't just helping me completely.

Idk.

But I do have one friend.

She's nice ig.

Idk.

But I don't tell her my um

"Probs"

Cause it'd turn out awkward.

Idk.

And all of these headaches isn't making me better.

Cause they start out with me just over thinking  and once that headache comes, I can't stop it.

Medicine doesn't help like Tf

why even suggest that shit to me

Idk.

I've always wanted to be an artist since I was 4 and always wanted to paint the world in happy colors until shit started happening in my life and

My sister told me that artists only get recognized once they're dead.

Which is true, and me being young when she told me, I believed that and I stopped paying attention to anything that involved art

But it's so beautiful and pretty so I take art classes with my sister because I'm not good with communicating with people outside home and school.

Idk.

But she's a fashion designer

Which isn't the type of drawing/art I'm talking about

But she still give me tips.

And yea, I wonder if I was a bit more blunt about my problems would I still have friends or would they just leave me and call me crazy

Idk.

Can't fully trust people in this world,

And I see that now.

Took me a while to recognize.

Idk.

Now I want to be so many things

Artist

Dancer

Writer

Poetess

Pastry chef

Egyptologist

Scientist

Veterinarian

And my family suggests that I should be a model cause I have the legs for it but they just judge people based on how they look so hell no

That career is s definitely not for me.

Eh, this chapter is trash

And now im going to stay up cause I went go sleep at 8 or 9 which is early to me

Yea ikr.

So here I am.

And I didn't even know that I was added to a group chat..

I don't really care about it tho

Idk.

Anyway...

I'm just gonna read some Ziall

Pm me if ya want to read some with me

Cause Ziall is lit

And narry

And zarry

'-' yea u know the rest.

Uh..

Bye.

-Y

⭐⭐⭐🐢🐢🐢🌈🌈🌈⭐⭐⭐🐢🐢🐢🌈🌈🌈⭐⭐⭐🐢🐢🐢🌈🌈🌈⭐⭐⭐🐢🐢🐢🌈🌈🌈⭐⭐⭐🐢🐢🐢🌈🌈🌈🐢🐢🐢⭐⭐⭐🌈🌈🌈🐢🐢🐢🌈🌈🌈⭐⭐⭐

"You have a nice name."

"Uh, thanks."

"Do you like it?"

"No...."

"Oh you should, such a pretty name."

*fake laughs* "uh..haha....thanks...?"