Warnings: Mentions of death, car crash, angst 

Word Count: 2641

It all comes down to who you look for in a crowded room.  

You had never been a huge fan of parties, the only real reason that you had gone to them was to support Tyler. The two of you always remained by one another's side, providing support through a slight graze of your hands or even the slightest bit of contact between shoulders. He had made them manageable, even fun at times.

But he was gone now.

Josh had practically had to drag you out of bed, claiming that this was one social event you couldn't miss. He had helped you pick out which dress to wear, you decided on a black one that had been one of Tyler's favorites, and sat with you while you did your makeup. He filled the air with stories and jokes so that you didn't have to talk, one thing that you were thankful for. There would be plenty of time to force meaningless words out of your mouth later that night.

By 6:30, the bags under your eyes were covered and your red lipstick proved to be enough to distract anyone who looked at you from the redness of your eyes. Josh linked your arm with his own and led you out the front door of the house to the car. With trembling hands, you opened the door and climbed in the passenger seat, taking care not to shut your dress in the car door. Josh climbed in and immediately turned on the radio. Happy music carried through the speakers, but you opted for looking out the window rather than trying to sing along. Your throat was too raw to sound much good anyway.

Your grip on Josh's arm grew tighter with each step you took towards the building. Your legs wobbled in your heels, you were out of practice, so you tried to keep your focus on staying upright rather than the fears and insecurities swirling in your head. You could hear the music blasting inside already, and you wanted nothing more to turn around and go straight back home. But you couldn't, you had to do this for Tyler.

All eyes were on you and Josh as you entered the room. You were hoping nobody would really notice, but how couldn't they with Tyler's wife and best friend entering the room? Not to mention that Josh's bright yellow hair helped to draw attention. You gripped Josh's arm tighter, causing him to reach over with his other hand and pat yours.

"Sorry," you whispered, loosening your death grip.

"It's ok. Here, why don't we go talk to Mark?"

You nodded and swallowed the lump in your throat. Josh led you over to the small group of people while you stared at the ground, you couldn't stand the sympathetic stares and small smiles. Josh knew that, too, so he was happy to have you wrapped around his arm as he walked.

"Y?N! Josh!" Mark smiled as you drew closer.

"Hey," Josh answered.

You managed to look up and force a tight smile. Josh took over the conversation while you stood by quietly and listened. You eventually let go of his arm, your legs had finally stopped shaking enough to allow you to stand steadily on your own. Josh glanced over when you did so, but managed to keep the conversation going. You commented on something occasionally, but nobody expected you to talk much. Every so often, you caught yourself glancing around the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of Tyler in the crowd.

Eventually you excused yourself from the conversation to find a bathroom. Despite your lack of communication with everyone, just being in the presence of people was exhausting. You walked down the hallway, looking for any door marked as a bathroom.

As you were walking, you stumbled across what appeared to be an empty conference room. The door was only slightly open, and there was nobody around. After taking a quick glance around to make sure nobody was watching, you slipped into the room and closed the door behind you.

The quiet of the empty room was welcoming, and the click of your heels on the wood floor proved to be comforting as well. After walking around a bit and listening to the sound of your heels, you took a seat on the edge of the table. For the first time in a few weeks, you felt some form of happiness.

It didn't last long, though. Before you knew it, you had pulled your phone out and were looking through old pictures and videos of you and Tyler. It was only a month ago, but it felt like a lifetime. Memories from that night flooded back and you were trying, and failing, to keep the tears from running down your face and ruining your makeup.

You were sitting on the couch, taking advantage of the quietness of Tyler being out of the house to read for a bit. You didn't mind his near constant singing and instrument playing, but it was nice to have a bit of quiet every now and then.

Your phone rang. You didn't recognize the number, but you figured it could be Tyler calling from the studio. He was prone to letting his phone die, so you quickly bookmarked your page and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Is this Y/N Joseph?"

You didn't recognize the voice.

