Even if I'm not what you think

Even if you're not what I think

Every time I spend more time

that's what i'll remember with you

The song was so good. The music was so pleasant to listen to. But the lyrics slightly hit me in the heart and mind of mine. The original lyrics were written in Japanese. And of course, I didn't understand it but why not google it in this kind of digital era.

I was busy scrolling down my phone, trying to read the lyrics while listening to the song. I took a sip of my cappuccino, and occasionally, my eyes caught the blooming pink and white hydrangeas in the backyard of my house.

I looked at those through my bedroom window with mixed feelings, it could be sadness and happiness. But let's talk about the happy part first, where it's almost like 14 years since I met that beautiful guy next door. And today was the day, so I drew a circle on my calendar wishing that today I could meet him just like any previous day that I had the same wish but always end up losing my hope. But, wait? Is that even a happy part?

Recalling that day, the name of the guy was Choi Yeonjun. He's Yeonjun exactly. One of those famous people on the internet that I first saw him again through my phone. Actually, he's a singer, dancer, rapper whose name was at its peak all around the world now. Like, who doesn't know him at this present?

"Daniel.." I murmured his name as I used to call him back then when we were 10. Yeonjun was Daniel in the past because it was so hard for me to pronounce his Korean name on that day.

"I miss you, could we even meet again?" I smiled at his newest picture I saw on the internet. He's so pretty like that in black hair. He reminded me of that cute little Daniel I used to share my childhood with.

We used to play in my backyard. He loved to run around the flowers like a butterfly that loved to socialize with them with a cute smile on his face, while I was just sitting, admiring how his pretty face was blooming, blend with the flowers. But, no, he was more than those.

He even gave me that pink hydrangea when I planted the white one. And he told me that he loved me, even if I know that maybe he just meant it as a friend. But, I was okay with that. Yeah, I'm fine, really. Don't mind me.

No matter how many times I leave, I'm sure

to be able to meet

i don't think i'll stay here

I'm holding on to just that

"Oh, shit. I think I'm gonna cry." I muttered at the next lyrics as I felt a single tear slid down my face when the sad part of our story that I remembered was coming.

I remembered that day when I didn't find anyone in his room through my window. I took a peek as my mind was assuming maybe he's not home because he was playing with his other friend besides me. Or maybe he was having fun with his uncle and aunt or cousin outside. So, I put all my worries aside.

But then my worries were getting stronger when almost like a week I never even saw him yet at school. He also didn't text or call me back. I haven't seen his aunt and uncle yet. So, where was he? Is he fine? Is everything alright?

Because I'm not fine at all. Yeonjun, Daniel, I need you back. Do you even need or want me? I was so sorry to never say that I loved you back then. So, would you come back? It hurts to find you leaving like that without any goodbye.

As my tears were exploding, my mind was flashing at the moment I found his reason to leave from his aunt. Like, a month later, I tried to knock on that door, planting a hope where I could see his face in front of me right at the door. But sadly, it wasn't him but one of his family members.

His aunt told me to come in as she wanted to tell me about his whereabouts. From the look on her eyes, she knew that I worried about him. That's why she told me right away that he's fine, which made me feel relieved. Like, at least he's fine, I'm so happy.

She then told me the next story that Yeonjun could no longer live here as he's not a native. So, he had some trouble living here with his nationality, some shits like that, which I found myself bursting into tears like a crybaby.

My crying seemed to make his aunt worry. So, she took me into her warm embrace as if it was such the last thing to be in touch with him or his family members.

As I'm older, I found myself busy with homeworks, school, and college. And that was the reason why I never said hey or showed my face to his uncle or aunt. But still, this love of mine for him would never fade.

i like you i like you

I love you

Love like a hydrangea

One by one, everything becomes you

"Alright, stop!" I was mad at myself as I felt my head getting dizzy from crying out loud. I grabbed my tissues to wipe my tears and my runny nose.

I never thought that loving him would be saddening like this. I never thought that he would leave me like this. And I never knew that my love for him was getting stronger which is torturing like hell.

Why would I even love him in the first place? And why did he tell me that he loved me when we couldn't even be together? Oh, God, why? Why did you punish me like this? Am I not worthy of happiness?

"Ms. White." I heard someone knock on my door and it made me wipe away my tears as soon as possible. I combed off my hair with my fingers. And never forget to show my look in front of my mirror desk. Oh, I hoped my face wasn't that gloomy for someone who I was going to meet.

"There's a guest who looks for you downstairs. And I'll be taking my leave now." My maid told me the details before she finally left.

"Oh? Who could that be?" I mumbled as I checked out my phone, scrolling down my messages about who might be the reason why someone came to visit me. And too bad, I couldn't find the person I was planning to meet. So, I was planning to meet that person in person rather than just thinking way too hard till my mind exploded.

My feet were now touching the stair while my eyes fell on the figure which I found that was a man from his back. He wore a creamy cardigan that I found familiar but I couldn't recall where I saw it. I stepped closer to where he sat and was going to ask him.

"Hey, excuse me? Who are you? Did I know you?" I was curious till I saw him turn around. And that's when I found myself in shock. My eyes widened, My mouth agape. I found myself so hilarious so I saw him smile at me with his usual smile I missed the most.

"Heather, how have you been? Did you miss me?" He kept smiling at me like he didn't do anything wrong and didn't know how hurt I am to see he's looking innocent like that. Like, the old days when he left me wasn't such a big deal.

"No. Why should I even miss you?" Suddenly I burst out crying and got mad at him. And I watched his smile fade away, turning into such a gloomy face. "You left me, remember?" I was sobbing as I wiped my tears with my hand.

"Heather, I'm so sorry.." He walked closer and wanted to hug me but I refused.

"No, don't touch me like that as if you're gonna stay.."

I saw him sigh heavily, "Okay, then. Let's just talk this way.. I'm not gonna come any closer to you."

"Fine, say what you wanna say." I stopped crying but my sobs were still heard for anyone around.

He let out another sigh. "Nothing much. I was just gonna say I miss you. That's why I'm here. But too bad, you seem not to feel the same way as I did."

"Yes, I hate you so much. You make me sick every time I don't see you around. Every single day my life without you was..." I was sobbing like my throat was getting choked so I didn't know how to talk anymore.

"Shh, don't talk anymore. Just cry.. I'm here." Without any warning, He gave me his warm embrace like he used to give me in the old days. And without any fights, I let myself cry in his embrace like I gave up building the walls just so he couldn't climb. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you like this.. I wasn't in a good condition back then so I couldn't think clearly that I should let you know.."

"Yeonjun, I love you so much. I'm sorry I never confessed it to you. And don't ever leave me again.. Be my old hydrangea.." For the first time, I called his real name so clearly that it could make him cry and smile at the same time. I hoped that was such a good sign like he was letting out tears of joy.

"Heather, I love you a lot.. I promise I'll never leave you. But be my forever.. And be my old White I used to adore the most."

Without any further talk, Heather kissed him on the lips. Yeonjun also gave her the taste of his lips. For a moment, they never thought that their love could be this sweet just like those Hydrangeas they planted for each other.

This Hydrangea Love is so sweet like they never desired it before.

- THE END -