Quincy wrote in neon chalk across a massive blackboard, Students, your second chapter must be turned in by Friday. Use your assigned critique partners for editing.

We're grading your critiques, not the rough draft. 

Professor Quincy Court and Professor Ella Sparks.

The students exited the auditorium-style classroom.  Adverts for beauty products plastered the walls. A teal-colored metal circular desk with three chairs stood in front.  

Quincy and Ella sat at their combined desk. The seat meant for the student or a visiting professor remained empty.

Ella tossed back her auburn hair. Bunny ears stood straight and added two inches to her height. She and Quincy graded papers.

Her tummy rumbled, and she opened her white container of food. "Why don't you order food out once a week? I'll treat you for your birthday. You're not destitute. You don't even use your gift certificates." Ella ate another bite of her food.

"The dean invited me and Alana-Hope to go eat breakfast with him on one of our free days," Quincy said.

"Eating with that man-baby is self-hatred. Go by yourself or with me. All you do is write, teach, grade papers, and play the occasional video game in your apartment." She patted his arm. "Quincy, you haven't been to any of Professor Janice Kind's potlucks. You can meet single women, and she is hosting one tomorrow." Ella crossed her eyes and stuck out her tongue to the side.

"Janice Kind is lovely, but I don't fit in with her circle." Quincy went back to grading his papers.

"Please come, you're floundering emotionally," she said.

"Okay, Mom." He opened his lunch box and removed two sandwiches, five small apples, and a thermos of soup.

Ella pointed at his lunch as she sipped her lemonade. "Why do you eat the most boring food?"

Quincy dipped his cheese sandwich into his thermos of peppery roasted tomato soup at their desk. "Ella, sandwiches are the world's most perfect food besides chicken nuggets and soup." Quincy stopped eating for a moment and stared at a trash can filled with school newspapers.

Article by Dean Ford Button-Cromwell

Professor Craig-Dotson and his sister Professor Lola-Dotson let lab rats loose in the cafeteria and claimed diseased rats would be an improvement to the school's diet bars. They lost their positions as co-professors and their second job as romance reporters for the school paper, and summer/holiday blog.

They dared write in their last post that prying into friends and celebrities' romantic lives was disgusting. We demand authentic love stories where everyone looks perfect. Readers aren't interested in ugly people.

Dark Woods Hillcrest Academy is the most prestigious college on the entire planet. The Dotson siblings' romance reporting is a blight on our history.

Most Students are aged eighteen to forty-seven, but the oldest student this year is Nancy Allegra Barns, at a feisty 395 years young.

She witnessed the rat-caused mayhem. "I've never heard such a bunch of crybabies in my life. It was a harmless prank," Barns is quoted as saying. "Besides, the rats were delicious." She broke out into laughter. "The dean told me that Professor Ella and Professor Quincy are the replacements. They are younger and more qualified, but not as fun."

The article concluded on the next page.

They didn't land the romance reporter positions because both Professor Ella and Professor Quincy have non-existent romantic lives, even though they are attractive.

Gorgeous art Professor Alana-Hope Cross is the school's new romance reporter and will trail me on dates, reporting on my romantic life after my terrible divorce to my banshee of an ex-wife.

Quincy tossed another article and a wedding invite into the trash can.

Ella snatched one of Quincy's apples. "You weren't this closed off when you were engaged to jerk face."

He removed more wedding invites from a drawer and tossed them. "She'd rather be a girlfriend to a muscular warlord than my wife. He is a poor man's Prince Chaz-Vice."

She leaned in closer. "You don't know this, but Chaz's dad is an alien prince from the Planet Epiphany and his mom is the queen of the Island of Little Alpha."

"I want to know as little information about that freak as possible, but you will tell me. All I know is he has hundreds of girlfriends he gives free corrective plastic surgery to."

"Chaz is part Ceartini and part Epiphany Human. He is Fabio meets Tony the Tiger, and he is great. I think about him every time I eat a bowl of Frosted Flakes." She broke into giggles and sighed.

Quincy scrunched his face and made gagging noises. "Ella, I don't know who Fabio is. I refuse to date that many women, but I guess life is different for the rich."

"Dating while rich is complicated. I want a boyfriend who isn't after my money. Chaz is perfect, but he treats me like a bro." Ella gripped Quincy's wrist. "Not to change the subject, but I could give you the rest of the money to locate your sister."

"You'd be flagged by the government, and they will discover our hobbies." Quincy poked her arm. "I'd rather talk about Chaz. Ella, you want a man with an eight-pack."

Ella sighed to herself. "I've had a crush on Chaz since we were sixteen, when he wore two-pound braces, and his face was covered in acne. He has the biggest heart, besides you, but he is lame with women."

"Doesn't he date any of them?"

She shook her head, 'no.' "He is pretending to date them for the press. Marked women receive free corrective surgery, plus they live at the castle, earn the title of a viscountess, and they can make money with royal appearances. Chaz picks women with botched plastic surgery and corrects them. They are similar to your poor sister and taken advantage of by fake doctors and again by the Mark Board. He promotes the fake girlfriend thing because it makes the news."

Quincy took another sandwich out of his lunch box, and he bit into layers of cucumber and cheese. "If I didn't know the real you, I'd think you were imitating your creepy roommates."

"I enjoy living with Laura and Zeda, but Laura's sisters are toads." She scooted her chair closer to him. "Guess what? I purchased the building to hold it over their stupid plastic-filled heads. Painters outside are redoing the building in rainbow colors because they love green."

"Why not move?" he asked.

She sipped her lemonade. "Quincy, I can stay in any of the apartments, but while they're spying and scheming for the Mark Board, I'm spying on them. The only problem is, they're in the way of you meeting Zeda."

Quincy grimaced. "Ella, is this another terrible blind date?"

"No, Chaz chose her to be his royal girlfriend, and she didn't have to audition. He loves her and not me. It isn't her fault that he doesn't find me attractive." Ella wiped a tear.

"I told you he is an idiot." Quincy gave her a quick hug and began speaking again. "Did Zeda have botched plastic surgery?"

"She refused plastic surgery, and that is why the Mark Board forced the first Mark on her. Zeda's family is against plastic surgery for children. It is not elective if girls receive a Mark Badge for not having it," Ella replied.

Quincy nodded in agreement.

Ella glanced at her paw pads. "Quincy, if she isn't engaged to be married by her twenty-sixth birthday, she will be Marked for the third time. I can't lose her."

An announcement went over the intercom. "This is your Dean, Ford Button-Cromwell. The lunchroom is closed because of the vermin situation. 3D printed diet food bars, soup, and micro-green salads will be available in the bookstore, and any of our campus beauty parlors."

The dean shuffled his papers.

"Any student caught competing at the Win a Date with the Prince Chaz-Vice Fight Club Tuesday evening will be expelled because the Tri-City brawl might maim your appearances. The self-made billionaire claims he is not behind the fight clubs and..." Dean Ford Button-Cromwell paused and belched.

"Final note, other-world female teachers, while you cannot receive the Mark because of your gold passport or dual citizenship, your positions will be terminated if you wear anything but beige or gray. You may only wear black on dates."

Quincy made gagging noises and rolled his eyes.

Ella held her lemonade and finished it. "I bet Chaz's birth father, Prince Kyle, is behind the clubs. The dead-beat is cash-strapped."

Note by Ella

On this day I had breakfast with my other self. Her name is Grew-Ella, and she appeared to be a human with wings. I asked her if I ever had the courage to ask Chaz out. She gagged. "I know him as Chase.

I don't think they like each other very much.

Ella