"Yes, this is she."

"Are you married to Tyler Joseph?"

"I am."

There was a sigh on the other side of the line, "This is the Y/C/N City Police. We regret to inform you that he was involved in a car crash. He is currently being taken to the hospital to have his condition assessed."

Your stomach clenched. You immediately got up and started to pull your shoes on.

"I'll be over there right away. Thank you for letting me know."

"Of course."

"Bye."

"Goodbye."

You grabbed your keys and rushed out the door. Without a second thought, you dialed Josh. He didn't answer, probably driving home from the studio himself, so you left him a voicemail saying you needed to talk to him as soon as possible.

The emergency room was bustling with people. You rushed up to the front desk, already pulling your ID out of your wallet.

"How can I help you?" the receptionist asked.

"My name is Y/N Joseph. My husband, Tyler, was involved in a car accident."

"Can I see your ID?"

You slid your license across the table. She double checked it before sliding it back across to you and quickly typing something into the computer.

"It appears he's still being assessed. Would you like me to send a nurse to come get you when that's finished?"

"Yes, please. Thank you."

"No problem. Why don't you go over and take a seat?"

You nodded and walked over to a chair. Your heart was pounding in your chest and you bounced your leg to help deal with the nervous energy. Not long after you sat down, your phone rang. It was Josh.

You picked up the phone before quickly stepping outside, "Hello?"

"Y/N, hey. It's Josh. You said you needed to talk to me as soon as possible. I just got home from the studio."

"Josh, it-it's Tyler. He was in a car accident, a bad one. They had to take him to the ER. We're at the hospital."

"I'll be there in ten."

"Ok, drive safe."

You walked back inside and took a seat. People walked back and forth, talking on their phones or walking with family members. You twisted your wedding ring around your finger, a nervous habit.

Josh walked in ten minutes later, looking frantic. He scanned the room for a second before his eyes landed on you. Before you knew it, he was taking a seat next to you.

"So what have they told you?" he asked.

"He was in a car crash, they took him here, and they're assessing him right now. They're sending a nurse to get me once they figure everything out."

Josh nodded.

"Did they talk about any details of the crash?"

"Not to me."

"Ok."

There was a slight pause in the conversation.

"Was he ok when he left the studio?"

"Yeah, he was fine. We had a really good session and he wouldn't stop talking about how happy he was to get home and see you."

"Mrs. Joseph?"

Your head flicked up to find the source of the noise.

"Hi," the nurse smiled. "So it turns out that Tyler had some serious internal bleeding and he had to be rushed into surgery. The doctors aren't sure how long it's going to take, and it's a very high possibility that he won't make it."

"Uh-I-ok," you muttered, unsure how to process that information.

"We recommend that you go home and rest. If you leave your phone number with the front desk, we can call you towards the end of the surgery."

You nodded. The nurse gave you a small smile before walking away.

Josh followed you as you walked up to the front desk. The receptionist smiled at you as you explained to her what was going on. She typed quickly as you recited your phone number, and then Josh's as a backup. Once she gave us the all clear, you and Josh headed outside.

"Do you want me to come over and wait with you?"

"Yes, please."

Josh nodded, "I'll see you in fifteen."

You walked back to your car and slid into the front seat. The drive home was long and quiet.

Josh wasn't at the house yet when you pulled into the driveway. You left the front door unlocked behind you, something you and Tyler rarely did, and took a seat back on the couch. Yout book was still sitting on the coffee table, but you no longer had any interest in reading it at the moment.

Josh walked in a few minutes later and kicked his shoes off by the door.

"Got stuck at that long red light. I swear I sat there for like ten minutes."

"I just got home a few minutes ago, you weren't that far behind me."

"Ok."

He walked over and took a seat on the couch with you. You talked for awhile before deciding on a movie to watch, but you ended up falling asleep halfway through. The emotional distress of the day was getting to you.

Around eleven that night, your cell phone rang. You quickly picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Y/N Joseph?" you recognized the receptionist's voice.

"This is she."

"The surgery is finished."

"Ok, we'll be there soon."

You woke Josh up and quickly pulled your shoes on before heading out to the car. Josh decided you should drive since you knew the way to the hospital better and you were more awake than he was.

The emergency room was less packed now, but a few family members were still sitting in chairs, leaned on one another for support as they slept. Once again, you found yourself walking up to the front desk. No introductions were needed this time.

"I'll let the doctor know you're here," she smiled.

You and Josh took a seat once again and waited for the doctor to come out. He appeared a few moments later, a grim look on his face. You and Josh stood up.

"You must be Y/N, Tyler's wife," he looked at me.

"That's me," I sighed.

"My name is Doctor Herendahl," he shook my hand.

"And you are?" he turned to Josh.

"Josh Dun, Tyler's best friend."

He shook Josh's hand too before looking down at his clipboard. He breathed in and let it out slowly.

"Tyler Joseph," he said quietly. "We had to take him in and perform surgery on his brain to deal with some internal bleeding. Unfortunately, he didn't make it."

You felt your stomach drop and your legs could no longer support you. Josh managed to wrap an arm around your middle and help you down into a chair. You sat there for a few minutes, taking everything in.

"You can see him, if you'd like."

"Please," you muttered, your voice shaking.

Josh helped you stand back up. You clung to his arm as you walked down the white hallway, passing rooms of other patients who were being treated for critical conditions.

Doctor Herendahl gestured to a room on the left. With shaking legs, you walked into the room. Your breath caught in your throat upon seeing him.

You weren't sure what you had expected to see when you walked into the room. Maybe something similar to when he fell asleep on the couch and his hair was a mess and his cheeks were smushed up, but this was nothing like that. Parts of his hair had been shaved and a long set of stitches ran across the back of his head. His face was covered in cuts and bruises and parts of it were swollen. He was hardly recognizable.

You walked over to the side of the bed and grabbed his hand. It was cold, but the shape of his fingers was familiar. Josh walked over and put a hand on your back. You were surprised that you hadn't cried yet, but shock can do weird things to a person. There would be plenty of time for crying later.

"He never got to see me again," you mumbled, just loud enough for Josh to hear.

Josh rubbed your back. You stayed there for awhile longer until Josh finally pulled you away, telling you that you couldn't stay in that room forever. He drove you home, but you told him that he should stay in the guest room. It wasn't good for either of you to be alone right now.

You woke up early the next morning, somehow managing to pull yourself out of bed. You didn't bother to change out of your pajamas, you just headed downstairs and made yourself some tea. The quiet of the house that you had once loved now felt heavy and unwelcome, but you knew it was a sound you would have to get used to.

"Y/N?"

You looked up from your phone and quickly wiped away the tears. Josh had opened the door and stuck his head in.

"Hey, Josh," you croaked.

"What are you doing in here?"

"I just wanted to be alone for awhile."

"Are you-crying?" he asked as he walked closer.

You nodded, his question sent a fresh wave of tears down your face.

"Don't do that," he said, walking over and standing across from you.

He very gently reached up and wiped away the tears.

"I just miss him so much, Josh. He was my everything."

"I know, I miss him too. But you know he would want us to keep living, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I just wish I got some closure with him. The last thing I told him was that I loved him and I would be waiting for him to get home, but, it just doesn't feel right."

"If it makes you feel any better, I told him to drive safe."

"I mean he did, right? It was the other car that T-boned him after running a red light."

"Yeah. There's just so much I wish I had told him."

"I know how you feel."

"Alright, why don't we go back out there and talk to some people, ok?"

"Ok."

You stood up and smoothed out your dress.

"How does my makeup look?"

Josh squinted at you for a second before wiping under your eyes a little.

"There, all better," he smiled proudly.

"Thanks," you laughed, once again wrapping yourself around his arm.

Together, you walked out of the room, ready to face the world.